A/N: Content warning for this chapter - there are allusions to traumatic sexual experiences in this chapter. They do manifest in the way that Draco and Hermione interact, but they are not overly explicit. If you would like a more thorough explanation, please see the author note at the end of the chapter before continuing.


Chapter 37 - Two of Cups

Slowly, gently, Draco pressed into her, pressing his body against hers as he cradled her chin. If his kiss was a question, hers was the answer.

A golden glow enveloped them, charged by the magic sizzling through her veins. Emboldened by the power thrumming under her skin, by the feeling of reckless desire, Hermione opened her mouth, nipping at Draco's bottom lip to beg entry.

He shuddered against her and suddenly he was everywhere at once. Hermione's mind whirled, grasping for a foothold, something rational on which to stand, but the tumultuous emotion between the two of them won, whisking away Hermione's frantic thoughts. In the void left behind, she breathed a welcome sigh of relief into Draco's mouth, coaxing it open to slip her tongue in to tangle with his. His hands jolted her roughly forward, the movement accompanied by a frenzied groan of desire that she swallowed eagerly .

Hermione broke the kiss, fisting his shirt and backing him across the cabin to her cot. His knees hit first, sending him sprawling onto his back, staring up at her with a mix of irritation and lust in his gaze.

His irritation smoothed away when she hovered over him, hesitation making her pause, but another warm flash of magic at the desire in his gaze bolstered her. His eyes blazed silver as she slipped her legs on either side of him. Hermione sank onto Draco's lap, both of them groaning as she rocked into the hard length still concealed by his trousers. Without wasting any time, he buried his fingers in her hair, crashing into her. Their lips met again and again in a searing kiss.

Hermione had kissed others before, several, in fact. But never like this—this desperate, all-consuming need to be closerclosercloser, like she could curl up within him and still not be close enough. She wanted to get it right this time, without regret, but her memories of her time with Ron besieged her, his mocking laughter echoing through her head.

Breaking away, Hermione blinked. Once. Twice. Three times, her heart racketing as her mind desperately attempted to push the thoughts out, shove them back down behind a wall of magic that she could conveniently brick up. But to her horror, tears sprung to her eyes, spilling over when Draco cupped her jaw.

"Hermione?" It was a gentle intrusion, his breath coming in soft pants against her jaw as he searched her face. Words never came.

Her hand drifted up of its own accord, and her nails dug into Draco's wrist, his sharp puff of air fanning against her cheek in response. To prove that he was there, that it was him. She felt a gentle nudging at her Occlumency walls and her eyes jolted open.

He didn't speak, didn't chastise her for running, but his gentle insistence brought her walls crashing to dust within her.

He gazed down at her, eyes locking with hers and flashing before he closed the distance between them. His arms wrapped around her waist, Draco leaned into her lips with chaste, barely-there kisses that only served to stoke the well of desire that had bloomed in the pit of her stomach. But it was more than that. Each kiss lifted her higher, fighting the memories of Ron threatening to drag her down.

Rocking into hungry, desperate kisses, she knew she wanted this with him. His touch was cautious but insistent, forcing the vestiges of her time with Ron away under his rough, war-worn hands. And despite the fear that still lingered, her heart settled, the restless edge of her terror giving way to the ferocity with which he met her kisses.

With her lips and arms locked around Draco, she once more felt hope stirring in her chest.

She'd made the decision before she was even conscious of having thought about it. Her hands slowly softened, releasing her vice grip on his shoulders and making their way to the buttons of his tattered Oxford. Shaking slightly, she began to slip each tiny button from its home, and Draco broke the kiss.

"Hermione, we don't have to—" he started.

"Shh," she whispered, trailing kisses from the corner of his lip down the side of his neck, painfully conscious of the salty trails of her tears still lingering on her cheeks. "I want this," she breathed against his pulse point, laving an open mouth kiss over it, reveling in the way his fingertips dug into her hips. Even as desire welled in her at seeing him undone, guilt burned in her throat as he fingers descended on the buttons.

When she reached the final button of his shirt, she pulled away and bit her lip. Memories of Ron staring up at her with the same rapt expression reared, threatening to douse her desire. A tremor wracked her fingers, and she stilled, unable to lift her gaze from Draco's chest.

She could feel his gaze on her, his eyes burning with unrestrained desire.

"Draco, it's— I've—" Her hands stilled on the hem of his shirt. Steeling herself, she felt his breath against her cheeks, disturbing her hair as he tried to control his breathing. A confession tumbled out of her mouth before she could stop it. "I'm nervous."

Draco's brow furrowed. "Hermione, we don't have to do anything you don't want to. And, for what it's worth, I haven't done… anything really." He smiled wryly at her. "There's not been much time to be with a witch when you're trying to keep your family safe from a madman." The confession tumbled from his mouth in a nervous torrent as he huffed a self-deprecating laugh, reaching up to tuck a curl behind her ear. "And there wasn't anyone…" Shuttering his gaze, he looked away, blinking, before he tried again. "I haven't wanted… I didn't want my first to be anyone but you."

Tracing the planes of his stomach, a blush crawled up her neck. "Draco... it's just-" Her breath hitched and she forced the rest of it out before she could think more of it. "I have been with someone. I didn't know about you, and Ron..."

His expression sobered. "I know. We don't have to rush this. After all of this—" he gestured vaguely at the world outside their cabin, but the movement jostled Hermione on his lap, and both of them sucked in a breath at the renewed friction.

Hermione reached out, grabbing his hand.

"Draco, I want to. With you." She drew in a steadying breath as everything she'd been warring with spilled from her. "You brought me back. You've fought for me time and time again, even when I didn't want to fight for myself." She steeled herself. "When I couldn't fight for myself." She huffed out a breathy laugh as tears threatened once more. "We could be dead in a week, and I don't want to die without—" Another deep breath. "—without making love to you."

Hermione could feel Draco's breath catch under her fingers, and she looked back up to peer into his eyes once more. "I'm not saying that this will make everything perfect. But I think we could learn. Together." She felt him still beneath her, a wealth of emotions flitting across his face as she corrected herself. "Relearn, at that."

At her statement, Draco's eyes deepened, and he leaned forward, his lips a hairsbreadth from hers. "What could we learn, Hermione?"

She shivered against him. "I think we could relearn," she emphasized again. "To love each other. For as long as we have each other." An unidentifiable emotion flitted over his face, too fast for her to catch. On an exhale, she whispered, "Please."

A full-body shudder ran through Draco, and, with a soft swear, he closed the miniscule gap between them, slanting his lips over hers in a prolonged kiss. When he leaned back, his expression was both ardent and pained. "You stupid, stupid witch."

Draco captured her lips once more before Hermione could voice her indignation. In a remarkably smooth motion, he stood, arms wrapping around Hermione to deposit her on the cot. Easing them both down, Hermione pushed the shirt from his shoulders as he settled her softly on the worn blankets.

Draco broke the kiss, staring down at her. Before she could lose her nerve, she reached down and pulled her jumper over her head, painfully aware that she wasn't wearing a bra and would soon be exposed to his lust-filled eyes. When she pulled it free, however, his eyes never left her face, drifting only to riotous curls and back again. Lifting her fingers, she brushed back the fringe falling loose over her forehead, biting back a smile as he fought not to drink in the sight of her topless.

"You are so beautiful," he breathed. Hermione smothered both her protest and the blush that fought to steal over her and reached between them to release the button of his trousers. They undressed each other slowly, featherlight touches saying more than either of them could manage. They shared one last weighted glance, Draco ensuring that she wanted this, and when she didn't object, he stepped back to slip out of his denims.

Though she'd always been a courageous person, she couldn't handle the nerves that assaulted her as she slid her jeans over her hips and shimmied free of them completely. In the few beats of silence following her disrobing, her eyes clenched shut, her insecurities making themselves known. Maybe she'd made a mistake. Uncontrollable flashes of magic jumped over her exposed limbs. But as she lifted her hands to shield herself from his reverent gaze, Draco eased down on the blankets next to her.

"Please don't," he whispered softly. Through slitted lids she peered up at him. "Don't hide from me." He punctuated his statement with feather-light kisses all over her face.

She'd lived in fear for so long, so long that most days it felt like all she knew. But she was still human, and she still had desires. She wanted to want him. She wanted to be fearless, even if for a moment.

She shoved her fear aside and reached out, sliding her hand into the waistband of Draco's pants and slowly slid them down, sucking in a short breath as he slid free, and she darted her eyes back up at him.

His expression was rapt on her hand as she slowly smoothed over the head of him, eyes fluttering shut as she slid leisurely over his shaft. His tongue darted out to wet his lips through shallow breaths. In a fit of bravery, Hermione used her other hand to slide her knickers down over her knees. Ever so slowly, she slipped her hand between her folds. Draco's eyes snapped to attention and deepened impossibly. The molten charcoal of his gaze tore through Hermione's core, and she swirled her index finger over her clit.

Draco let out a guttural groan, and Hermione's ministrations ceased momentarily.

"Don't stop. Merlin, please don't stop," he begged, and Hermione complied.

She relied on instinct, chasing memories of what she'd enjoyed in the past, fighting the doubt that Ron had shrouded her in when he'd called her cold, undesirable. His words in the cell only pushed her forward, fighting to prove him wrong even from afar. Swiping her fingers through the dampening heat within her folds, she used the collected moisture to lubricate her way, eliciting a low moan from deep in her throat as a thrill of heat swept through her core. Her eyelids fluttered shut as her breathing grew labored with arousal, and soon Draco was pumping his erection into her hand in time with her own pleasure.

With a breathy gasp, Hermione slipped first one, and then two, fingers within herself, stretching her passage. Though she felt a modicum of embarrassment to be touching herself in front of Draco, he seemed to enjoy it immensely if his labored breathing and intense stare was any indication. He soon, however, pulled out of her grasp and pulled her hand away from herself, lacing his fingers through hers as he peered down at her.

"Show me?" His voice was a dull rumble, but the clear desire in them strengthed her resolve, and she drew his hand down to her.

Slowly, she unfurled his fingers from her own, and she twisted her hand, pressing her hand to the top of his as she guided him.

With a deliberate caution that entirely belied the desire in his eyes, Draco dipped his fingers to her, slowly stroking over her as she directed him. His mouth fell open as she guided him to her entrance, his gaze flicking to hers as he skimmed over her, a breathy gasp slipping from her parted lips.

"Like this?" He pressed one finger into her, immediately stopping when she let her legs fall open with a sigh.

Nodding, Hermione pressed his hand again. "Like that." He withdrew slowly, pumping the digit back in while watching her face. His grey eyes were intense, flashing and smoky as he studied her face, but all Hermione could concentrate on was getting him closer to her.

When she shifted, trying to pull him away, Draco slipped another finger into her, stretching her around him. "Gods, Hermione." He lowered his forehead to her shoulder, breathing labored as he continued to work her higher, his thumb pressing into the nub she'd worried moments before.

A shudder rolling through her, Hermione pulled away, wrenching his hand from her and forcing his gaze upright. "I'm ready. Please." The words were pleading, but she laced their fingers together, a soft smile lifting her lips at the desire in his gaze.

"Hermione, are you sure?" he whispered. His other hand traced down her cheek.

Unable to speak, Hermione simply nodded, turning to kiss his palm.

It was surreal how one could feel so intensely for someone in such a short period of time, but she supposed it had been there all along, tucked safely in the recesses of her mind, waiting to be found again. In the space between the moment he lined himself up with her entrance and looked down at her one last time, lip caught between his teeth in concentration.

The tenderness in his gaze was her undoing, gentle and caring, desperate to prove that neither of them was broken, and she wrapped her arms around her neck.

He swallowed once more. "You can squeeze all you need to. If it hurts, I mean." He huffed out a self-deprecating laugh. "You're the more knowledgeable of the two of us, it seems."

She smiled up at him. "It won't hurt. I'm ready, Draco. It's okay."

Draco eased forward, his head dropping to her shoulder as he slid in slowly. A long, low moan escaped through his clenched teeth. He pushed slowly, pausing when he was about halfway in and looked up at her, gaze darting frantically between her eyes as he settled fully into her. Both struggled to catch their breath, his in restraint and hers in an attempt to adjust to the overly full sensation.

Hermione wound one hand into his hair and tilted her chin up to kiss him. She could feel him shaking in an effort not to move. When she pulled away, she whispered, "It's okay. You can move, I promise."

Draco sighed in relief and pulled out incrementally before sliding back in, both of them shuddering at the sensation.

It wasn't perfect. Tangled together, they learned each other's bodies intimately with a slow desperation that seemed only close brushes with Death could cause, pushing and pulling against one another even as contented sighs filtered between them.

Forged by the connection she'd wrought with Draco, it was as though a final piece of the magic still restless within her settled, and she leaned up, catching his lips in a searing kiss that quickly turned their coupling heated.

Snapping his hips into hers, Draco pulled away, pressing his forehead against hers as he rutted against her, pushing her higher with the increased pressure. Sweat had broken out on his forehead and he peered down at her. "Hermione, I— I can't," he stammered out as his thrusts became uneven.

Vestiges of his awe echoed down their Legilimency connection. So lost in the moment, he didn't mask his thoughts, and Hermione wrapped her legs around his waist, throwing her weight to the side to roll him beneath her. The new position afforded her control—satisfaction dancing along her skin—and pressed him deeper inside as she rolled her hips against him.

All the words she wasn't sure she'd ever gather the courage to say aloud to him thundered. Her trust. Fear. Longing. All of it came to a head as he stared up at her in awe, fingers entwining with hers as she lifted them over his head, pressing them into the tangle of blankets beneath him, and buried her face in the crook of her movements faltered and she tumbled over the edge.

With a throaty groan, Draco thrust up into her, pumping erratically before he slowed to a stop. Boneless, she sank on top of him, reveling in his warmth as their hearts beat together.

After several moments of resting against his chest, Hermione pulled back, searching his face for any lingering regret. Instead, a small smile pulled at his cheeks, and, if she wasn't mistaken, hope bloomed in the depths of his eyes.

"Hi." His voice was small, if a little worried, but he reached out, wrapping a curl around his fingertip. He studied the way it coiled around the digit, so dark in contrast to his pale skin, and then his hands shifted, pushing her backwards so he could examine her. Slowly, his fingers trailed over her skin, mapping out the constellation of scars she'd acquired since leaving the Manor.

Bolstering herself with a slight shake of her curls as Hermione lifted, she returned his greeting with one of her own.

After a moment, Draco spoke. "Was that… was it okay? For you?"

Colour tinged the tips of his ears, and for just a moment, Hermione could imagine that they were back in Hogwarts, nestled in the pile of pillows that had become their haven, outside world be damned. But then her eyes trailed over him, taking in the new scars that hadn't been there the last time she'd seen him out of his Oxford, and her heart clenched. Rolling onto her side, she reached for his hand, encouraging him to follow suit. "It was." Slowly, she peppered his knuckles with kisses, tamping down the fear that welled in her at such vulnerability.

"Good. Because for me—" The colour on his ears spread rapidly to his cheeks, and he coughed awkwardly at the grin she flashed him.

The moment of levity seemed to lift a monumental weight off her chest as she smiled down at him, running her fingers lightly over his chest in a gesture of familiarity that she hoped conveyed the peace of mind he brought her. "For you?"

Capturing her fingers in his own, he stared at the way they fit together, laced tightly before he stared up at her, his lips pulling down into a serious frown. "It was bloody brilliant." His gaze grew more serious as he tugged her forward, splaying her across his chest as he stared into her eyes. "Hermione, I—"

She froze, her eyes darting over his features as he searched for the words he wanted to say, but she leaned forward, covering his lips with her own. After a moment, he returned it, though she could feel his reluctance. When they parted, she laid a finger over his mouth when he opened it again. "Not yet… not until we make it out of this."

Those words… that sentiment… she couldn't handle it. If they didn't make it out of this together, they would be her breaking. Not the torture, not the death she'd seen… no, knowing he felt more for her but not being able to act on it. That would break her.

So she settled into his embrace, breathing him in and relishing the moment as she drifted to sleep while the moon rose over their cabin.


A/N: In this chapter, Hermione and Draco have sex for the first time. However, Hermione struggles with the trauma of knowing that the person she was intimate with-Ron-abused her and other women. This results in a kind of duality in Hermione's experience; though she wants to experience this with Draco, she finds herself torn between that desire and the fear of what happened in the past. If this is an experience that can be triggering for you, please forego reading this chapter. I'd also like to note that there is no one way to deal with trauma; in peril of being too straightforward, this chapter is based on my own experiences with a traumatic sexual past, and in a way, it was therapeutic to write. Further, if you ever need to talk about your own experiences or just need to talk to someone who understands, my inbox is always open.

Alpha creds to LadyKenz347 and beta creds to tofadeawayagain