I hope everyone is okay and staying safe! If possible, stay at home as much as possible. I hope you will like this chapter as much as I loved writing it! Don't forget to tell me what you think of it.
Like always, all credit to my beta, she is the best.
Chapter 25
As the Doctor was smiling happily, his face finally opening up, Donna felt the tension in her shoulders melt away bit by bit. Sure they were just at the beginning, and they were still a long way from where she wanted them to be, but at least they were actually finally getting somewhere that wasn't delving head first into tragedy.
"I was so sure I would never see you again," continued the Doctor, not realizing the anxiety surrounding Donna a few centimeters away, as he was too focused on Rose Tyler. "That crossing over various dimensions would be impossible without breaking the web of time himself, especially with the Time Lords gone and forgotten." He chuckled, his voice a little hoarse with the pain he was feeling inside. "But then you proved me wrong, once again." His hand was squeezing hers almost painfully. "Only you could find a way to cross the void without killing yourself or destroying the other universes. Stubborn enough to think that the law of the universe did not apply to you. And I just… Completely forgot something when I saw you…" The last few words were no more than barely a whisper, almost like he was ashamed of them.
"Forget what?" Rose finally asked when the silence started to stretch uncomfortably thin.
"How miraculous it is." The smile he sported could light up a room by itself. "I was certain to never see you again. That I would have to just stay with my memories and regret and now you are here. Really here. And Donna is right, I shouldn't care about the rest."
"Finally," Donna exclaimed with a sort of glee, relieved to see not everything had been lost. "But if you start waxing poetry, I'm leaving," she added with strength. She loved them both, and was ready to forgive a lot of things for them, but even she had her limit. He stuck out his tongue at her, making Donna snicker but shake her head at the almost childish nature of the action.
"If it's really a second chance like Donna said, we need to do it the right way." Rose was reluctant to be the downer of the group, but she suffered enough as it is, and was not really keen on doing it again. "Because if we screw up, the universe will not be kind enough to give us a third chance." She knew she was pretty gloomy at the moment, but decades of delusion had made her that way. She had finally been able to see the Doctor again, but she had lost everything else in the meantime. Fate was cruel that way.
The Doctor nodded with force. "Yes, you are right. Completely right even! More than right I would say. So right it's almost wrong!" He suddenly stopped, frowning at what he just said. "Wait no, that's not what I wanted to say…"
Donna patted his shoulder with an air of intense and familiar suffering on her face. "Sometimes I wonder if you listen to yourself…"
"Fat chance." Smirked Rose as his false distressed face.
"Hahaha yes, mock the Time Lord" he sarcastically added, "you know the one with the Time Machine?"
Donna opened her mouth, a remark already on her lips when she realized what he was trying to do. "And I see an avoidance when I see one." His guilty face was the only response she needed.
"Sorry…" The Doctor mumbled while squirming in his chair. He was visibly trying his best to divert the attention, but Donna was having none of it by the face she was making. "I got carried away."
It took everything in Donna to not whack him across the head. "If I have to strap both of you to that couch to make you talk, I will not hesitate for one second. Just so you know," she warned menacingly. "And I'm sure the TARDIS will help too." The flashing lights above were response enough.
"The main issue here is not our lack of communication you know," Rose finally said when she realised they were just going in circles, only rehashing the same argument again and again because they were just too stubborn to accept the truth. "We could talk for hours even! No, it's just… we are in a completely different place right now. For me it's been decades, I had time to heal and put the past behind me. I had a life. A career in UNIT. I'm not saying I've been happy but I've been content. For me this." She pointed between the Doctor and herself. "Was just something I would remember with fondness and a hint of longing. Because I didn't have the luxury to do otherwise. And now you are asking me to open everything again and make a leap of faith. But what if it doesn't work out? What if we are too damaged for everything? We are barely even friends at the moment." The Doctor looked so hurt but she ignored it, trying to make them understand her point of view. "The people we once were, Doctor, the friends that dare I say may have loved each other are gone. They died at Canary Wharf, and I think you know that too. You cannot ask us to continue like none of that happened, because that would only be a recipe for disaster."
He straightened on his chair, trying his best to not show how her words impacted him. "What are you asking of me?"
"Just see me, Doctor." She could feel the tears pool in her eyes, but she knew it was too late to stop them now. "See the me that is standing in front of you. The one who was in UNIT for 32 years, and only had herself to rely on for decades. The Rose that bled and killed in battle because sometimes it's the only way. I've matured and become less harsh and idealistic, but I'm still me at my core, just like you said when you changed your face. Do you remember that? You asked me to believe that the important parts of you were still there, even though you changed." When the Doctor only looked down without saying anything, Rose continued, "I don't ask you to like me right away, but I just ask for a chance to start over. I've missed my best friend, and I thought I would never see him again. And yes, I was okay with that, but that doesn't mean it didn't break my heart. I know I still need to give you time to heal. But if you don't want to do that with me. That me, not the echo you still have in your head, you need to tell me." She felt her voice broke a little bit at the last part but she could not help it. Now she had laid everything out, now it was in his hands.
He stayed silent for a moment, his eyes firmly looking at the ground. She knew she had to let him have the time to process, but she could not help her heart rate rising at his lack of response. "You are right…" he finally said, his face grave and serious. "I wanted to get back to something that didn't exist anymore, just pick up from where we left off, and it was not fair of me to push those expectations on you. It's just for me it's been what? Three maybe four years?" He scoffed at the ridiculousness of the situation. "A drop of water for a Time Lord. So yeah it's not easy, but I can't continue to put you through that. It's not healthy." His face was smiling but his eyes were still full of sadness. "For you, Rose, I'll try my best. But I cannot promise anything, not until I mean it completely. But…" He sighed, his hand passing through his hair untiringly. "You deserve at least that."
"So...friends?" Rose knew perfectly she was in love with him. She had been since she was 19, but those feelings had been tamed, slightly softened by time and the distance. And that new love, more mature and somewhat more resilient, came with a clarity she had lacked when she was younger. She wanted them to have a chance, she would love nothing more, but they needed to do it the right way. And for that they had to start at the beginning. Again.
He hesitated for a second before taking her hand in his. "Well, Allons-y. What could go wrong?"
"Knowing us? Everything," Rose enthused while giving a wide bright smile.
"See?" Donna interrupted, having done her best to not say anything until then. "This is what happens when everyone is speaking calmly and is willing to listen to the other. I should have put the fear of god in you since the beginning," she mused realizing it would have made them gain a lot of time that way.
"Rassilion help us all," the Doctor said with a straight face, making Rose snort beside him. As a response he waggled his eyebrows at her making her break out in a full out giggle.
After a moment of them looking stupidly at each other, friends my arse thought Donna; she cleared her throat, trying to remind them they were not the only ones in the room.
Rose had the decency of blushing a little bit. "Sorry…"
"By the way where did you run earlier?" Donna asked, relieved they had been able to really talk, and was still a little afraid of a surprise blow up.
"Oh that's right!" He jumped upright, making the women jump back at his exuberance. "I completely forgot." He rummaged for a few seconds in his pocket, mumbling things under his breath, before pulling something out triumphantly. It looked like a baseball ball, at the exception that it was emitting a blue light with a slight buzzing sound.
"What is that?" Rose finally asked when no explanation came after a moment.
"It's from Tretnor, the most medically advanced planet in the universe. Well besides Gallifrey of course but…"
Donna poked at the ball with curiosity, making it buzz a bit more intensively each time she poked at it. "And it's supposed to do what, exactly?"
The Doctor twitched back with a frown, pulling it out of her reach, making Donna scowl at him. "Well, this is one of those rather odd times where the sonic can't tell me what I need to know. So, I have this to get the job done."
"And how long is it gonna take?" Rose asked apprehensive at the thought he could be oh so closer to discovering the beast in her.
"Only a few minutes don't worry. Don't move a muscle." And before she could even react, he started to shift the ball around her with an intense look of concentration on his face.
"How did you meet the Doctor by the way?" Rose finally asked Donna after a long moment of full silence from everyone, trying to not show how uncomfortable she was.
"Oh, he kidnapped me on my wedding day," Donna answered in a flippant manner as she was serving herself a new cup of tea. "Real change of scenery, let me tell you."
Rose jerked back in surprise, almost hitting the ball the Doctor was waving around a few centimeters away from her. The Doctor protested instantaneously when the ball glowed a flashing white in reaction. She had a contrite smile as a response, making him grumble to himself about the irregular result.
"I'm sorry what?" she addressed Donna still not sure she really heard her correctly. Did she really just say the Doctor kidnapped her on her wedding day? She knew he sometimes lacked in the social graces department at times, but that was a little extreme.
"I didn't kidnap her, she basically appeared in the TARDIS. I had nothing to do with the location." the Doctor said distractedly while looking bewildered as more and more data appeared on the ball, thus making Rose even more nervous as it kept doing it's thing.
Donna rolled her eyes, that man was a little dense sometimes. "Same thing! I was getting married, and then I was in your TARDIS. Enough to give ideas to a woman."
"So you're married?" Rose was curious, and was also wondering if the husband was aware of his wife running around all time and space like that. She glanced rapidly to Donna's hand but could not see any rings.
"No, he tried to sacrifice me to a giant spider bent on world domination or something, and in the process he got eaten - a bit of karmic justice." Donna looked unbothered, but there was a hint of sadness that couldn't be missed if you looked hard enough. She had loved Lance enough to want to get married to him. Even after all those years, knowing her feelings had never been reciprocated and she had been played...It was still a sore subject.
Rose blinked multiple times while processing that tidbit of information. "Uh… ok." That was a first for her, she thought. A life with the Doctor was never boring it seemed, even in a horrific kind of way. "I'm...uh...Sorry for your loss?"
Donna shrugged, starting to drink her cup of tea before making a face when she realized it was cold. "It's been a long time, don't worry."
"Ok, I have the results!" interrupted the Doctor with a sort of puzzled smile, making Rose freeze with tension.
"And?" Rose asked nervously, wondering if she would have enough time to reach the TARDIS door while grabbing a few things in her room.
He rubbed his neck, a straining smile on his face. "Well, no really good way to say this so...You're linked to the TARDIS… In some kinda odd way."
"What do you mean linked to the TARDIS?" Rose exclaimed while Donna stood and snatched the weird ball from the Doctor's hand, ignoring his shout of protest.
"How is that possible?" Donna asked while looking at all the different data scrolling on the screen of the alien object. "I thought she was a machine? Yes, I know - she's sentient, but still a machine!" She glanced suspiciously at the Doctor. "If that has any chance to happen to me…"
The Doctor suddenly looked alarmed, afraid she would smack him hard if he didn't answer right now. "No, no! Zero chance! Well I mean zero, except if you plan to open the heart of the TARDIS, in that condition I would say more than a little bit of a chance. But you would have to cross over; then again and it would become kind of messy. So I don't recommend…"
Rose shot up from her seat and grabbed him by the shoulders. "Doctor!" She interrupted him before she could lose him completely in his own words. "What is happening to me?!"
He was not meeting her eyes, a thing that worried her. "Nothing is happening with your DNA. You're still human. Completely human I can assure you but…" He sighed, his whole body screaming reluctance. "When you opened the heart of the TARDIS, it opened a faint link between you and the TARDIS. Nothing major I assure you!" His smile was trying to be reassuring, but it was starting to have the opposite effect on Rose, who felt her panic rise by the second. "But I suppose it was so faint that when I took everything in you, it stayed behind somehow. And you could have lived your whole life without it doing anything else, if you didn't cross over the void without proper protection."
"What does that mean?" Rose was beyond confused now. Was she sharing her body with a form of the TARDIS? Was she starting to be one with her?
"That means when you started your jumps across the universe, the void opened the link with the TARDIS. It happened bit by bit in the beginning, and you wouldn't have ever known. And I think if you hadn't taken that final jump, it would have stayed that way and you would have lived a normal life, only much more healthy." He took out his specs and put it on his nose, more as a gesture of comfort than need. "Maybe a little bit longer…But you said your last jump was not like the other?"
"Yes," Rose's answer was filled with confusion. "Those were more like cracks in the universe itself, and like I said the readings were all over the place. The original ones that we were seeing were invisible to the naked eye, but then new ones came in and those could be seen by anyone. And when we were crossing over it was more like an intense but brief rollercoaster, 5 to 10 seconds at best. A little bit of nausea and then you were fine. But on the last one, it felt like hitting a wall at full speed and I lost consciousness instantanely."
He nodded, like he had been waiting for her to say that. "That's what I thought. That last jump probably opened the link wide open, making the TARDIS take over. That's why you are not aging, because your body is taking cues from the TARDIS, not your own genetics."
"Does that mean she is part TARDIS now?" Donna asked who was looking at Rose with a mixture of curiosity and confusion.
He snorted. "Don't be ridiculous. That's not possible. Rose is human. The TARDIS is well...The TARDIS. The mix would kill Rose in a few days at best."
"Hey!" Donna was outraged at his remark. "You're the one that's rambling on and on about the TARDIS being in Rose's head!"
"No, what I mean is the TARDIS and Rose are somewhat linked. Rose is still human, but on an energetic level, the TARDIS is taking the lead. Ergo the DNA not decaying like it should."
"Am I immortal or not?" Rose could feel herself relax, if the Doctor had detected even a hint of the Bad Wolf, he would have let her know by now.
He winced. "No, not really. With your energy linked like that to the TARDIS, you would probably live as long as her. When she dies, your link with her will dissolve instantly and your body will probably… well, it would give up soon after." He had the decency to have an apologetic smile. "Sorry, no better way to say it."
Rose took the alien artifact from Donna's hand and looked curiously at the reading, which was still making no sense to her. "And if I go back to the other universe for example?"
"Well… It's just a theory, but I think with the TARDIS gone and the void between you, the link will snap and you will not support it." He took back the ball from her hand. "Let me show you." He clicked on something, and suddenly multiple lights were shown all around the room, making Donna gasp in amazement. "So do you see all the yellow light all around?"
Rose could only look around, stunned by the ballet of multicolored light around them. "Yes, yes I see."
"It's the TARDIS, it's normal to see them around us, because we are basically inside her. The other colors are other different kinds of spectre, but I am not going to go there now."
He pushed a few buttons and then turned it in Donna's direction, who took a step back, not really sure about what he was trying to do. She started to slowly glow in a few colors, mostly red and blue, with tiny bits of yellow in some places.
"See?" he continued, still in full teacher mode. "Almost no yellow. And that's completely normal for a human." He turned it again, this time on his own body. And to his friends' amazement, he started to glow with a lot more color, much more vibrant than Donna. A stream of intense yellow was circling inside him, taking a good part of the center of his body and some of the head. "I'm a Time Lord, so it's completely normal for me to be that way. It's what makes us well, us. The Time stream in one of the purest forms."
"And me?" Rose asked not really sure if she wanted to hear the answer.
Without a word he clicked again on the alien artifact and within a few seconds, she could see a glow appear all around her. Donna gasped openly at her, making her nervous about what was appearing. "Wow, that's a lot of yellow," she said in astonishment. "How can she have more than you?"
Rose looked around herself, but the different lights reflecting off her were blinding her and she could only decipher a few of them. "What do you mean?"
He took out his specs and scratched his chin, a thoughtful look on his face. "You have yellow light all around you, mostly on your upper body. I would say 30% more than me approximately." He moved the ball around and made an interesting noise. "See those strains of faint light around her?" he asked Donna who squinted before nodding. "That's the TARDIS. A basic manifestation of the link between them. The fact we can see it shows it's pretty strong."
"Wait, wait, wait!" Donna said suddenly as if she were suddenly remembering something. "You told me once the TARDIS is made with Atron energy right?"
He smiled. "That's a little basic but yeah, that's the spirit."
"So, if she has that much yellow inside her, why is her Atron energy level that low?" She turned to Rose with an apologetic smile. "No offence Rose but you look like a streetlight."
Rose laughed at the comparaison, she was still a little shaken at the revelation but she was starting to come around. "No offense taken."
"Yeah, that's the only thing still a mystery," the Doctor said while scratching his neck. "With that kind of reading, Rose should ooze Atron energy, especially if the TARDIS is changing her energy"
Rose had a good idea of why her energy level was so off. She was pretty sure it was linked to the part that was hiding inside her, but she didn't want the Doctor to start snooping around. "Well how many times have you seen someone sharing a link with a TARDIS like this?" she asked, trying her best to nudge the Doctor's thought path in another direction.
"Except for Time Lords? No one." His eyes glanced upwards with a pensive glance. "Well not even them. We are psychically bound to our TARDIS because of our link with the Time Schism, so we do not need to go beyond that. Especially because it can be really dangerous. The Time Vortex in its purest form, like it is in the heart of the TARDIS, is really unpredictable at the best of times…" He turned to Rose, crossing his arms with annoyance. "It's a wonder you were able to stay alive by the way. I don't know if I ever told you that but what you did back then was incredibly dangerous. You could have died or worse never have existed."
"I know," Rose answered quietly. She had been ready to sacrifice her life if that would have meant a chance to save him. And she had never regretted her choice, not even once. She only regretted not being able to say goodbye. That's the only thing she would have changed, having enough time to tell him how much he had changed her life and how much she had loved him. "But you were worth the risk. I couldn't let you die, not without knowing I could do something… and i'll do it again in a heartbeat."
His face softened as he smiled. "I know…You tend to be stubborn."
"Sorry to rain on everyone's parade," Donna abruptly interrupted them, "but what is the risk of all that? I mean if she shares a link with the TARDIS, do we have to wait for side effects or something?" She shot an apologetic smile to Rose. "If you turn blue one morning I want to be prepared."
Rose looked horrified at the idea and turned to the Doctor with alarm. "No, don't worry," he said with a calming voice. "If you were to suffer any side effects, they will not really be seen by the naked eye. More like on DNA or cellular level, and for the moment it doesn't seem to be the case." He seemed to ponder on something for a few seconds. "Oh wait yes… Do you plan on having children?" His smile was big but clearly fake, only adding anxiety for her.
"Not really no," she answered tentatively, not really sure where to look. "I mean maybe once upon a time, but a lot has changed. Well except for Tony, but it has not been really my choice. And he is already an adult…" She shrugged. "Wait why?"
The Doctor winced, his hand scrubbing the back of his head almost obsessively. "Well, as we've discovered, you and the Tardis share a link. So, we need to consider the probability of further impact on your body."
"what do you mean?" Rose got a little apprehensive at the way he was wording it. What exactly was he getting at?
"The atron energy around you going forward, plus your cellular levels are practically stagnant, unless they happen to mutate as this link grows stronger at some point in the future." The Doctor paused to consider how to drop the bomb on her. He sighed and figured that he might as well just say it. "Rose, there is a chance that you may never have a child in the natural way, should you want one someday."
"Oh…" That was the only word she could get out as she fell heavily onto the sofa.
"Are you okay?" Donna asked as she sat down next to her. That was a lot for someone to take in, and while Donna wasn't entirely sure Rose's feelings on the matter, she was ready to be the shoulder to cry on if needed.
Rose gave a humorless laugh. "I'm suddenly really happy my mom is in another dimension." She turned to the Doctor as he sat down near her. "She would have killed you, you know?" The smile was little but genuine. Her gaze finally wandered to the ceiling, a thoughtful look in her eyes.
He snorted at the image. "Knowing Jackie? No doubt." After a second, he took her hand in his, tugging her until she was looking at him. "I'm sorry Rose, if I could change it I would but…"
She pressed her free hand to his lips, making him stop almost instantly. "Not everything that is happening is your fault. I opened the heart of the TARDIS, knowing full well it was dangerous. And even if I knew back then, I would have still opened it and did what I did. If I really want children in the future, besides Tony I mean, I will adopt okay?"
He nodded, but before he could do anything else Donna yawned loudly, making them both turn their heads.
"Sorry, I'm knackered," she said visibly tired. "I think I'm going to take a shower, and go to bed." As she stood up, she turned around, looking at them with suspicion. "I swear on everything that if as soon as I'm gone you start to bicker again, I will put you both in a cupboard and lose the key." And before they had time to react, she turned around and left the room, closing the door behind her.
After a few seconds of shock, Rose turned to the Doctor with wide eyes. "Sometimes she's really scary," she said with a laugh.
"I heard that!" Donna yelled from the hallway, making Rose and the Doctor laugh.
"That's Donna for you," he said with fondness. "I have no idea what I would do without her."
She placed her head on his shoulder and sighed in contentment. "I'm happy you found each other."
He placed his arm around her shoulder, making sure she was comfortable. "Me too."
They stayed that way for a long moment, just happy to be in each other's company, the silence stretching out as the light dimmed around them. As Rose felt herself melt more and more into the Doctor, her eyes slowly closing, she realized if she stayed that way she would simply fall asleep on him and probably not move for the rest of the night. She reluctantly moved away from him, extracting a protesting sound from the Doctor who was just happy being where he was.
"Sorry," she said with a grimace, stretching her back at the same time, making it pop. "I need to move before I fall asleep." She took a few steps and turned around, beaming at him with joy. "So, see you in the morning?"
"Bright and early!" he responded with happiness, almost bouncing on himself.
She laughed and took a few steps, almost crossing the doorstep. She seemed to hesitate for a second before turning around. "Doctor?" Her voice was small but strong. "I'm really happy we are friends again." Then with one last smile, she closed the door. As the click resonated in the empty room, the Doctor realized he was now alone. After a few seconds, he took out his sonic and pointed it to the ceiling, making the light switch off completely, plunging the room in a complete darkness.
"'Hear my soul speak,'" He murmured to no one in particular, "'of the very instant that I saw you, did my heart fly at your service.'" He sighed as he looked to the ceiling. "Shakespeare had always spoken the truth. Right old girl?" He sat up, dusted himself and gathered the tea set that was scattered around the coffee table. "Friends…" he continued, still speaking to himself, a hint of sadness creeping out of his voice. "Yes, friends…"
