In our tent that night, Chizuru was turning and turning on the futon, unable to sleep.
« Chizuru, you're going to wake Haruhi up. » I whispered.
The kid was asleep next to me, as usual now. I took the habit of sleeping between the both of them. It wasn't very practical to share anything with Chizuru but I didn't want to send the kid away. She decided to put her futon next to mine and it had something conforting to be surrounded by my family at night when I had so much responsibilities during the day. Plus, as unworthy as it could be, I was using her a bit as a human shield against my wife. I didn't know if she was still as aroused as at the beginning of her pregnancy but the monks at the shrine had been firm. I shouldn't touch her now that the little one had a body and until the birth. I told Chizuru that she wasn't defiled or anything but... the monks said her corruption could taint the baby and myself if we continued to have intercourses so... I wasn't willing to take the risk and would wait patiently. Four months... That was a long time... I was happy Haruhi was sleeping with us at night, that was helping me focus on something else than my wife's body, my wife's soft skin...
My wife's scent... my wife's taste... my wife's little moans... Dammit, Hajime ! Count sheeps or something !
Haruhi moved next to me and I turned to Chizuru again, putting my arms around her to calm her down.
« Chizuru... » I whispered again « she's going to wake up... She needs sleep... »
« Yeah sure » she whispered in return « so that she could be in perfect condition when she will be shot. »
« She's not going to get shot, Chizuru... » I sighed.
« You're taking her on the battlefield ! She's ten ! Of course she's gonna get shot ! »
« No... » I sighed again « She'll be far from the actual battle. »
« Why are you taking her ? I don't understand you... » she whispered, calming down a little.
« Nihonmatsu has young boys fighting, the Shonentai... The youngests amongst their ranks are barely twelve. » I explained.
« So that means that your ten years old daughter can fight too ?! » she muttered angrily.
« No. But Haruhi heard about them and you know like me how reckless she can be. » I sighed, glimpsing over my shoulder at the sleeping kid to be sure she wasn't listening « If I had forbidden her from coming, I could have found her on the battlefield, anywhere, and she would have gotten killed. The kid's persuaded to be a warrior... By giving her a role in this battle, I can assure that she'll be exactly where I want her to be and keep her safe. »
Chizuru chuckled softly and I frowned, wondering what was so funny.
« What ? » I asked.
« Nothing... » she laughed softly « I just hope you will have a bit more authority with A... »
« Shh ! » I ordered, muffling her with my palm « Don't say its name. You could attach evil spirits to it. It mustn't be spoken until it's out. »
« You superstitious idiot... » I heard her mutter. « Anyway, how are you going to keep her away from the battlefield ? »
« I'm tasking her with the Makoto. » I explained, proud « It's an honorable position and it doesn't require to be fighting. She's going to be excited and safe. »
« You're diabolical. » she said in a conspirator voice.
She snuggled against me and I spooned her body, one of my hand on her stomach as usual, craving the contact of my soon to be child. I felt it move underneath my fingertips and tried to mirror its movements with my finger. Did it know who I was ? Would I meet it at some point ? Would I be able to touch it without this skin barrier between us ?
It kicked violently and Chizuru escaped a « aoutch ! » but it drew a smile on my face. It was so healthy... So strong...
« Are you alright ? » I whispered to Chizuru.
« Yeah... but I think you're exciting it... He's more vigorous than usual... » she said.
« Vigor is good. But you have to stop frog face, Okaasan needs her sleep. » I said to the little one.
« Don't tell me you're planning on calling it frog face for four more months. » she muttered angrily.
« Why not ? » I whispered « He needs a bad name so the spirits will stick to this one and leave the child alone when it'll have his real name. »
« I'm so discovering new sides of you with this pregnancy... » she murmured « have you always been so superstitious ? »
« Not superstitious, cautious. » I protested « and if I wasn't believing in all the folklore, as you say, I wouldn't have married an Oni. »
« Maybe you got a point... » she chuckled « Okay, let's be superstitious then. Can't do harm anyway. »
I held her in silence, listening to Haruhi's steady breath and Chizuru's more rapid one. She was panting as if she just ran for her life and the blood was coursing through her veins, pumped by a wild heart. I was used to it now, it was one of the effects of pregnancy. Yet, thanks to my Rasetsu nature, if I focused, I could hear another heartbeat, so faint, so small... But here anyway. I didn't tell Chizuru. I supposed she couldn't hear it and I didn't want to upset her by realizing I could hear it and not her. I remembered how disappointed I was when she started feeling it and I couldn't.
« Can you really ensure her safety ? » she asked again and I smiled.
I was glad to see that Chizuru was as attached to the kid as I was even if she never tried to be a mother to her. I think it was easier for both of them to have this sister relationship. Haruhi didn't have any father so I guess it was a position easy to take but I did know her mother and I did spoke to the kid about her so, with Chizuru, there was no room for a mother-daughter relationship. I wondered if Chizuru regretted it, she never mentioned it once.
« I can't. » I answered, unable to lie « I will be on the front lines. Yet, it's the best option I can think of to be sure she wouldn't sneak amongst the men. »
« Maybe you're right... » she murmured.
« Sleep, Chizuru » I ordered « I think you'll have a lot of work too, tomorrow. »
« Yeah... » she muttered « I just hope one of them won't be her... »
I stayed silent and removed my hand off her stomach so that I would stop exciting the little one. Yet, Chizuru's small complaining moans made me understand that it wasn't eager to calm itself. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep as well but my insomniac nature was a pretty tough adversary. I turned around to look at Haruhi. Sleeping with her hair loose, they weren't that short in the end, they were about shoulder length, like Souji's. I wondered if her heart was still turned towards him, even now. Even if I never approved of her « crush » like Chizuru said, I was glad that she found in Souji what so few people could find in him, under his sadistic behavior and his annoying snide comments. I had no doubt she'd fall in love with someone else later, when she'd be older and it would be appropriate. Yet, I knew that any other man would have trouble to raise himself to Souji's level, both in her mind and in mine, even if I would have killed my friend on the spot if he dared corrupting her. Lost in my thoughts, I felt Chizuru fall asleep long before I eventually did. Drifting away, I replayed in my mind my role in the upcoming battle.
The next morning, both Haruhi and I were putting on our respective uniforms under Chizuru's sad gaze. Before we headed out, she squeezed both of us and murmured « please come back to me... »
« I will. » I reassured her.
Haruhi didn't say anything though, her eyes sinister and filled with terror. She wished to fight for so long and now that it was upon her, her knees were uncontrollably shaking in fear.
« Haruhi » I said to give her an escape plan « do you wish to assist Chizuru today instead ? »
« No ! » she replied firmly, trying to look resolved and tough but her eyes were shouting a totally different story.
« Alright » I nodded.
It's okay not to be a warrior at ten... It's okay to fear, whatever age you are and it's okay not to want to be killed on a battlefield in a war you don't even understand.
I wanted to tell her all that but I didn't. Instead, I walked outside to find the men getting ready around me.
« Keisuke » I called to my second « bring me the Makoto. »
He bowed and ran to bring the banner to me, our red banner flocked with the kanji for Makoto, sincerity. I took it in my hand, closing it firmly on the wooden rod.
Kondou-san...
I've never been much of a talker. I didn't have Kondou-san or Hijikata-san's talent for motivational speeches. Instead, I just held the banner in the air with my chin held high and my eyes burning with an icy flame of volition. Cheers erupted around me as I finally opened my mouth.
« Let's go, Shinsengumi. » I said calmly but firmly « Let's show them what kind of warriors we are. »
I handed the Makoto to Haruhi and she put her tiny hand on mine, lifting her gaze. In her eyes, the fear was still there but other feelings were prevailing : admiration, dedication, respect. I took my hand away and adressed to her like I would to any other bushi.
« You are tasked with the Makoto, Saito-kun. » I ordered.
« Hai, Taichô ! » she replied with strength.
I took the head of the column, flanked by Haruhi and Keisuke and I adressed my second.
« I will lead on the front lines. I need you to stay at a location where you can have a view on the whole battle and strategize. You will keep the Makoto near and visible for our army as point of retreat. »
« Hai, Taichô. » he nodded.
« If anything happens to her » I said lower, so that Haruhi couldn't hear me « you will answer me with your life. »
« Understood, Taichô. » he nodded again.
We arrived in position and waited for the Imperial Army to show up with a unobstructed view on Nihonmatsu castle where the retainers were also ready. The fields around were empty, all the population had taken shelter inside the castle where the Shonentai would be the last line of defense. At the horizon, a black line appeared from the south as expected. They were there.
Author note : if you are an history nerd, you might have realized that I took some liberty with these events (Shirakawa, Nihonmatsu and the rest to come). Would you be interested if at the end of the battle of Aizu, I do a quick chapter about what is accurate and what isn't in all these battles ? Or do you not care as long as the storyline is good ? (I hope it is...)
