I know this definitely feels like a filler, but I promise it's just about to start with all the drama with Graves. Please just hang on with me.
I hope you all loved the last chapter. I was feeling a little mischievous when I wrote that one, hence the pottymouth from Elsie. Though I did enjoy showing her personality a little bit more.
Does everyone like her? I'm trying to keep Tommy in character too and I've even started watching some scenes from the show to remind me more of his character. Just have to say, I still love him so much.
Please stay tuned as I'm sure there will be more updates soon seeing as I have literally nothing to be doing during this lockdown. I hope everyone is staying safe and following their government's rules during this time. I know you just want to get out but we need to keep everyone safe and the best way to do that at the moment is by staying at home. Stay home. Stay safe.
Sending my love to everyone out there and if anyone is finding themselves in need of someone to talk to then please PM me and I'll be happy to talk to you. Remember, we're all in this together.
Love, Comet96 xx
It seemed strange to me that it was this place of all places that Polly wanted to meet and talk. I didn't only feel out of place but I was uncomfortable with all the eyes on me.
I questioned why Polly had even asked me here, I had never been to church before to worship God and I didn't intend to start now.
From the eyes of everyone around me, I knew it was weird for them to see me here too. Some of the faces I recognised from school; the children I taught and their parents. Other's I recognised as men from the Garrison.
Polly's hand nudged mine and I turned my head to her. She was looking in front of her at the minister and nodded her head slightly. Closing my eyes with a sigh, I tuned in to what the man was saying.
"For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you,, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." I frowned as I repeated the minister's words and turned back to face Polly. This was why she wanted me here? Because of this?
"Not now," she whispered, her fingers playing with her rosary as she nodded back at the minister as he finished up his sermon.
Within minutes there was a collective 'Amen' and movement as they did the sign of the cross and rose. Polly grabbed my arm and brought me with her as she joined the others in speaking to the minister.
We went through some process of small chit chatter with other churchgoers and Polly spoke to the minister before she pulled me back to our seat where she knelt and prayed. I sat on the bench politely as I waited for Polly to finish up with her worship.
It gave me time to think about why she wanted me here. If she wanted to speak to me after her prayers then why did she ask me to join her for her church service? What was it the minister said? Forgive others? Whom did I have to forgive?
"Your grandfather told me what happened during your visit," Polly said, breaking the silence. If she wished for me to be embarrassed then she wasn't going to get that. I've had over a week to deal with the drama of the weekend.
"Did he tell you the way I use my mouth?" I muttered letting my eyes roam around the church as she scoffed. "I Don't regret what I said, Polly and I'm not going to forgive my grandmother if that's why you brought me here."
"It's not your grandmother I want you to forgive."
"Then who, Polly? No one's done me wrong." Not that I knew about anyway. Had Tommy done something and Polly knew about it? He'd been quiet all week and there had been a few nights where he didn't join me in our bed, but that was normal as far as I knew.
He sometimes got too caught up in his plans that he stayed awake trying to come up with new ideas. I also knew he didn't want me seeing him during his nightmares. It's not like I hadn't seen him have a nightmare, it was that he didn't want me seeing them. He thought I would ask questions and try to bring up the past, try to bring up France, but I wouldn't do that. I just wanted him to sleep.
"I'm asking you to forgive me," she said softly. I couldn't keep the frown of confusion from my face as I looked at Polly. What did she need my forgiveness for?
"What have you done?"
"It's not what I've done, it's what I'm going to do." Polly rose and took the seat next to me, her hand grabbing hold of mine and giving it a gentle squeeze. "Things are about to change, Elsie, things are going to get out of control and we're going to have to do things that will hurt others."
"What are you planning, Polly?"
Dinner was weird that night. Tommy was silent, which was usual for him, but Arthur kept pressing for more information. John watched and I knew he understood that it was Tommy in charge of the family, not Arthur.
"Listen 'ere, Tommy, I'm the eldest, I think I deserve to know what's going on with Graves," Arthur said, leaning back in his chair as he waited for Tommy to reply.
"I've got it under control, Arthur." Tommy didn't bother saying anymore as he rose and made his way into the betting den.
"You're not in charge of this family, Tommy! Tommy!" Arthur's face grew red as he shouted after his brother and spit flew from his mouth. I shared a glance with Polly and knew that this was what she was talking about. Things were changing. Arthur turned on me then, rising from his chair and slamming his hands on the table. "You better sort him out, Elsie or I'm warning you—"
"You won't do shit, Arthur, sit down," John said chewing on his toothpick as he rolled his eyes at Arthur. John turned to me and nodded towards the betting den.
I gave Polly another look before following after Tommy, hoping all this shit will solve itself. Why did we need a family drama when there was already enough going on with the business.
Tommy wasn't anywhere to be seen in the betting den but Al caught my eye and nodded to the conversion that led to our rooms upstairs. Shaking my head I moved my way through the room until I reached the stairs. It was such a task to find Tommy, I was wondering if there would be any point talking to him after this. I could sense that he didn't want to talk about it and if the way he was with Arthur was any indication, I didn't want to have an argument with my husband.
As I opened the door to our bedroom, Tommy was sitting on the bed, his jacket off and his sleeves rolled up. He had his hands clasped in front of him and when his eyes met mine I could see how exhausted he was.
"Are you going to shout at me too?" His voice was gruff and he sounded tired. All this weight was on his shoulders and I wish he would share just to lift the burden.
"There's no point shouting at you, Tommy, you do as you please." I leaned against our closed door and looked him over. The sleepless nights had been catching up to him, even from here I could see the redness of his eyes. There was a hint of smoke in the air and I moved forward taking his jacket from the bed. I brought it to my nose and took in a deep breath. "You've been using opium."
He had the decency to look ashamed.
"I just —"
"I don't care for your excuses, Tommy. You shouldn't be doing it." I sigh in frustration as I threw his jacket on the floor. "I don't know if this is worse than keeping things from me."
"It helps me sleep," he said, running his hands over his face. "I don't have the nightmares."
My heart broke for him, it really did, but did I want to see him run himself into an early grave so he could sleep peacefully? Did that make me selfish? To wish he would go through his nightmares so I wouldn't be left a widow. Was it cruel for me to want what was best for him and make him face his nightmares?
"You can't keep doing this, Tommy." The disappointment wasn't hard to hear and I felt ashamed to be feeling it. I was disappointed in him and I was scared for him. I was scared for us. "I don't want you smoking this shit around our children." He lifted his head up and let his eyes run over me before setting them on my stomach.
"Are you?" he didn't even want to say the words. I don't think either of us was ready for children at the moment. I wanted his children, I just didn't want them during this Graves drama.
"I'm not, but I'd prefer that any children we have in the future will also have their father," I said, dropping to my knees in front of him, taking his hands in mine. "I love you, Tommy, you know I do, but I can't sit back and watch you destroy yourself."
"You'll leave me then?" His voice cracked slightly as his blue eyes locked with my green ones. I could see the fear in them and lost my breath for a moment. I was breaking his heart and he wasn't scared to show me.
"I'm not leaving you, Tommy. We made vows and I promised to love you, to respect you, to protect and comfort you. I want to help you, stop keeping me out and just let me help you," I whispered leaning up and grabbing his face in my hands. "Let me help you."
The room was packed with children, boys on one side, girls on the other. They were all staring at me, their brows furrowed in confusion. I knew the younger ones wouldn't understand, but the older ones Finn's age should have known.
I was only asking them the alphabet.
"I went over the letter three minutes ago and no one can tell me what this one is?" I asked, pointing at the letter 'm'. I received their blank stares and slight shakes of their heads. "Have any of you done your homework?"
Silence. Complete and utter silence to my question.
To make things worse, Finn, Michael, Matthew, and William were smiling at me brightly as they shook their heads in delight. How could I expect any of these children to do their homework if the Shelby boys weren't even doing it?
And to think it was only Wednesday.
"Okay, how many of you go to church on Sunday with your parents?" With the exception of the Finn and my nephews, all hands were raised. "Do your parents expect you to one day read the bible?"
"Yes, Miss Ellie," said Charlotte, nodding her head.
"This is why we need to learn our letters. If we want to read, we need to learn them." I pointed at my name written on the board in chalk. "This says Elsie, that is my name. Let us start with something simple and start writing our names. On your desks, you'll find a sheet of paper with your name on the top. As you write out each letter, try and remember the sound." The children nodded, their eyes looking over the letters on their paper. "Shall we go over it one more time before we begin? A, b, c, d, e, f—"
"Mrs Shelby," a soft voice interrupted causing me to look at the door.
"Can I help you, Annie?" I asked, wondering what the young blonde wanted. She was in her last year of school and was helping out with the younger children as she desired to be a teacher.
"Headmaster Porter would like to have a word with you. I've been asked to take over your class," she muttered, giving me a small smile as she slipped into the class. Biting my lip, I nodded and picked up my planning book.
"We were just going over the alphabet and then we were going to try writing and sounding out our names," I told her, handing her my book before turning my eyes onto the class. "I want you all to be on your best behavior for Annie. If I find out any of you have misbehaved I'll send you down to Miss Fuller."
I felt slightly satisfied by the gasps the children let out at the mention of Miss Fuller. She was an older lady that decided to focus on teaching rather than finding a husband. She was slightly grouchy and I knew she'd been working at the school for years. She had a bit of a reputation for clipping the children around the head when they gave out the wrong answer or weren't paying attention.
Giving one last smile to the class and waving goodbye to Annie I left the classroom and walked down the hall to the headmaster's office wondering what he could possibly want. He had no quarrel with Tommy and even insisted I stay on as a teacher after I married. He wasn't known for taking on married women, but he seemed happy when I asked to stay on for this position. I had a feeling Tommy had something to do with that.
Did he need to tell me something that concerned Finn or one of John's boys? Was he too scared to say something to Polly or John?
"Mrs Shelby, he's waiting for you," the receptionist said, waving her hand for me to enter the office. The door was open and headmaster Porter was sitting behind his desk looking nervous.
"Mr Porter, is everything okay?" I asked as I closed the door behind me. The man looked as if his head was about to pop off his shoulders.
"Elsie, I am so sorry but I'm going to have to let you go," he said, his words rushing out I almost didn't catch them. I dropped into the chair opposite his desk and wondered why this was happening. Wasn't I good at my job? Did he regret hiring me after less than two weeks? As if reading my mind he gave his answer. "It's come to my attention that your husband is in the process of dealing with Jeremy Graves."
"Has Tommy threatened you?" Was this because of that one time when Graves had one of his men come to me here? I thought we had dealt with that. Why Was Tommy doing this now?
"Not your husband, no. I got a visit last night from Graves and a few of his men. They threatened to kill my family if I didn't release you from your role here," he explained in a huff. Oh. That's a good enough reason to fire me. "I like you, Elsie, I do, and I respect the Peaky Blinders, but I have a wife and children to think about."
"There's no need to explain, Mr Porter. I respect your decision and your reason. I'd advise you to follow what Graves wants. I don't want any harm coming to you or your own," I said leaning across the table and resting my hand on his shaking one. I could respect a man that worried about his family. "I'll have Tommy put some men on patrol on your street. If you need anything don't hesitate to ask."
"Thank you very much, Mrs Shelby. It's appreciated," he muttered leaning back in his chair and ran his hands over his face. The poor man must have spent most of the night and morning worrying about this.
"I won't let Tommy send any of the boys round to see you, Charles. I understand what you're doing and why."
"Your job will be here when things blow over, Elsie. I promise you that." His assurance gave me something to look forward to. I wasn't looking forward to telling Tommy that Graves was getting bolder and coming into our home.
"I only ask that you keep Annie on as a teacher for my class while I'm gone. I know she's young and has yet to finish school, but this will be good for her. She needs them just as much as they need her."
"I'll get Miss Fuller to help her if she needs anything," Mr Porter assured me as he fiddled with a few papers on his desk.
"You can send her to me and I'll carry on writing the lesson plans. I can help her mark the children's work too and give her any advice or help she needs," I said knowing I had a lot of time on my hands now that I wasn't able to work with her. "I suppose I should tell Tommy the news."
"Good luck, Mrs Shelby," Mr Porter said and I knew I'd be needing it.
I don't think Tommy was going to be very happy with this news.
Thank you for reading xx
Sending my love to everyone. Stay at home and save lives xx
