By last night, Remus was barely talking, but this morning, as we went down for breakfast, he looked downright ill. We sat at the Gryffindor table, on the long benches, and Remus rested his cheek against his forearm, leaning against the table.
"Aren't you going to eat?" asked Peter, waving a bit of scone and marmalade at Remus' nose.
"I'm not hungry," mumbled Remus.
I carefully poured tea and pushed it in front of Remus. "Here mate," I said, "I stirred in some honey to perk you up a bit."
Remus wrapped his palms around the cup for its warmth. "Thanks, Sabrina," he muttered, and he leaned close, breathing the heat of the cup.
I looked at James with a raised eyebrow, as if to say, see how miserable he is? Coincidence? I THINK NOT! James looked nervously down at his toast. Sirius turned to Remus as well. "Are you, uh, going anywhere tonight?" Sirius asked as casually as he could manage.
I glared daggers at Sirius. It would have been less obvious if he had gone you look a bit furry 'round the ears, mate!
Remus looked up.
Peter was stuffing his face with a bowl of fruit chunks and the crunching of fruit in his teeth seemed rather loud suddenly as Remus stared across the table at Sirius.
"It's just that this is usually about the time of the month that you go home or… er… wherever it is you go," Sirius said, attempting to recover.
Remus clearly didn't know what to say in reply and silence stretched between them, the two boys staring at each other across the house table. As the moments passed, the silence grew heavier and James and I glanced between Sirius and Remus expectantly.
Unable to take the weight of it any longer, James suddenly cut in rather loudly, "What if we used that tap-dancing spell we learned in Charms on the dinner plates? Huh? Picture everyone's face!"
Sirius looked at James, and, the stare-down broken, Remus took the opportunity to avoid answering the question and quickly dove under the table for his book bag. "Speaking of Charms, I've still got a spot of homework. I'll see you." He leaped from the table and rushed out of the Hall before any of us could say another word.
"Good one, James," said Sirius, frowning after Remus' retreating back.
"What was that about?" Peter asked, confused.
James shrugged, "He didn't look happy about you asking."
"Guys? What was that all about?" Peter asked again.
"You know, I have a spot of homework too," I declared, snarfing down the last of my breakfast and rushing off after Remus, ignoring the anxious look on Sirius' as I ran out of the Hall after him.
"Just please be careful about it, will you?" James called.
I wasn't sure what I was planning on saying or doing, but I knew I needed to talk to Remus and get everything out in the open. I didn't like having secrets, and I didn't like the feeling that maybe Remus needed somebody to unload upon. I thought of Sirius, and how better he likely felt after confessing all of his family baggage to me, and I felt Remus needed that, too. I wanted to be the one to be there for him, I just didn't know how to go about doing it.
Remus was halfway up the staircase when I caught up, quite breathless. He glanced over at me and looked quite anxious about my pursuit. Remus balled his fists and continued walking without greeting me. I followed along at his side. We were halfway up to Gryffindor Tower before I said, in as casual a tone as I could muster, "Full moon tonight."
Remus stopped dead in his tracks and stared at me. "So?"
"I know," I whispered.
Remus' eyes widened and he looked up and down the corridor. Quickly, he lunged forward and grabbed me by the arm. Even though we were roughly the same size, he pulled me into an empty classroom along the corridor, kicking the door shut behind him. "Who told you?" he demanded.
I shook my head, "Nobody! I figured it out."
Remus looked even paler than he had in the Great Hall, if that was possible. He paced, nervousness radiating off him. I watched him walk, wringing his hands and muttering to himself softly. "What am I gonna do, what am I gonna do…"
I said, "I just wanted you to know that I'm-"
Remus whirled around. "Please," he begged thickly, "Sabrina, please, don't tell anybody else. You don't know how much the wizarding world hates wer-... people in my situation. I can't go back to not having any friends, or any future, I can't. I'll go mad and-"
"Well I already told-"
"NO!" Remus looked quite devastated, and I felt terrible.
"-James and Sirius," I finished. Then, in a rush, "Only because I wanted a second opinion! I didn't want to accuse you and be wrong and anyways they're alright with it, Re, and so am I! We aren't going to tell anybody else! We just didn't want you to have to go on hiding everything from us! We're your friends, Remus! This isn't something you should have to go at alone!"
Remus was frozen in place, his wide, pleading eyes searching mine for any sign of betrayal. He trembled.
My voice lowered. "Remus, we don't give a damn if you're a werewolf, okay?"
Remus' voice shook, "Of course you give a damn if I am," he said.
"We don't," I replied, "Just as much as you don't give a damn that I'm a Muggleborn or any of that. It's just… just a label. It doesn't matter what you are, it's who you are we care about."
Remus looked down at his trainers, "That's because you've never seen it… what I become."
"I wouldn't give a damn even if I did," I argued.
"You would, though," Remus shook his head, "Even my parents give a damn then."
I sighed, "Remus, we aren't your parents, or anyone else that's judged you for it before. You can talk to us, mate, we're here for you. Really. I mean it. We want to - to support you."
Remus turned away.
Silence filled the classroom and outside we could hear students in the corridors, headed back from lunch. I took as step toward Remus, "If you wanna talk-"
"I don't," answered Remus, and he hurried from the room.
I stood in my place in shock, before guilt began to creep into my heart. I can't even imagine the panic and anxiety that is going through his mind.
I was broken out of my thoughts by shouting in the hallway. Or at least, I thought it was in the hallway, for when I left the classroom, the noise turned out to be half a corridor away. I ran down to see what all the racket was about, as there was not only a great lot of shouting, but banging as well.
Once I turned the corner, my eyes widened in shock. Lucius Malfoy and Bilius Weasley were duelling! There were advanced hexes flying back and forth. Blood was seeping out of Bilius' eye, and Malfoy's robes were all torn up. They both had sweat dripping from their foreheads in concentration, it was sickening. As I ran away, I saw Frank Longbottom dragging Madam Pomfrey along, and the two broke up the fight. It was then I turned and ran up to Gryffindor Tower, reeling not only from my confrontation with Remus, but at the fight that I had just witnessed.
I was ready to collapse by the time I reached the boys' dorm. Remus, Sirius and James were gathering their Herbology things. Thankfully I had already put my things in my schoolbag this morning, or I'd likely be late. Remus gave me a terrified look, as if McGonagall was going to be behind me with expulsion papers.
"There's been a fight, downstairs, in the Defense Hall. Lucius Malfoy and Bilius Weasley!" I panted out.
"What?!" All three boys asked at once.
"Yeah!" I exclaimed, "Dunno what about but they're both heading to the Hospital Wing now! I saw Pomfrey levitating them up!"
"What did Tutman say?" asked Remus. I sighed in relief that he was speaking to me.
"Tutman wasn't there," I replied. "Pomfrey only came because Frank Longbottom spotted it and ran to get her. It was a mess!"
"Tutman wasn't there? A fight in his wing and he wasn't there? That's odd," said Remus.
"I thought so, too," I replied, "But he wasn't there!"
"Was it a quiet fight?" asked James, "I've heard some of the sixth and seventh years can do silent spells now… Perhaps…?"
"Oh no, definitely not! I could hear them half a corridor away, that's how I found out! I ran down to see what all the racket was about. They were both a right mess, but Lucius looked a bit worse. I reckon Bilius won."
Remus shook his head, "He's a Prefect! He ought not to be fighting!"
"Well I'm betting Malfoy started it," said James.
I nodded, "He's always awful to Bilius. And Malfoy's Head Boy!"
"There's your answer mate - he's a Slytherin!" barked Sirius.
"I'd like to know what they were fighting over," said Remus, "And what Tutman was doing ignoring a fight in his hall."
"I'd like to know what Malfoy was doing in the Defense Hall at this hour!" Sirius said. "They ought to be in the dungeons for Potions - him and Bilius too, actually."
James furrowed his eyebrows, "You're right! Weird!"
I nodded, mulling the thoughts over in my head.
"Speaking of, we ought to be in the greenhouses by now for Herbology," said James. "Let's go, we can talk on the way."
James rushed out, clutching his dragon-hide gloves and book and Sirius followed. Sirius looked at Remus from the hall, "You coming?"
He shook his head, "I'll catch up," he said.
I went to the door, pausing in the frame to look back as James and Sirius thundered down the stairs ahead of me. "Stay safe, alright?"
Remus nodded and gave a weak smile.
"Bye," I said, before clambering down the stairs.
"So what happened with you and Lupin?" Sirius asked me as the three of us headed down to the greenhouses. He kept glancing back to be sure Remus wasn't following along behind us, and I understood why. These questions could anger him. "Did you, er, find out the truth about you-know-what?"
I nodded, "Yeah. He seemed really… anxious."
"Well, I mean. Wouldn't you, being asked if you were a-" James stopped mid-sentence, "er, thing?
Sirius shrugged, "Sure. But it's not like we're going to tell anyone or that anything changes between us, right?"
I sighed, "I just feel really bad for him. I wish there was more we could do for him, like a way to make it easier."
James laughed, darkly "Make it easier being a werewolf? Are you mental? If we went any place near him when he'd changed the only thing we'd make easier is being a snack he doesn't have to hunt for!"
We went on down to the greenhouse and joined Peter at the table by the window that he'd saved for us. I gave the boy a high-five to lift his spirits, which thankfully worked. After class, only Peter was surprised that Remus wasn't at dinner or up in the Gryffindor common room.
When I went to bed, I couldn't help but feel a twinge of guilt, laying in my bed, watching the full moon out the high windows of Gryffindor Tower. I wondered where Remus was, and if he was safe and warm out there in the cold winter night.
