Ferdinand von Aegir had never felt so unnoble in his life, until just now.

"Good." A tiny, but just as sinister Hubert rubbed his hands with anticipation, "Maybe now you'll finally stop prattling on about your noble duty."

"Hubert!" A matching tiny Mercedes appeared to scold the other apparition, "I know Ferdinand can annoy you from time to time because he always bothers Edelgard, but we are trying to help here!"

"Actually, you are mistaken," Ferdinand corrected, "Although we have very different philosophies when it comes to advising Edelgard, we realized that we both just want what is best for the Adrestian Empire. And even if our methods may seem wrong to the other, we can achieve more working together than against each other."

"And if he could finally admit that coffee is the superior beverage, then I might even call him pleasant company." Hubert teased Ferdinand good-naturedly.

"I'm telling you, Hubert. There is a flavor of tea for everyone! We just need to keep looking and we'll find one for you," Ferdinand chuckled, but Mercedes didn't believe the two's sudden chummy act.

"Well, I'm glad you two are getting along now, but Hubert, when we had lunch yesterday, you complained about Ferdinand non-stop! When did this happen?" Mercedes inquired.

"Oh no. I still hate him." Hubert stated as if it were obvious, "But only because he is a Guardian of Dorte. Those upstarts are trying to chip away at the influence of the Pegasus Triad. I would never associate myself with them."

"Oh yes," Ferdinand nodded in agreement, "I can forgive his taste in drinks, but not his status as a member of the Triad."

"Wait, Ferdinand, you joined the thing Marianne started? And Hubert, how did you join the Pegasus Triad? I thought they banned men." Mercedes asked, surprised by her partner's pastimes.

"Well, yes. Normally, like Pegasi, they only accept women. However, because they understood my eternal devotion to Pegasi, they accepted me into their ranks as an exception. Also, they were desperate for members." Hubert told them, completely straight-faced. "And don't worry. I keep my work lives separate. My position in the Triad won't compromise my advice as a Shoulder Devil."

"Um, that's good to hear, I suppose…" Mercedes gave up and accepted it, before turning to the one in need of guidance, "So Ferdinand, what is your concern?"

"Well you see, I am supposed to ride by the Pegasus Stables and fire a few arrows at Triad members to send them a message, if you know what I mean." Ferdinand suddenly adopted an Italian-American accent, or whatever the Fodlan Equivalent was.

"Ferdinand!" Mercedes couldn't even, "Please tell me that I don't need to explain why you shouldn't do a ride-by shooting!" She thought to herself that Shoulder Mercedes and Shoulder Hubert was supposed to be for petty things! Like breaking something or having an argument with a friend!

"Yes, even I feel conflicted about this. But it is a direct order from the Godmother, so I cannot ignore it. But she is right, we do need to send a message. The Pegasus Triad were selling their Pegasus Blessings on our turf, and that undercuts our Dorte Bathwater profits. We cannot let this kind of disrespect slide!"

Mercedes was bursting inside because she wanted to tell him that no sane person would ever want to buy either, but Hubert exploded first.

"How do you not understand the beauty of Pegasai!? They are unquestionably majestic! How could your cult possibly care about a horse when it is so obviously inferior!? It's like a Pegasus without wings. That's absolutely worthless!" Hubert took a moment to calm himself after his rant. "My apologies. I let my emotions overcome me. I assure you it won't happen again."

"Are you seriously not concerned by the fact that he wants to shoot down Pegasus riders!? I really feel like you should worry about them instead of the fact that Ferdinand doesn't understand the beauty of Pegasi!" Mercedes' concerns fell on deaf ears though.

"Well, Ferdinand, you were ordered to do so, so it is in your best interest to obey." Hubert shifted into professional Shoulder Devil mode. "You don't know these people. If anything, they are your enemy. Do you really want to risk your life for these people? You do know what happens to those who earn the Godmother's ire."

The words chilled Ferdinand's spine since he actually did not know. They never did find out what happened to Antonio, who was found to have pocketed some of the product.

"Hubert, why are you encouraging this!?" Mercedes wanted to pull out her hair in frustration, which was a shame since she had really nice hair, "Aren't you a member of the Pegasus Triad! Won't you be sad if your friends get hurt?"

"Oh, of course. But they knew the risks when they joined the Pegasus Triad," Hubert gave his cold analysis, "Besides, the Triad won't take this lying down. The Triad will pay back those Dorte bastards tenfold. A Pegasus never forgets, and a Pegasus never forgives! They are surprisingly spiteful animals and can hold a grudge for generations, even if their eyesight isn't very good. Why else did you think men can't ride them? They mistake all men for this one guy who stole a carrot 1000 years ago."

But Hubert's animal fun facts were lost to Mercedes, who was still trying to get her mind around the absurdity of animal-based gang violence.

"I do not understand why you are making such a fuss about it. It is not much different from a friendly mock battle, like the ones we hold between our houses," Ferdinand chimed in, and Mercedes wondered how to politely explain that there was a big difference between a school-sanctioned event and guerilla warfare.

"Anyways, Mercedes, I am trying to keep my work lives separate. Don't think you can trick me into siding with you. We have a duty to present both sides of an issue," Hubert was being surprisingly logical all of sudden, in exactly the wrong area.

"You're hopeless, Hubert." Mercedes gave up on her partner, "Ferdinand, you must know this is wrong, right? There is nothing noble about a ride-by shooting. And think about the consequences! Not only would you hurt these students, but your friends in the Guardians of Dorte would also have to deal with the Triad's Retribution! Ferdinand, you need to follow your heart and do the right thing, even if it goes against what you were told to do. It's at times like this when you need to ask yourself, 'What would Seiros do?'"

"Yes, Mercedes, you are correct." Ferdinand conceded, which gave Mercedes a semblance of hope. "I cannot believe I even entertained such thoughts! There is truly nothing noble about a sneak attack!"

"Yes! Thank you, Ferdinand! After all, these are your classmates, and you obviously wouldn't want to drag them into such senseless violence-"

"Therefore I shall challenge them to a duel! After all, a noble must accept responsibility for their actions. They shall learn to fear the Guardians of Dorte! We shall no longer hide in the shadows! The Pegasus Triad must learn their place if they wish to survive!" Ferdinand cut Mercedes off and ran to challenge the unknowing students assigned to Sky Watch.

"You know, I've seen my share of unsavory events, but I believe this is the first time I had the pleasure of witnessing the opening of a gang war…" Hubert smirked as he watched his classmate shout his name.

"Just shut up, Hubert," Mercedes was 100% done with everyone today.


A/N: Hubert gave Felix and Dimitri a lot of shit for their friendship, but that is basically the same thing he has with Ferdinand. I was going to have Mercedes call him out on that, but she was otherwise preoccupied at the time.