He and Austin were to be kept apart, doing in school suspension in separate rooms, and eating lunch at different lunch periods. The room TJ sat in felt like more of a re-purposed closet than a classroom. He was the only student there, sitting in one of five seats while a teachers who couldn't be bothered read a newspaper. Most of his class work sat on a desk to his left while he had an open book in front of him. Anyone paying attention would've noticed that he hadn't turned the page since he opened it.
TJ couldn't focus on anything placed in front of him. Too many thoughts ran through his head at once, and he didn't want to have a single one of them. He thought he hit his lowest when he was taken to the mental hospital. Locked away in a room where he couldn't hurt himself. But no, it was like his mind grabbed a shovel and kept digging lower to find how deep his mental state can go.
Kill yourself
No one wants you here.
You're nothing but a burden.
It wasn't enough that he had to fight Austin and the things that was said about him around school, it wasn't enough that getting out of bed took most of his energy for the day, it wasn't even enough that his interest in everything he liked was dropping like flies. Now his thoughts were fighting him, too, and he didn't have any energy left to fight back.
TJ felt tears drop onto his hands. He didn't feel the sting of his tears coming to his eyes while his thoughts were racing. He wiped them away and willed himself to stop crying. The teacher was oblivious, his view blocked by the newspaper.
Mr. Sage told him at the hospital that he needed to tell his parents whenever he had thoughts like these. But what was he supposed to do when it was true? Of course, they would never tell him it was true, but that was their job. They should've left him at that place, away from everyone, where they can forget about him.
When the bell rang for lunch, he meandered down to the lunchroom. He pushed himself to have a somewhat normal conversation with his friends to keep them from worrying. Still. . .
"Hey," CJ said. The others had moved on in their conversations. "Are you okay?"
"Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm fine," he said to assure her. "Better even. Slamming Austins head against a locker felt really good."
"I'm sure it did, that guy's an asshole, but are you really okay?" She pressed again. "You've been kinda off lately."
"I'm fine, really. It's probably the change in my medication," TJ said. "I'm still adjusting, you know?"
"Yeah. . .if you say so. But if there's something wrong, you know you can talk to us, right?"
"Yeah, I know, but thanks for asking."
She nodded, and they turned their attention back to the rest of the group. Or she did, TJ couldn't focus long enough to pay attention to more than a sentence here and there.
ZZZ
Since TJ wasn't planning on doing homework, he didn't bother carrying his books home. Books or no books, though, he still slouched with this thoughts weighing him down. As soon as he could, he lit a cigarette and took what little relief it offered him. Maybe if he smokes the whole pack he'd feel somewhat okay.
But thoughts were cut short when he was grabbed and slammed against the old wooden fence he was walking next to. He could feel the splintering wood digging him his hands and scratching through his clothes. Who else would it be besides Austin, along with his usual group.
"You would start a fight in school where teachers would break us up before I could break your face," Austin sneered. "Bet you wouldn't fight me out here."
"Leave me alone," TJ mumbled.
"'Leave me alone,'" Austin mocked. Some of the others behind him laughed. "Shut the fuck up. I hate you, you little shit. Can you blame me? You have a hateable face. You should be thanking me; I'm the only one brave enough to tell you!"
"Leave me alone."
"'Leave me alone,'" he continued to mock. "What are you going to do about it? You gonna cry like a little bitch? Go ahead, cry. Cry! If I was you I'd kill myself for being that pathetic. Do us all a favor and kill yourself!"
"Fine!" TJ shouted back. Even if he tried, he wouldn't be able to wipe the tears coming down his face fast enough to stop them. "Fine. . ."
He got a punch to the face hard enough to bang his head against the wood fence. His beanie saved his scalp from being embedded with countless splinters. There was no more words exchanged, as Austin and his group walked away. Hes slid down the sidewalk with his knees bought up to his chest and his face in his arms as he cried.
It was fine.
Everything was fine.
It's not like he wanted to live, anyways.
ZZZ
The others walked away when TJ finally snapped back at them, but for some reason, Vince's feet were like cement blocks keeping him from moving. He was in the back, following them as normal, but. . .
He didn't mean that, did he? There's no way. TJ just said that to get Austin off his back, at least for today. Vince tried to convince himself of that, but seeing him crouched like that on the ground and sobbing, made it hard. Should he say something? What could he say?
Someone from the group called for him to catch up.
. . .
It was just to get Austin to back off. That's it. A bluff, and he was crying over nothing. Vince turned and ran to catch up with the others.
