The weight of People's Expectations

Finally, Narcissa was able to leave the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey had been round with one more batch of potions before telling her that she could return to her dormitory after breakfast. Not that Narcissa was especially looking forward to re-entering life in the Slytherin common rooms. God knows what the rumour mill would be saying about her extended time in the hospital wing.

As she finished packing, two shapes emerged into the hospital wing, their voices low, but obviously arguing over something.

"Bella?" She realised. Her sister was being accompanied by Professor McGonagall, the waves of dislike between the two almost visibly obvious.

"Thank you, Minerva, I would like to speak with my sister alone now."

"Narcissa, are you happy to be left alone with your sister?" There was an icy glint in the Professor's eye, suggesting she would be more than happy to drag Bella back out of Hogwarts. Probably by her hair. She wondered if McGonagall had danced a jig when Bella graduated.

"I…yes. That's okay, thank you professor." It wasn't until she had left, that Narcissa realised she should have asked her teacher exactly how much Bellatrix knew.

"Bella, what are you doing here?"

"I was just at mum and dads and they told me you were thrown down the stairs? What happened? Are you okay? Was it an accident, because if James…"?

She was only just finding out about what had happened? Did her family just not communicate…of course not. Why was she even surprised? "It wasn't an accident. Another student jinxed me when I was on the stairs. Why would you think James had something to do with it?"

"I wasn't sure if he had asked you to get rid of it." Bella said with a look around the room. Narcissa rolled her eyes. It wasn't as if Madam Pomfrey didn't know.

"No, of course not. I just lost it anyway," she replied, voice breaking, even as she tried to sound nonchalant. "And Madam Pomfrey knows about it, so you don't need to whisper."

"I'm sorry. For what it's worth -"

"Please do not say that it's for the best." Even if it was the unspoken thing on everyone's mind.

"For what it's worth. When you do have kids, you'll be a great mum."

Liar. "Thanks Bella. You really didn't need to come up here to see if I was okay."

"I wanted to make sure you were okay. I wasn't sure what the school had told mum and dad, so I couldn't ask them about it." It was odd how they were both avoiding the word baby. "Did anyone else know?"

"No, just James." She couldn't quite meet her older sister's eyes. She knew Bellatrix wouldn't be happy that she had confided in Andromeda before her.

"You know I can tell when you're lying, who else did you tell…" Her voice trailing off as Narcissa met her sister's gaze. "How is darling Andromeda?" But she didn't seem angry, just resigned.

"She's still Andromeda. She actually lectured me about safe sex after I told her. I might as well have told mum." They both shared a smile at that. "I knew she wouldn't tell anyone, and I needed help going to a muggle hospital."

"It's fine, I understand." And what was strange was that Bella really seemed to mean that. There was no anger or venom in her voice. "Although for what it's worth, I would have helped you regardless. And I would have done it without the lecture."

"I know. But I didn't want to go to St. Mungo's. All it would take was the wrong person to recognise me. You know how much everyone loves the fall of a pure blood house." They both did, unfortunately. "Are you okay?" She reached out to her sister, who seemed so much more subdued than normal.

"I'm fine, I was worried about you. I…When I was here, in my last year, I ended up in a similar situation." Narcissa wasn't surprised. Bella had all but admitted that over Christmas. "The father wasn't as…gallant as James. He refused to acknowledge it, or me. Told me to get rid of it. We weren't…It wasn't serious anyway, and I've never wanted to be a mother. I was okay with what I did, but you've always been more fragile Cissa."

"Honestly Bellatrix, I do not need you killing anyone on my behalf. Especially not James! He was totally supportive. I obviously have better taste in men than you do." She snapped. "But I'm sorry that happened to you." After realising that her response was not the most sympathetic.

Bellatrix was already shaking her head. "I didn't tell you that because I want your sympathy Narcissa, I just needed you to understand that I'm not here to judge you. Who was it that jinxed you?"

Narcissa hesitated. She couldn't help but think back to James initially suggesting that Bellatrix could kill Severus. She would certainly do it if Narcissa asked, and probably even if she didn't. But did she want to be responsible for Bellatrix becoming a murderer? The chances were she already was, even if Narcissa didn't want to acknowledge it. "It was Snape," she blurted out, before she had really thought it through. Oh well. "He hates James, and me because I'm with James. And won't stick up for Snape when James torments him."

She had expected a heated response, Bellatrix declaring death to Severus Snape. Instead an odd silence enveloped the two of them. Narcissa waited for her sister to say something, Bella was never at a loss for words. Ever. And there were times when it would be better if she had been.

"I need to get to class Bella. Thank you for coming to see me." She lent over and hugged her sister, Bella stiffened for a moment before returning the gesture. It wasn't until then that Narcisa realised how much she needed just to be held by someone. Just for a minute.

"I can't promise Snape's death. He is being protected by people high up." Two guesses for who that would be. "But if I get the chance, I'll deal with him."

"Don't. I am growing up. I don't need my big sister rushing in to protect me or threatening to kill someone who hurts me. I appreciate it, but you need to let me deal with own problems for once Bellatrix." She didn't really mean it, and they both knew it. Just like they both knew that Bellatrix would kill Snape in the blink of an eye if she could. Family was good that way, but what she didn't want was Bellatrix dying for that revenge.


When Narcissa finally made it back to the Slytherin common room she felt different, emptier but less…anxious. She felt like she had been walking around Hogwarts, worrying about what people were saying about her for most of her life. Worried that she wasn't acting in a way that befitted a Black, worried about what people would think of her. Even with James, and his infectious confidence and happiness, there was still a niggling worry that people were judging her.

Now she didn't care. How could what people think about her compare to losing a child. She wasn't sure if they could sense it in the common room, but as she walked in several groups quietened, Angela Rosier's laughter fading as she saw her.

"Well, well, you've finally returned to us." Angela mocked. God, she looked ridiculous, sitting there playing the queen bee, surrounded by her cronies. "You wouldn't believe what the rumour mill has been saying about you recently Narcissa."

"And I'm sure you've been working overtime to make sure that everyone knows every single one of those rumours, Angela." Narcissa replied, squeezing onto the couch next to her former friend. Narcissa had known Angela since they were children, their parents were distant cousins and Angela had been at everyone of the same pureblood circuits Narcissa was forced to attend. As they had gotten older it was less that they were friends, and more that they tolerated one another.

Angela let out another of those ridiculous false laughs. "Don't be silly Narcissa, we're friends, I wouldn't do that."

Liar. "Really? Because it didn't stop you from telling the whole school that Jacinda here wasn't the pureblood she claimed, and that her mum was a muggle." Narcissa said, nodding to the younger Slytherin who was sitting across from them. "Or spreading that rumour about Charlene and Professor Slughorn, just to get her kicked out the Slug Club."

"Well, I didn't tell everyone about you shacking up with a Gryffindor. James Potter, really?" Although judging from the lack of surprise on anyone's face, Angela had made sure all of Slytherin knew about that one a while ago.

"So, I'm dating a Gryffindor? He's a pureblood, he's rich, good looking. And we're not related…unlike you and Evan. I mean, he's your first cousin." Narcissa had walked in on the two of them going at it last summer. And whilst marrying your cousin wasn't unheard of in older generations, it was considered pretty desperate nowadays. And judging from how red Angela's face had turned, she hadn't wanted anyone knowing about it either.

"Bitch," she hissed before storming out the common room door. Well, that was slightly more enjoyable than Narcissa had thought it would be. And she certainly seemed to have gained some fans, judging by the impressed looks on faces around the room. And the lack of people running after Angela.

"And, just for the record, I was cursed down the stairs and had a variety of different injuries that Madam Pomfrey couldn't fix. It really wasn't that big a deal, I just couldn't be bothered coming back to classes."


It was dinner time before Narcissa even managed to see James. She had felt some small surge of satisfaction when during the meal, Angela Rosier's usual followers had opted to sit beside her rather than their previous Queen Bee. Not that it meant anything, but it was nice to see someone else be left in the cold for once. She was tired of sitting alone at the Slytherin table.

She found herself with the same false laugh that she hated in Angela Rosier when she spotted James trying to get her attention from across the room. She looked down, she had barely eaten anything, she still didn't feel hungry.

"I haven't seen you all day. Where were you?" She asked him, as they both left the great hall.

"I…I thought you wanted space Cissa. I didn't want to crowd you. Although I see you've fallen back into favour with Slytherin house again."

"Angela was about to tell everyone why I was away for so long, so I decided to cut her off and tell everyone about her and Evan Rosier.

"Evan…aren't they cousins? Wait, so she knows?"

"I don't have a clue what Angela knows or doesn't. But I didn't want to take the risk that she had managed to ferret out the truth." Although a small voice in the back of her head was now saying she may have made the whole thing worse by angering Angela. Oh well.

"But you told everyone about her and Evan, just in case?"

"She would have done the same to me."

"Isn't that the point though?" James asked, sounding hesitant for the first time ever. "That you want to be better that someone like Angela Rosier."

How James had become the voice of her conscience was quite baffling. And she knew he was right, but she also knew that she didn't regret it for a minute. Why should she always be the one martyring herself. "Maybe, all I know is that it's nice not to feel so alone at dinner."

"They're not your friends, Cissa." James said gently, as if to avoid hurting her. "You know that right?"

"I do," it had been a bitter reminder, when her only visitors in the hospital wing were James and Sirius. "I don't need to be reminded." She didn't know why she was taking her anger out on James though.

All he did was envelop her in a hug. God, she had missed him, missed his arms around her. "I missed you, Cissa." He said, echoing her thoughts. "Don't push away from me now. I didn't like the Slytherin Queen Narcissa, I loved the real you. Don't feel like you need to go back that."

"I'm not going back to anything. And you didn't know the Slytherin Queen, now I'm just tired of the weight of people's expectations."

"Including mine?" James asked, pulling away to look her in the face.

Sometimes, she thought to herself. "No, James. I didn't mean you." Liar.

"Look, I was thinking we could meet in the room of requirement on Friday night?" She stiffened; she wasn't sure what she was ready for at this point. "Not to do anything, just to spend some time the two of us." James added quickly. "Honestly, we can take things as slowly as you need."

"Still so gallant, James." She smiled, thinking back to when they had first met. She remembered thinking he was the Gryffindor poster-boy, all bravery and gallantry. Then she had learned to value those very traits. "But it would be good to have another date, although I think we will have to go slowly. I still feel…" Fragile, broken, sore. Pick your word really.

"I know, and I mean it, I'm in no rush. I want you to feel totally comfortable."

"You always say the right things James. It's maddening sometimes."

He flashed her a smile. "I know, it's hard work being so perfect."