Chapter 30

One thousand three hundred sixty days since Praimfaya

"I feel so lost sometimes. I know that I don't deserve the life that I have, but I know that I have to survive for Madi's sake. I can't leave her alone here. I have to protect her and make sure that she will be able to survive, should something happen to me, and to make sure that she'll be able to know you all if she ever gets to meet you. I know I've been telling her stories about you for years, but lately, I've been sketching on every piece of paper that I can. It is the only way that I truly feel close to being who I once was.

"I know that I earned every scar I bear. Even those I inflicted upon myself...I did it all for us, so that we would survive and what did that accomplish. We survived only to die anyway. I am truly the Wanheda.

"Madi still clings to the stories of Octavia and how she became a great warrior and known as the Skairipa. I can't...I still can't tell her everything. She doesn't need to know my sins. She doesn't need to know about the genocide. She knows that I did something to the Mountain. She's heard legends, but I don't elaborate. I don't give her more because I am not sure that I can. Instead, I tell her about the stars and living in space. I think she knows that it pains me to talk about it, so she lets it go.

"Those deaths are the only ones I truly regret, you know? I know that you and Monty share the blame for all of them with me equally, but you don't as well. You can't. It was my decision. I was the one that sentenced all those innocent people to death. I made the call. It doesn't matter that you helped me pull the lever, Bell. It was never your choice. It was all mine and it is fitting that I am alone now because of it.

"I said the words. I said them and then I was tossed from the tower. I stood there watching the Death Wave coming at me. I welcomed it. I wanted it. I wanted the oblivion that would come with death, but something pushed me. Something made me snap out of my stupor and run back for Becca's lab. In the back of my mind, I knew that I could survive there for a while. I just had to make it back. I ran. I ran harder than I ever had and I kept hearing this voice.

"It sounds crazy, Bell. I'll admit it. There was this voice and it was practically yelling at me over the sounds of the Death Wave. It kept telling me that my fight wasn't over. It was begging me to live. It was telling me that I had to, but it never told me why.

"I didn't realize why I survived until I realized that Madi was a natblida. This was my punishment and my salvation. I was meant to raise the next Heda. It is a punishment for my crimes because I know the life that hedas live and my salvation because Lexa had already warned me. I didn't believe her, but she was right. She had always been right. Her spirit would choose the next and they would love me just as much as she did, if not more.

"God, Bell, I still miss her. Sometimes, I look at Madi and wonder if I can sentence her to that life. Her own parents hid her from the Flaimkepas. But, she's just amazing. She's so smart and she's quick and strong. Like Lexa fighting seems so natural to her, but there is more to it than that. She asks so many questions, studies everything that I do in hopes to understand why I do it. Some days, it is like she's channeling Lexa, but I know that she doesn't have the Flame. It's lost, destroyed... But, still I carry on, in my own way, preparing for a life that she might never know.

"Each day, I see her transforming to become the leader of nations. But, you in space and Octavia is in the bunker. I have to protect her, Bell. She is honestly all I have left. She is my soul and my redemption. I cannot and will not let her stain herself because of my misdeeds. I would die before that happens. I will fight her battles for her until I have no breath to breathe. I will taint myself with the blood of those that would seek to hurt her, just so she doesn't. I will be the Wanheda if needed. For I am the Commander of Death, and I say that her spirit will remain with her for a very long time," Clarke said.

Octavia stared at the radio as the transmission ended. Clarke was in pain again and once again, she could do nothing about it. She looked over at the tome in her room. She knew that she needed to study it more. She needed to make sure that she knew everything that she could in order to protect Madi and when Clarke got them out of the bunker. She wouldn't let Gaia or anyone else force her into the life that Octavia was now essentially living. She was the Osleya, but not Heda. It didn't matter to Octavia. She wouldn't let Madi taint herself with bloodshed. Nor would she let Clarke keep destroying her soul. She understood the pain and the wrath that Clarke felt, because she felt it, too. She would be her title, the Blodreina, the Red Queen, painted with the blood of her rivals and those who opposed her. She would kneel to Madi if needed once peace was secure.

There was a knock at her door. Looking up from the tome, she shut and called out. Miller opened the door for whoever was there to visit her. Indra, Abby, and Kara came in. She immediately stood, because she knew what ever it was, it wasn't good.

"What has happened?" she demanded of them.

"There is a blight in crops," Cooper answered quickly.

"How bad is it?"

"It is deep and taking out most of the protein rich crops," Cooper replied.

"Is there anything more that we can do?"

"We've already implamented everything that we could think of, ai Osleya. Abby and I have been working in the lab for more resistent crops, but they aren't ready. This blight was unexpected and very quick."

"What about the mushroom farms and the ant wheat?" Octavia asked.

"We have enough to supplement for now," Abby answered. "But, eventually, it won't be enough. We'll have to ration things."

"Then all adults go on lower rations. The children will still get their share. Any adult found abusing their children for their rations will be sent to the pits. No questions or defense."

"Sha, Osleya," Indra replied, knowing that she was going to have to set a group of warriors in the mess hall to deal with the lower rations. She would also have to get with Miller to tell the Guards as well. The people would have to be watched.

"Is there anything that we can do?"

"If we could get with Hydro and start an algae tank or something, we could eat the algae. It wouldn't be pleasant, but it would sustain us while Kara and I work on the resistant plants. I am not sure how long it would take to grow a sufficient amount of algae, though."

"I don't care. Do what you must. I want daily updates. Rotate the crops that are good and don't have the blight into the hyrdrofarms that are affected and see what it does. We need food. Find us a solution ladies, or we all die."

"Sha, Osleya," Kara replied as she stood up.

Abby watched her. She had an idea. It was awful and she didn't want to propose it, but it needed to be said.

"No, Abby, no. We will try everything before we do that," Octavia said, cutting her off before she could say anything. "I know the history as well. I won't order that until we have no other choice. We've fought off blights before. We will do it again. Keep working in the lab. Get others to help you if you can find anyone that understands it. The lab needs to be running all the time until we don't need it."

"As you wish, Blodreina," Abby stated. "I'll get Jackson to check some of the experiments that we started last week tonight during his shift. Hopefully, we'll have some good news."

"Everyone but Abby, go. You know your jobs. Report back to me as soon as you know something," Octavia commanded.

Indra stood this time. She nodded and followed Kara out of the office. Abby stayed seated and waited for more from Octavia.

"How long before things get really bad, Abby?"

"I am not sure. Everyone is different, so we metabolize differently. The children would be the first affected, but you haven't cut their rations...yet. So, we have some time. Until I start seeing a lot of malnutrition issues in the clinic, we should be good for now."

"Is there something that we could add to the water? Vitamins or minerals or something? Anything?"

"I'll see what we have. If I can make a cocktail of sorts to add to the water, we could drink some of what we need. It won't solve our problem, but we will be able to survive longer with less. But, Octavia...eventually, we are going to have to look to solutions that seem barbaric. When that happens, what are you going to do?"

"I don't know. I guess I'm hoping that it won't come to that. We've fought to survive only to have a blight destroy us all. I refuse to that be the end of Man. I refuse to let us be it. We have too much to live for."

"Like what?" Abby questioned.

Octavia looked at her. She could see the pain in Abby's dark eyes. They were so expressive and so much like Clarke's. She looked down at her desk and then back up at Abby.

"If we can't save them, who can?" Octavia inquired.

"I don't know," Abby stated.

"Then we fight until we know that there is nothing else for us to do. I am not ruling it out this time, Abby, but I want to be damn sure that we have to take such drastic measures. I am not just going to start killing to survive. I won't cull unless they volunteer."

"And, would you eat them?" Abby questioned.

Octavia was repulsed by the idea. But, she knew what happened on the Ark. She'd read about it in the history books that Bellamy had brought for her to read. It was the first option for that generation. It was the last. And, it was a last ditch effort to keep man alive. Those that survived it were racked with guilt, but their children survived. The farm bounced back and Man lived to see the ground again, even if Man had still been there all along. The Ark was nothing more than a bunker in space.

Both civilizations had been trapped. They only had the resources that were already there when the doors closed. They were both limited. Twelve stations had come together and they survived for almost a hundred years. Now, Octavia was leading the last twelve tribes of Man in the bunker. Their numbers were lower and their population had suffered, but they were still surviving.

"We've got to make it another few years, Abby. We can do this. We've made it this far. We'll go the distance. We have to," Octavia told her.

Abby shook her head. She didn't like the idea of eating the dead any more than she did the first time she brought it up. She didn't want to cull the masses either. She was sure, just like Octavia, that they were going to need every able hand when they got back to the surface. She would do what she could to help them.

"I'll start working on a solution in medical to add to the water. Hopefully, it won't make it taste so horrible. I'll see what other insects and such that we might be able to replicate or use. We'll find a way, Octavia. We'll find a way," Abby stated and Octavia knew that she was trying to convince herself that they would make it through this time.

"We will. We have to. For the children," Octavia replied.

She stood up and Abby did as well. She escorted Abby to the door but stopped just shy of it. Turning, she grabbed her cloak and sword. Donning them, she followed Abby out of the office and down the ramp as they walked towards the main parts of the bunker.

Abby wasn't sure if Octavia was going with her or not. She was going back to the lab and not the clinic. She wanted to check on their experiments and see what else she could do to work on the crops. She wasn't as proficient as she wanted to be in basic biology because she was a doctor. She had enough knowledge to get what she needed done, but she'd never had to do what she was doing now. The closet she'd ever come to what they were working on was trying to develop vaccines for whatever illness cropped up on the Ark and running cultures for her patients. This wasn't that different, but she was actually manipulating DNA to hopefully get something better. It was all trial and error and she obviously had a finite deadline to get things up and running. She just wasn't sure when they were going to hit that "point of no return," and that scared her the most.

"Abby, just do what you can do," Octavia told her as they stopped in front of the lab. "There is nothing more that I can ask of you. I know you know what will happen if we don't succeed, but I also know that you are Clarke's mother. She's never given up, so don't you start. She got her temperament from you. I believe in you."

"Well, that makes one of us," Abby mumbled.

"Sometimes, that is all we need," Octavia told her.

She placed a hand on Abby's shoulder. She wasn't just trying to comfort her. She was trying to reassure her. She had to bite her lip. She couldn't and wouldn't put the added pressure of knowing that Clarke was alive and on the surface on Abby. It wasn't fair. She had enough to worry about with saving the now thousand plus souls that were buried there with her in the bunker. Time was now their enemy, but Octavia had to believe that Abby would find something to get them through. They didn't have any other choice.

She watched as Abby silently nodded. She knew that it was still a lot for the doctor to have to deal with, but she also knew that Abby could handle it. She'd dealt with life and death situations before on the Ark. This was no different. She just had to be as objective as she was then.

Abby went into the lab. As soon as the door closed, Octavia turned back to her guard. It was Timo and Miller.

"One of you make sure that Abby gets whatever she needs, including sleep and food. Assign someone to her. Preferably someone from Skaikru and someone with a science background," Octavia told them.

"I know who to assign," Miller told her.

"Go. Now," Octavia commanded. "And, meet us in the classroom."

"Sha, Blodreina," Miller replied as he ran off towards the sleeping quarters.

Octavia felt Timo fall into step behind her. They worked their way through the hallways and cooridors to the classroom. Octavia turned and placed her hand on Timo's arm. He knew that it meant for him to wait outside the room. He wouldn't leave his post until he was relieved and even then, he would let Octavia know that there was a change of guard. Timo and Miller took their jobs very seriously. He gave her a quick nod and a modified salute before he took a spot against the wall. He was now a sentry guarding the classroom until Octavia decided to go somewhere else.

She stepped into the room, and like always, took a seat in the back. Kane gave her a small and very non perceivable nod. She gave him a nod and sat back in her chair. She wanted to know what they were talking about today. She wasn't checking on them. This was more of her checking on the status of the children. They were their future and she wanted to make sure that they were ready for life beyond the bunker.

"And, just like we did on the Ark, we've all come together in the bunker to survive, to outlast the problems on the surface. I have no doubt that we will be back on the surface soon and when we are, we will all have to work together in order to be better. We can't be anything but one group, Wonkru. If we can't do that, then we don't deserve to re-inherit the Earth," Kane told them.

"This is why Blodreina wants us all to be ready to fight and also to be ready to do a job that will not only help us survive but it will benefit is all. We can't all be farmers and we all can't be warriors. Some of us will be builders and some of us will help defend our new way of life. Each of you will have to find your way. You are the future not only of Wonkru, but for man," Gaia explained.

Octavia just nodded. She stood up and made her way out the classroom. Timo fell into step with her as she headed back up to the lab. She wanted to check in with Abby and Kara. She stopped just outside the lab and saw that they were working on something. She looked at the guard that was assigned there.

"I want an update by dinner. Let Abby know that as soon as she takes a break," Octavia commanded. "And, make sure that she rests. I'll expect an update from you as well, Delfina. Abby must remain healthy. Her life is in your hands for now."

"Sha, Blodreina," the guard replied.

Octavia was getting tired. The weight on her shoulders was getting stronger and heavier. But, she had to save as many as she could. That was her charge as both Blodreina and as Osleya. She was their Champion and she was determined to lead them back to the surface...no matter what.