CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

(JPOV)

My paws pounded the earth beneath me as I tore off into the forest, the fire that became too hot to hold spreading through my limbs and being doused by the change when I phased into wolf form for the first time in years. I embraced the animal that I was forced to cage all that time ago and for the first time since then, I felt his power run through me like the harsh wind of a brewing storm.

I ran and ran until my lungs burned with the kind of pure exhaustion that would collapse any other ordinary human but I trudged on. The snow covered ground was like an endless blur of white as I charged ahead, ignoring the sharp sting from the cuts and minor lashes that tore at my skin while I pushed through the cluttered trees that filled the dense forest of Forks. Adrenaline pumped through me and the high from it only made me fly that much faster.

I had missed this kind of speed.

I had missed what the earth felt like beneath my paws.

I had missed the way I could hear every flutter of movement in the woods as the animals around me would scatter off at the slightest inkling of my approach.

I shut my mind off for as long as I could and went on driven instinct for miles and miles until the Washington State border came into view and I halted my run, my wolf gaze catching the movement in the trees above me while the images and memories I'd been running away from since I left the funeral home caught up with me in a maddening rush.

"You're at Pen Bay Medical Center, Jacob. Do you remember anything? Can you follow the light with your eyes for me?"

"Clarissa is in the NICU. She had a rough night but she is stable now and her vitals are good."

"Lillian? Where is she?"

"Jacob, we tried. We did all we could but her injuries were extensive. I'm so sorry."

I huffed and sunk down there in the freshly fallen snow as Bella's face and words came back to my mind all over again, the weight of them causing a whine to escape my muzzle, as I recalled the last conversation I had with Lilly before the accident.

The snow storm had come out of fucking nowhere and I tensed as I wrapped my hands tightly around the steering wheel. We'd bought that ridiculously expensive SUV only a few months ago and I found the payment alone hard for us to keep up with, but the second Lilly laid eyes on it, she wanted it to be ours and I didn't have it in me to refuse her though I should have. I'd reluctantly signed the lease and we'd fought the entire ride back home from the dealership.

"You don't think it's worth the cost? I mean, it has everything!" Lilly defended when I sharply looked her way in disapproval for the money we would be shoveling out each month from the purchase. "Heated leather seats and a remote start, too!"

"Lilly, we can't possibly swing this kind of payment. You do our budget every month and you know how damn strapped we are already! This was an impulse buy. Nothing more. Be practical"

"Why are you being so argumentative over this? You've been in a mood for weeks! What's going on with you?"

"Nothing-... can we just enjoy the ride home? All we've done is fight non-stop since last night."

She shrugged and crossed her arms over her chest with a heavy sigh as she glanced out the window in silence then.

Things had been rife with tension for us over the past few months and no matter how hard we tried, we couldn't seem to agree on anything anymore. Sam had been my venting ear on more than one occasion, advising me that he had been through something similar to this in his own marriage with Emily a while ago. He assured me it would pass but as the weeks carried on and our fighting only grew worse, I was beginning to wonder if this was something more than just a mere phase of hardship for us. Lillian struggled to balance College and Clarissa, switiching her degree to one she could achieve online and trying to major in criminal law now instead of the arts. The switch had been unexpected and I had tried to be supportive of her choice but when she told me the real reasoning behind it, it only served to drive a further wedge between us and I hated that.

"We can't live comfortably here forever. We've outgrown this place, Jacob. Can't you see that? There's other places than Washington. We could relocate to just about anywhere and make a new start."

"Since when are you not content here?" I snapped back, noticing the anger flicker across her face when she crossed the kitchen and threw her arms up in frustration.

"Since forever. I thought once we got our feet under us better, you'd want to move. I mean, we can take your dad with us. I love him and I want him happy and taken care of. You know that. So if that's the issue then-..."

"It's not. I've already told you why I want to stay in La'Push." I irritably argued. "My family is from here and I'm perfectly fine to be here. I just can' understand why all of a sudden you're not."

"There isn't any real growth opportunity in this place. The garage is struggling and I've always supported your choice to open it. You have amazing talent, Jacob. Don't you wanna span out a little? Not live in just Washington your whole life? There's so much more to the world than this."

"You don't get it." I huffed, walking out of the room and dismissing the argument before it ended in another yelling match and woke Clarissa.

I focused on the highway ahead as the storm continued, our long trip to Maine for Thanksgiving making my exhaustion peak. My schedule had been impossible lately. I opened the garage in town and Paul and Embry were my business partners. They had done right by me and I worked tirelessly to make the place any kind of a success but it came at a high price. One that involved me pulling fourteen hour work days and being so tired by the end of them that I could hardly see fucking straight. I never thought I'd come to see the day when the very idea of pulling apart another vehicle engine would fill me with dread instead of excitement, but there I was, downing my fourth cup of coffee and trying to fit in as many repairs in one business day as I could just so the take home pay was enough to cover our new monthly living expenses.

When Lilly and I were first married, we got along like most newlyweds, but after Clarissa was born, something changed in her. She seemed to want more than what I could offer her and it separated us faster than I knew how to repair. It was no secret that she grew up much differently than I had. She'd been born into that kind of luxury and it never bothered me until she started wanting things that were far outside our reach.

"Why is it that you barely have time for us anymore? We don't see you till after dark? Can't you cut the day short somehow?"

"Not if you want that new car payment made on time." I bitterly countered, picking up Clarissa and holding her for the first time all day.

"Jacob, we used to communicate so much better than this. You've pulled away lately. I feel like we're room mates."

Her words hit me like a brick to the chest and I was quick to become defensive in retaliation.

"Has it ever occurred to you that I have to pull longer shifts like that to be able to cover our asses each month!? You've changed, Lilly. Since we had Clarissa. Nothing is good enough for you. I don't even think I'm good enough for you anymore. If that's how you feel then why are you even with me! Huh?!"

She immediately stopped washing the dishes then and turned my way, her eyes glistening with tears from my harsh words with her.

"How could you say that?"

"Lilly, I-... I didn't mean- I'm sorry-..."

"Yeah, you did. You meant it. Every word."

She left the sink in tears and locked herself in our room for the rest of the night. We didn't speak for two days after that and when Shawn Called and requested our presence for Thanksgiving, I didn't know if we could keep it together long enough to go, but we tried anyway.

"It's only for three days. I think maybe it would do us some good to get out of town for a bit? You've always loved my grandparents."

"Yeah, sure. Maybe it will."

We packed overnight and hit the road for Maine the next morning. I hadn't slept more than two hours the night before and my eyes were heavy as the miles carried on. By the time we crossed into the Maine state lines, I was beyond exhausted. Lilly reached over and took my hand in hers for the first time in days and I heard her tearful words as she admitted why things had changed for us these past few months.

"I'm not trying to push you away. I'm really not. I'm sorry, Jacob. I feel off. Just irratable and not like myself anymore."

I slowed the car down and looked her way, my hand holding hers tightly when she started to break down, her soft cries changing into sobs as she continued on. "I don't like this version of myself. I'm so rude to you and I don't mean to be. I never used to yell or lose my patience so fast but I feel like I can't control it. I think I'm dealing with anxiety or post partum. I went to the doctor last week and he confirmed what I thought. He prescribed me something for it. I'm supposed to be starting it next week."

I took the first exit we came to and threw the SUV in park as she unraveled further.

"I hate who I've turned into and I know it's not your fault. I don't feel like me anymore and I don't know how to fix it or if the medication will even do anything. What if I'm stuck feeling like this? I don't want to lose you, Jacob. I'm scared I've pushed you away too long. I mean, it's been months since we've had any time for each other."

I pulled the keys from the ignition as we sat there in front of the local coffee shop I'd whipped us into moments prior.

"Lil-..."

"No, I know it's my fault if I have I-..."

I reached for her then, pulling her over the console so she was sitting in my lap, our faces mere inches apart when I wrapped my arms around her.

"Why didn't you tell me what you were feeling?"

"I don't know. I should have and I'm so sorry that I didn't." She cried into my chest, her whole body trembling with her reply.

"Shh- It's okay, sweetheart. We'll figure this out together. Once we get back home from your grandparents. Let's put it to rest for the holiday tomorrow and I promise we'll get you whatever help you need when the weekend is over. Okay?"

"Okay." She whispered.

When we got back on the road, I was wide awake from our conversation, my mind filling with our many arguments over the past eight weeks and I mentally kicked myself for not seeing some of the signs before now. They were all there and the timing was perfect now that I reflected on it.

She'd been different since Clarissa turned two months and it had only gotten worse from there. I'd been so caught up with work that I had neglected to see what was right in front of me and our marriage was suffering as a result.

What Lillian didn't know was that I too had been keeping something that I was dealing with from her. Something I didn't have a fucking clue how to reverse or change. I was at work, dealing with an ass for a customer when the guy had pissed me off enough from his refusal to pay and it had set me off. I kicked him out and closed the shop for the day and before I could lock up, my tremors started and spread through me with such force that it nearly knocked me to the ground. It took me almost an hour to get myself together enough to be able to make the drive back home and I never told Lilly about it, but they returned the next day with a vengeance and I knew the wolf was being stirred for reasons I couldn't understand.

I told Billy and while he didn't look surprised, he did assure me he would discretely pick Charlie's brain a bit about Bella when they had dinner that next Friday, and true to his word, he came through for me.

"So, what did he say?" I asked, when Billy picked up the line after returning home from the diner. "Is she alright?"

"Afraid I don't have much to give you, my boy. According to Charlie, Bella phone home last week herself and said she was real busy with work, but that she was doing good. To his knowledge, there's nothing new happening with her. This has to be something else."

"That doesn't make any fucking sense." I huffed, glancing out the window and seeing Lillian pull into the drive with Clarissa then. "Can you do me another favor, dad? Can you just be sure? I stopped phasing and moved on. The wolf wouldn't stir for no reason."

"You got it, Jake. I'll double check and do a little digging. You be careful on your trip to Maine in the morning. Please be in touch and let me know you made it? Do this old dads heart some good." Billy sincerely replied.

"Sure, sure. No worries, dad. Good night. Talk to you tomorrow and thanks."

I huffed and stood on tired paws as I turned my head back in the direction on La'Push, the pull I'd painfully found a way to shut off all that time ago now returning when I took off on a dead run back through the forest and relived the last memory I had with Lillian before the sound of screeching tires and crashing metal made everything else go black.

"I told my grandparents we'd be there for breakfast? Think we'll make it?" Lillian tiredly asked, looking back to check in on Clarissa as I followed the GPS coordinance and continued on our way to Shawn and Martha's house.

"I don't know. This storm is something else. Gonna have to take it slow." I replied, feeling her gaze on me as I focused my attention on the road. "Worse time to be traveling, sweetheart. Everyone is out here trying to get to their families for Thanksgiving."

"Well, I guess I'm lucky cause my whole family is right here in this car." She bemused to me with a grin in place and I couldn't help but smile back at the happiness I heard in her tone for the first time in weeks.

"I love you, Jacob."

"I love you, too."

"Do you think we could stop for another coffee before too long cause -... JAKE! LOOK OUT!"

I swerved hard to avoid the oncoming truck as it's high beams blinded me seconds before the impact.

In that very instant, everything had changed. The first memory I could recalled from briefly coming to was when they pulled me from the car and transported me to the hospital. Everything was ringing in my head, everything too loud and my vision too blurry to make anything out. I could hear what I now knew to be Callie's voice speaking to me above all the chaos, but I couldn't hold onto it for long and the next thing I heard made time itself stand still for me.

"Jacob…"

I would know that voice anywhere. Differentiate it from all the others that surrounded me. The petrified sound of it taking me back to the last time I'd heard it and what her words had been then.

"I can't stay here, Jake. I just can't. I'm sorry."

"You know I'm tied here. I can't go with you, Bells."

"This doesn't mean we-..." She timidly began.

"It does. What kind of selfish person would I be if I asked you to stay?"

I clung to that voice. The startling nature of it jolting awake something in me that had been dormant since she'd left. She was efficient in her tone and sharp with her words but I caught the shakiness in them as she spoke again.

"We got no breath sounds on the right! Set up a chest tube!"

I'm here...

Everything faded then and I didn't have the strength to fight the darkness anymore.

A/N: Thank you for reading. I wanted to give you guys Jacobs point of view for the first time in this story! Hope you enjoyed the update and please review. New post tomorrow. Until then...