A/N: Ok, after Blaine's comment about being a pirate and Kurt a merman, please tell me that somewhere on the interwebs this is a Fanfiction of this somewhere, if not this may have to be my next project. If it does exist, please tell me where
When they arrived at Blaine's parents' house the next day the last thing, they expected to find was Sam. He was on the balcony with Blaine's mother. An easel and canvas sat in front each of them along with an elaborate array of water colours. Blaine didn't seem phased by Sam's presence, but Kurt was a little confused.
"Didn't Sam have a date last night?" Kurt whispered to Blaine as they shrugged of their coats.
"Yeah."
"Oh, dear lord, it's not your mother is it?"
"What! No! Oh my God Kurt, ew! Get your mind out of the gutter. Oh, that's an excruciating mental image." Blaine looked like he had just watched a frog in a blender. "Remember when I told you that Mum was the one that got Sam into macaroni art? They do art together sometimes. For a while Sam was staying with us during school holidays. He's like another son to her." Blaine crushed his hands to his head as if he were suffering a brain freeze. "Yuck."
"Totally worth it to gross you out." Kurt muttered, realising how stupid his comment had been. But that did beg the question, how did Sam's date go? Blaine and Kurt had arrived a few hours early to prime themselves up for the afternoon, or rather, so Blaine could give his parents the run down not to say or do anything stupid. Blaine didn't have as much faith in his parents as Kurt did in his. But Kurt was grateful for the early arrival. It gave him a chance to settle and get to know Blaine's parents better.
When they made it to the balcony, they saw how Sam and his mother were painting. Because of her stroke his mother was still painting with her non dominant hand. She was practicing shapes which vaguely resembled the bowl of fruit between them. Sam, however, was painting with his mouth, the paintbrush held between his lips.
"Hey guys!" Sam muttered. He was sitting on his hands.
"Is this some sort of kink thing Elliot and you are doing?" Kurt asked, gesturing to his painting technique.
"Nope." Sam spat out his paintbrush. His skills made Pam's look like a masterpiece. "Pam says it's important to explore new avenues of art. I figure if she's painting with her other hand, I can try and do something different too."
"Looks good Mum." Blaine wrapped him mother in a hug. They conversed while Kurt sat beside Sam. He wanted the gossip from Sam's date because Blaine was no help whatsoever.
"So, Blaine says you went out with someone last night?" Kurt fished for details. Sam slipped the paintbrush back into his mouth and focused his eyes on the canvas.
"Can't talk, painting." He murmured; teeth bitten down on the brush.
"Aww come on."
"I'm concentrating really hard. Just… got to get the curve of the banana juuusst right."
"Did you get any other bananas just right?"
"Shush you!"
"So, you did?"
"If my bowl of fruit isn't perfect, I'm blaming you."
"I just didn't think you would be the sort to put out on a first date."
"Are you judging me?"
"What? No never! Can I at least see a photo, where's your phone?" Kurt padded Sam's pockets. There must have been a photo on the dating app.
"Leave the poor man alone." Blaine called, half-heartedly.
"Oh please, like Sam didn't do the same thing when you started dating me."
"Fair point. He was a real pain about it, actually. He keeps his phone in his shoes."
"His shoes?" Kurt looked down at Sam's feet. His sneakers were tucked underneath his chair with his phone sticking out. Kurt wasn't sure if he was that desperate to know.
"Why is your phone in your shoes?"
"Because it's annoying in my pocket and if I put it on a table, I tend to forget it, so I put it in my shoes because I'm not going to leave here without putting my shoes on." Sam was still concentrating on his artistic fruit. Kurt hoped that Sam's shoes didn't smell half as much as Blaine's. He reached down and retrieved the phone. It looked like Blaine had installed every dating app possible on Sam's phone. His screen was pinging with half a dozen unread notifications.
"What have you done to this poor boy's phone, Blaine?" Kurt looked horrified scrolling through half finished chats, an innumerable number of dick pics, a few boobs and one or two shirtless photos of Sam trying to look casual and cool. "Oh, well hello there." Kurt muttered, finding a particularly interesting photo.
"Kurt stop looking at the dick pics." Blaine warned, "My mother is right here."
"Anything worth drawing, love?" Pam snickered, loving how this made Blaine sink further into embarrassment.
"Mum!"
"If I get good enough maybe we could hang a few paintings at your father's club?"
"Kurt, do you see now why we had to get here a few hours early. We must make my mother normal. We're doomed."
"I like Pam just the way she is." Kurt retaliated, sticking his tongue out to Blaine. "Sam, I'm not seeing anything. There's nothing in these apps that says you actually arranged to meet up with anyone."
"It that so." Sam was not being helpful at all.
"Kurt will you stop, we've got more important issues on our hands. Our parents are meeting for the first time, everything has the be perfect. Or are you forgetting that your parents want to go to my parents sex club?"
"What's wrong with that Hun?" Pam mused as if it was as simple as venturing to any other tourist destination. "You forget that your parents were young once too. Who knows what trouble they got themselves into when they were your age? This one time your father and I…."
"No, nope no, no, lalalalala!" Blaine stuck his fingers in his ears. Thank God the door opened before Pam could continue her story.
"Hey Pam, I've got everything on the list, I don't know about this recipe business though, you know I can't even follow a straight line." Blaine's dad had arrived with three bags of groceries. Blaine was more than happy to abandon's his mother's conversation and help his father.
"I don't know how he survived on his own." Pam mused to Kurt and Sam as she cleaned her paintbrushes. Kurt examined what she had painted.
"Pam that's amazing." Pam's lines weren't perfect, in fact each piece of fruit in the bowl was just a little lop sided or jagged, like a painting that had been caught in the rain. But the colours, they were vibrant. There was perfection in all its imperfections. Perhaps things didn't have to be perfect at all.
And to say things went imperfectly was an understatement when it came to Blaine's dad in the kitchen. He almost set the stove on fire twice. He burnt the onions and almost forgot that alfoil couldn't go in the microwave. Thankfully Blaine was there to prevent a small explosion and removed the foil before Mr Anderson could destroy the kitchen.
"Dad, what do you do for food?"
"I usually eat frozen meals or take out." Alan admitted, chopping up the second round of onions. Alan was planning on making an old family recipe that Pam knew off my heart. She was the recipe book and head chef. Blaine and Alan were her arms and fingers. Blaine felt a little guilty that he hadn't paid a little more attention to his father in the years he had been in New York. Perhaps if he had his father wouldn't be getting his food from the microwave. Although, Blaine wasn't that much better half the time, between work and university, he often skipped meals. At least with Kurt around, he had incentive to cook. He had to impress Kurt somehow.
"Sam are you staying for dinner?" Pam asked.
"Sorry Pam, I've got a date." Sam had packed up his art supplies, snatched his phone back from Kurt and was shovelling his feet into his shoes.
"What? Another one?" Kurt was fuming. He had not found one scrap of evidence in the apps to indicate Sam was seeing anyone.
"Don't you dare tell him anything, Sam. I want to watch Kurt squirm." Blaine commanded, and being the submissive person Sam was, agreed with a wink and a devilish smile.
"Wish me luck." And with more questions raised then answered Sam left leaving Kurt with the Anderson family.
The Anderson's secret recipe pasta bake was in the oven when Burt and Carol arrived.
"Hey Kiddo." Burt wrapped Kurt up in a hug as soon as Kurt opened the door up for them. Pam had done a marvellous job setting the table with one arm despite Kurt insisting he should help.
"Hi Dad. This is Pam and Alan; they are Blaine's parents."
"Burt, Carol, it's wonderful to meet you." Pam couldn't shake anyone hand so went straight for an embrace. "Blaine is completely head over heels for your son."
"Mum!" Blaine called from the kitchen. Not even five minutes and she was embarrassing him.
"It's good to meet you. Is that cheese I smell?" Burt's nose didn't deceive him. There was a lot of cheese in the pasta bake. Burt looked like he was in heaven. It was actual cheese and not that fake stuff. The best part was, no one was going to tell him he couldn't eat it.
"Yes Dad, it's cheese. Stop thinking with your stomach."
After a bit of small talk, the pasta bake was ready, and they gathered around the table.
"Hey Blaine, have Santana and what's-his-face settled their differences yet?" Blurt asked in between bites of garlic bread.
"Not quite." Blaine pulled the key from his pocket, tossed it in the air and caught it. "This morning they were trying to use the bread knife to saw themselves free."
"When Rachel came home last night, she suggested using butter to slide their wrists free, so thanks for that, now we have no butter and a blunt bread knife." Kurt scowled.
"It's all part of teamwork." Burt tapped the side of his head. "There's method to my madness."
"So, you own a mechanic shop?" Alan mused.
"Sure do, I was never one of those desk people, you know. I like to fix things. I started with old motorbikes when I was a teenager, made my way up to cars. Saw a broken-down car on the side of the road one day, that's how I met Kurt's mother."
"Pam and I were high school sweethearts. Didn't work out so well for us though, but we got two boys out of it."
"We're getting back on track though. Besides, if things didn't go the way they did, Alan would never have a club and these two would never have met."
"Yes, this club, I'm so excited, Blaine hasn't told us much about it, not even a name, what's the place called?"
"Um, Carol." Blaine interrupted, biting the bullet. "There's something you should know about my parents club."
"It's right next to a sex club. Yup, just next door. So, you might see a few strange people walking past, but Blaine's club, yup, completely normal." Kurt chickened out. Everyone at the table looked at him. Kurt tried to act normal but nothing got passed his father who observed him with an all knowing eye.
"Ok, kid, stop embarrassing yourself." Burt sighed. "I may just be a mechanic but that makes me very good at putting pieces together. The strange naked man in your house, your complete panic at the mention of our surprise visit and this avoidance of this whole club business. Look, I get it, we're from Ohio but we're not backwards. It's one of those fancy clubs isn't it, like with the celebrities that you see on TV. Kurt's probably embarrassed of us and his high-flying friends like that weird naked model kid last night. I get it, I get it, Carol and I will be a little out of place with my flannel shirt and Carol's t-shirts."
"Hey, what's wrong with my t-shirt."
"We're not rich like your new friends but we just want to see a little bit of what your life is like Kurt. I miss you." Burt's words were so sincere Kurt felt like the worst son in existence.
"Alright, fine, lets go." Kurt sighed hearing Blaine's parents snicker from the corner of his eyes. "But don't tell me I didn't warn you. And I don't want to hear a lecture afterwards."
A/N- ok, ok, ok I know it's a short chapter but in a bit of struggle town trying to work out what happens next. Suggestions would be awesome. I kind of want to wrap this story up soon but there's like sooo many more scenarios that Klaine could play out. And lastly, thankyou to everyone who has stuck with me through every chapter, spelling mistakes and all.
