Lucifer sat with Linda in Amenadiel's quarters. Several months had passed since he'd woken up in Heaven. Lucifer had decided to stay, at least for now. It was like he'd told his father. He really had nowhere else to go. Everyone he knew was dead. True, he could start over on Earth, but he would only lose anyone else he got close to. He supposed returning to Hell was an option, but that wasn't his home. He was never really happy there. Besides, it belonged to Maze now. Though, he had gone to see her the last time Amenadiel went down with Charlie. It had gone well. She seemed glad to see him. She'd offered him the thrown back, but he had no desire for it.
He'd learned when he went to Hell that Daniel was down there as well. Unfortunately, it didn't surprise him. He hadn't seen him around Heaven, plus Daniel had made many mistakes that would've weighed on him too terribly for him to go anywhere else.
Lucifer had resumed sessions with Linda not long after the conversation with his father. Well, in a sense. They were less like therapy sessions and more like two friends talking. Linda no longer wrote down anything he said and used shrink speak a lot less. But she still listened to him and offered advice.
"How are things going with your father and your siblings?" Linda asked.
"Not terribly. I've gotten reacquainted with many of my siblings. I was close with my brothers, Manuel and Raziel, and we've gotten closer again," Lucifer said. Of course, a fourth member of his group wasn't there anymore. He recalled Gabriel leaving when he was still a child again after the bastard came after him. He assumed his father forced him to. His brother hadn't returned, and Lucifer was fine with that. He'd done nothing to earn Gabriel's ire. He had no interest in seeing him. "I've made up with most of the others as well."
"Even Michael?" Linda asked.
"Sort of. It's not terrible. It's not like it used to be," Lucifer said. Honestly, he was still wary of Michael. Part of that was because he didn't really know Michael. Yes, they lived together for centuries, but Michael had made his disinterest in Lucifer clear then, and in turn, Lucifer never cared to spend time with his older brother. He did get to know him some the second time around as a boy, but those memories were still hard to comprehend after four months. He supposed they would be for a long time.
"That's good. It makes sense that things would be different. It was a long time ago. You've both changed. How about your father?" Linda asked.
Lucifer sighed. "I don't know. That's more complicated. I don't want to punch him every time I see him anymore, but still the majority of the time."
Linda chuckled. "Well, it's a slow process."
"I don't trust him. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. A part of me is sure that one wrong move will see me cast out again," Lucifer said. He was also still very angry and hurt. If he had anywhere else to go, he probably would've. He was glad that he no longer had to stay in his father's quarters. He'd been given his old rooms back, which surprised him because he didn't think those even existed anymore, or at least not for him.
"I can understand you not trusting your father. I think he loves you and wants to make things right. I saw him with you when you were a child. It's clear to me he'd do anything for you, but he's given you a lot of reasons to distrust him. If you ever trust him again, it'll take work on his part. He knows that," Linda said.
Lucifer only grunted in response.
Linda took a deep breath as she prepared to bring up a subject she knew would be sore for Lucifer. He'd refused to talk about it almost every time she tried to address it, but he couldn't hide from it for much longer. "Lucifer, have you thought at all about Chloe lately."
Lucifer's eyes darkened slightly. "I've asked you not to bring her up. I don't want to talk about it."
"I know, but you can't avoid the subject forever. You have to deal with what she did to you and how you feel about it," Linda said.
Lucifer glared at her. "How I feel about it? She betrayed me. She lied to me and tried to have me sent back to Hell! She's the reason I lost a century of my life! At least that's what everyone tells me!"
"Do you still doubt it?" Linda asked. The way he said that made it seem like he still had his doubts, or at least maybe wanted to have doubts.
"No. At least most of the time I don't. I don't remember it. To this day, I don't remember her even showing up to the penthouse. I know you didn't lie to me, but if I can't remember, and I can't hear from her that it happened…"
"A part of you can still hope that it didn't," Linda finished for him.
Lucifer nodded. "It's ridiculous, and I know that most of the time, but sometimes it seems plausible that everyone's wrong."
"Then maybe you need to hear Chloe say it. Have you asked your father to see her?" Linda asked.
"Once, right after you all told me. He wouldn't allow me to. He said I wasn't ready. I haven't asked him since. He would probably let me now, but I don't know that I want that. I don't even like thinking about her and what she did. I loathe this conversation completely. I don't think I can talk to her," Lucifer said. He couldn't deny that a part of him did still want to see her, but that was because a small part of him was still clinging to the possibility that it didn't really happen. Most of him knew better, and that part of him didn't want to hear the details of how she betrayed him. That part of him didn't want to see her face or hear her voice. It would be too painful. He had another reason as well. He had mixed feelings regarding the punishment his father doled out. He tried not to think about it, but at times, it bothered him that the detective was being punished so harshly. He feared that would intensify if he saw her. He didn't want to care about the fate of someone who'd hurt him so much.
"Lucifer, I can't imagine what it will feel like to see Chloe and to hear what she has to say. I am very certain that it will hurt a lot, probably worse than you're even fearing. But I'm not sure you can move on until it happens. I think you need to hear what she has to say. I think you also have a lot you need to say to her. It can be therapeutic to confront someone who's hurt you," Linda explained.
Lucifer was skeptical. He found it hard to believe that any part of him would heal after hearing from Chloe what she'd done to him. He could only see more pain headed his way, which he wanted to avoid.
"I know it's hard to believe, but it's true. I think you need to see her, Lucifer. I don't think you can begin to get passed the pain until you've seen her. Just consider it, okay? You don't have to do it today. I don't even think you should. I think you should consider it and then take the time you need to decide what you'll say if you do decide to see her," Linda told him.
"Very well. I'll consider it. I think I've had enough for today, Linda. I'm going to go back to my quarters," Lucifer said before standing up.
"Of course. You know you can come back whenever you need to talk," Linda said.
Lucifer nodded before heading for the door.
