28 – Jack

He is discombobulated from the baby's birth. I am not afraid that it was her that did this… more the fact a baby was born that was not his. I can see that, the pain there in the back of his mind even as he watches the kids race about like twits.

The comment about car shopping has pleased him, his face lighting up as he asks for a kiss like a sweetling and I know I am so deeply in love, already so invested I wish I could comfort him more but this is so new that I do not want to appear too sappy.

To never create a life… not exactly what I would call a failure. Some people perfectly capable of creating a little one choose not to. Of course, he would be a perfectly adorable father, this is clear in the way he fusses on the kids. Life can be so unfair.

"What are you thinking?"

Caught. I speak without filtering "That Lisa is really alone now and it's a shame. Little Jessie deserves a father too but … her choices in life are not exactly clever are they."

"No" he sighs, not bristling in her defence, agreeing "I was thinking the same actually. In another life I would have loved him, had I not known about my own failings there… I would never have known. Loved him, been a doting dad. Poor little mite."

"You are worrying about him" I tried to make it more sensible to him, to both of us I guess, seeing that he was struggling with emotions here "Holding a new life is a powerful thing. It's supposed to be. It's human nature to bond with a baby, it's not just us… nature makes offspring like it's parentals, tries to make the brain of the parental click when seeing the newborn so it doesn't kill the newborn maybe. We are conditioned to live. To protect and care for. Makes sense that you would hold him and feel that too. It doesn't make you weak, I know it doesn't mean you are in love with her still or doubting us. I know that, I held Alice. I know that hard slam into your chest like a car impacting you the first time those eyes find yours. I know."

"That's what it is. It is. Him. The little face, not crying just… intense. It did make my heart stop. It's him I am worrying about" he smiles as he leans in "And there is NO way I would ever go back to her, ever look at her the way I once did because I now know that even in our best times… I never felt the feelings I have with you."

Wow. My heart stalls and I hope it doesn't show on my face.

"When I was little I used to wish on falling stars" he is leaning his head in my shoddier as he talks so softly, unaware that I am frozen "I wished for someone tall, dark and powerful. Someone to protect me, love me and make me happy. Someone with humour, style and comfort. Yeah. Comfort. Silly, childish dreams. But here you are. Everything I asked for with even more than I could have dreamed of. Sexy, smart and soooo silly sometimes I want to choke you out. So perfect for me. Like .. I went through so much, survived things and suffered things, lost things to get to the place I was that day, standing by a terrible floral display at me sister's wedding. To see you, walk across the room with that long lope you have. Like slow motion. I fell for you in that moment ya now. My mouth went dry and my heart stopped. Just… wow."

"Me too" I croak out, too shocked to even consider flowery talk, unable to process anything other than this intense feeling as I now it is all true. All of this is real … us. This. "Ianto, I love you. I am in love with you. It's like ... I have always known you, always loved you just… never seen your face. Ya know?"

"I have no doubt that we were supposed to be in that room, on that day. Maybe it was not a day for Rhia and Gray. Maybe they were the pawns the Gods used to bring us here. Who knows. It's above out pay grade right?" he is laughing softly and I feel the pain in my chest for him ease as he lets go of something in his own chest. Gods, we are so connected that his pain is mine. I have never felt that before didn't know this thing could really occur. A bond.

"I love you" I whisper as I need to say it again, for my own ears to hear "I love you Ianto Jones."

"I don't know what to do about her, or him but I do know what I am doing with you. I do know right now in this moment with you… we are where we need to be. Where we should be and I am so glad you are here" he pulls back and I see his face, those eyes I can fall into. "I love you."

"Me too" I smile back.