I know it's been incredibly too long since I've updated and to make up for that, I will be posting two chapters (if not consecutively, soon after publishing this one). I wanted to leave it as one long chapter but breaking it up made more sense considering how much happens at this point in the story.
Again, I'm terribly sorry for such a delay. My life has been a raging dumpster fire for a while now but I can say with confidence that things are looking up as I am putting effort into making improvements. I feel a lot better now than I have in what feels like an incredibly long time, perhaps ever.
I hope all of you who are keeping up with and enjoying this story like these next couple of chapters. I appreciate your patience and those of you who have reviewed. Again, no beta, so self-editing this and I'm aware that there are a few things I might've overlooked, so please pardon any mistakes.
Chapter 7
The first week of February saw to it that Tabitha come down with a nasty cold. Of course, she wasn't the only one but she had a nasty aversion to taking medication and refused to visit the hospital wing for something to alleviate the symptoms. She'd had numerous colds in the past, this one would pass just like the rest. But going on to the second week of February, there was little to no improvement, though Tabitha didn't skip classes. Instead, she endured, trying hard to not let her coughing fits get the best of her. Potions was the worst of all; the fumes aggravated her already raw nose but the steam coming from her cauldron loosened some of the mucus in her nose. There was also of course the muscle aches and fatigue.
"You've got the flu, you realize," Snape told her when she arrived for her extra lessons one evening when he questioned her about her symptoms. "Pomfrey can mend you up in no time."
"She'll also tell me I need bed rest and I can't afford to miss any classes," Tabitha said, glumly. "It'll pass. It always does."
"You do need rest. I'm canceling our lesson tonight."
Tabitha sulked a bit; she had been rather looking forward to tonight's lesson. He was supposed to start teaching her Expecto Patronum, something she was eager to learn, knowing it would come in handy, especially as an Auror when she'd no doubt be visiting Azkaban.
"I'm fine, really," Tabitha pleaded. Snape raised an eyebrow at her. "I'm already here. You might as well teach me."
"You may stay but I'm not teaching you anything. Have a lie down on the couch. I'll light a fire." Snape pointed his wand at the fireplace and a fire roared to life instantly. He then summoned a quilt and pointed a commanding finger at the sofa. She sighed, knowing she wouldn't be able to fight it and the sofa did seem inviting. She could hardly rest in her dorm with her classmates coming in and out at all hours, ceaselessly prattling on about some good looking boy they all had their knickers in a twist over. So, Tabitha plopped down on the couch and curled into a ball as Snape tossed the blue and white quilt over her. Tabitha was unable to stifle a yawn that overtook her. She was awfully sleepy when she stopped and thought about it.
Even with the fire, that normally warmed the drafty office, Tabitha still felt a chill that she just couldn't shake.
"Have you any more blankets? I'm still cold," she asked Snape. He placed a hand carefully on her forehead and felt her cheeks.
"You're running fever," he explained and went to a cupboard behind his desk, to rummage through, and to extract two bottles. He carefully poured her out a measure of both into a goblet and handed it to her. "One is a fever reducer, the other is a cough suppressant. You'll want Pepper Up potion but I'm afraid you'll have to go to the hospital wing for it. I'm out."
Tabitha drank the contents of the goblet, though she didn't much care for the flavor of the two potions mixed together. But she immediately felt warm again and her chest didn't feel as though it were on fire anymore. She thanked him as she handed him the goblet back. He took it wordlessly and placed it on his desk.
Tabitha drifted in and out of consciousness for a while; she wasn't sure how long she'd been there, she just knew that she was dreadfully tired and was annoyed when she was woken by a knock at the door. To her surprise and horror, it was Dixon and she looked a bit troubled to find Tabitha there.
"Oh, I didn't realize you had a student with you," Dixon said to Snape. Tabitha didn't move; they had done nothing wrong.
"She's ill with flu and I'm giving her refuge from a noisy dormitory so that she may rest," Snape explained.
"She did look awfully peaky during my class earlier," Dixon replied. She spared a sympathetic glance in Tabitha's direction but it didn't last long. "I was wondering if you'd accompany down to the village for some drinks. Just want to talk is all. Hash a few things out."
"Can it wait?" Snape asked.
"I'd rather it didn't."
"I'm afraid I'm a bit busy at the moment, Madeline. I have essays to grade and I'm not leaving a student alone in my office."
"A couple of hours at the very most," Dixon was pleading in earnest now. Tabitha almost felt sorry for her but she desperately wanted Snape to stand his ground and say no. She hated the idea of them being alone together under the influence of alcohol. It was a recipe for disaster as Tabitha had ever known. She didn't dare look at him.
"I'm sure Miss Wexler will be fine in her own dormitory," Dixon continued. "And if not, I doubt she'd wreck your office up. She's a sweet girl. Just a couple of hours."
Snape was silent for a moment and Tabitha knew he was actually contemplating it. And she had a sneaking suspicion that he would give in just to placate the pushy professor and to attempt to rid himself of her once and for all. Tabitha wasn't so sure it would work but she couldn't stop him.
"I suppose," he said after a long moment's silence. He turned to Tabitha, giving her a stern look. "You stay there and rest. I'll be back shortly."
"Excellent," Dixon beamed as Snape grabbed his traveling cloak from a hook near the door. Before he left, he turned and gave Tabitha an apologetic glance. She didn't dare look at him. She had to admit anxiety gnawed at her insides more than it should've. Surely Snape would be able to ward off her advances. But he hadn't been able to on New Years and that scared her the most.
Tabitha tried her hardest to not worry, knowing Snape would come back to her eventually but it was rather hard to sleep and when she did manage to drift off, she found herself having stress dreams filled with Snape snogging Dixon.
Two hours passed and there was no sign of Snape returning. Tabitha could no longer fight the fact that she needed sleep so she finally allowed herself to sleep completely, with her back to the fire, allowing it to warm her and lull her to slumber.
She was unaware of the time when she was woken up by a rather loud crashing noise. She sat up straight, looking around wildly for the source of the noise. Her eyes finally focused and she saw that Snape had returned. He was stumbling around in a frenzy, cursing to himself and clearing the top of his desk of it's contents.
"Fucking…" he growled as he kicked the side of his desk with the flat side of his shoe.
"What's wrong?" Tabitha asked, alarmed by his disheveled appearance. He wasn't wearing his traveling cloak; it had been tossed haphazardly by the door. His robes were wrinkled and some of the buttons hadn't been done up. His hair was sticking up in back. The obvious dawned on Tabitha. It felt as though all the air had been sucked out of the room. "Oh my god," she said hollowly, fighting the urge to vomit.
"You-you couldn't possibly understand," he told her. He looked scared and defeated.
"What's there to understand?" Tabitha managed to choke out.
"She threw herself at me!"
"So that makes it perfectly okay to just go ahead and fuck her? Is that what I'm supposed to be understanding?"
"I didn't want to- it just sort of happened! I swear, Tabitha, you have to believe me!"
"Oh fuck you," Tabitha snarled, too angry to even cry. She hopped up from the sofa, fled from the office, not daring to let tears fall until she was sure she was quite alone.
She vowed to never return. There was nothing he could possibly say that would ever make her feel better.
—
The next few weeks seemed to drag by. Tabitha had never been so miserable in her life. She'd broken down and gone to Pomfrey to take care of her flu, so as to not give Snape a reason to ask after her. Pomfrey mended her in nothing flat, though she'd had to endure a night's stay in the hospital wing for observation considering how long she'd gone without seeking treatment.
Tabitha couldn't sleep. She could hardly eat. Her teachers had noticed the sudden change and McGonagall had flat out asked her what was wrong with her. Tabitha had lied, telling her she was just stressed about the NEWTs which were looming ever closer. While Tabitha was stressed about them, her misery had everything to do with the fact that Snape and Dixon seemed to be an official thing now and for a while, it seemed that's all anyone could gossip about.
They were hardly seen apart now; Tabitha had passed them more than once in the corridors. She'd refused to look at them but it was hard to miss Dixon's arm linked through Snape's. It was hard to miss the fact that Dixon was more chipper than she'd ever been and it was hard to miss that Dixon made it a habit to visit Snape during class, pulling him out into the corridor to "talk."
"So is it true then?" A particularly stupid Gryffindor boy had asked after Snape entered the classroom after Dixon had left one day. "Are you and Dixon a couple?"
Tabitha wanted to curse the moronic boy but kept her eyes glued firmly to her cauldron, though she was scarcely concentrating on it. Giggles and snickers rang through the room.
"That's none of your business, Sawyer," Snape told him, his voice strained.
"Well it's obvious something is up," Sawyer continued. Tabitha resisted the urge to spill the boiling contents of her cauldron on him.
"Forty points from Gryffindor," Snape replied lazily. "As I said, my personal affairs are not anyone's business at my own. Continue to pry and you'll regret it."
There was a collective groan from the other Gryffindors.
"Nice going, Sawyer," someone from behind Tabitha hissed.
Snape had tried several times to call Tabitha back after class but she'd simply ignored him and left anyway. She didn't expect him to chase her and he didn't, though one day, toward the end of March, he'd risen from his desk as the bell rang and stood at the door, waiting for her. He held her back physically, his arm crossed in front of her before she could exit, his hand on her shoulder, guiding her to his side until the last student had left and the door could be shut and locked behind them.
"You can't avoid me forever," he told her sternly once the classroom was empty. Tabitha scowled at him.
"I was doing a damn good job of it til you decided leaving well enough alone wasn't good enough," she snapped. She was feeling more than a little bitter. "But since I'm here, you can have your necklace back."
She pulled a small package from her bag and held it out to him. He merely looked at it as though it were something poisonous.
"I don't want it back. I got it for you."
"And I don't want it. It's just a reminder."
"If you'll just listen to me—"
"Listen to you what? Explain?"
"I know what I did was wrong but—"
"I'm tired, I have loads of homework and I just want to get out of here," Tabitha cut him off, sighing wearily. She wasn't in the mood to argue with him.
"You can still come to me if you need help," he told her.
"Not appropriate. You've got Dixon to occupy your time now. I can manage on my own, thanks."
"It's not her I want." Snape stared intensely into her eyes, as though he were begging her to forgive him. "I hate every single second I'm with her because she isn't you."
"Well, you've made your bed," Tabitha waspishly told him and reached for the door knob. He held his hand out, preventing her from reaching it.
"Don't be this way."
"What way? You make her a damn sight happier than you made me. Don't ruin it."
Before he could react, Tabitha again reached for the knob and yanked it open, leaving before he could protest, satisfied that she'd gotten the last word, pondering on them the whole way back to her dorm.
Had Snape made her happy? At one point she thought he had. She felt a connection to him deeper than she'd ever felt with anyone else. She knew what he wanted from her, but she didn't rightly care about that and had once been willing to oblige eventually. But did they have a future? Perhaps it was best that he finally figured things out with Dixon, no matter how miserable he thought he was. Dixon was willing to shag then and there. Tabitha was not.
Review Prompt: Snape and Tabitha have a mutual understanding about the exclusivity of their relationship so do you feel like Tabitha is overreacting to the situation or that she's justified in being upset by Snape involving himself sexually with another woman? My thoughts on the matter aren't black and white (the heart wants what it wants even if it isn't rational) but I'd love to hear what yours are.
