January 30, noon
"Mom, look! Deer!" A child pointed excitedly out the window at group of deer grazing near the side of the road.
Why was the child so excited? They were not particularly strange-looking deer; bigger than average, perhaps, but otherwise typical. Perhaps the boy lived in the city, where such animals were rare. His interest in the world outside his window was surprising; other children on the Lamentation Bust Tour were fixated on rectangular screens of some sort.
After using the opportunity to observe who was sitting behind her, Asterra shifted her weight in the bus seat and turned forward once more. She was currently in a tour bus that ran from ran from Mukuroo Town to the front gates of the Zoldyck estate. It left once a day at noon, and Asterra's late arrival in Mukuroo yesterday had prevented her from going to the estate on the same day. She had considered trekking but walking thirty miles in the two hours before nightfall was impossible. So instead she had stayed bought a ticket for today's tour and spent the night at a local hostel.
"Lamentation Bus Tour" was a misnomer. The facilities were clean, the workers bright and cheery. If there was anything to lament, it was that the guide's background information on the Zoldyck family was superficial at best. While it was appropriate for the casual interest tourists held, Asterra desired a well-detailed intelligence report complete with a detailed map of the grounds, points of entry, the routes taken by guards, and the shift schedules of guards. Otherwise, the tour was worth the cost as a scenic tour. The bus ran skillfully on precariously paved curving roads that hugged the mountains, allowing tourists to see grandiose tapestry of stone and forest the Dentora region prided itself on.
There was a crescendo of excited cries as Kukuroo mountain appeared on the right side. It was a grey mountain that stood taller than its peers, crowned by a ring of darkened clouds surrounding the peak. According to the guide it was 12,300 feet tall and surrounded by a large, untouched forest. The Zoldyck manor was located somewhere on the mountain, but nobody had ever seen the manor before nor any of its inhabitants—a family of ten, consisting of a great-grandfather, grandfather, grandmother, mother, father, and five children. All were, of course, assassins.
Spirits, why was she here again?
The bus pulled to a stop and the tourist guide cheerily beckoned the tourists to disembark.
"That's the front door?" Kikiri gaped. "These people have way too much money."
What greeted the tourists was a marvel of stone architecture known as the Door to Hades. It was a series of gates, embedded within each other, and a number decorated the top of each door. Ornate dragons bordered the edges of the door, as if they were trying to climb to the heavens but trapped within bronze. Two dragons bordered the top of the gate and faced each other.
According to the tour guide, the entrance was through the door beside the security checkpoint located to the lower right corner of the gates. Odd, since Leorio had mentioned they were training to open a door that weighed several tons. The small door did not look to weigh more than a couple hundred pounds. The doors with the dragon motifs must be the doors that had to be opened in order to enter the grounds unscathed. Asterra walked over to the security checkpoint Leorio had described yesterday and peeked in. "Excuse me?"
Sitting at the counter reading a magazine was a stocky old man with no hair on the top of his head and a mole near his left nostril. He looked up from his magazine. "Yes?"
"Hello, my name's Asterra. I'm here to visit Killua. I was told that the security guard, Zebro, would let me in."
"Oh!" The man's small eyes lit up. "Yes, that's me. Gon spoke about you. Please, come in. I can't let you in the grounds until the tour bus leaves, but I can at least offer you some tea."
Poison, hypnotic, paralytic. What is or is not in it? "I'm all right for the moment," Asterra replied as she sat in the extra chair Zebro had pointed out. "Thank you, though."
The tourists did not stay long, and once the bus left Zebro made a phone call. "Gon, Kurapika, and Leorio will be arriving soon to see if they can open the gate," he said.
"It's the gate with the dragons, right?" she asked.
Zebro nodded.
"How heavy are they?"
"The first set of gates is four tons total. From there, the weight doubles. Master Killua was able to open up to the third gate."
"Sixteen tons, huh." Having impossibly heavy gates was certainly one way to keep unwanted visitors out. No wonder the Zoldycks could afford to live despite their presence being a highly public one bordering on tourist attraction. She leaned forward to look at the gates from the doorway. "Have they managed to even crack it open?"
"No, unfortunately," Zebro admitted. "But they are becoming stronger. And I won't give up as long as they don't."
"I see Gon has you under his spell."
"Isn't that what brought you here as well?"
Before she could reply, a large grumbling sound of stone scraping on stone caught her attention, and she saw the doors opening. Four individuals walked out. Three she recognized, one she did not—a tanned man with spiky brown hair and eyebrows shaped like seagulls in flight. The three she knew wore black vests over their clothes.
"Ah, there's Seaquant," Zebro said.
"Asterra! You came!" Gon immediately turned towards the guardhouse and grinned. "See, Kurapika?"
The Resca walked out to meet him. "I gave you my word."
Kurapika stopped behind Gon. "Forgive me for not holding my breath. I don't associate honor with thieves."
"What a coincidence; I don't expect acceptance from bigots." Asterra gave him a sardonic smile. "Trip was great, Blondie. Thanks for asking."
"Asterra," Kikiri scolded.
The Resca growled in response to the chiding. "So, bring me up to speed. What's happened?"
In short, not much. The three were still in the process of building up enough strength to open the door, and Gon's arm had not healed yet. Asterra put her hand on the stone and looked up at the tall, dark gates. The slate-like material was cool underneath her palm, chilled by the cold Padokea air.
Killua had the ability to open it up to the third gate. The other three were still training, and she had not even begun. But still, the desire needled her. She may have only been half-Resca, but she had inherited all of their enhanced physical features. I wonder how far I can go?
"Get off a moment. I want to see what I'm up against," she said to Kikiri on her shoulder. The Dokujo complied and she dropped her sweatshirt to the side.
"What? But you haven't even done any training yet!" Leorio said.
I've done six years of it, Leorio. A quick roll of the shoulders and stretching of the arms provided a sufficient warm-up. Asterra gazed at the crack between the two doors and slowed her breathing. She placed two hands on the door and planted her feet, then shoved.
The stone didn't budge. It simply absorbed the force she applied as if mocking her. She gritted her teeth, lowered her posture, and summoned as much strength as possible from her legs. Still the door did not budge. She pushed herself off the door with a violent curse, taking a few steps back and loosening her arms.
"If you're trying to show off, it's not working," Kurapika said.
Spirits grant me patience, or I will be ripping Blondie's head off in a few days.
The Resca stood in front of the doors again and pushed once more, to no avail. However, that only served to fire up her competitive spirit even more. She had the blood of warriors running through her veins and had been one of the strongest Trainees. Killua, as tiny as he was, had opened up to the third gate. Opening up a stupid door should not have been this hard.
The static electricity that had been building up around her skin cracked.
Fire unfurled from her chest and shot through her arms, her legs. With it came a furious strength, a moment of invincibility that threatened to make her giddy. The gate creaked open slightly.
"Oh," Zebro said.
She brought her foot forward and planted it firmly, her posture now almost in a lunge. The door acquiesced to her pushing and continued to open. Two inches became three. Three became four.
"Go Asterra, go!" Gon cheered.
She grinned. Perhaps they would not have to spend much time after all.
Or maybe they would, because intrusive images slammed into her concentration with the fury of a stampeding bull. It was the memory-like non-memories from the exam, when she had beat Ezo, that seemed to accompany the fire in her limbs. The bleeding, familiar face, the snarling man on the floor, the sneering grins of the men in black. Everything hurt, somebody was crying, somebody was roaring, the dull sounds of flesh beating on flesh seeped through the wooden door, they were telling her to hurt the one in front of her, they were they were they were—
Fear bubbled up, entered her throat, made her want to vomit.
NO!
There was a whiplash—like someone had let go of a rubber band stretched for too long—and everything closed down on her again. Cold claws dug deep into the fire in her limbs. The fire struggled furiously, fighting for each inch of ground it was being forced to give back. But even it couldn't fight for an eternity, and it screamed with fury as it was dragged back into its cage in her chest and the door was slammed shut.
The strength dissipated, and she couldn't fight the force applied by the gate anymore. Stone moved at an alarming pace to close the opening. It shoved her backwards, overwhelming her and knocking her off balance. Concrete slammed into her shoulder blades and she slid backwards a foot. She spat out an oath as she sat up, wiping clammy perspiration from her face.
Kikiri bounded over to her. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine." She rubbed her temple; her head throbbed, like someone had just bashed her head with a club.
"That was awesome!" Gon cheered.
"Holy shit," Leorio breathed. "Are you for real?"
That phrase again. "I exist, don't I?" She rose to her feet and stepped aside to let the others try.
"How...why?"
"I can't give you an answer if you don't give me a coherent question."
"I can see why you couldn't wait for her to come," Zebro said to Gon.
"That wasn't the reason I couldn't wait, but sure," the boy grinned back.
Kurapika and Leorio had no better luck than she did at opening the door. After half an hour of trying to no avail, the group went home. Along the way, Gon debriefed her on what had occurred in the past week and a half, including the strength regimen training the trio had undergone.
"So I've got some catching up to do, then." The Resca smiled, something bubbling up within her at the challenge. People were difficult, but physical obstacles? Here was something she could throw herself against. Be it boulders or mountains, she was a Resca. That gate would move, sooner or later. "Where do I get one of those vests?"
"I can give you one when we return to the cabin," Zebro replied.
They returned to a reasonably sized log cabin, with furniture made of the same wood as the outside. It was comfortably furnished.
Zebro brought over a vest. "This vest is 110 pounds. Please wear it at all times except when you are sleeping. We'll make it heavier as you become accustomed to it."
She put on the vest and felt its weight immediately. Not enough to crush, but heavy enough to feel herself being pushed into the ground.
"The house's items weigh over forty-five pounds apiece. For example, the cups are forty-five pounds and the teapot is ninety pounds."
So, it was immersion training except with strength instead of languages. Asterra grasped the cup and attempted to lift it to her mouth, but the cup stayed stubbornly on the table and her arm jolted at the resistance. She let go of the cup for the moment, then placed one hand under the cup while wrapping around the cup with the other and brought it up to her mouth. The cup was manageable; it was going to be interesting using a fork with two hands to eat, though.
"Not bad at all. You're doing better than your friends on their first day." Zebro laughed. "After dinner, I'll show you to the room you can use."
Asterra nodded and placed the teacup carefully back on the table despite being tempted to let it fall out of her hands.
=o=o=o=
February 8th
The days fell into a routine. The morning consisted of waking up and struggling to eat breakfast with forty-five-pound utensils. After exchanging snide words with Kurapika, the three Hunters would train through various mundane tasks such as chopping wood using weighted axes and lifting heavy furniture until around one o'clock in the afternoon. They would have an hour for lunch and rest, by which time the daily tourists would have left and they would be able to attempt opening the Testing Gates.
It was during one such attempt by Leorio that Seaquant butted in. "This ain't gonna work," Seaquant said. "You kids need to wake up."
"Then why don't you quit gawkin' and get back to work?!" Leorio snarled.
"Gon is one of us, and he wishes to see his friend. It's only right that we help him," Kurapika said. "We will open this door, no matter what."
After a moment's pause, Seaquant clicked his tongue in annoyance. "Then start using your brain. Mike and that door doesn't care if all three of you work together to open it. Coordinate your pushing." Seaquant gave Asterra and Kurapika a pointed look. "Not that it's going to work with the bad blood between you two."
Asterra crossed her arms and looked to the side to see Gon looking at her with puppy dog eyes.
Spirits, he isn't going to—
"So we have to get you two to be make up," Gon said.
She felt the glare from behind digging into her scalp. "That's not an option."
"Gon, I can't reconcile with a wild animal," Kurapika said flatly.
"Wild animal?" She laughed. "Are you running out of insults, Blondie? I've been called worse."
"Whoever raised you obviously failed to teach you morals—doesn't that make you no better than a beast?"
The laughter died in her throat at those words. Asterra's right hand curled into a fist.
"Come on, not again…" Leorio stepped in between the two, arms outstretched as if to keep the two at bay. "Guys, seriously, let's calm down…"
"Leorio, move. My quarrel's with the self-righteous son of a bitch behind you." Her foot slid back. "If you don't get out of the way, you will get hurt."
"Come on, this isn't the best way to solve this," Leorio replied.
A cynical smile crossed her face. "Maybe. But it's the way I know best."
A bead of sweat trailed down Leorio's face.
"Last chance."
"Asterra, this isn't a good way," Kikiri pleaded. "Come on."
Leorio didn't move.
Fine then. Asterra lunged forward.
The vest weighed her down more than it should have—Kurapika managed to block her strike with his forearm. He still went sliding backwards several feet.
When he lowered his arms, Scarlet Eyes were glaring at her.
Here we go.
Kurapika's first strike was a jab to her face that she barely managed to redirect. She stepped around him and landed a blow to his right kidney. He staggered forward with a grunt, then an elbow came flying back at her. It was faster than anticipated and hit her squarely in the nose.
A couple jumps to separate them, and she risked shrugging off the vest—but within that moment, Kurapika had closed the gap. His foot sped towards her chest and it slammed into her hasty guard.
Kurapika's hand shot at her like a viper. Pale fingers dug into her shoulder and shoved sharply, knocking her off balance. Gravity dragged her down, but like hell she was going down alone. She grabbed the front of Kurapika's shirt in a grapple and wedged her leg in between them, placing one foot against his chest. Both combatants tumbled down towards the ground, a tangle of limbs and snarls.
Her back slammed into the floor; in the next moment she rolled backwards and kicked Kurapika off, sending him flying over her head. She rolled over her shoulder into a kneeling stance and whirled around. Kurapika used one hand to break his fall and pushed off in a flip, landing on his feet with a catlike grace. The moment his feet touched the floor, he threw off his vest with one hand and charged her with a growl.
Interesting; another frontal attack? The Scarlet Eyes may have enhanced Kurapika's physical capabilities, but his creativity suffered in exchange. Kurapika had good foundational technique and instincts for combat, but his real strength was in strategy. It was his mind that made him a methodical and skilled fighter that warranted caution. The current Kurapika warranted caution for a different reason—his Scarlet Eyes had sent him into a frenzy, akin to a shark on the trail of wounded prey. The Kurta's words at the Trick Tower had been accurate.
And you call me a wild animal. Hypocrite.
Kurapika landed a roundhouse kick to her side that crashed into her block. He planted his foot, then continued to spin, smoothly transitioning into a heel kick with his other foot. She felt the wind cut across her face as she leaned back to avoid the kick and transitioned into a backflip to gain some distance.
Yells entered her ears, but the message was lost upon her. All that mattered was the threat in front of her, and how to eradicate it in the most efficient manner. Her breaths came in huffs, quicker than expected. Her mind whirred with possibilities, images and experiences from the past layering on top of the present to formulate a plan for the future.
When Kurapika charged at her again, she redirected one blow and wove through his arms to land a hit on his mouth. He staggered but was prevented from falling backwards by Asterra's firm grip on his arm. Her other arm snaked over Kurapika's shoulder, grabbing the material at the base of his neck. Her right foot hooked Kurapika's and swept it out from under him. The youth lost his balance, and she used the momentum to shove him to the ground.
Kurapika's back hit the earth with a hiss of pain. She slammed her knee into his side as she pulled up on his arm, hard, to expose his side. Her other fist coiled back, ready to descend—
—but it didn't. A grip of iron clamped around her wrist and prevented her arm from moving.
Another enemy? She whirled on the force behind her, her teeth bared in a snarl. But it was not an enemy that held her arm back.
It was Gon.
"Stop." The command was simple, the malice was nonexistent. But the look in Gon's eyes still sent a chill down her spine.
Danger, danger. Do not anger. Her reptile chittered anxiously. Asterra snapped her wrist out of his grasp—a surprisingly difficult task—and leaped away from Kurapika, landing in a crouch near Leorio. Blood dripped from her nose down her chin. When the Kurta rose to lunge at her again, Gon stepped in and yanked on his arm, making the youth jolt and fall to his knees.
"Let me go, Gon!" Kurapika snarled.
"No. I'm sick of this," Gon said. "Why are two being so mean to each other? This isn't what friends do!"
"We are not friends," Kurapika hissed.
"Good to know we agree on something," Asterra chuckled darkly.
"You both want to save Killua don't you?"
The two looked down.
"Don't you?!" Gon demanded.
Kurapika and Asterra nodded.
"Then stop making this about yourselves. Make this about Killua! We can't save him if we don't get past this door. We'll take forever to open this door if we don't work together, and by then it could be too late!"
Kurapika yanked his arm out of Gon's grip, rubbing blood away from a split lip. His eyes flashed, red, grey, red, grey, until they finally stayed their normal color.
After checking to see her nose wasn't broken, Asterra wiped the blood away with the back of her hand. There was a burning sensation at the pit of her stomach, one that itched at her legs and made her want to bolt. Kikiri climbed onto Asterra's shoulder.
"Why don't you four take the rest of the day off?" Zebro's words cut through the awkward silence. "All of you have been training extremely hard for the last few days—you're bound to be tired."
"It's not a problem," Asterra said.
Zebro's kind eyes sharpened. "Miss Asterra, might I remind you that you just started a brawl with Kurapika? That kind of relationship is not conducive to your progress. I strongly suggest taking a break."
Zebro's tone left no room for argument. The two combatants put on their vests again. The elderly sentry opened the door and the five set upon the path back to the cabin.
Finally, Asterra couldn't tolerate the itching in her legs anymore. "Zebro, does anything else that can eat me live on the grounds? Except for Mike."
"Not to my knowledge, no," Zebro replied.
"I'm going to go take a hike. I'll be back before dark." Asterra walked off.
Nobody stopped her.
=o=o=o=
After alternating between walking and running for ten miles, Asterra doubled back to the Gates of Hades.
"Really? Really?" Kikiri said. "Why are we doing this? This is stupid."
Asterra shed her sweater and weighted vest. "Because there is no way Kurapika's going to call a truce with me. I just need a couple more days until I can open this door by myself. The other three can work together."
"Remember what you did the first day here? You had a splitting headache for two days after that. You even took medicine for it!"
"That's not guaranteed to happen again."
Kikiri made an exasperated noise. "Knock yourself out."
Asterra cracked her knuckles and rolled her shoulders. Her stance widened into one of strength, then laid her palms against the door. The gate was double hinged, which meant it could open in both directions and explained the self-closing function it had. Zebro's absence did not have to prevent her from practicing.
She shoved.
Similar to before, the door seemed to swallow up any force she produced. But that thrill in her arms, the furious strength, returned once more. The door cracked open, to a greater degree than before.
But once more the terror, nausea, and dread hit her like a tidal wave. It slammed down on the thrill with the fury of a water gate, and suddenly she was being shoved back. Asterra leaped out of the way, and the gate boomed as it shut.
"Shit," she hissed, then tried again. But the attempt ended in the same way as the last—that burst of strength cut short by an almost paralyzing fear and nausea.
Her attempts blurred together, and night threatened to fall. But even after several hours of trying to coax that strength out and prolong it for as long as possible, she was no further than she had been before.
"Asterra, come on, let's go home!" Kikiri whined pitifully. "I'm hungry, and Zebro said he'd give me fresh pork!"
"One more shot," she panted. "I think I can get it." She planted herself firmly in the ground. The thrill shot through her limbs. Then came nausea, then dread, then the sound of static crackling across her skin. The door opened once more. All as expected.
The pain, though, was not expected.
It rushed down her arms and legs, following the sensation of her skin splitting. Mists of blood spurted around her bandages. Following that pain like a one-two punch was a sharp needling sensation that lanced through the front part of her brain.
A scream tore itself from her throat, and she barely managed to leap away in time before the gate slammed shut in her face as a final insult.
Kikiri was over to her in a flash. "Asterra?!"
The pile of limbs lying on the soil in a crumpled heap answered with controlled breaths, evidence of a person trying to reign in pain. It was several minutes before Asterra sat up. Dread prevented her from looking too closely at her bandages, because what she had felt was the same sensation as when her nodules had ruptured. She hoped that the pink color on her bandages was the sunset and not blood.
It took more effort than it should have to stand. Ultimately it was a wasted effort, because Asterra tumbled into the nearest tree and leaned against it for support.
Just before she could push off the tree to walk, though, Kikiri broke the silence. "We need to talk."
Spirits, it was the mother hen tone. She was not in the mood to deal with this, especially with the growing headache that both pulsed and stabbed at her brain. "No, we don't." Asterra peeked underneath the bandages and breathed a sigh of relief. There were wounds, yes, but they were nothing more than papercut-like lacerations scattered across her skin. Taking a shower would sting, but she would not require IV antibiotics.
"Yes, we do."
She started to walk towards the cabin. "No, we don't."
There were popping sounds of Kikiri elongating, and suddenly she couldn't take another step. She toppled to the ground, caught in Kikiri's strangle hold.
"Dammit, Kikiri!" she snarled. "Let me go!"
"Are you going to make me poison you too?" He snarled back. "Because I will if it means having this conversation!"
Oh for fuck's sake… Asterra did not have resistance to Kikiri's poison, likely because he had not bit her enough to build her immunity. "Fine, fine! I give up."
Kikiri withdrew from her, and she stood up again. The Dokujo sat on a branch so that he could see eye to eye with her.
Asterra rubbed her temples. "So, what is it? Say your two jennies."
"Your fight with Kurapika—Why did you do it?"
"He insulted mom and dad. People have killed for lesser reasons, Kikiri. Why is this a problem now?"
"It's always been a problem."
Asterra cocked her head.
"Every time someone pisses you off, every time you get hurt, you respond with aggression and overkill."
"So?"
"SO?!" Kikiri fluffed up. "This isn't healthy, Asterra! It's going to backfire on you one day!"
She crossed her arms, shoulders hunching up. "I'll get stronger. I won't be killed."
"That isn't the point here!" His voice was sharp and shrill, like the warning cries used to scare away predators. "All the fighting, the anger…Does it make you feel better? Does it make the pain go away? Does it?!"
"Shut up."
"No! I've seen you get hurt so, so many times! I've seen you almost get strangled, almost fall to your death…You almost died during the exam from infection! I don't want to see your get hurt when you don't have to!"
Asterra bit her lip, taken by a sudden urge to withdraw into herself and ignore her surroundings. But shoving back violently against that urge was something else.
"Say somet—"
That something else hurtled out of her throat as a roar. "Then what else am I supposed to do?!"
Kikiri, to his credit, did not flinch.
Her throat was closing, frustration forcing itself up from within her chest. It pressed up on her eyes and made her vision blur. At the same time, the urge to lash out swept her up in its claws. She wanted to hurt—either make something hurt more than she did or feel enough physical pain to drown everything else out.
"This"—Asterra raised a fist and pointed at it—"This is all I know! This is what's always worked! I can't do anything else! I was taught to fight and survive, not be a fucking diplomat!"
Kikiri did not move. He stood stock still, a pillar of calm in front of the storm made human that threatened to tear its surroundings apart.
The two stared at each other.
Asterra looked away first. Fatigue swept over her, weakened her legs and core. She leaned against a nearby tree, back against the bark, and slid down until her rear hit the soil. Bandaged fingers tangled into her hair and tightened, threatening to tear her scalp off. The roar in her voice was gone, replaced by an infuriatingly shaky voice, and her eyes burned. "How else am I supposed to solve anything?"
"By talking." Kikiri crawled up on her knees. "I know you can do it! You did it with Ponzu in the train. This isn't any different."
"This isn't Ponzu. I don't understand Kurapika."
"What makes you say that?"
"He…" she paused to think. Her brows furrowed.
"You don't know, do you?"
Asterra bit her lip.
"You don't understand him because you don't know anything about him. You don't know anything about him because you don't talk to him. You don't talk to him because you don't understand him. This is a vicious cycle, Asterra. One that needs to be broken before things get out of control."
She brought her knees to her chest and gripped her legs tightly. Her head leaned forward until her forehead rested upon her knees.
Kikiri's voice was soft. It rained down from above, as he moved to Asterra's shoulder. "Don't let him be another person you beat up and leave to die in a forest. Maybe you couldn't be more than that during Training, but you can start being more now."
As if. Old habits died hard, and hope was traitorous. "I can't. I can't be better. I'm stuck."
"You're only as stuck if you think you are. There's nothing saying you have to feel like this forever."
Her shoulders shook, and a lump welled up in her throat.
It was hard to imagine a better or even different self. She had felt like this for a long time now—restless, cold, desperate. This was her normal, dammit. This was what had allowed her to survive the past six years. How could she throw away what had allowed her to succeed? How else was she supposed to live?
Spirits, she was an absolute mess. Training was supposed to have beat these aspirations out of her and made her stronger for it. She was supposed to be cool, professional, and always in control. She was supposed to not feel, just think and act. But ever since she had left Training, left Mereta, all the things that were supposed to have died had risen from the grave. Fear and nerves hounded her every step, and emotions burst out haphazardly like steam from between cracks in stone. Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic. I need to fix this, shut it down, bury it.
"If you bury it, you'll blow up."
Asterra looked up at Kikiri. "What?"
"You said you should shut it down and bury it. Knowing you, it's about your feelings."
Did I say that out loud? Was she losing control of her faculties now? Asterra groaned and placed her forehead on her knees again. "...Do you think I can be more?"
"Yep."
"…Why do you believe in me, Kikiri?"
"Well, you're not going to be doing it anytime soon. Someone's gotta do it."
She glared at him.
"Do you know how much I wish that was a joke?" he asked. "Now come on. Nothing's going to start if we just keep sitting here. I'll be there with you, every step of the way. We'll figure it out together, yeah?"
Asterra raised her head, exhaled, and nodded. Wiped the salt out of her eyes, pushed past the fatigue in her legs to stand up and walk.
Because Kikiri was right—nothing would start unless she acted.
=o=o=o=
Gon, Leorio, Kurapika, and Zebro were putting away dishes when she arrived back at the cabin.
"Welcome back," Zebro said. "There's leftover stew and rice in the fridge. Help yourself."
Asterra nodded, then caught Kurapika's eye. When the blonde turned away, she walked up to him and said, "I want to clear the air. I don't care if it's privately or here."
There were more elegant ways to start this conversation, surely. Then again, she had never really been an elegant person to begin with. Asterra could feel three sets of eyes on her neck, and Leorio was gaping at her. "What?" she snapped.
Kurapika finished putting away a plate. "Why now?"
Kikiri poked her neck encouragingly.
The words lodged themselves in her throat, and she had to force them out. "Because I can't open the door by myself. I…I want to help the little git, and to do that I need your help. Everyone's help. And it won't start unless we call a ceasefire."
A moment of silence as Kurapika scrutinized her. Ages seemed to pass before he finally said, "Fine."
Leorio and Gon looked at each other.
Zebro filled up a cup of tea then set the teapot aside. "I'll give you all some privacy." He left the room.
Kurapika sat down at the dinner table, and Asterra sat across from him. Leorio and Gon brought a pot of tea over and gave each person a cup. It felt strange—like setting the stage for a play.
Leorio stood at the head of the table. "All right, let set some ground rules here. Say what you want, but let's be civil and not interrupt each other. I'll mediate, and we'll continue until differences are settled. Good?"
"You going to ground us if we don't follow the rules, Mom?" Asterra replied.
"For crying out loud, I'm trying to help you. Cut the sarcasm."
"Leorio's right." Kikiri sat on the table near Leorio's arm. "And no violence."
"Yes, no fighting," Gon nodded. "So, who first?"
"Rock paper scissors. Winner goes first," Leorio said.
The two played, and Kurapika won.
"Okay, you first Kurapika. What's bothering you?"
"I've made myself clear this entire time," Kurapika replied. "I take affront to Asterra's lack of morals, as evidenced by her penchant for stealing and violence. She stole the sword from the Trick Tower, looted a dead applicant's belongings, and uses violence to solve her problems on a regular basis."
"You'd be half-dead right now if I had decided to solve this with violence," Asterra said.
"Asterra, no." Kikiri swiped at her hand, and she withdrew her hand.
"You tried that earlier today," Kurapika replied, eyes cold. "You can't beat me into submission."
"Never too late for round two," she replied with a flash of teeth.
"AND CUT!" Leorio thrust his arm between the two. "So Kurapika, you don't like Asterra's conduct because it doesn't seem moral."
"Correct," Kurapika nodded.
"All right, you next, Asterra."
"I take issue with Blondie's preachy attitude. He draws conclusions without even knowing me and brings my parents into problems that aren't even related to them. I defend myself but it's like I'm talking to a wall."
"So you feel attacked. But when you try to explain yourself to Kurapika, you don't feel like you're being understood."
"I…guess?" She frowned, then nodded. "Yes." That's scary accurate, actually.
"What is there to know about a thief?" Kurapika asked.
Leorio looked at the youth like he wanted to strangle him for a moment, then smoothed over his expression. "Kurapika, you do not have to have the last word every time…" he muttered.
Asterra, on the other hand, transitioned into offense. "What is it with you and calling me a thief? I requisitioned supplies from a corpse and the Trick Tower, yes."
"It was stealing," Kurapika said.
"It was survival," she snapped back. "If they wanted the damn weapon back so much they would've said something. And corpses don't need to eat."
"Just because somebody doesn't miss something doesn't mean it's not stealing."
"If they don't miss something it means they don't need it. What's the problem with rearranging items to maximize their use?"
"It wasn't yours to begin with. And you've stolen once. What's to prevent you from stealing what someone else needs?"
"Asterra, Kurapika—" Gon started.
A bandaged fist slammed into the table with enough force to make the teacups bounce. "By the Spirits, what do you want from me?!" Asterra snarled. "I've explained my reasons, multiple times, in Basic. You speak Basic. There should be no communication issues. But no matter how much I explain, you don't hear me."
Kurapika continue to glare at her. His eyes flickered.
"Like that!" She gestured at him. "I could explain until my tongue falls off, but it just makes your eyes put on a lightshow. Why? Do I look like the fucking Phantom Troupe or something!?"
Kurapika's eyes burned scarlet.
She tensed, and images cropped up in her mind—ways to retaliate if Kurapika reached for her using teapots, tables, and her fists. At the same time a single word echoed in her mind.
Phantom Troupe.
The words had been an accident—a name she drew on a whim out of her mind as something she knew he hated. But they stirred up memories from the beginning of the Hunter Exam, when motivations for becoming a Hunter were exchanged. Of one particular sentence from Kurapika.
"They killed all of my kin and took every single eye from their corpses."
And as he continued to glare at her with unfiltered hate, realization dawned upon her. The rationale behind the relentless animosity, the bitterness, the flash of scarlet when a snide exchange threatened to escalate. If what she had theorized was the cause, it would make sense why he had objected so strongly to requisitioning supplies from a corpse.
"You think I'm no better than the Phantom Troupe," she said.
Kurapika shifted his weight in the chair.
"You weren't there when your clan was wiped out. You just saw the aftermath. But when I requisitioned supplies from the sniper, it was similar to how you imagined the Phantom Troupe taking eyes from your kin."
Gon, Leorio, and Kikiri's heads snapped towards Kurapika.
Kurapika's shoulders shook. It was all the affirmation she could hope to receive from a fellow stoic, but it was sufficient.
Her mind went blank, words drying up as the rage that had fueled her dissipated. She had found the issue, great. But how the hell was she supposed to get out of this problem? How was she supposed to convince someone to work with her when he thought she was no better than his sworn enemy?
Oh, for Spirits' sake, someone do something. I have no idea where to go from here.
It was Leorio that answered her prayers. "Kurapika, is Asterra right?"
The blonde took a deep breath, then reached for his cup of tea. "Yes."
"Then what would it take for Asterra to convince you that she's not the Phantom Troupe?"
Kurapika sipped tea to think. "Back in the fourth exam phase, Kikiri said to not judge you until you told your story. So tell me it now. Convince me you're not a spider that needs to be exterminated."
She knew what story he was referring to—Training. "And that'll help?"
"No guarantees."
Her heart pounded; her intestines twisted into knots.
She had never told anyone else about what had happened during Training. Only Kikiri knew, by virtue of being there the entire time, because she loathed to let anyone know that side of her. Hell, she had tried to forget it herself, bury it deep in the cemetery that was the past. But secrets were like artifacts, apparently. No matter how long ago they had been buried or thrown away, even if they were nothing more than scraps and shards, someone would come dig them up eventually.
And that someone was Kurapika, accompanied by Leorio and Gon.
"Vok o garei," she whispered. Spirits grant me strength. A breath to help instill some calm, then another to gather her thoughts. She would have to be very careful with her words—an oath six years old prevented her from speaking about Wraiths and the exact details of how she was Trained. She gripped the fabric of her sweatshirt tight to prevent her hands from shaking. "I told you I had six years of military training, didn't I?"
Kurapika nodded.
"That training was designed to make soldiers that would go where nobody wanted to go and would come back alive regardless. It did that by creating an adverse environment." She ruffled her hair. "By starving us."
"That...seems counterproductive," Kurapika said. "But continue."
"We got one meal a day—lunch. It was never enough. But if we met certain goals, if we ranked higher than our peers, we got more food. Naturally, there started to be a rift—the naturals, who stayed well-fed, and the untalented."
"And you were a natural, weren't you?" Gon asked.
"No. I starved."
Gon's eyes widened.
"I was gullible, and I didn't want to hurt anyone. Wanted to be a good kid. It backfired." She crossed her arms. "I turned into a stick. I was useless in drills, which meant I got no food and earned beatings from teammates. Kikiri had to feed me, but I could barely keep anything down. I thought I was going to die."
"What...happened?" Leorio asked.
"I woke up."
Kurapika leaned forward slightly. "Meaning…?"
"I realized nobody would protect me and no rules would save me. I realized humans live at the expense of others."
Yes, yes. They crush the weak and feed on them. Her reptile brain's voice slithered in her mind, its words a rhythmic whisper. They band together for temporary benefits, only to betray and devour each other as soon as the hunger becomes too much to bear. In the end, you are alone. And alone you will always be.
"I realized I am the only one that will always be there for myself. I have to be the strongest, the fastest, the most ruthless to survive, like I promised to my parents." Her tone was flat, businesslike. But the words were a torrent, running wild similar to water finally free of a dam, and it unnerved her. She was losing control again, unable to filter her words so that she told just enough without revealing too much. It didn't help that Gon was staring at her with brown eyes filled with...something.
"I was too weak to be kind and strong, so I became something to be feared. I stole food to become stronger. I sabotaged others' chances so I would rank higher. When people stole from me, I hunted them down and took double from them. When they beat me, I ambushed them while they slept."
Kurapika narrowed his eyes. "Did you kill?"
"…I didn't take anyone's lives. Took their futures, though."
"Clarify."
They all came back—memories of breaking bodies, of leaving broken bodies. Memories of voices pleading for mercy, of voices crying for help from loved ones too far away to help. Memories of other Trainees huddling in a corner as one of their "friends" fell to her wrath, of her own desperate satisfaction as she walked away from another neutralized threat, her hand tightly clenched around meager strips of meat.
"I beat three people and left them to freeze. They lost fingers to frostbite and now can't hold weapons."
"Okay, well, that's not too bad..." Leorio said.
How long will he be able to keep thinking that? "One person is now half-blind because I damaged their eye. Two people have a stump instead of an ear. One girl is so badly scarred she cannot marry; her brother's foot is mangled, leaving him lame. I broke all the bones in a girl's hand with a hammer and now that hand's useless."
Leorio paled.
"I could go on, but you get the gist, no?"
"You've made your point." Kurapika nodded. "I'm surprised you remember them all."
"It's not something you easily forget." She straightened her posture. "So yes, Blondie—"
"Call him by name, Asterra," Kikiri said.
"Kurapika," she ground out through clenched teeth. "I'm a fucked up individual capable of doing fucked up things. But it's for a reason, and I don't do it without cause. And it is not my parent's fault. They raised me fine; I was the one that strayed off the path." Shit, shit, that last sentence was unnecessary. Why did I say that?
Kurapika drank his tea and deliberated. Quiet enveloped the two, seemingly shutting out the rest of the world.
There was no way he would make a truce after hearing that. Nobody in their right mind would; doing so would be like making a deal with the Devil. Hell, it wouldn't surprise her if they kicked her out of the house and fed her to Mike to be rid of her.
She normally enjoyed silence. But this time, it made her mind race. Allowed it to entertain thoughts and scenarios.
It was downright agonizing.
...
She had finished running through options of how to fight against three attackers and escape into the woods when Kurapika's words brought her back to reality.
"You're not all lost."
Asterra's head snapped up.
"You steal, you bend the rules, you use violence to solve problems, and most likely lie as well." He looked up at her from his cup. "But you have yet to break a promise."
She lowered her eyes, studying a whorl in the wooden table intently. "Like I said, I don't have much going for me." She wrapped her hands around the cup, feeling the warmth seep into her skin, then looked up. "My word is all I have left. What worth do I have if I break it?"
"That is my point. You refuse to trample on the one thing many are quick to throw away. All is not lost if you still hold something sacred." He sighed. "You have no idea how much I want to demonize you. It would be easier to hate you if I could. But I can't; not completely. Not like the Phantom Troupe."
Wait, wait, wait. Is he actually—
"I don't agree with your methods or your philosophy. Chances are, I never will. But so long as you hold others' trust sacred, I will respect you." Kurapika extended his hand to her. "Truce?"
She stared at the hand, dumbfounded. "Just like that?"
"Oh, don't worry; I still have choice words for you. I'll save them for after we help Killua, though." His expression softened ever so slightly. "I apologize for my behavior up until now, and for slandering your parents."
"Fine. Truce it is." She took his hand. "And I…also apologize for my words back on the island. They were…cruel. And for starting that fight today."
Kurapika nodded. "Apology accepted."
A massive cheer erupted from the onlookers.
"Hell yeah!" Leorio's arms swung around Asterra's and Kurapika's shoulders, then brought the two close to him. Asterra started at the sudden proximity.
Kikiri bounded onto her shoulder and rubbed against her neck.
"We can go save Killua now!" Gon's eyes were bright with hope.
"We still don't know if we can open the door," Asterra said.
Leorio grinned at her. "You kidding me? If all of us work together, even if we can't open it tomorrow, we'll have it open this week. Guaranteed!"
"Provided you pull your own weight," Kurapika said.
"What'd you say, punk?!"
"No, not you two now!" Gon pleaded.
=o=
Outside the door to the living room, Zebro smiled as he brought the cup of tea to his lips. "Ah, youth."
"Eavesdropping, Zebro?" Seaquant asked.
"I was curious to see how they would fare."
"Eavesdropping is eavesdropping, no matter the intent."
"I suppose. You should know everything worked out, though."
"I didn't ask."
"Right, of course." Zebro smiled. "It would be unlike you to delay going to guard duty until after their discussion ended. You just happen to be fifteen minutes late for your shift."
"That ain't none of your business, ya sly old coot," Seaquant grunted as he descended the stairs.
Zebro smiled once more. "Ah, youth."
=o=o=o=
February 14, Afternoon
Leorio, Kurapika, and Asterra stood in front of the Testing Gate, stretching out their limbs. The sun shone deceptively bright—little warmth graced the air. Not that it bothered Asterra; she loved the cold.
"Why don't you three take off those vests today?" Zebro suggested. "Throw all of your strength against the gate."
"Yes!" Leorio began to remove his vest. "Music to my ears!"
There were three large thuds as the vests—now two hundred pounds each—dropped to the floor. Each vest made a small crater where they made contact with the floor.
Asterra rolled her neck and stretched. It was strange having the vest off while it was still light outside—she felt lighter, like the wind could pick her up and taker her away to the clouds.
"You two ready for this?" Leorio asked as the three lined up in front of the door.
"More than ready," Asterra replied, cracking her knuckles and placing her palms against the door.
"On three, then," Kurapika said. "One, two, three!"
All three sharply exhaled and pushed. The door remained closed, but slowly acquiesced to their demand. With a groan it cracked open, and Asterra, being in the middle, saw the path on the other side.
Time to dig deep.
She reached within, to where the fire resided in the depths of her chest and coaxed it to come out. It came willingly, and the static electricity crackled across her skin. With a snarl, the furious strength filled her limbs and the door continued to open more.
And right on cue came the nausea, dread and screaming. The same images filled her headspace once again, threatening to drown her in it. Before it could, she directed her focus towards her physical surroundings—the stone under her hand, the cement under her feet, the smell of the forest. She took one step forward. The door creaked open, and the gap between grew wider.
"Come on, we're almost there!" Leorio said. "Push!"
The hell do you think I'm doing?! She took another step forward simultaneously with the other two youths. The door creaked open another inch.
And then, she couldn't maintain the pressure anymore. Pain ricocheted across her arms and legs, and she bit down on the scream that threatened to escape her throat. Any distraction would invite failure; she couldn't afford to cry out, no matter how much it hurt.
"Shit, shit, shit! Come on, move! Come on!" Luckily Leorio's swearing was loud enough to cover any auditory signs of weakness from her. The three Hunters grunted in an attempt to summon the strength to move the gates, but the humans and the door were at a standstill.
That was when a flash of green caught her eye. Gon was next to her, hands placed against the door.
"Gon? What about your arm?" Kurapika asked.
"It's all better now!" Gon chirped back. "We just have to push together as one, right?"
Leorio and Kurapika looked at each other, shrugging. "Yep," Leorio said. "So let's do this! One, two, three!"
The four Hunters dug in their heels and threw their entire weight against the door.
There was a moment where the door did not move. The next moment it started to creak again, and again, and again, until the gap was wide enough for Gon to fall through it.
And then, the door was open. Leorio leaned against one of the doors, hid body plastered over it. Kurapika and Asterra leaned against the other door.
"It opened." Gon's mouth was wide in surprise.
"Hell yeah it did!" Leorio fistpumped in the air, only to slump against the door again. Beads of perspiration trailed down his forehead.
"Finally," Kurapika sighed, placing his back against the door to catch his breath. He looked to his left to see Asterra clutching her head with her left hand. She leaned against her right forearm, which was placed against the stone gate. Blood dripped from the fingertips of her right hand.
"Are you all right?" he asked. "You're bleeding."
"Yeah, I'm fine," she replied, rubbing her temples. That stabbing headache was back again, and it was as bad as the first time. "I ripped a hangnail this morning. Pushing must have made it bleed again." She curled her fingers into a fist before Kurapika could notice that her cuticles were fine. The blood was likely from the papercut-like wounds that had likely been reopened all up and down her arms. Luckily Gon had jumped in before the wounds could become worse.
"Congratulations, everyone!" Zebro said. "You're all set to go up to the mansion!"
"Thank you, Zebro-san!" Gon said.
"Come back to the house to pack your things, then you can be off."
The group of applicants nodded, walking back to the cabin at a brisk pace. Once they had gathered their luggage, Zebro and Seaquant gathered at the entrance to the house to see them off.
"How do we get to Killua's house from here?" Gon asked.
"Follow the path, and head for the mountain. The mansion is somewhere on the mountain." Zebro gestured towards the path. "I would tell you where it was, but I'm ashamed to admit that even though I've worked here for twenty years I've never been up the mountain. I'm sorry I can't be of more help."
"No, not at all! You've both helped us get so far! Thank you for everything!" Gon bowed. Leorio and Kurapika also bowed, while Asterra nodded her thanks. Gon looked back to the three. "Come on, let's go! Killua's waiting!"
The boy bounced around like a puppy, excitement in his eyes and his steps. The other three Hunters set foot on the path, exhilaration in their step as well.
What monsters or men lay ahead of them, only time would reveal.
Thanks for reading :)
Rhyss
