A/N: thought you'd like some good ol' Willicia fluff! Enjoy xx
The song for this chapter is "Let You Love Me" by The New Graces, and it's really special to me. My home and surrounding towns were impacted by the bushfires in Australia. For weeks, all that the local radio broadcasted was emergency messages and alerts. This was the first song I heard on the radio once the alerts slowed down - and there was even a drizzle of rain when it played.
YouTube - watch?v=AiDmG8F-9fU
Spotify - album/282Y06d6mFIqNo0cr8kTWf
Chapter 25: Let You Love Me
Alicia is practically throwing cutlery down, clammering loudly against the bottom of the sink. She's crabby, more than crabby. The only one who knows it is Maisey, however, who is staring at her curiously.
That is until Will arrives home. "Hey," he tries tentatively. Alicia is still continuing with her dish-attack. "You're gonna break something..."
"Why am I the only one who does anything around here?" Alicia snaps. She stops only to stare at Will, waiting for an answer.
"Hey, now that's not fair-"
"No! No, it's not fair!" She cries. "Is what I do at work all day less taxing, or less valuable for some reason?"
"Of course not-"
"Well, you sure seem to act like it," she grumbles, tossing forks onto the dish rack.
Will immediately grabs a tea towel. She feels him behind her taking it from one side, and brushing past her to pick up a plate. "I'm sorry," he says softly into her neck, with a hand on her waist. Damn it, why does he still smell so good after a whole day at work?
"Will, seriously?!" Alicia turns around to face him. He looks like a deer in headlights. A look that would rival Maisey's when she's done something naughty and she knows it.
"What? I am," he replies sheepishly.
Now Alicia is trying not to laugh. This is not fair. "I can't- be mad at you for five minutes?! You won't let me be-"
"No, I won't have it."
"Argh!" She cries, whacking him with her wet dishwashing gloves.
"Hey," he laughs, grabbing her wrists.
"Oh I think you deserve this. Think about this next time you don't feel like cleaning up after yourse-"
Alicia stops mid-sentence. The look on Will's face distracts her. It's like he's not hearing a word. He just wears a soft smile. Alicia's about to ask what exactly he's staring at, when he speaks.
"Marry me."
Alicia blinks. She probably stops breathing for a moment, "Um, what?" She stammers. Will seems just as surprised that the words came out of his mouth.
"I, um- damn it."
"Don't say something like that when don't mean it." Alicia yanks her wrists out of Will's now gentle grip.
"No, I do! I mean it," Will blurts. "I just... wanted to do it properly, that's all. Damn it, it just- popped out. I've screwed it up. I had a ring and a whole speech and everything, but-"
Now Alicia's heart rate is rising again. She gulps and smiles. "You did?"
"Yes," Will confirms quietly. He takes her hands again. "Alicia, will you marry me?" She holds her breath. Will holds his breath. He can probably see the cogs turning in her head, the thoughts running a thousand miles an hour. Will begins to frown. "You haven't thought about this at all, have you?"
"No, I have," Alicia insists. "I really have. But I need to talk to Grace... and to Zach. I need to take them into account with this..."
"Of course," Will agrees.
Alicia finally takes off those damn dishwashing gloves. She runs a hand through his hair. "It's not a no. Okay? I just need some time. Please don't hate me..."
Will breathes out a laugh and pulls her into his arms. "I just asked you to marry me, if that doesn't say 'I love you', then I don't know what will."
"I love you, too, Will. I love you so much."
"So, not a no?"
"Not a no," Alicia confirms. She presses her lips to his, hopefully that will distract him for long enough. It certainly distracts her.
Alicia reclines on the couch with her daughter in one arm, her dog curled under the other. Their usual ritual of deliciously unhealthy food and Darkness At Noon may be a good opportunity for her to broach the subject of marrying Will. He and Grace seem to really get along, but that doesn't necessarily mean she would be ready for him to be officially part of the family. Alicia has to bring it up the right way, she has to-
"Where's Will tonight?" Grace asks. Well, that was easy.
"Out to dinner."
"With who?"
"My, aren't we curious," Alicia raises an eyebrow.
"Nevermind," Grace mumbles. Her face stays contorted into a miffed expression.
"Honey, what's the matter?"
"Nothing," her daughter huffs. "It's just he has to catch up to us with Darkness At Noon, now. Maybe we should wait till he gets back."
Alicia isn't buying it. She can tell that something else is going on in that mind of hers. "Grace. Come on."
A brief silence. "Are you going to marry him?"
Alicia swallows. "I'm not sure yet, honey. What would you think about that? If I wanted to marry him?"
"I don't know," Grace says. It's a little too unenthusiastic for Alicia's liking.
"You don't think that I should?" Alicia asks, as calmly as she can manage. "I thought you liked Will."
"I do like Will. But why are you asking me, why are you so unsure?"
"Well honey, it's a big decision," Alicia says. "It affects you, Zach, not just me."
"Well I like him, mom. But even if I didn't, I wouldn't tell you not to marry him. I don't want to be the reason you're unhappy."
"Oh honey, I could never be unhappy with you," Alicia coos, kissing her daughter on the forehead.
"Mom." Grace pulls away looks up at her and that's when she sees it. It hits Alicia that her daughter knows. Her precious little girl knows cynicism, now. She knows about a world that isn't perfect and about sacrifices for your children. It's probably all Alicia's fault. Yet here her scarred child is, saying that she would place her happiness below her mother's. Alicia starts to cry into her clenched hands. Grace puts an arm around her. "Mom, I'm sorry. Did I say something? It's okay, shh."
"Grace... I don't want to make all these decisions for myself and hurt you," she cries.
"You won't hurt me. You always say love is about trust, so you trust him, right?"
"With me, yes. I trust him with everything I have. But when it comes to you and Zach, trust is a different story..."
"But why?" Grace presses, sitting up now and frowning at her mother. "I can decide to trust people on my own, mom. And he's already in our lives."
Alicia blinks. "I suppose..."
"So if you've decided that you trust him," Grace asks. "Why can't I do the same? Why can't I decide that for myself?"
Alicia is floored. "You can, Grace. You can." She pulls her daughter in close and tries not to cry even more. "I just... I want you to be happy."
"Well, I want you to be happy, too. If you want to marry him then you should."
"Thank you, sweetie."
"I mean love Dad, still," Grace adds after a brief silence.
"Of course," Alicia says. "I do as well, you know. Not in the same way as Will, but I do."
Grace nods. "Yeah, I know." Her precious girl, always understanding.
"I don't want you to feel conflicted, if I marry him," Alicia continues. "I'm not saying that you have to, or that you already do- but you can... you can love Will at the same time." Grace looks down at her lap. "It's not one or the other. I know you love your father. But if you love Will as well... then, that's okay too."
"Okay," is all her daughter responds with. Alicia can see it, though, she can tell Grace already loves him.
"Hey," Alicia is coaxed out of her sleep with Will's whispering and his hand on her arm. She lifts her head to find Grace also passed out next to her. Maisey rests on Alicia's lap, eagerly excepting Will's pats.
"We passed out," Alicia yawns, stating the obvious. She glimpses at the TV which is still running, gasps and desperately searches for the remote. "No, spoilers!"
Will laughs as he turns it off and takes a seat on the couch nex to her. "Time for bed, both of you," he says.
"You're not my mother," Alicia retorts.
"Yeah, you're not my mother," Grace chimes in.
"Time for bed, Grace," Alicia repeats Will's line to her daughter, much to his amusement.
Grace lets out an exaggerated groan and sits up. She takes a blanket with her and puts a hand on Will's shoulder as she walks past to her room. "Night," she yawns.
"Night, kiddo," Will replies.
"Come up with a better nickname," Grace retorts, before shutting her door.
"Oh, she is just like you." Will shakes his head in bemusement.
"Really?" Alicia laughs. "Well, we may have more in common than you think." Will raises his eyebrows and waits for her to explain. "She loves you, you know."
Will stammers for awhile. "She does?" Is what eventually comes out.
"Yeah, she hasn't actually said it but I can tell, seeing how she is with you. She really cares about you. She's just figuring out how she can do that, while loving her dad at the same time."
"I think I love her too," he admits with a smile. "Is that okay? For me to love your kids? I mean I've been in their lives for a little while now, obviously in Grace's more than Zach's with him at college, but not ages-"
"Will, relax," Alicia laughs cutting off his rambling. "It's more than okay."
"Okay," Will smiles and nods to himself, letting out a breath of air.
Alicia lies back into his arms. Yeah, she could totally marry this guy.
Alicia sits with Cary across from Will and Diane in the Lockhart/Gardner conference room. She doesn't know why this nervous adrenaline is running through her. These are all positive negotiations - merging and joining and sharing clients.
"So as we know, this conversation has been in the works for some time now," Diane starts.
Will nods. "With Diane finally getting her judgeship..."
"Congratulations, Your Honor," Alicia smiles. "As well as Cary leaving for much more worthy pursuits," she continues jokingly.
"And me being sick of fighting against you two in court," Will adds.
"You can't beat 'em, join 'em, am I right?" Cary jokes, leaning back in his chair and holding his arms out cockily.
"Well, that doesn't appear to be your strategy," Diane retorts.
"He wants to teach, let him teach," Will shrugs. "Which leaves just you and me," he grins to Alicia.
"Your client load will be a lot heavier," Diane warns.
"I have some who are ready to step up more," Alicia explains.
"As do I," Will agrees.
"I can't guarantee everyone will stay," Diane adds. "But you'll have enough on your hands as it is."
"You two ready to do this? Not going to bite each other's heads off?" Cary jokes.
"Yeah, we're ready," She confirms, looking to Will and sharing a smile reserved for only him.
Cary clears his throat next to her. "Uh, Will. That's my leg. Not Alicia's."
Will's eyes bug open and he sits up in the desk chair. Alicia can't help but titter into her hand.
"I'll round up the equity partners," Diane announces, standing with a roll of her eyes.
Will pours Alicia some bourbon as they look over their ready-to-be-signed contract.
"So," he starts with a grin. "We're doing this?"
"We're doing this," Alicia laughs, raising her glass.
"Only thing left to decide now is; Gardner/Cavanaugh or Cavanaugh/Gardner?" Will asks teasingly.
Alicia takes a deep breath. Here goes. "How about... neither."
"Neither?" Will frowns.
"I'm not really sold on having the name 'Cavanaugh' included."
"What? I thought we agreed we would both be named partne-"
"Yes, but what if my name was on the letterhead already?" Alicia asks, walking around to where Will stands at his desk. "Right... there." She points to the name 'Gardner' in the letterhead at the top of the contract, waiting for Will to catch on.
He blinks. "Are you saying..."
"Ask me again," she requests with a smile. "You said you did it all wrong before, and I didn't give you a proper answer. So, ask me again."
Will stares at her for a moment, a smile creeping up on his face. He steps towards her and takes her hands in his. "Alicia."
"Will," she smiles sheepishly.
Will sighs and gathers his thoughts. "I can't remember what it's like to not be in love with you," he tells her as he squeezes her hands. She's definitely not tearing up, nope. "But it feels like we've come so ridiculously far. From law school, to fighting in court, to getting a dog." She lets out a wet laugh. "Through it all, I've loved you for more than half of my whole life now. I don't want forever with anyone but you."
Will steps even closer, to wrap an arm around her waist and wipe away her tears with the other hand. From just as close to her, he then slowly slides down onto one knee and pulls a box out of his pocket. Alicia can't believe that he's kept it on him this whole time.
"Will you marry me?" He asks.
"Yes, yes," Alicia answers through even more tears. She can't even focus on the ring and what it looks like. She doesn't care, though, she already knows that she wants to wear it for the rest of her life.
