[The dead and dying are avenged. The living can never be.]

Shirou walked in the dim morning light with Caesar, the air heavy with dew. He could almost feel a similar weight on his soul, thrown into a corner like a used wet rag, unable to dry itself.

"I'm supposed to be a hero," he said after a long while.

"You made the right choice last night," his Servant replied.

"But I agreed to be part of their family!"

"Unfortunate circumstances, to be sure," Caesar admitted with a downturn of his lips. "But you would have died if you had disagreed. It was foolish to enter the sanctum of that old mage."

Shirou didn't answer. He just kept walking, his feet carrying him on the well-traveled path up the steps to the Ryuudou temple and past its grounds. Caesar was dressed in the long dark suit of the average Japanese businessman, though that wouldn't hold up to close inspection. He was built like a true Hero, and the suit hugged his muscles like a lover who never wanted to let go of them.

They were undisturbed this early in the morning. Caesar didn't question where they were going or why they had gone. Neither of them had slept last night.

"I can save her!"

Shirou shook his head at the memory. He hadn't saved her. Not then, not now, and as he was, he didn't feel like he ever could. The sound had been so clear that it still echoed in his mind. He clenched his fist, moving forwards until he came before the grave of his father. The stone was marked with kanji dedicating it to Emiya Kiritsugu.

"I should have brought him something," he mumbled. He had come without much thought. Just like his agreement with Shinji and with that ancient bastard, he hadn't thought this through. His fists tightened.

"What is your ritual?" the man asked, his tone both earnest and quiet. "Though we are summoned to your side, we Servants are only told the barest basics of this world we now share with you. Please help me understand."

"Incense is used to call to them. A sign of prayer," Shirou said, his voice thick. "But we came so early that I didn't bring the scent that we use at home. It's less personal to use something unfamiliar."

"Do you watch the smoke, or infer their response through the smoke's movements?" Caesar asked as they both stood over the slim piece of stone.

"We believe that they remain nearby. That if you call to them, they will answer and provide you wisdom," he explained quietly. "Today... I'm not sure what I'm looking for."

"You are the adopted heir of a dead line known to slaughter the innocent and destroy the work of decades for money."

Zouken Matou had called his father the Magus Killer. Shirou had always known that Kiritsugu was rich, that he didn't need to worry about working until after university studies. Now he found himself questioning the ethics of still holding onto that wealth, all stored in an account that was gradually earning interest.

Blood money, he admitted. Was the old man right? Was the entirety of his family legacy one large mass grave? He knew that he was just imagining it but he swore that he could smell the stench of death on his jacket and he wanted to tear it off at that moment and rip it to pieces because all he could see in front of him was ashes and flames and—

"I will sit on that bench over there," Caesar stated, reminding Shirou that he wasn't alone. "I, too, wish to reminisce with my own demons. Come and join me when your father has finished speaking to you."

The Servant placed his hand on Shirou's shoulder and gave it one solid squeeze.

"Take all the time that you need."

The man's boots barely made noise as he walked along the grass and left Shirou alone with his thoughts. He took a deep breath and stared at the grave, his father's last moments replaying in front of him.

"Old man," he began hesitantly, "you always told me to be a hero... to be the best I could."

Shirou remembered walking through the doors of the Matou mansion, remembered the look on Sakura's face as he came face to face with her secret. Her whole family's secret status as mages.

"Would you have killed them too...?"

He had seen evidence of some of the things his father had done. There was an entire cabinet of passports and foreign currency in his father's room. Enough for Shirou to assume that he had gone to many places. As far as he knew, the only reason to have a false identity was if you didn't want to be caught doing something wrong. Just being a magi did not make you a criminal, after all. Shirou had been sure to ask that question when he was young.

"He said you killed your father," Shirou murmured, "but he didn't say why."

The wind that normally moved over the mountains seemed to have come to a sudden stop. Nothing moved in the graveyard, as if the world itself had become deathly silent.

"You never gave me a magic crest. You never passed on your progress. You didn't teach me about your magecraft." Shirou closed his eyes, trying to keep his breathing even. "I... think I finally understand why."

It didn't matter that his father had killed people, that he was known as the Magus Killer. It even made sense, in a way. Why they were rich, why his father never seemed to be working, and how he spent his final years at home with Shirou.

"Damn it."

Kiritsugu always talked like he was a Hero.

"Damn it."

He always told Shirou to have morals and ethical concerns, to be a man that valued life. It was because of him that Shirou believed that everyone could be saved. Because Kiritsugu had saved him from that fire!

"Damn it!"

Shirou knelt down just so that he could slam his fist into the grass. His forehead pressed against the cool stone.

How could he talk about saving anyone when he killed people! Why would he lie about it? Zouken said he had killed magi across the world, and all of the money that he had earned would let any lesser man retire comfortably. The same money that Shirou had saved in the bank, that he was saving for an emergency. It made him feel like his hands were stained with the blood of those who died to pay for his own life.

"Does this make me part of it all?" he asked the still air, sitting up to face the sky. Without any reply, all he could do was churn over the question. A few soft clouds passed over as the daylight began to further illuminate the graveyard.

No, he finally decided.

It wouldn't because he was never shown that side of Kiritsugu. He was never part of the killings.

But I still benefited from them.

"Something made you stop, though." Shirou brought his gaze back down, staring at the Emiya kanji upon the stone. "You stopped because of me."

He spent the rest of his life with Shirou, every last waking moment with him, teaching him what he believed still mattered.

"Why was I the reason you stopped?"

The wind moved again, caressing his cheek. It came from the mountain, and Shirou looked up to see the sun cresting. Between the warmth of the sunlight and the wind, he could almost feel as though his dad was right there with him. He took a few minutes to rest with his head against the stone before standing up once again.

Caesar was sitting at the bench, a hand on his lap as he watched birds fluttering in the morning light. He didn't say anything as Shirou sat next to him. It was almost a minute before he spoke.

"My father died in a civil war. I never got to learn from him what it meant to be a man. He wasn't buried in our family crypt either. He was burned on the battlefield with the rest of the dead." The Servant sighed. "To see you offer such honor to his grave gives me hope that your relationship was deep and fulfilling."

"That doesn't mean I understand how I'm supposed to survive this Grail war any better. I just feel..." Shirou skewed his face, trying to think about what he wanted to say. "...closer to him when I do that."

"My mother raised my daughter when her mother died. I was away from home a great deal, but they were always close in my heart. No matter how far I was from Rome, they were always held close by in my heart. My mother Aurelia would slice peaches from our orchard and dry the slices. The smell of peaches always reminds me of home." He smiled, nostalgia coloring his expression. "Even this half-life of mine gives me that joy."

Shirou found himself speechless. For a long time he just sat and closed his eyes, trying to process the alternating waves of anger and sentiment.

"Do you think I made the right decision? Joining the Matou family?"

"If you didn't, you would have died," Caesar pointed out. "The old mage had you inside of his home. Servant Rider was in the room, and she is nearly as strong as my divine form. Perhaps she herself has a touch of divinity..." He paused for a moment before nodding. "Between her and the magi we were no better than a Persian in Greece."

"Uh..." Shirou gave Caesar a puzzled look. "What do you mean?"

"You don't understand the world of magic. Those magi could cast the spellcraft and understand the connotations in a way that you could not. Persians are, or were, notorious for not learning the languages of their foes. They would rather bribe their way to victory. In this case, you entered the home of a powerful potential foe with nothing but friendship as your promise of peace."

Shirou closed his eyes.

Sakura's stare bore into him, her face a potent mixture of confusion and fear. Shinji gulped visibly.

"Emiya, hmm? Are you here to kill all of us?" Zouken's gaze seared into his soul. "Or do your talents not lie in that field?"

"I was a fool."

"You are still alive," Caesar pointed out, "and you can still move, though I know his familiars are still following us. I can feel them nagging at my senses."

"What is that worth if I can't save one person?" He could remember the wall rattling last night. "What is being alive worth if I can't live with myself for it?"

"What is dying worth if you can't guarantee your death would save someone?" Caesar countered.

"If you go into that room right now, you will no longer be a man! Your rage will control you and Mars will take you!" the Servant uttered quietly, holding him down. "You will become a monster!"

"If you had just saved her once, and given your life for it, your ideals would fail," Caesar said, folding his arms. The biceps looked ready to burst out of the fitted suit. "The only victory you should hope for is complete and total. One that prevents your enemies from harming you in the same way ever again."

"How can I do that with a family as powerful as them?!" Shirou hissed.

"No matter how powerful or old something is, cracks form in it. Stone wears down, wood rots, and the old men fade away with time, the cruelest of foes." He paused, giving the passing birds a smile as they wove in and out of the gusts of wind. "No matter how hopeless it seems, all foes can be broken. When Rome defeated Carthage we salted their fields so that nothing would ever grow there again. That they would never rise as a foe ever again."

"I don't think that salting their garden is going to do anything for us."

"You are thinking too literally, Shirou. Your new foster family consists of an old man that, by all appearances, is quite extreme in his age. His heir is a girl who seems to be your friend. Your... erstwhile ally Shinji, on the other hand, is a fool. An incestuous fool at that."

The wood of the bench groaned as Shirou clenched it. "Who I can't hurt."

"Ah, but you are wrong." Caesar said, placing one palm out and using the other hand to make a few motions on it. "You have promised upon your magic to not harm them. You have not promised to protect them."

"Sakura will perform the bonding ritual. If she fails, it will be upon her blood. Remove your overshirt, Emiya Shirou. A marking will be placed upon your upper arm, painted in the blood of the family. Once this Mark is upon you, you may access most of my home without penalty. Stay out of my bedroom and the workshop in the basement. You are, as of the moment of this ritual's completion, bound to us. Upon your own magic you risk betraying us, and we are bound by the same."

The old man sneered at his grandchildren.

"Enjoy all of the benefits of being part of the family, Shirou Emiya... for you are one of us now."

"I am not familiar with the nuances of magic." Caesar stated. "But the fact that he used Sakura rather than himself could mean that he and Shinji can injure you without fear."

Shirou just closed his eyes and leaned back against the bench. This war was becoming more and more complex, with lines of suspicion and alliance crossing over each other in a daring dance of death.

"So how do we win?"

"Have you ever heard the name Brutus? What about Antony? Pompeiius?" Caesar chuckled darkly. "Read the history books your academy lauds so proudly, and recognize that the winner is not determined by the strength to act, but the willingness to do what it takes. I am your Servant, your partner, and your confidant. I've won wars the world over. This grail war is probably the most technical conflict I've been a part of."

Shirou didn't want to hear any more about war or fighting. He leaned forward and put his head into his hands.

"I don't care about winning," he said, weariness pulling at his bones. "I just don't want anyone to die or get hurt."

"Then you have two choices," Caesar said. "As we are, we lack the tools to win outright. We can hide and wait for a more advantageous opportunity in the war, making promises of neutrality and avoiding conflict." He brought his fist into his other hand. "Or you control the pace of the conflict and crush each opponent before the others have the opportunity to take advantage of our weakness. We aggressively hunt and remove all threats to us and one by one destroy them."

"The answer to conflict should not just be to escalate it," Shirou mumbled.

"You are in a conflict where you cannot be considered a noncombatant." His Servant leaned over, his face only inches away. "You summoned me for a reason, Shirou Emiya. I would like to think it is because you desperately need a victory in this war."

"I wasn't thinking of much when I summoned you, to be honest," Shirou admitted. In an effort to avoid his Servant's gaze, he began to tally the amount of cobblestones in the pavement.

"You summoned an emperor and a world conqueror." Caesar nudged his shoulder with a meaty hand. "I won't disregard that and neither should you. There are times where I have been forced to retreat, but they are few in number and minor in consequence. I cannot tolerate someone else deciding the pace of conflict. However..."

The Servant paused, leaning away from him.

"In this particular instance, I don't think I wish to face this particular conflict head on."

"Are you saying you think I'm stubborn?"

"All good men are stubborn when they need to be." Caesar chuckled. "But in this case, I am simply choosing not to fight a goddess when she has decided her quarry."

"Huh?" Shirou looked up. Caesar had stood off the bench and was stretching his arms.

"I am descended from Venus. I should at least be able to recognize when one of her incarnations is inspiring someone. So, my boy," he began to walk away, "who am I to stand between you and your personal Venus?"

Shirou felt a bit of heat go to his cheeks.

"It's not right to talk about women like that," he called after his Servant.

There was a scraping of shoes, and he realized that someone was right behind the bench. He stiffened, clenching his teeth as he turned around. He was prepared to die in this moment. His own personal Venus? Shirou would die if Rin Tohsaka were here. She wouldn't take a comment like the one Caesar just said lightly. Like a man awaiting his sentencing, Shirou turned his head to face his fate.

The first thing he saw was her purple hair, cascading waves of it that fluttered in the wind.

"Sakura, do you believe him to be a worthy ally? If you don't, I will end his worthless life where he stands as a mercy to him."

Eyes of lavender, resolute as wisteria trees.

"He never breaks a promise."

He was speechless, staring up at the girl who had saved his life last night. "Sakura!" He coughed, surprised.

"S-Senpai," she said, stepping around the bench. "I need to say something to you. Please allow me to speak."

Shirou could only nod, paralyzed by fear. The last he had seen her was last night, as she had performed that ritual. But the room he had been given in the Matou estate for the Grail war was right next to hers. Last night... he had heard everything.

Sakura wasn't even making eye contact with him. She was looking at the bench or the dirt beneath it, switching between the two intermittently.

She took a deep breath, her cheeks red.

"I never wanted you to see it." Her lips trembled. "I never wanted you to know."

"About your family?"

Sakura finally looked at him, frowning. It might have been more than a frown but it made him immediately shut up. Of course it was about her family! They were mages! The same kind of people that his father would have killed during his career!

"I-I never wanted this for you! You were never supposed to see this!" She stood ramrod straight, staring at the ground in front of him once again. "Now you are part of everything." She stopped talking for a long moment, trembling. "Y-you know."

The wall began to thump with more noises, and Shirou could hear a choked cry. It sounded female.

"I... I apologize for my family and their actions, on their behalf." Sakura bowed her head, long locks of lilac draping over her face so that Shirou could only see her chin.

Caesar gripped him, holding back Shirou with both arms. Even though he couldn't get up, that didn't stop his ears from hearing the thunderous noise from the next room.

"Let... me... go!"

Shirou flexed once more, trying with all his might to lift the larger man.

"I only had one daughter." The Servant whispered. "She was married to Pompey the Great, my friend! My brother in arms!"

Shirou kept struggling, trying to save his breath while the chance to save her still existed.

"I hadn't seen her for a year, and I knew!" His voice was like ice. "I knew that Pompey was hard on her. His fourth marriage! I should have known, I should have been there!"

His Servant held him steady, unwilling to unleash him.

"She died by the hands of her husband, who abused her terribly! Abused our friendship, and killed the only Roman child I had." Caesar locked eyes with Shirou. They were full of the feeling his voice didn't dare let seep through. "I only had his word that she died in childbirth. Only the word of the man who tried to take Rome from me! Long have I raged and longer still will I feel this hatred! That rage that flows through your veins will be your undoing! Just as it did mine!"

"She's hurting!" Shirou coughed.

"Shirou, you must see past this! It's just a game to these Magi, and you are about to lose it! Stay your sword this day, wait for your opportunity! Be Romulus with the lion of Latium. Wait for the opportune moment!"

The rage came back, a burning need that made his limbs quake with the itch to strike something. He had heard clearly through the wall what had happened. He clenched his fists and swallowed the anger, because the only person who was around to take it was Sakura, and hurting her was...

His brain violently spiked in pain. Thinking about that was not allowed.

"Revenge, my boy, is a wine we shall sup together. Perhaps we can find a Ptolemy to do the job. They're unimaginative like that."

A gust of wind brought his attention back to the present. He had been thinking about all of this for minutes, and Sakura was still in front of him, head bowed and waiting for his reply. The sun had fully risen, and the last signs of the night were being brushed away.

"Sakura," Shirou spoke up, "I can't accept your apology."

She stiffened. He stood up from the bench himself, bowing back to her.

"You haven't done anything wrong. You're one of my closest friends, and the only person that knows I can perform magic." He clenched his fists, remembering how he failed to Trace last night, and how Zouken had sighed in disappointment. "There are no secrets between us. Last night, you saved my life."

"Senpai?" She was looking at him once more, no longer bowed.

"I can't accept your apology because I refuse to associate you with those responsible." He matched her gaze, returning the resoluteness that she had approached him with. "I'm going to protect you. I'll do whatever it takes to do so!"

"There shall be no Ides of March for you, Shirou Emiya. I, Gaius Julius Caesar, do so swear."

"I'm going to win this war for you," he added quietly.

Sakura's cheeks were pale, and she stood still. "Why?" She said, the softest of whispers on the wind.

"Because I'm a hero." Shirou said, trying to believe those words as much as he used to. "I won't be able to live with myself if I lost the war now."

"Why would you do that for me?" Sakura asked, turning her eyes away. "Senpai, I-I'm not worth it, I'm—"

"Yes you are!" Shirou nearly yelled, making her jump. "Sakura, you and Fuji-nee are two of my..." He swallowed as he came to the realization. "My most precious people. I need you, more than anyone else, and..."

save her

save everyone

save anyone

"I'm going to save everyone!"

"Shirou, saving someone means you have to hurt someone else."

His heart burnt.

"Senpai, please..." She took a step forward. "I... Grandpa will kill you. Like he..." her words trailed off, and she shivered, clutching at her arms.

"I won't die," he said after a few moments, taking a hesitant step forward himself. His arms ached to be around her, she needed him. But he couldn't tell if it was okay, and he didn't want to make Sakura remember what happened.

"I won't die," he repeated. "Not before I save you. I won't let you live like this anymore. You deserve better."

Sakura remained quiet, her gaze locked at the cobblestones, like he had been earlier. Shirou wasn't sure what to say to help her feel better. He felt... powerless, just like last night.

I have to do something, anything! I need her to know that... I'm here. I'm here, and I will make everything okay.

He held out a hand, keeping his silence. Her head slowly turned upwards, and he could see her eyes peeking through her bangs. She held his gaze for a moment, and he held his breath in return.

Her hand shivered as it approached his.

"Senpai," she murmured as their fingertips brushed against each other, "I... please don't save me just to die..."

Her hand curled into a tight grip around his own.

"I..." she continued shakily, sniffling. "I... I don't... want to be here... without you."

He took a step forward to wrap his other arm around her, pulling her as close to him as he could without hurting her.

"We'll get through this together," he said quietly, "I promise. I won't be going anywhere."

Her entire body shuddered.

"Thank you," she whispered in a voice he could barely hear. He nodded.

I will save you no matter what, Sakura.

"Hoy!" Caesar called out, and Shirou turned to the Servant approaching. "Mars and Venus! If you dally any further you will be late to your academy." He grinned. "I envy your education, and to miss a single moment, even for touching moments like these, would be the height of folly!"


From Aberron:

"Chapter Two of Caesar is upon us! Though the subject matter is a bit dark, I wanted to do a bit more setup on how this route is going to continue. I don't think many authors have the balls to write a pro-Zouken route, especially because he is normally the villain. But I may or may not have spent hours and hours watching roman flavored series in prep for writing this. Though things seem dark right now, they shall improve."

This chapter took a lot of work. It was rewritten multiple times, not because it was bad, but because Caesar deserves to have justice done unto him as repayment for all of the crimes of DelightWorks. Still, I wanted to have it out much sooner, but I can publish it feeling satisfied with it, which I think is the more important thing here. Hope everyone enjoyed.

As always, thank you to my crack team of Loresingers: Aberron, TungstenCat, Exstarsis, Kat-2V, and KentaKazami. Exstarsis just updated her awesome crossover between F/SN and that well-known Mom Isekai, Fate/Stay Mama!, and having worked on it myself I can proudly recommend that you go give it a look if you haven't. TungstenCat wrote a very good drama/hurt/comfort/angst story about Ishtar and Ereshkigal dealing with their relationship and how broken it is, titled Mysterious Divine Wine. If that doesn't catch your eye, then you should go get an eye exam. Finally, though I do not know them personally, Dream Tempest's Hollow Child is a Shirou/Sakura story that I didn't know I needed until it existed. I don't even have the right words to describe it, only that it's already diverging from canon very rapidly, and I'm so excited to see where it goes. If you like that pairing, definitely check it out.

Your ending theme is Never Forget by Martin O'Donnell and Michael Salvatori.

Thanks for reading.