Ienzo supposed that even if he sat in the shade in a far corner of the field, it still counted as being outside. Even though he'd brought a book with him, he could still feel the summer heat, and he still squinted into the midday sun. He still breathed the same fresh air as all those soldiers in training, swinging their weapons in perfect unison several dozen feet away. The gentle breeze blew over his skin just the same as it did for theirs. And although he'd largely avoided human contact the entire time, he was at least technically in the presence of other people. At this rate, no one could accuse him of isolating himself in the lab, and no one could rightfully continue badgering him about his pale skin, his thin frame, or the odd but infrequent tremors in his hands. Not even Ansem the Wise. It was all nonsense — Ienzo was perfectly healthy, whether he ever left the castle or not.

The training session was coming to a close, and the soldiers began to disperse a few at a time. Ienzo could see Isa's blue hair flying out of its knot as he tugged out the elastic. He was engaged in small-talk with some of his fellow trainees. They were laughing as they slipped thin shirts over their gross, sweaty torsos. For a moment, Ienzo wanted to feel jealous. Even Isa had adjusted far enough to where he could maintain a casual conversation. This was the same man who wept for days on end after he awakened as a human, so psychologically broken that he couldn't even sleep alone. This was the same man who could barely talk to anyone without breaking down in tears again. How easily he shrugged it all off. It should have been celebrated that he'd come so far, but Ienzo only sighed as he returned his attention to his work. His book was perfectly fine company. And it probably smelled better than any of those men out there.

He'd become deeply engrossed in the text, studying some outdated research on the reconstruction of hearts, shaky philosophy on the balance between light and darkness, all useless information he already knew. The only real purpose of the reading was to act as white noise, replacing the constant stream of racing thoughts in his head with harmless jargon instead. The point was to just relax. But he didn't want to relax. Now wasn't the time to relax.

"Ienzo," a deep voice interrupted his concentration. "I didn't expect to see you out here."

He gasped, frantically slamming the book closed before realizing that it was only Aeleus who had approached him. "S-Sorry… Even and Master Ansem insisted that I needed to spend some time in the sun."

Aeleus raised an eyebrow, taking a brief glance at the area around them. "You are not in the sun."

Ienzo responded with a mild glare. "I'm outside, it's close enough."

Grinning subtly, Aeleus extended a hand for him. "Come. We're going for a walk."

"It's fine, Aeleus, I don't—"

"It was not a request."

The look in the man's eyes matched his command. If Ienzo didn't walk with him, he'd be flung over his shoulder and carried. Sighing, he climbed down from the ledge where he sat and waited for Aeleus to lead the way. Part of him wondered if Even or Ansem the Wise had put him up to this. He'd had such an expectant look on his face when he first approached, but now the man was predictably silent as they traversed the scenic running track and made their way off the castle grounds. Ienzo wished he would just spit it out already. Whatever Aeleus had to say, he would respectfully listen, as long as it meant a quicker end to this walk so that he could go back inside the castle where he belonged. Ienzo chided himself internally — only moments ago, he envied Isa for his sociability, yet now he was complaining when a similar opportunity arose for him?

"It is a nice day today."

Ienzo turned with a questioning look. The weather? All that buildup and Aeleus wanted to talk about the weather? "Yes," he cleared his throat. "I suppose it is."

They took a few more steps before Aeleus spoke up again, infuriatingly on the same topic. "A bit warm for my tastes, though."

Now Ienzo was annoyed. It was hot, he was winded and sweaty, and he could hardly stand the tense atmosphere that followed them along their meandering trek. It was unlike Aeleus to dance around any subject, yet their conversation seemed to take as many detours as their feet. The man did not waste words, and it was particularly vexing to guess that Aeleus thought Ienzo couldn't handle whatever he wanted to talk about. Ienzo came to a complete stop, clenching his fists. "If you have something to say, just say it."

Aeleus arched an eyebrow once again, not offended, but curious. "I do not have anything to say," he confessed. "But you do."

Ienzo huffed, then continued walking at a more brisk pace. He should have known. Aeleus must have been sent by Master Ansem to break down his walls, to get him to open up to somebody. Today would not be that day. Ienzo had no patience for frivolous anxiety and intrusive thoughts. Maybe Isa preferred that constant self-flagellation that was his atonement process, but Ienzo wasn't about to spend the next several weeks weeping over traumatic events from the distant past. It was a waste of tears, a waste of emotions, and a waste of time.

Aeleus matched his speed quite effortlessly, at least allowing him the space to think without interruption. But all Ienzo could think about was why the hell the man wasn't saying anything. Sure, he had always been a man of few words, but why drag Ienzo along on this outing if not with an ulterior motive to start some deep conversations? To talk about the hard stuff? Every time he looked up at his companion, his eyes were faced forward, and he seemed quite calm and thoughtful despite the hopeless mess walking right beside him. Aeleus' serenity should have put Ienzo at ease, but it only made him angrier. How could he be so content? How was it that nothing could move him, nothing could touch him? What did he really want? Why would he not speak? Of course, Ienzo thought to himself. He's waiting for you to talk first. Well, Ienzo was onto his little scheme, and Aeleus' foolhardy attempts at poking around inside his heart would not be successful. Not on my watch.

"I hate to disappoint you, Aeleus," he said a little too contemptuously. "But this isn't going to work."

"What isn't going to work?"

"This," Ienzo gesticulated. "Master Ansem put you up to it, right? Or maybe Even? To get me to talk about my feelings?"

Aeleus shook his head, his stony expression never changing. "No one sent me. And I have no interest in discussing your feelings. I have my own to worry about."

There was an eerie echo to that last phrase, such that Ienzo wondered if he'd heard the man correctly. "Wh-What?"

"Did you think that I was not also affected?" Aeleus asked matter-of-factly. "That surprises me. I thought you could see everything."

His remark was quite subtle, but biting, laced with something like hurt, but not quite the same. The man turned and resumed their stroll, leaving Ienzo standing where he was, stunned by the brief exchange. It was an understatement to claim that Aeleus was not the type of man to bare his emotions. Ienzo had never known him to make any reference to his feelings, even before their Organization days. He was always the stoic — not necessarily guarded, but with a natural armor to him all the same. How neglected he must have felt to always be seen as a statue of stone, impervious to injuries of the heart. Ienzo regretted that he'd contributed to such cold treatment of him. Aeleus was his dear friend, and he'd let him down.

"Aeleus, wait," Ienzo caught up to him, panting slightly. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have—"

"You were not the only one to suffer a loss," Aeleus interrupted him. "You were not the only one to be killed. And you are not the only one still feeling troubled."

Something inside Ienzo broke at that very moment, and he began to panic when he felt his eyes welling up. Not here. Not in front of Aeleus. He covered his face and turned to run, but was caught by the wrist. It was no use struggling to escape the man's exceptionally strong grip. Trapped, Ienzo faced his friend directly. Exposed. Vulnerable. The next several minutes were a blur. Ienzo stood frozen, sobbing and sniffling pitifully into his shirt. He could admit to himself that he'd had his fill of the trauma that followed him everywhere he went. He was tired of the sickening leap in his chest every time he saw Lea. He was tired of reading through those old reports with his name on them. He was tired of the nightmares, tired of that look on Even's face, and tired of pretending that he was fine. The tears he shed now were not of guilt or sadness, but anger and pain.

Just as expected, Aeleus did not speak for the entirety of the episode, but Ienzo could hear his every thought loud and clear. He was telling him that he was safe. That he need not restrain himself. That he had no reason to feel ashamed. And for once, probably for the first time since he'd been recompleted, Ienzo believed him. It wasn't the first time he'd been ordered to let himself feel his new human emotions, and it wasn't the first time he'd had a silent conversation with Aeleus. But, it was his first time truly connecting with his old friend since they'd recompleted, and he once again was filled with regret that he'd kept his distance for so long. And so, in the same way and without a single word spoken, he spilled everything to Aeleus.

He talked at length about Even. He told him about that first day when they'd come back, how he'd been shaking the man for several minutes and he didn't stir. Ienzo swallowed his anxiety at the time, quietly going back to his work searching for the others who didn't return alongside the rest of them. In his off time, the young apprentice spent hours, even days by Even's bedside, just waiting for him to open his eyes. Then, after everything, to hear that he'd vanished without a trace, without a word or message of any kind. Unbeknownst to his fellow apprentices, Ienzo was a wreck. Every day, he waited for Aeleus and Dilan to burst through the castle doors and announce that they'd found him, only to be disappointed every time. He'd dive right back into the research, wondering where he'd gone, if he'd been kidnapped or simply left of his own accord. Wondering how. Wondering why. Questions that kept him up at night. But he didn't cry then.

He spoke about Lea. About the crippling fear he felt whenever the man entered the room. And just his luck, Lea's was the first face he saw when he awakened. Standing over him, calling his name. As if everything was well and good. As if nothing had happened at all. Ienzo had wondered if it was all a dream, until the shock and terror of seeing himself in the mirror for the first time since regaining his humanity. The confusion, the repulsion. The realization. He'd jumped into the shower, scrubbing vigorously, desperate to wash it off. It was no use, but still he didn't cry.

He cried now for all those times when he didn't. With no one here to see it but Aeleus, he supposed he could live with breaking down just this once. It wasn't so bad to be held by him again, like he used to be when he was a boy. The privacy and security of Aeleus' arms around his trembling frame hadn't faded with time. It wasn't awkward or uncomfortable now that he was a man. In fact, it had been far too long, and Ienzo could admit to himself that he needed it. He relaxed into it, waiting patiently for it all to pass. He could still hear Aeleus' voice in his mind, talking to him, though no words passed his lips. To Ienzo's surprise, it was more than just reminding him that he was there, promising him that he would still be in one piece when it was over. He was apologizing profusely, repeatedly, for failing to protect his young friend. Twice, Aeleus had thrown himself between Ienzo and danger. He'd jumped in front of the keyblade aimed at the boy's heart. He'd confronted Riku, hoping to neutralize the threat before it reached his comrade. Both times, he was unsuccessful. Both times, he'd sacrificed himself for nothing. He apologized then, and he apologized now for letting harm befall him. Even with his internal voice, Ienzo was speechless. He could sense the potency of his remorse, how overwhelming it was in its intensity, and supposed that if Aeleus were the type, he might have been crying too.

It was a good talk. They'd covered just about everything they needed to say without saying anything at all. Ienzo cried until his eyes burned and his nose was running, and nobody else had to know about it. Even after the fit had ended, the two didn't part straight away. Ienzo was still listening to Aeleus breathe. It was appropriately steady — a perfect rhythm for a man like him. Aeleus' inner voice was instructing Ienzo to match it, and he obeyed without protesting. It was slow and deep, and Ienzo found it so soothing that he might have drifted away for how tired he felt. The burden he'd carried with him had been so heavy, and he was so exhausted. It had been so long since he'd been able to truly rest, and this was the closest he'd come since regaining his heart.

When he finally could demonstrate his new sense of calm, he pulled away from the man, glancing up to see that his expression had changed very slightly. It was warmer than it was before. Ienzo could just barely see that familiar gleam of affection in his eyes — the one reserved only for those he considered most special. For the young apprentice, it was an honor to be counted among them.

"That's much better," he nodded his approval.

"Is this what you wanted?" Ienzo blubbered defiantly, sniffling and wiping his face. "To see me crying like a child?"

"I came to you because I desired your company," he answered softly. "Of all the emotions we battle now, loneliness should not be one of them."

Without another word, Aeleus beckoned Ienzo to continue walking with him. They looped the footpath several times, silently admiring the gardens as they passed through. Ienzo had to admit that he felt a bit lighter on his feet than he had before. As cliche as it was, he could only describe the feeling as a huge weight being lifted off of him at last. He could think more clearly now. He could identify and acknowledge what he felt, what he remembered, and what he needed. Fresh air and sunshine, a good night's sleep, a decent meal that consisted of more than just black coffee — he could concede that such things were important. But he needed more than that if he wanted to heal. He needed a resolution. Good company. Adequate rest. He needed time.

He was staring into space while deep in thought. By chance, he caught a glimpse of two figures climbing a hill in the distance. The vibrant shades of red and blue were unmistakable. It was Lea and Isa, holding hands, smiling as they arrived at the top of the highest hill and collapsed onto the grass beside each other. Ienzo wasn't at all surprised to find they'd ended up together. It was practically written in the stars. Only a matter of time. He was thrilled for them, of course. They deserved that happy ending to their decade-long saga. There was surely no room in his heart for envy whatsoever. Why, then, did it sting to see them that way?

To his dismay, Aeleus was still leading him along the path that would eventually intercept them. Ienzo whipped his head around, scanning the environment. They were in an open field. There was no place to hide. It wasn't long before the two were seen, and Lea was waving and calling out to them as he charged down the hill to greet them. Don't panic, Ienzo ordered himself. He's just coming to say hello.

"Ienzo! Aeleus!" Lea bubbled as he reached them at last. "Fancy meeting you here! It's so hot, we were talking about getting ice cream. You should join us!"

Ienzo opened his mouth to answer, but no words came out when he summoned them. Isa soon caught up to the group, crossing his arms and eyeing Lea disapprovingly.

"We actually discussed eating lunch first, then ice cream. But you are welcome to accompany us for both."

The pause that followed was just long enough to be awkward. Ienzo could have sworn his stomach growled at the suggestion, as if it had heard the invitation itself. He had skipped breakfast, except for his usual coffee, and hadn't realized just how hungry he really was. "Oh… Um, th-thank you, but we were just passing by…"

Aeleus was no help. Ienzo looked up at him with desperation on his face, practically begging him to speak, but the man was stolid as ever. Thankfully, Lea took the wheel and kept the exchange on track, smiling casually like he believed the pitiful excuse. "No worries," he shrugged. "Next time, then!"

Ienzo's jaw was clenched so tightly and his brow was so tense that his head was beginning to ache. It was just his luck that Aeleus and Isa then stepped away to have a conversation of their own. Now he was alone with Lea. Now he would have to talk to him. Or maybe he could take a page from Aeleus's book and just stand there, glaring silently. Stop it, he scolded himself. You're embarrassing yourself. At that moment he endeavored to pull it together and act like a normal person. He'd managed it for so long after they'd first recompleted — there was no reason he couldn't do it now. He was an adult, and it was high time he started behaving like one.

"Hey," Lea whispered, leaning in with concern in his eyes. "You okay, man?"

The observation caught Ienzo off-guard. "S-Sorry… Must be the heat… Too much sun…"

"Hm, yeah," without any warning, Lea took Ienzo's face in his hands, brushed aside his long fringe and closely inspected his flushed skin. "I think you're starting to burn. Gotta be careful on summer days like this."

Ienzo was entirely frozen, standing rigid and just staring. He knew of course that Lea meant him no harm. His hands were gentle, so much so that it was easy to forget that they were the same hands that… That constricting feeling was back. The one that closed around his throat when Lea had helped him adjust his ascot. That sickening sensation of being choked. The one Ienzo would never forget. He began to shake. His eyes were welling up again. There was a cool chill washing down his face. Every instinct he possessed told him to run like hell, but he was stuck. Hopelessly trapped in place.

Visibly stunned by the reaction, Lea quickly pulled away. "Because, uh…" he cleared his throat, scratching his head nervously. "You might get feverish."

"Lea," Isa called to him. "I thought you were hungry. Let's go before I wither away to nothing."

Lea took a second to hesitate, still looking upon Ienzo with trepidation and genuine concern. But he didn't linger. He rushed over to Isa and linked fingers with him. "We'll catch up with you guys later!"

Ienzo's only farewell was a shy wave as he watched the two head off toward town. When he turned around, Aeleus was staring down at him with that look again. The one that told him he knew everything, and that whether or not he approved was yet to be seen. They shared another wordless conversation as they stood there in the field. Aeleus was quite clear with his thoughts, always speaking frankly, but he showed none of his stern nature as he listened to Ienzo's silent string of confessions. He was mercifully understanding and patient, wading through the noise of the young scientist's emotions to reach the truths buried behind them. When he found them, he only softened further and affectionately patted Ienzo on the head.

"Now," he asked cryptically. "What are you going to do about it?"

Ienzo did not answer straight away. Healing was a destination each of his peers reached for. They all took different paths, connecting with each other when those paths crossed, strengthening their bonds along the way. They were searching and learning in tandem — separate, but together. What would Ienzo's journey be? Would he go to therapy and have to live it all over again like Even? Would he fall hard and have to fight to climb back to his feet like Demyx? Would he lean heavily on his friends and have to trust them not to let him collapse like Isa? Would he care for himself by caring for someone else like Lea? He couldn't really say.

"I don't know," he answered solemnly. "I just don't know."

For the first time that afternoon, Aeleus smiled at him, at least in his own way. The best Ienzo could think to do then was hold onto that brief, uplifting moment. Let himself feel okay for just a few seconds. He clung tightly to that feeling as they walked back to the castle, as he descended the staircase and as he crawled back into his hiding place in the lab and buried himself in work. For now, his journey was coping. All nighters and gallons of coffee. Old reports, new data. Research, research, research. Just muddling through, getting by. He was still standing, but he decided then that he would no longer stand alone. For Aeleus' sake. For Even's. For his own. His friends had enough problems without worrying about him.

He took the first step by walking away from the console. He hung his lab coat by the door and turned out the light. He coaxed himself back up those stairs and all the way to his room, one step at a time until he was standing in front of his mirror. The ascot came off first. Then the vest, then the shirt. He forced himself to look at it. It wasn't a dirty little secret. He had no reason to hide it. As he stood there, taking it all in, he decided that's where he would start. He didn't know how, but along his journey toward healing, his first stop would be to address the elephant in the room. He was going to take a much-needed nap and a long shower. He was going to eat something that was considered actual food. And then, he was going to tell them everything.


With the latest plot arc involving Isa and Lea reaching a nice conclusion (for now), it is time for us to enter into a new saga! I hope y'all enjoyed the first episode here and I hope you're as excited as I am to watch this unfold!

Thanks as always for reading this story. It means the world to me. Thanks also for your comments and kudos and follows and favorites and all the little things you do to express your love for this fic. That means the world to me, too.

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Lots of love!

Ostelan