It's been three days now since I've heard from or seen Christian. It feels like a little piece of my heart is being ripped out each second I'm away from him but I'm trying my best to use my therapy tactics for when things get shit. Kate's a massive help as always but she left last night for a family members birthday. She'll be gone for the weekend and she invited me but I've got my own plans. Instead of simpering in my room and waiting for Christian to call me, I'm going to take actions into my own hands.

Today is Friday. Christian typically works late Fridays and Violetta has dinner with her grandparents and usually stays the night. I'm going to go over before he gets home and make him dinner and apologise profusely. I'm going to have a conversation with him like a grown adult. I want to make things better. I love him and I'm not going to let him go so easily.

After class, I head back to my apartment and pack an overnight bag. I include some sexy pyjamas just in case but that isn't the plan. As I drive to Christian's, nerves start to gather in the pit of my stomach like a bad case of butterflies. What if he tells me to leave again? What if we're over for real? I shake my head; my hands grip the steering wheel. I can't afford to think like this. Positive thoughts only.

Once I arrive, Gail lets me in.

"How has he been?" I ask, placing my bag down on the couch and heading into the kitchen. As usual, everything is spectacularly clean. Courtesy of Gail.

"Quiet," she admits. "He misses you but he's too stubborn for his own good."

I smile faintly.

"He'll be surprised to see you," she says.

I nod. I know.

"I'm going to make him dinner so you can go home early if you'd like Gail."

A smile lights up her face. It's nice to relieve her of her duties for once.

"You sure dear?" She asks, but she's already walking toward the coat closet.

"Yes," I laugh. "I'll clean up afterward too. Don't worry. Go home, be with your family."

She gratefully gives me a kiss on the cheek before hurrying out of the door.

Christian's pantry and fridge are fully stocked which is good because tonight I'm going all out.

Christian's desirable figure is down to two things. Five nights a week at his home gym and his very clean diet of lean protein, healthy fats and vegetables. However, I've made the decision tonight that he's having a cheat day consisting of all his favourite things he rarely allows himself to have. For dinner, I'm making homemade smash burgers from scratch. Complete with the toasted sesame bun and French fries. And as for dessert, chocolate cheesecake and vanilla ice-cream.

With my apron on and hair up, I set to work.


A few hours later, as the cheesecake is setting nicely and the burger mix and salad is all ready, I quickly head upstairs to change. Chocolate covered hands is not a look. I throw on a short dress and take down my hair. My role as Betty the housewife is being fulfilled tonight and I pray Christian appreciates the effort. When I hear the turn of the key in the door, my heart starts to race. I carefully pour two large glasses of white wine and I hear footsteps enter the kitchen. As I'm taking a sip, Christian's eyes meet mine. He regards me carefully before speaking.

"What are you doing here?" He asks.

"Take a seat," I instruct, gesturing to the chair on the opposite side of bar.

"Where's Gail? I'm starving. I've had a shit day, I don't have time for this Ana," he says irritable but sits down anyway.

I push the glass of wine toward him and turn my attention back to the food. I smash two burgers and place them on the skillet.

"I'm making you dinner," I say. "Burgers. Your favourite."

He doesn't say anything. When I look back at him, he's drinking his wine and watching me intently.

The burgers take a few minutes. I carefully put them together with a handful of fries and slide the plate across to Christian. He picks up the burger and takes a bite. When his eyes close in pleasure I let out a breath of air. I plate my own and sit opposite him.

"Why are you doing this?" He asks after another bite.

"Because I'm sorry," I say truthfully. "What I did was wrong, and I shouldn't have gone behind your back like that. But we'll speak about it later. Eat your food."

He raises his eyebrows at my orders but does as he's told anyway.

Once we're finished, I bring out a slight of cheesecake and Christian chuckles.

"The food, the cake, the outfit," he gestures to me. "You really are trying to seduce me, aren't you?"

I roll my eyes and do something a little risky. I straddle his lap and reach back for the plate of cheesecake.

"Open your mouth," I say.

He does wordlessly and I feed him the dessert. He practically groans.

"I'm still mad at you," he says as I give him another mouthful.

"I'm mad at you too. Now shut up and eat. This took me ages to make."

I feed him like that until it's finished and afterwards, he shifts a little. I place the plate down and sit firmly on his hardness. I smirk to myself.

"Cheesecake gets you hard?" Good to know."

He glares at me and I laugh. Deciding to tease him further, I keep moving slightly.

He closes his eyes and takes a breath. "Ana, please."

"Please what?" I smile, moving so my dress rides up even further. I lean into him.

"I haven't got any panties on," I whisper, biting on his earlobe.

After that admission, his hand comes straight to my centre and I lean back with a gasp. As one hand works me over, the other fumbles with his belt and within seconds he's sheathed inside me. My arms wrap around his neck as I move up and down and he presses his lips firmly against mine. There's nothing romantic about this. This is pure carnal need. Fucking at its best. Changing positions, he turns me around so that I'm bent over the counter. He gathers my dress at my waist and drives into me at a force which has me screaming his name.

We both come quickly, and my dress falls back down, and he leaves me. I feel empty and shaken. Has he really left me? I'm relieved when he comes back with some tissues.

"Clean up. I'll be on the couch."


On the couch, we sit at opposite ends. I didn't plan on fucking him so soon into the night, but I couldn't resist. I doubt I'll ever be able to.

"What you did was bad," he says, sipping his wine. "You have no idea how angry I was."

I can guess.

"To tell your friend about my past crossed many boundaries. I would never tell anyone something you told me in private."

I grimace. "It wasn't intentional. Christian, I didn't know how private it was. You didn't clarify that. I only told Kate and she'd never tell anyone."

"It's not the point."

"I know. I'm sorry. I won't tell her anything again."

We're quiet for a few moments.

"I went to see Leila," he says unexpectedly.

My muscles contract. Envisioning him and her in the same room… I bite my lip, trying my best to remain calm.

"I wanted to know what she said you," he continues.

"Then why didn't you ask me?" I snap. I can't help it. "I can't believe you went to see her."

"You went to see her first," he bites back.

"Yes, but I never fucked her did I!" I shout. "How would you feel if I went to visit one of my exes?"

He looks at me and sighs. "She's not my ex. She was my submissive. There's a difference."

"I don't care what she was. You had your penis inside her vagina and that's enough to never see her again."

"It was a short visit," he claims. "If you wanted to know about BDSM you never should have gone to her. She's poison Ana."

I'm starting to wonder if there's more he hasn't told me about Leila Williams, but I refrain for now.

"Well I couldn't come to you. You kept shutting me down."

"I know," he says. "I'm sorry. I should have been more open with you but…there's so much you don't know Ana."

"So tell me," I insist. "What kind of a relationship can we have if it's full of secrets?"

He doesn't say anything. He knows I'm right.

I move closer, sensing his distress. I take his hand in mine and rub over it soothingly.

"I'd never judge you Christian," I say quietly. "I love you so much. Do you love me?"

He looks up into my eyes and nods.

"Then tell me why you lied about Leila."

He takes a deep breath, but he doesn't look at me as he starts speaking.

"I told you when I was younger, I started getting into trouble. That part was true. I was skipping school, stealing from stores, getting into fights…I was on the path to bad things. My hormones were out of control. All I wanted to do was fuck and fight," he pauses but I encourage him to continue.

"We had a family friend, Elena. She's my mother's best friend. I was fifteen and she told me she had a way for me to learn to control my emotions and feelings."

I don't like where this is going…

"She introduced me to BDSM Ana. It was her who introduced me to the lifestyle. I was her submissive until I was eighteen and then she started taking me to the sex shows. She introduced me to Leila and I was her dom. She was my first submissive."

There are things I want to say but they feel stuck in my throat. Images and words flash through my mind like fragments. Fifteen, submissive, mother's best friend.

"How old was she?" I finally manage to say. It comes out as a whisper.

"In her thirties." He doesn't look at me as he says this, and I know why. It's illegal and she's a fucking predator for ever going near him.

"You were her…submissive?" I can barely say the words without wanting to throw up. After all the equipment I seen in the dungeons…imagining him like that makes me want to scream and cry at the same time. "You were a child."

"I was almost sixteen," he says, almost defensively. "It was wrong yes, but it helped me learn to control my emotions. I stopped getting into trouble. I matured."

"Of course you matured," I spit, standing up. I can't sit still. I'm pacing around in absolute fury. I want to find Elena and rip her fucking head from her shoulders.

"Does your mother know about this?" I ask.

"Fuck no. Why would we have ever told her that Ana? Oh by the way mom, Elena and I are fucking."

The way he says we makes me want to hurl things across the room.

"I can't believe this," I say, running my hands through my hair. "What the fuck Christian."

"This is why I didn't tell you. I knew you wouldn't understand," he counters.

"Oh I understand alright," I say, glaring at him. "I understand that she abused and degraded you."

He rolls his eyes. "Don't be so dramatic."

"If you can't see how wrong this is then you've got bigger problems then I thought," I say angrily. "What would you do if Violetta was fifteen and one of your colleagues…say Taylor thought he'd introduce her to BDSM?"

His face turns livid at the mention of Violetta. "Don't you dare say things like that…"

"You see how wrong it is?" I shout. "It's fucking disgusting. She's a predator and she should be locked up."

He's silent after that and so am I. Eventually I calm down and realise this isn't his fault. He was abused and groomed. Hell, he probably thought she loved him. I try to stay calm and move toward him slowly. I hold his face between my hands and kiss him gently.

"It's not you I'm mad at. It's her," I clarify.

"I know," he says quietly.

We stay like that for a while. I kiss him again and he kisses me back.

"What now?" He whispers. The way he says it makes him sound like a small child again and despite everything, my heart breaks for him.

"No more secrets," I tell him.

He nods.

"We'll talk more about it tomorrow but for now…I just want to be with you."

I think we both need a dose of relaxation.

"How about a bath?" he suggests.

I nod, leaning against him. A bath sounds perfect.

"Do you forgive me then?" I ask.

"If you can forgive me," he replies.

I respond with a kiss.


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