What separates us from mere animals?
What differentiates us from demons? From angels?
Is it our brain? Our DNA or biological makeup? Perhaps it is our ability to stand upright and walk with our own two feet? Maybe the opposable thumbs on our hands? Our ability to speak? The beating of our hearts?
Byleth Eisner, while he met most of the criteria, did not have a heart that beat. If that was what decided whether he was human, he surely was not. In fact, if that was the case, he wouldn't meet the criteria for many living beings.
Perhaps it is our ability to feel? Happiness, anger, sorrow, love… and everything in between. Perhaps it is our ability to feel these emotions, understand them, and express them. Perhaps it is our ability to understand space and time. Perhaps it is our sentience, or our ability to formulate answers for questions that have no answers. Perhaps it is the concept of our 'souls.'
If those were the reasons, Byleth didn't fully meet that criteria, either. He could not express emotion like a 'normal' person might. He could not create answers for impossible questions. He did not fully understand what it meant to be… human. Many people had described him as 'soulless.'
The requirements could not be cherry-picked to fit his existence. It was either all, or it was nothing.
So, if those were the definitions of humanity, Byleth met neither of them.
He met neither of them…
So, what does humanity really mean?
What does it truly mean to be human?
"Hey, the Black Eagles are back- wait, what's with their professor?"
Byleth's eyes darted around the bustling marketplace. As the stalls were all placed directly in front of the gates to the academy, it was impossible to avoid it. Usually, the vendors had their hands full with students purchasing goods. Weaponry, armor, clothing, medicine, food, tea, you name it, they sold it. It was quite popular among the student body.
That was no exception on this day.
"Aren't they returning from the Sealed Forest?"
"Yeah, but how the hell did he get like that? Did he dye his hair, or something?"
"Are you stupid? How would that explain his eyes?"
"Hey, shut up."
The area was full. At least a quarter of the student body had to be packed into the small location. As he walked by, he could hear the various students whisper amongst themselves, far louder than they realized. He heard every word.
Byleth did not enjoy being the center of attention; it felt terribly reminiscent of those days proceeding the reveal of his Crest and the Sword of the Creator. Back when the students' gazes would always follow him. Back when the murmurings filled the air.
"Doesn't he seem kind of… shiny?"
"What the hell are you on about? Shiny?"
"C'mon, man, look closely. It's almost like the sun is bouncing off him, right?"
"…Huh. Now that you mention it-"
He couldn't explain how, or why, but it almost felt as though the sun's rays were following him as he walked… His back was uncomfortably warm.
"Ignore them, my teacher," Edelgard remarked, shooting a chilling glare to a group that had been a tad too loud for her liking.
"They have a right to be confused," Byleth sighed. "I know I would-hm?"
The professor froze as three cats broke away from the crowd. They meandered their way towards him, their slender tails wagging back and forth behind them as they approached. Their whiskers brushed the ground as they sniffed around, eventually stopping when they reached his boots. The monastery was famed for its dozens of stray cats and dogs, but rarely had Byleth had any dealings with them. The students all loved to coddle, pet, and feed them, but the professor hadn't done much of that himself.
The cat closest, a tabby, angled its head towards him and meowed. When Byleth didn't reply in kind, the small animal meowed again, as if to get his attention.
Byleth tilted his head to the side. Was he supposed to meow back?
A second later, it pounced forward. Using its claws to climb, it shot up Byleth's leg, stopping when it reached his shoulder. It stung slightly, but Byleth didn't move to shoo it away.
The tabby meowed again from its new perch, nuzzling its head against Byleth's.
"That's… curious," Edelgard mumbled, her brows raising as she watched the cat purr into Byleth's ear. "This cat has seemed to have taken a liking to you, Professor."
"Isn't that the cutest thing?" Dorothea cooed, scratching the kitty beneath its chin. It purred, pushing its head away from Byleth and towards Dorothea's fingers. "Who's a good girl? Who's a good girl? That's right! You are!"
Byleth hummed, using his own finger to scratch the kitten behind the ear. Curious, indeed. If anything, the strays had avoided Byleth before…
The other two cats, not to be left out, began to paw at Byleth's boots. Occasionally they'd pass through his legs, purring as they rubbed their sides against his pantlegs. While the thought of spending the day petting these cats did cross his mind, there was no time for it today. Maybe another time, though. It was always an activity Byleth wanted to try.
Carefully lifting the kitten from his shoulder, who mewled in great protest, Byleth placed it on the ground next to its two companions.
"Aw…" Dorothea whined, her lips curving into a frown as she watched Byleth gently shoo them away.
"There'll be time for it later, Dorothea," Byleth said, motioning with his head for the class to follow. "Come on."
With his new feline friends hot on his trail, Byleth and the Eagles made their way through the marketplace and towards the stairs that led to the academy's main hall. The students that were still watching the professor all parted as the group made their way by, though the incessant whispering never really quieted down. If anything, it had grown even louder after the cats appeared.
As the great gates came into view, it became apparent why the students had preemptively gathered near the entrance. The initial shock he had in finding so many waiting for him dissipated as he realized its cause.
Two lines of at least a dozen knights each stood at the top of the staircase. Within the gap the two groups had formed, stood the archbishop and her adviser, likely awaiting Byleth's return. It wasn't extremely rare to see Rhea or Seteth strolling the grounds, but it was quite uncommon for them to make such a show of it.
…It didn't take a genius to know why they were here now.
When the growing posse of six cats noticed Rhea and the dozens of men dressed in full suits of armor, they quickly made themselves scarce. Two darted to the left, while the other four went to the right.
Byleth motioned for the Eagles behind him to stop. He strode forward to meet Rhea, Seteth, and the knights alone.
While Rhea didn't even seem to notice or care about the knights that surrounded her, her gaze fixated on Byleth alone, Seteth looked far less comfortable. The man stood with his hands clasped behind his back, his gaze shifting back and forth between Rhea and Byleth. The professor noted the way his brow seemed to furrow as he stared upon the archbishop.
"Professor," Seteth greeted, formally as always. "It is a relief to see you and your class unharmed. I take it your-"
"Byleth," Rhea whispered, stepping forward. Her eyes had not left his face, not even for a moment. It… was unsettling. "So, it's true…"
Byleth stiffened as she drew close. The fact that Rhea and Seteth had somehow acquired the knowledge of his transformation before he had even returned wasn't much of a surprise, but the archbishop's reaction…
A trembling, pale hand drifted towards his face. Byleth twitched as he felt the cool touch of Rhea's fingertips brush against his cheeks as they traced up the side of his jaw, eventually reaching his hair. He could feel Edelgard stiffen from behind him. It was slight, but he could swear he heard the tightening of leather as her hands coiled into fists.
"I had heard whispers of what happened, but I…" Rhea trailed off, her wide eyes taking in every nook and cranny of Byleth's face. With the way she was acting… it felt as though it wasn't he who she was speaking to. "Your appearance…"
Seteth cleared his throat.
"Lady Rhea, perhaps we should continue this conversation elsewhere?" He advised in a low voice. "Somewhere without such a gathering?"
Rhea blinked rapidly, her eyes returning to reality. She shook her head and stepped back, her green hair swaying with the movement.
"Of course. Forgive me, Professor." The serene smile Rhea was known for returned as she clasped her hands at her waist. "Let us return to my quarters. We can speak there."
Byleth glanced at the knights, then to Rhea and Seteth. There wasn't much choice in the matter, but that was okay. It was what he expected.
"Very well," Byleth said, bowing his head. He paused, turning to address his students. "Eagles, we'll reconvene later."
His gaze lingered on Edelgard, who was watching the two worriedly.
Byleth gave her a single nod, as if it tell her it would be alright, then turned to follow after Rhea and Seteth. As he walked, the Knights of Seiros circled, forming an almost protective bubble around him.
The academy's gate creaked as the wooden doors shut behind him. As he walked, he could still feel Edelgard's eyes boring holes into his back.
The archbishop's throne room's usual serene silence was shattered by the sounds of dozens of metal boots and greaves stomping and clanking. The Knights of Seiros still surrounded Byleth, giving him the feeling that they were preparing for war rather than preparing to converse. It made him anxious.
"You are dismissed," Seteth ordered, waving his hand.
The knights bowed in unison, saluting the adviser and the archbishop before they exited the room in two, straight-file lines.
"…Professor," Seteth addressed him as he usually would, but there was an uncertainty to his eyes. The way he evaluated Byleth felt different than before. And with the way he hesitated over the title, Byleth wondered if Seteth wasn't sure how to address him. "I am sure you must be perplexed by everything that transpired, but why don't you start with filling us in on what happened?"
Byleth nodded slowly, his mind racing as he conjured up the correct story to tell. There was no reason to hide any of the battle, but he didn't feel comfortable divulging any of his relationship with Sothis. It was dangerous to give them too much.
"We reached the forest without incident. The battle itself had gone well, minus a few bumps in the road. Having pushed back their forces, the house leader and I engaged Kronya while the others finished what remained of their troops."
"You and Miss Hresvelg proceeded alone?" Seteth raised an eyebrow.
"Yes. We were able to best Kronya without much difficulty, but due to an error in my judgement, she escaped. We chased her through the forest, where we ran into Solon's trap."
"I see…" Seteth frowned slightly. "That trap being?"
"I cannot say for sure." Byleth shrugged. "All I know is that Kronya was sacrificed to enact Solon's ritual. It was like magic, but… It was something far more sinister."
Byleth paused, shooting a glance towards Rhea to gauge her response. When he saw that the archbishop was still just staring at him, Byleth hurriedly continued.
"Whatever Solon did, he was able to summon great, black… energy. Shadows and darkness everywhere I looked. It blanketed everything, almost like smoke. Blocked every path." Byleth shook his head as he remembered that terrible feeling. "Tendrils grabbed each of my limbs, trying to drag me in. It eventually succeeded, but I was able to get Edelgard out of harm's way before it could take me entirely."
Seteth hummed softly to himself, throwing a cautionary look Rhea's way. It was slight, but Byleth wondered if that gesture meant one of the two knew something about it.
Of course, Rhea didn't notice. She was still examining Byleth.
"Go on, Professor," Seteth sighed, his concerned gaze lingering on the bishop.
"After that, I was swallowed into an abyss. The 'void' is the best word I can use to describe it. I could not see, I could not feel, I could not breathe, but I was alive."
"You received power from the goddess," Rhea whispered. She almost seemed… elated to say that.
"Yes." Byleth nodded again. "I could not escape. I could not do anything until… the goddess gifted me her power. Using the Sword of the Creator, I was able to cut my way out. Once I returned, Solon and his forces were defeated."
He decided to leave it at that. Keeping his cards close to his chest, Byleth felt it best to not inform them of how Sothis actually sacrificed herself for him, how they had actually been connected for years, or how they were now one being. Byleth feared how Rhea might react to such knowledge. He… wasn't sure the reasons as to her reactions or her sudden, intense intrigue in Byleth, but the look in her eyes gave him pause.
"Those beautiful, shining eyes… and silken hair, so similar to my own…" Rhea whispered, her eyes gleaming. "I take it those are aftereffects to your gift from the goddess?"
Byleth shifted awkwardly.
"…Yes."
"Have there been any other changes?" Rhea asked quietly. "Perhaps a tightness in your chest? Strange dreams or visions?"
If this conversation was a game of chess, Byleth had already lost. The moment his brows raised, recognition flashing across his eyes, Rhea's expression brightened.
"You could say that," Byleth replied, wrangling in his emotions. "Once I returned, I had access to magic that was well above my expertise. And… there's this-"
Byleth held out the palm of hand, manifesting his Crest for the third time.
"By the goddess…" Seteth murmured, his wide eyes reflecting the gold of Byleth's Crest. "So, it's true…"
Rhea stifled a gasp, her eyes brimming with… unshed tears? The bishop lurched forward, and for a moment, he feared she might fall over outright.
…Perhaps it was a mistake to share this much with her.
No matter. It didn't mean much in the end. They probably would have found out one way or another.
Byleth closed his hand, and with it, the Crest of Flames disappeared. While Seteth seemed to recover from his shock quite quickly, it took Rhea multiple seconds and dozens of blinks to realize the Crest was no longer visible.
"You don't seem all that surprised," Byleth stated, eyes set on Rhea. "You look more relieved than anything."
"You would be right," she answered softly. "From the moment you took hold of the Sword of the Creator, I have prayed that one day the radiant power of Sothis, which bathes Fódlan in its celestial light, might reside within you. To know that my prayers have been answered…"
Rhea closed her eyes, dipping her head as she lifted her clasped hands in prayer.
"I am overjoyed," her voice barely above that of a breath as it cracked. "For so long I have waited for this day, where the goddess might return to us…"
"'For so long…?'" Byleth repeated, quirking a brow. "What do you-"
"She weighed her own life against that of her child's and, in the end, implored me to save the child."
"I do not know how she managed it, but she allowed me to exist inside of you."
"I feel I must take the child and leave. But the church is always watching us. I don't know what Lady Rhea has planned."
"Lady Rhea is in a state over the news, but I can't change what I've done. I've got to take the child and leave."
Byleth grew cold as the dots began to fully connect. The mysteries regarding Byleth's birth, Rhea's part in it, Jeralt's diary, the Crest of Flames, the Sword of the Creator, Sothis… Those jumbled pieces of some great puzzle slowly fell into place.
She didn't seem to particularly care about his life almost being lost, or Edelgard's. She didn't ask or inquire about his class. The first words out of her mouth were those pertaining to Sothis.
It was always about Sothis.
All this time, he always found Rhea's initial acceptance of him confusing. Even if she knew him as a newborn or knew his father, Rhea had accepted him far too easily- almost overeagerly. She freely gave him a position as professor. She freely handed him the Sword of the Creator. A mercenary fresh off the job, she handed the church's most prized Relic. In spite of Seteth's constant advice to try and steer her otherwise, she had entrusted Byleth with much, and sometimes blindly.
There was a time where Byleth found great comfort within Rhea and the unconditional support and acceptance she offered.
For a time, that blinded him from the truth.
It was never Byleth that she was fixated on, was it?
"…Professor?" Seteth spoke his name, confused by his sudden and long silence.
The reasons she offered him a position as professor and the reasons she gave him the Sword of the Creator were one and the same. It was not because of the man he was, or the trust she had for him and his ability; it was about Sothis. All those missions she assigned, those mock battles he was allowed to take part in… It was never for his benefit. Those long-held questions Byleth had finally had an answer; those suspicions finally confirmed.
All those times where Rhea had shown concern for Byleth it wasn't directed towards him, was it? All those conversations, all that trust she placed in him… It was never for Byleth, was it?
It was Sothis. It was always Sothis.
I… should have known. I should have realized the moment Sothis informed me. She said was unsure how Rhea managed it, but I should have theorized that Rhea knew exactly what she was doing.
I am just a mean to an end to her. A vessel meant to harbor the goddess. That is why the church watched Jeralt. That is why she was in a 'state.' It wasn't I that was lost, but Sothis herself.
Once we returned here, she handed me the title of instructor as a way of keeping me close. It didn't matter the house I chose, only that I chose one. I cannot say what giving me the sword accomplished, other than proving the fact that I could wield it, but-
"Professor Byleth!"
Byleth refocused his eyes, his pupils darting to the source of the outburst. Seteth was watching him curiously, hints of concern in his furrowed brow.
As was Rhea. She looked equally worried.
He avoided her gaze.
"Sorry. I got lost in my thoughts."
"I… understand there is much to consider. Truly, I do," Seteth relented. "But do please try to stay focused. There is still much to discuss regarding our coming steps."
"It is alright, Seteth." Rhea raised a hand to assuage her companion. "The professor has been through a great deal."
"I'm fine." Byleth shook his head. "What are these 'next steps' you speak of?"
"Given your… change." Seteth paused as he looked the professor up and down. "I would ask that you move your personal quarters to a space more befitting your position here in the monastery."
Byleth had no desire to do such a thing, but the other tidbit Seteth mentioned caught his interest.
"My position?"
"Yes." Seteth nodded, adjusting his posture. "Whether you realize it or not, given your connection to the goddess, Sothis, you are now one of the highest ranking officials in the church- next to the archbishop herself, of course. It would be fitting for you to reside in the monastery for the time being, and to put your classes on hold."
"No need. My current room and position as professor suits me fine."
"Byleth, someone of your-"
"It is fine, Seteth."
The adviser looked to Rhea. When he noticed no change in her calm expression, Seteth cleared his throat and nodded.
"Very well. If that is what you prefer."
"It is." Byleth glanced at Rhea. "What else?"
"Now that you have received sacred power from the goddess, there is somewhere you must pay a visit to at once."
"Where?" Byleth bit back a frown. Even now, her urgency was telling.
"You must go to the Holy Tomb, where the goddess slumbers, so that you may receive a divine revelation from her."
Holy Tomb?
That didn't make sense. That tomb was certainly not where Sothis resided… Perhaps that was something they were not privy to, however. While Rhea seemed to know everything else, Byleth supposed it might be possible that she wasn't aware how deep his connection to Sothis was.
Or, perhaps there was another reason…
Either way, Byleth decided it best to continue his silence on that matter.
"A divine revelation?" He asked instead.
"A message or sign from the goddess," Rhea informed him. "Seiros, the first soul to be gifted power from the goddess, received her revelation there. She was told that it was her sacred duty to save the people of Fódlan, and that she must use her power wisely in order to lead them. These words that were handed down to Seiros from the goddess will likely fall upon your ears as well."
Rhea seemed awfully well-versed in this subject. It was likely that this history was passed down to her given her role as archbishop, but… Byleth couldn't help but feel that information was awfully specific. It was rare for passed down information to retain its specificity.
"It will take time to prepare the ceremony, so spend the coming weeks readying yourself," Seteth interjected.
"Understood." Byleth nodded. Though, try as he might, he could not shake the feeling of unease.
"You may share this mission with your students, as well. They will be accompanying you, after all," Rhea added.
"Mission?" Byleth repeated. "You said it was but a ceremony?"
"Even Saint Seiros had her holy warriors by her side, protecting her as she received her revelation. Your students, who have followed you and fought alongside you through the darkest of times, are well suited to stand by you for the ceremony."
Protecting? Just what could Byleth possibly need protection from? Again, the bishop's words failed to make much sense. While it was true that he would want no other group of men and women standing beside him, he just couldn't gleam a reason for her to want their attendance.
Unless, that was the intention. Maybe she just wanted more bodies present.
"Of course, as the leader of the Church of Seiros, I will be by your side as well."
Byleth blinked, his frown breaking free.
"You will?"
"The occasion is too significant to be missed," Rhea replied simply.
"…Very well."
His thoughts, his worries, his concerns, they all rattled around his skull. He did not know what to make of this ceremony they were thrusting upon him. Rhea placed a great weight on it, but if what she was searching for was 'divine revelation,' Byleth had received it ages ago. What was going to happen when this 'ceremony' commenced, and they were met with silence? Or did she already know the result? Again, Byleth had no ways of knowing just what Rhea may or may not be aware of. The conclusions he had drawn were all pieced together from the information left for him.
Just what would he be walking into? Even now, her explanations and descriptions were vague. He didn't even know what this 'ceremony' would entail.
Sothis, what do you-
"Professor?" Seteth rose a brow upon noticing the twinge to his stern expression. "Is something wrong?"
He swallowed the lump in his throat, shaking his head 'no' in response. Rhea's piercing gaze was still assaulting him. Seteth's confusion, and concern, had yet to disappear. He wanted no more of this conversation.
"If that is all, I would like to take my leave."
"Of course, child." Rhea bowed her head. "Much has happened; take the rest of the day to reflect and mediate. We can continue this tomorrow."
'Tomorrow.'
It was hard not to sigh at the realization there would be more of this.
"And make sure to rest," Seteth advised. "I am sure you must be physically, and mentally, drained.
"Yes." Byleth nodded, then bowed. "I will excuse myself to do just that."
Byleth turned on his heel, his jacket whipping at the sharp turn. As he briskly walked out of the room, his jacket billowed behind him.
"Take care, Professor."
"Until tomorrow, dear child. May the goddess continue to watch over you."
Their farewells chased after him, Rhea's in particular lingering in his ears.
Byleth forced his eyes shut, using his forearm to push open the doors to the archbishop's chambers. As he all but fled the room, his feet taking him to no destination in particular, he found himself once again lamenting the deafening silence within his mind.
The Eagle house were all gathered around a dining table tucked away in the corner of the mess hall. Though each member of their little group had a tray of food out before them, not a one seemed to have taken a bite. Most either had a fork in their hands, absently picking away at the food, or just didn't bother.
Edelgard couldn't blame them. She didn't have much of an appetite, either. She simply poked at her meal, her mind focused elsewhere.
"W-What do you think they're talking about?"
Edelgard looked to Bernadetta, who was sitting across from her.
"What do you think?" Hubert scoffed, sipping from his coffee. "I find it rather obvious what the archbishop would want to discuss with our professor."
"I-I'm sorry for asking such a stupid question," Bernadetta whimpered, turning her head down to her uneaten meal.
"It wasn't stupid, Bern," Dorothea said, rubbing her friend's back. "There are no stupid questions when you've just found out your teacher knows the goddess on a first-name basis. Isn't that right, Hubie?"
The songstress shot Hubert a glare, who simply snorted and looked away.
"It is a fine question," Edelgard murmured, eyes narrowed as she stared at her untouched chicken. "I find myself wondering the same…"
"Right?" Caspar sighed. One of the few who had actually eaten something so far. "It was only yesterday I was wrapping my head around the fact that one of our classmates killed the captain-"
Edelgard tensed at the mention of Monica.
"-the professor's father, and now… this."
Caspar's jaw clenched as his hand tightened around his fork.
"I feel so… useless."
Flayn, who was sitting next to the boy, rubbed his shoulder to try and comfort him.
"Well, that's silly," Linhardt remarked. "Unless you plan on speaking to the archbishop on behalf of our professor, what do you have to feel useless about?"
"No one likes being on the sidelines," a rare comment from Felix.
"Speak for yourself." Linhardt shrugged. "Though, I do agree with you, Caspar. I'm finding it difficult to truly grasp the situation."
"It is odd to consider." Ferdinand nodded, his finger tracing the rim of his teacup. "To think, every lecture, every idle conversation, every mission… The goddess was watching us without our knowledge. It makes one wonder what she thought of us."
The class grew quiet as they all pondered Ferdinand's words. It was something that never strayed too far from Edelgard's mind. To know that she was so close to the very same goddess that she once prayed to, day in and day out… To think that the goddess had listened in on all of her conversations with Byleth, was present for their secret rendezvouses, listened in when she confessed her feelings towards him…
When her mind went down that path, she found herself contemplating what 'Sothis' must have thought of her, just as Ferdinand said. As she spoke of abolishing the Crest system and dismantling the church's rule, what did the goddess think of that? What must she have thought of Byleth's association and relationship with her?
It was strange… Even those among them that weren't devout in the slightest seemed to be dwelling on Ferdinand's statement. Dorothea, who suffered on the streets as a child. Bernadetta, terribly abused by her father. Lysithea, forced to live through similar experimentation as Edelgard. Felix, who had to lose his beloved brother- and that was just to name a few.
Edelgard was curious if similar thoughts must be racing through their mind, as well. Did they feel abandoned? Left wondering why their prayers were never answered? Left wondering why it was that they had to suffer?
"What are you thinking on the matter, Edelgard?"
The princess perked her head up, her eyes refocusing as they landed on Petra.
"I…" Edelgard trailed off.
There were several, equally true answers to that question.
The abandonment she felt was still there. The fact that the goddess's existence was given proof didn't mitigate that fact, only heightened it.
She was angry. Angry that so many awful, terrible things had happened to herself, and the people she loved, right underneath the goddess's nose.
She was confused. Confused that the very being that had lost Edelgard's faith now dwelled within the man she loved.
Above all else, she was anxious. Worried. Constantly thinking of how things might change now. Edelgard did not like uncertainty. She hated losing control. No where in her plans did she envision the goddess playing a part, and she didn't have the slightest response prepared for her sudden, and untimely arrival.
It was a simple question, what Petra asked. Anyone else would have likely answered without hesitation.
However, for Edelgard, it was hardly simple. Every answer, every true answer, involved revealing something about her. Something beneath the surface, something that came from the heart. Every answer involved being… open about her thoughts and feelings, and that was something Edelgard was unaccustomed to doing with people not named 'Byleth.'
What should she even tell them? If it were Byleth in her shoes, he would likely know what to say. Despite the rumors revolving around the 'Ashen Demon' and Byleth's own views of himself, he was quite adept at reading a room when the situation called for it. Like after Lonato's failed uprising, he had made a justifiable judgement call to make the others feel more secure. Or just today, when he opened up honestly about his relationship with the goddess.
It was an odd predicament… Edelgard was their house leader. In a week or so, she would become emperor. She was born to lead. It was who she was.
Yet, thinking on it now, it had been quite awhile since the brunt of the 'leadership' role had fallen on her shoulders. Byleth either did most of the heavy lifting or shared the burden with her.
What should she say?
An automated, 'optimistic' response that everything would be okay would suit the situation just fine, just as it did back at the campsite. It was safer that way. Easier. They would feel better, and she didn't have to worry about revealing too much to people that may one day be her-
"It frightens me," Edelgard mumbled, her brow creasing as she went back to examining her cold meal. Their eyes, all turning to her, felt incredibly heavy.
She could see Hubert glance at her out of the corner of his eye.
"Really?" Lysithea asked, sitting a little straighter in her seat.
"Indeed." Edelgard nodded. "It unnerves me being left without answers and only uncertainty."
"Oh? Was it not you that said: 'you will always be our dear professor. Nothing can change that?'" Linhardt mimicked her earlier statement, going so far to use the same inflection. "What happened to that bravado back at the camp?"
Edelgard shot her classmate a glare. When she realized that he was genuinely curious instead of trying to mock her, she lessened its ferocity.
"There is a difference between wanting it to be so and knowing it will be."
"Hm," the mage hummed, nodding as he leaned back in his seat. "Fair enough."
"Then… Do you not trust in our professor's resolve?" Ferdinand questioned. "He seemed fairly certain this morning."
"That is not what I said." She shook her head. "I trust Byleth with my very life. I only… worry."
There were a few raised eyebrows when Edelgard referred to him by his first name rather than his title.
"About?" Flayn inquired next.
'Well, if the professor and the goddess truly do share such a connection, I have trouble believing everything is going to go back to normal. Will he even be our professor when we return?'
"What happens next," Edelgard answered. "I trust in what Byleth said; I truly do feel that he will always be our professor... Yet, I cannot stop myself from wondering if Linhardt's initial worries held some weight as well."
As much as she liked to believe otherwise, it was truly hard to fathom that the last weeks Edelgard would have as a student would be anything from 'ordinary.' At this very moment, it was very likely that Rhea and Seteth were discussing their plans with Byleth, plans that would no doubt take him away from his duties as professor.
"Just when I was beginning to hope that things might return to normal," Dorothea sighed, her cheek sinking into her hand. After a moment, she sighed again, shaking her head. "I'm sorry, that probably sounded really selfish all things considered."
"There's comfort in routine; in knowing that our tomorrows will be the same as they once were. And… pain when that comfort is stripped from you," Edelgard spoke softly, her mind drifting off to memories that made her chest ache. "That is not selfishness, Dorothea. It's human."
"That…" Hubert hesitated, his eyes widening as he glanced at his highness. "Does not sound like you, Lady Edelgard."
"Maybe it doesn't," Edelgard murmured. "In a perfect world, our days as students would go on for-"
She cut herself off. The mere thought of finishing that sentence left a bitter taste in her mouth. Not because it was a lie, or because she felt childish uttering such a thing, but because of how true that statement had become for her.
Never did Edelgard von Hresvelg expect any semblance of a 'happy' life here at the monastery. She didn't even expect a 'passable' existence.
A year in which she expected nothing but sleepless nights, crushing loneliness, and a cloud of sadness and regret that would hang over her constantly, had morphed into some of the best days of her life. To think, there would be joyous, lovely, and cherished memories she would take away from her time as a Black Eagle, instead of painful reminders.
To think, she got to experience so many things. Things she never dreamed of experiencing.
In a perfect world, those good days would go on forever. In a perfect world, when five years passed, they would all be here again.
This world was far from perfect. Nothing ever could be, but until it was as close to perfect as possible, Edelgard could not rest. She could not afford complacency.
But, it would be a lie if she said she did not wish for these days to continue for just a little while longer.
Edelgard closed her eyes, pushing her meal aside as she rose to her feet.
"Though I wish I could stay for but a few moments longer," Edelgard paused, glancing at Hubert. "I must excuse myself for the night. There is some urgent business I must attend to."
"Urgent business?" Dorothea repeated, tilting her head to the side. "Oh, right. Sometimes I forget you're the heir to an empire, Edie."
When Dorothea giggled, Edelgard forced a smile.
For her, it was something she could never allow herself to forget.
Edelgard exhaled slowly through her nose, lifting her chin off of her knuckles as she examined the paperwork before her. She had been at it for hours now without stopping, but the fruits of her efforts were finally within reach. The preparations were complete, the proper supplies for such a trip acquisitioned, and the route plotted.
Everything was set to go. Within a few weeks' time, she would set out to Enbarr. To the palace. Her home.
And when she returned…
She would be the crowned emperor.
The princess leaned back in her seat, slumping against its wooden back. The coronation had always felt so far away, but it was finally here. Her dream… was finally within sight.
Edelgard rubbed her palms into her tired eyes. Tilting her head to the side, she spotted her reflection in the nearby mirror through the small crack between her eye-socket and hand. Her hair was disheveled and unbrushed. Her uniform a wrinkled mess from hunching over for so long.
But, she hardly noticed any of the flaws or blemishes. The only thought going through her mind was how long it would be until she retired this uniform. Like much of the academy, she had grown somewhat attached to it. She liked its color schemes, how surprisingly comfortable it was to move in without restricting her movement, how it was gaudy enough to stand out from the Garreg Mach outfits. When the time came to hang it up once and for all, she would miss it.
Edelgard took another deep breath, then pushed herself away from her desk. Glancing at the clock, she saw that it was half-past midnight. Where the time had gone, she did not know, but it didn't matter.
In fact, it was better that way. The later it was, the less people there would be to disturb her.
Carefully organizing her paperwork into a neat pile, she rose from her feet. It might be true that she would be dead tired come classes tomorrow morning, but there was one last thing she had to do.
As she straightened out the wrinkles on her blouse, Edelgard's hands lingered on the fabric. Carefully, perhaps too delicately for such a trivial matter, she removed her white gloves. With the cloth no longer impeding her, she brushed her scarred hands against her uniform once more, committing its feel to memory.
It was silly. There was still a month until this student attire would have to be discarded, and yet… Edelgard was feeling sentimental.
Shaking the thought from her head, she headed towards the door. The princess quietly left her room, her gloves still laying discarded on her desk.
The dormitory hallway she stepped into was as empty as she expected. There were no other signs of life. No students, no guards. Just a quiet, almost eerie ambiance.
She didn't have a clear destination in mind, but that really didn't matter much to her. There were no destinations needed for the stroll she was taking. She just wanted to sightsee, was all.
Edelgard set off down the hallway and towards the exit. The clacking of her boots against the floorboards echoed throughout the corridor.
A few seconds later, she had made it to the exit.
Stepping out into the cool, night air, Edelgard let out a sigh of relief. She closed her eyes as she inhaled through her nose, relishing the smell of the outside world. For most, they probably wouldn't even notice. The scent of freshly cut grass from the prior afternoon probably meant very little to them.
However, to Edelgard, it meant so much more.
The sky was crystal clear. The moon and the stars were clearly visible. There was no wind. It was almost a picture-perfect night.
With the glow of the moon lighting her path, Edelgard set out towards the heart of the academy.
Her head swiveled back and forth as she examined the grounds. The handful of empty classrooms with their banners at the door, the various corridors and pathways, the top of the grand cathedral that towered over it all… Edelgard never visited that place of worship unless required, but even she couldn't deny the rustic beauty the structure had.
This coming war would change much… Perhaps in ways that Edelgard could not foresee.
If she could add one more wish to that constantly growing list of hers, it would be that Garreg Mach would somehow escape the fires of war unscathed. This place, despite the group it was attached to, meant a great deal to her. If she could achieve her dreams, it would be… nice if Garreg Mach and the academy could still function one day. She would like it if future students could enjoy this place as she had; albeit, without the shackles and prejudice that came with nobility and Crests.
A place where people from all walks of life could come to receive proper education… A place where anyone, rich or poor, could succeed… Were I ever lucky enough to have children, I would want them to enjoy these cherished halls as I have.
And as she took in the breathtaking sight of the grand cathedral basked in the moon's pure white light, Edelgard found her destination.
Edelgard climbed the stairs of the Goddess Tower, her hands running along the stairwell's railing. The wood was coarse and unforgiving to the touch, likely from age. After a few more steps, her hands moved to the stone walls. It rubbed uncomfortably against her bare skin, but she did not mind. The last time she was here she did not get to physically touch this structure, so she made sure to now.
Her footsteps echoed endlessly through the tower. Edelgard closed her eyes as she concentrated on the sounds that laid underneath; the creaking of the floorboards, the creaking of the old structure, a chirping from somewhere within. She idly wondered if perhaps a bird had perhaps built a nest in the rafters.
As she reached the end of the stairs, Edelgard turned her sights towards the tower's interior. She had remembered this particular sight very fondly from her last visit here. The way the light from the moon and the stars had snuck through the holes in the ceiling, illuminating the room in a beautiful white… The balcony at the tower's edge, where one could see most of the monastery's grounds down below…
However, when Edelgard reached the top, she found that the Goddess Tower resembled the night of that ball far more closely than she had realized.
Her eyes widened as they fell on Byleth's shoulders.
He stood at the balcony's railings, his arm resting against the stone as his head faced out towards the monastery. His other arm was propped up at the elbow, his hand hovering but a few inches from his face. On his index finger, a bird was perched-
A bird?
Edelgard blinked as she realized the robin that was casually resting on Byleth's finger was the source of the chirping. The robin, unaware of her presence, sung happily as it pecked away at the cloth of Byleth's glove. Now that she looked closely, Edelgard could spot three more birds gathered around. One on Byleth's shoulder, and two on the railing.
Though she had made quite the ruckus climbing the stairs, Byleth had yet to take notice of her. His green, distant eyes, reflecting the light of the moon, were still carefully studying the bird before him.
Occasionally, he'd tilt his hand to the side, as if to examine the bird fully.
"Perhaps it truly is fate..."
Edelgard flinched as Byleth's voice reverberated throughout the tower. The birds, startled by the sudden sound, all flew away.
Byleth turned to face her, smiling when he met her eyes.
"Even now, it seems we still have a knack of running into each other when we can't find sleep."
"So it would seem." Edelgard returned his smile, life rushing back into her limbs.
"Nightmares?" Byleth asked as she walked towards him.
Edelgard shook her head, coming to a stop beside him and resting her arms on the railing.
"Not tonight." In fact, as of late, the nightmares had become less and less frequent. "Unfortunately, it was paperwork that kept me up."
Byleth looked confused for a second, but as he too recalled her duties, he nodded. Most nobles would likely be insulted when someone forgot their rank, but not Edelgard. If both Dorothea and Byleth had forgotten, perhaps they viewed her differently than the title she bore.
"What about you, Byleth?" She glanced over at him. Now that she got a good, close look at him, she could see the tiredness that still lingered within his eyes.
"Just needed to clear my head, is all," he replied cryptically, a frown shadowing his features for but a moment. "It's… too quiet in my room. I was hoping a walk would help."
Byleth sighed, turning his gaze towards the ceiling.
"Then, I wound up here," he murmured.
The Goddess Tower.
He lowered his head, meeting her eyes once more.
"Truth be told, I'm glad you found me when you did. I meant to reconvene with you in the evening, but…"
This time, Byleth frowned.
"I got lost in my thoughts."
That response was hard to decipher, all things considered. It could, quite literally, be anything. The future, his… change, the meeting with the archbishop. All of these things must be weighing heavily on him, as well.
"How did your meeting with Lady Rhea fare?" Edelgard broached the subject as carefully as she could; which, in hindsight, probably wasn't all that careful.
"About as well as you'd expect." Byleth glanced down at his finger, where the bird had been just moments prior. "She was mesmerized with who I've become."
"I could imagine," Edelgard murmured, her eyes narrowing as she watched him.
Of all the things Edelgard had informed Byleth of, there was still one, momentously important aspect she had yet to mention: The Immaculate One herself. Of everything she had told him, from her past, to those who slithered in the dark, the role Rhea played in it all she had kept silent on. It was likely a mistake on her part to reveal so much of her side while neglecting to mention Rhea and her true form, but she wagered her rationale was similar to Byleth's and his relationship to the goddess.
How could one possibly convince another that the head of the Church of Seiros, the very same woman who had recruited Byleth, was nothing of the sort? That she wasn't even 'human' at all? It was not as if she had proof to these claims; not yet, anyways. And the fact that Seiros's bones were not in her tomb was hardly decisive. Part of her had hoped that Byleth might connect the dots on his own, but perhaps that was simply wishful thinking… As much as he might prove otherwise, he was only human, in the end. It would take many leaps to connect the lack of Seiros's remains to Rhea and her treachery.
"They're planning a ceremony at the end of the month in 'my honor,'" Byleth continued with a sigh.
Edelgard blinked.
"A ceremony?"
"Indeed. In the Holy Tomb of all places. I'm supposed to receive a 'divine revelation' from the goddess. I do not know her intentions, but I'm uneasy."
Edelgard frowned, biting her bottom lip. The Holy Tomb… The gears in her mind were already churning. The moment the news broke of this, she had no doubt her uncle would want to take part.
"In the end, I was once again left with more questions than answers," Byleth whispered.
'Truthfully, I do not know what I am…'
Byleth's anguished face flashed through her mind. That lost, forlorn look in his eyes…
I have to tell him about Rhea. I have to. Before this 'ceremony.' He deserves to know. He deserves…
Originally, Edelgard had planned to hold her coronation near the end of this month, but if Rhea was moving this quickly…
She would simply have to push the date up. The plan was to ask Byleth later this week, but if she wanted to do this all before Rhea's 'ceremony,' she would have to hurry the process. While it was not essential that Byleth would be there for her crowning, it would mean… more than words could describe for him to be present for the first step towards her destiny.
But, that was hardly her only reason. At one time, Enbarr… had been her home. That palace, where for a time, she grew up a happy child with her brothers and sisters. She wanted Byleth, if only once, to see the place she once called home. To walk the same hallways she had walked as a child. To see the same gardens… To breathe the same air…
To meet her father.
For Byleth to fully see all that she once was, and all that she would one day be, would mean the world to her. It was selfish of her- and surely greedy, yet still, she wanted to form but one more cherished memory with her professor. One more wonderful memory she could cling to in a time where there would be no peace. One more loving memory she could use as a sheet of armor in a time where there would be no love.
The man in question was standing but a few inches away from her. The coronation now was but a few days away. These things were all within her grasp.
All it required was a great deal of courage. To inch across a thin branch, trusting that if it broke and gave way, it would not be the abyss she fell to-
But into the arms of a friend.
"Anyway, enough about me."
Byleth's voice pulled her from her reverie and back to reality.
"What brings you here tonight, El?"
"Like you, I wanted to clear my head," she replied. "I suppose it was a nostalgic whim that brought me to the Goddess Tower."
Edelgard turned her head to the moon, recalling the night they shared here but a month ago. A night that she would carry with her, always.
Mustering the courage that she had back then, Edelgard spoke.
"No one knows what tomorrow might hold. I would regret it forever if I couldn't step foot in this tower at least one more time."
"Is that so?" Byleth's face relaxed, but his eyes grew hard. "Time is running out on us, isn't it…?"
"Perhaps it is." Edelgard nodded, her gaze filled with nothing but the stars in the night sky. "But when the hands of the clock strike midnight, a new day dawns, the sun rises, and it all begins anew."
Edelgard turned to her teacher.
"Of all the things you have taught me, that is the knowledge I hold onto most dearly."
Byleth's eyes widened. Even Edelgard, who moments before was lamenting the closing of her time here as a student, was surprised by her optimistic response.
But, seeing as the conversation was far from over, the princess pushed that surprise to the side and continued.
"Byleth, it is fortunate that I ran into you here. There is something I must ask of you."
"…Oh?"
"In truth, it is more of a personal favor."
"I see…" Byleth hummed. "I gather it must be important. It is rare you ask me for favors."
Was it? It felt as though she was constantly asking favors from him. At least, it felt that way… Perhaps Byleth didn't see it as such.
"It is important. You see, in a few days' time, I must return to Enbarr."
If it hadn't before, it certainly caught Byleth's attention now.
"The Imperial Capital?"
"Yes." Edelgard nodded. "It is meant to be a secret, but once I return to the palace, I will be crowned the new emperor of Adrestia."
Edelgard hesitated, her gaze moving to the hand that was resting on the railing.
"It would mean a great deal if you were to join me."
"You want me to come along?" Byleth repeated, almost dumbly. It seemed that her request blindsided him.
"I do. Very much so."
She reached for his hand, grasping it lightly in her own.
"There is no one I would want by my side when I grasp my destiny more than you, Byleth."
"Then, consider it done," Byleth whispered, squeezing her hand.
Edelgard raised a brow. Of course, she was elated by his response, but…
"Just like that?"
"Of course. If it's important to you, it's important to me," Byleth replied, nodding to himself. "I'll convince Rhea and Seteth to give me a few days leave."
Incredible…
In truth, it was the response Edelgard expected; he always had a way of being there for her when she needed it the most. His unconditional support was one of the many reasons she loved him so.
And yet, the response still caught her by surprise. No persuasion necessary. No bartering or haggling needed. Just a not-so-simple question, and a simple answer. She had almost forgotten what love felt like… But, as usual, Byleth had a way of reminding her, so that she may never forget again.
"Thank you." Edelgard found herself smiling widely as she stared at him.
Perhaps for the first time since she was but nine years old, the burden of her birthright didn't feel quite so heavy. As though a dam had been lifted, Edelgard found herself overcome by a raging river of emotion. Though she had a fear of any large body of water, and a fear of losing control that had been instilled into her at a young age, as she felt herself get swept away, she was not frightened nor worried. She was not scared. Those fears regarding if something might change between them seemed so trivial now.
As long as Byleth was by her side...
She suddenly felt intense desire to express these emotions that had submerged her.
"Huh…" Byleth remarked absently, his fingertips brushing against her skin as he probed her hand. They traced along one of her many scars. "You're not wearing your gloves."
"I didn't feel the need for them tonight."
"Oh?" Byleth perked his head up. "Why's-?"
Those beautiful green eyes widened as her head drifted towards his.
Byleth, in all of his twenty-two years, was unaccustomed to the expressions of human affection. He had no family but his father. No friends to speak of. Before coming to the academy, it was rare for him to ever feel the warmth of a loving embrace. There had been a time where he didn't even know what it felt like to be hugged. A time where he didn't understand what it felt like to be loved, or to love. They were things he exceedingly failed at. If those were the necessary requirements to be met to be considered human, then once more, Byleth surely failed.
So, when he felt something graze his skin, he froze. It was new. It was foreign.
The Ashen Demon, the legendary mercenary, was caught completely and utterly off guard by this pure, innocent expression of affection.
With a touch lighter than the wind and warmer than the sun, Edelgard brushed against his lips.
While her eyes had closed, likely something that was common when it came to things of this nature, Byleth's remained open. Even if he wanted to, he could not force himself to close his eyelids. He could not force himself to look away.
He could not force himself to look anywhere other than the girl that was illuminated by the moon and the stars. A pale, beautiful face unmarked by any hints of embarrassment, shame, or shyness.
Edelgard pulled away, but her face still remained but a few inches away from his. He could feel her breath tickle against his chin. He could feel the heat radiate from her body. When her eyes opened, Byleth found that he could not even breathe. Had she stolen his breath?
"Thank you, my Byleth."
As he stared into those eyes, the future personified, Byleth could not look away. Within those eyes, he saw the reflection of a light streak across the night sky.
And it was within those very same eyes, eyes that he had peered into hundreds of thousands of times, that he found what he was looking for.
Perhaps not an answer.
But the very first clue.
Of what it truly meant to be human.
My, my... What happened here...
Ahem, and that's that!
Thanks for the patience, everyone! I truly do appreciate it considering I find myself with less time to write than usual.
But! Even so, things are moving right along. The coronation, the Holy Tomb, and the finale of Byleth's little journey of self-discovery is right around the corner. And I haven't forgotten the Moments Lost in Time side chapters, I promise. There just hasn't really been a good opportunity to fit one in yet... Expect there to be one near the beginning of the war phase.
First, however, I just wanna touch a little bit on Byleth's "enlightened" state.
So, I've brainstormed quite a lot on fun little quirks I could add to make Byleth actually seem more like the "god" he actually is. As you can gleam from this chapter, some of those side effects from Byleth's fusion with Sothis are starting to come into play. Light and animals being drawn to him won't exactly be a super serious plot element, but I thought it might be a fun little thing to toss in there. And, to be fair, from what we can see from 3H cutscenes and their choice in lighting, the light kinda does follow him.
Now, onto Edelgard. As the El we see in Crimson Flower is vastly different than what we see in White Clouds, now felt as good a time as any to begin that transition. Like Byleth, she too is taking her first steps. It was important to me to have something of a build up to the Edelgard I'll be writing in a few chapters, so I really wanted to highlight her continued growth so it felt more natural and organic than "Oh look how open and vulnerable she is allowing herself to be now."
And finally, Byleth(again). Given what a strong role "the strength of humanity" plays in Crimson Flower, Byleth felt like a perfect way to enforce that theme. Byleth's search for his origins and for the meaning of his existence has really been something I've toyed with and built up for a long, long time. While it is hardly concluded here, it will come to a conclusion during the end of Part I. Having only JUST found my own answer on what I want "humanity" to mean for Byleth, I honestly cannot wait for the conclusion to White Clouds. I'm super excited, and given how I capped this chapter off, I don't think many of you will be able to guess the answer right off the bat. Hehe.
One of my biggest gripes with the Crimson Flower variant of White Clouds is the terribly weak and almost rushed conclusion it has (a single, lovely CG and some words as the game transitions to the war phase), so fully expect the chapters that cover that scene to be much more descriptive than what was in game.
Thanks for reading everyone! I hope you're all holding up well during this state of lock down and quarantine. Next time we'll conclude this Goddess Tower scene (I think I'll add a little more to it don't quote me on that though), then lead into the trip to Enbarr!
Take care, and stay safe!
