Spike sat on the edge of the bed, bent over with his hands in his face. A shroud of guilt and fear cover the grown dragon. His body trembled as tears fell from his eyes.
Of all things Spike dreaded, hurting Rachel was the top of the list. Even if by accident he dreaded it.
Sure there has been some light bruises by playing around and when he would occasionally bite into his mate's inner thigh during sex, but he would never put his hands on her. Never! Seeing Rachel's eye blackened and swollen sickened him.
It brought flashbacks on waking up in Aj's barn, seeing his girlfriend laying in a puddle of her own blood. Though Rachel does tend to bleed more profusely than others, to him, he feared the worse.
Accident or not; both instances ended up with the love of his life getting hurt because of him.
Rachel knew what Spike did. He killed Bouncer and his brothers. He feared after tonight, she may leave him and turn him in. Spike, would of course, come in if that happens. But he wouldn't know how to live without her.
He was basically torturing himself.
Rachel's scent coming from the door had Spike look up from his hands. The door opened and the girlfriend walked inside and closed the door behind her. Still barefooted, she had on what looked like one of the Crystal Guard's formal lavender and light pink jacket draped over her shoulders, her right eye definitely black and blue. The swelling went down some so he could see that her eyeball had popped a rather large blood vessel.
And Spike didn't think he could feel more like a piece of shit than he already knew just by seeing her.
What was also new was the fact two of her fingers - first index and middle finger - in her left hand had a splint.
"Rachel, I'm so sor~" Spike went to stand up to approach her but she raised a finger at him and gave him a look that just basically told him to stop talking and sit.
One can be surprised how much power that motion could hold on a being.
He sat back down and watched Rachel silently walk over the minifridge that was placed in the room. She bent down slightly to open the fridge and reached in. When she pulled away, Rachel held a bottle of soda. Showing it off to make sure she didn't grab that bottle of Crystal wine that was also in the fridge.
Mainly because both beings know that drinking any alcohol is not going to make any situation better.
Rachel leaned against the wall, twisting the bottle open and took a long drink. Spike could literally see the dragoness lurking underneath her skin.
He wanted to speak but he was too afraid that he'll just fuck it up.
With a sigh, Rachel finally began to talk. "I just want you to know…" she grunted, holding the bottle in her hand. "I'm not mad about tonight." She started off. "I have been in several fights in my life, broken up a bunch of them while working at the Lunar Providence." She waves at her black eye. "I will admit when it happened, I wanted to kill both you and [i]Blue Waffle[/i] there."
Spike raised a brow. "Blue Waffle?"
"Trust me, it's a better name to describe that asshole." Rachel said, taking another drink of her soda. "I'm not mad that you went off on him. The fucker deserved it." She took another sip of her soda before looking at the dragon, waving her splinted hand. "After you guys left, I punched a wall. It was either a wall or another pony… I honestly had forgotten that this castle's integrity is actually made of rocks, fun fact." She said as she adjusted the formal coat by slipping her hands through the sleeves.
It looked like a fancy robe by the way it trailed past her lower calves.
"The guard who escorted me to the infirmary gave me his coat cause I was freezing. Nice for him to do that; sucks for him because I'm fucking stealing it. It's super comfy, not too crazy about the colors but whatever."
Spike had no words to respond to everything. Her tone was unnervingly calm and he didn't like it at all. Not phased that she stole a military jacket. "Now that the small talk is done, let's get down to business."
Rachel placed the soda bottle on top of the fridge, carefully crossing her arms across her chest and stared at the guilty party.
"I'm not going to yell, but do you have something you need to tell me? Something that your girlfriend has the right to know?" she asked Spike.
Spike looked up at her. "I...I'm sorry…" He spoke softly. "For everything…"
Clicking her tongue, she stared at him. This unnerving look on her face doesn't even compare to the looks he would get from Twilight and others when he got in trouble.
The look of anger...and sheer disappointment. That was worse than anything.
"For…?" her fingers tapped on her arms. "I'm listening."
Spike gulped before continuing. By the gods he wanted to turn away from that look on her face. He knew if he did that, this night would just get worse.
"I killed Bouncer and his brothers..." he whispered softly.
Rachel let out a cough. "Sorry, I didn't quite catch that." She said, leaning back on the fridge. "Try again."
He really didn't want to.
"I….killed them. Bouncer and his brother. I killed them for what they did to you." Spike spoke out loud, confessing to her.
Rachel chewed the inside of her cheeks as she thought of what to say as Spike continued.
"After they attacked you, I couldn't get that image of you laying in the boiler room out of my head. They thought any of them touching you made me fucking sick."
"And killing them made you feel better?" Rachel asked, grabbing the soda and taking a drink from it.
"Rachel, I-"
"You know what, Spike? What you did was fucking stupid." Rachel cuts him off. "Do you even realize what you caused?"
"I do."
"No I don't think you do!" Rachel shouted before reeling herself back. Taking a moment to compose herself. "Sorry, I told you I wasn't going to yell. I'm not going to…" She shook her head. "Despite your reasoning for doing so, what you did was not fucking right. If anyone fucking knows what you did, you'll be thrown in prison."
"I couldn't stand what they did to you!" Spike didn't mean for himself to shout but he felt like he was going to break any second.
"It doesn't matter if you couldn't or not. You took matters in your own hands and ended the lives of others…" She ran a hand through her hair. Her mind replaying what Brimstone told her the injuries of the scattered remains of Bob and Sticks. "This isn't some deer or other game we hunted down and ate, this is literal murder. No judge will ever even consider this justice. I mean, for fuck sakes, Spike, do even realize how many other lives you put in jeopardy? Including mine!"
"Rachel, I would never put you in harm's way!" Spike stood up by that, he was barely hanging on by a thread.
Because what she said was right and that realization hit him in his core.
"Well, in a way, you did." Rachel glared at him. "Your actions caused a domino effect. Not only getting my family involved-"
"How did I get them involved?"
"How in the Nine Circles of Tartarus do you think I know what you did? Professor Brimstone and the twins know people of all walks of life." Rachel used her good hand to squeeze the bridge of her nose, taking deep breaths to calm her down. Her nerves were telling her to light up another cigarette but she was ignoring it to the best of her abilities. "If it was Twilight or somepony else, you would be locked up for life. By dumb luck if the judge doesn't pass down the death penalty for triple homocide, you fucking asshole." Her body was visibly shaking.
That made the dragon paled. Everything Rachel was saying was true. If anyone would figure out what he did, Spike would be locked up for the rest of his life...judging by her body language, he assumed Rachel was going to turn him in.
However, her next set of words surprised the living hell out of him.
"But that isn't going to happen...the evidence was destroyed."
Spike let out a gasp out of genuine surprise. "What…?"
Rachel relaxed her hands, tugging the stolen formal jacket closer to her. "That's right. Besides the news of me not being pregnant, Brimstone told me it was my choice to whenever or not to turn you in. That shit weighed heavy on my mind since I found out. When I found out, I wanted nothing more than to bash your face in for what you did. Along with that, I was scared. Scared of seeing you behind a cage. Even though Cruise's cells are nothing compared to actual prison - hell, jail is just as bad, I should know, I've spent plenty of time there - I also couldn't stand seeing you behind a cell again because of those three fuckers…I couldn't stand the fact that I would lose you forever...
"So I had Brimstone destroy the files, all the evidence. He probably got rid of the burnt, eaten corpses of the three. You're welcome by the way."
Spike had no words. He had no comment, no comeback. He stared at his girlfriend, shaking. Tears swelling back up in his eyes. He took a step towards her before she raised a hand up.
Again, the power of the pointing finger does wonders.
"Do you want to know what's the funniest thing out of this whole ordeal: I'm not even fucking mad that you actually killed them." She shook her head. "What they did, they got what they deserved. It means I would have one less thing keeping me awake late at night. What pisses me off the most out of everything...is the actual fact you never told me. Gemcity told me that you told them, and probably the other girls, not to say anything about Bouncer and his brothers "disappearance". I'm pissed that I had to hear it from [i]Rarity[/i]… Rarity, of all the bloody cunts in both worlds, I had to hear about it from her."
There it was.
With all this anger pouring out of Rachel, saying Rarity's name visibly made her skin crawl. It shows that the human never fully forgave Rarity for siccing them at her.
"Rachel...I didn't mean to hide this from you." Spike whispered softly. "I did it to protect you…"
"Oh really? You didn't mean to hide this? You didn't mean to tell my family to keep this a secret from me? Spike, that just makes no fucking sense!" Again, Rachel reeled herself in 'cause she yelled again. She waited for a moment before continuing. "You "protecting" me was what got you in trouble the last time." She grunted. "Remember?"
Oh he does… Spike does remember.
"I want to know the truth, Spike." Rachel placed her splint hand on her hip, not even caring that it caused her a little pain. "Why did you actually decide to keep something that deals directly to me?"
When he didn't respond, she scoffed at him. "Shit like this, is making me not want to fucking trust you." Rachel moved from the fridge. Spike watched Rachel go to the closet and grabbed her duffle bag.
"W-where are you going?" Spike did not believe what he was seeing. Rachel leaving?!
"Find your own way back to Ponyville." Rachel snarled as she walked towards the door with the bag in hand.
If she walks through that door, Spike could kiss their relationship goodbye.
"Rachel, don't! No no no no!" Spike frantically pleaded as he went to stop her, but he lost his footing on the rug on the floor. Causing him to tumble to the ground.
Rachel jumped by the hard thud. She turned to see if he was okay. Spike on his hands and knees. As if his body couldn't even support himself up, his wings had torn that rug to shreds. His body trembled and was in tears.
Real, genuine tears of guilt and fear consumed Spike. "Don't go, please.. Please!" he begged. He didn't want to lose her. "I'm so sorry, I'm so, so sorry."
"Then tell me the truth." Rachel grunted, still tempting to walk out that door. Her knuckles were white from how tight she was holding the strap of the duffle bag.
Spike sniffled, trying to control his hyperventilating and tears but it was a losing battle. "A-after I did what I did...I-I did get scared…."
"Because…?"
He looked up at her, looking into her eyes. Seeing that black eye he caused her to have, that image of her in the barn, his heart beat was so loud, he believed it was heard outside of his chest.
"I-I got s-s-scared...because if I were t-to tell you...you'd see me as...a monster."
The bag dropped out of Rachel's hands. Rachel had to literally turn her back from Spike. Her head bowed solemnly. It sounded like she was breathing heavily.
After what seemed like a torturous life time before Rachel finally spoke. "You're kidding me right?" she grunted. Shaking her head vigorously, she turned around and faced the dragon. "Spike… all this time. All this time, I have not once, not even once… thought of you as a monster. As crazy and insane I must be, I still don't see you as a monster even after what you did."
Crossing her arms, she thought of her next set of words. "Believe it or not, as angry as I am with you, I still love you. I knew what I signed up for when having you, an actual fire-breathing dragon, as a lover, as your partner. After learning about all of this morbid shit, I still want to spend the rest of my life with you. Us someday getting married, having Igneous and Onyx be a real thing. Yeah, that's right. I want those little shits."
In all honesty, one angry and one trembling, both of them let out a snicker of sorts.
With a sigh, Rachel's shoulders sank. She felt like she was done for the night. It literally has been a long night for the both of them.
"Spike… you hiding things like this from me doesn't sink well. You keep saying we're in this together. That we could handle anything; to rewrite the stars themselves. Hiding things and lying - which by the way, I appreciate the fact you were being honest for the majority of the conversation - makes it hard for generally anyone to trust you."
"I-I'm sorry Rachel...I-i won't…" Spike couldn't even speak words as he tried to calm down. Rubbing his eyes to try and stop the tears.
This woman… This amazing, beautiful woman just pretty much saved his ass. Anyone else would more than likely throw Spike in prison or be lynched. He knows Twilight would, she left him in a cruise jail cell for defending himself and his friends. Rachel still wanted to be with him despite everything… She herself could have easily done all of that to him. She could have him locked away somewhere and become a ghost of a memory.
When Spike felt a hand on top of his head, he was able to look up from his barrage of tears to see Rachel standing right in front of him. He shuddered a breath before wrapping his arms around her body, placing his head on her abdomen, getting as small as a young child.
"There there…" Rachel softly spoke, her fingers gently caressing his cheek and part of one of his large green horns on his head.
"I-I'm sorry for everything…..I'm sorry for hiding things...I'm sorry I hurt you..I-I~"
She hushed him softly, trying to get him to calm down. "Just don't hide things from me anymore…" A memory flashed in Rachel's mind, causing her to close her eyes. "We all have our demons, Spike… including me… we'll find a way to live with them…"
