Wasn't the chapter I was planning to write it just sort of happened. It's a little bit of a filler before the new arc.


Chapter 26 - Heart to heart

Makatza sat in her bedroom reading, she had gone home early the next morning before the others had even woken up. She managed to enlist the help of a passing Guard who was only too happy to get into Aveline's good books. She was sulking, to an extent. In truth she didn't want to admit that what Fenris had said and done really hurt and she was too cowardly to see Sebastian just yet. Privately she was hoping that he didn't really remember what he did or that he didn't change in the ways he acted around her. I honestly don't think that I'm ready for a relationship, she thought to herself as she turned her page, if I can't handle a little bit of rejection or actually getting kissed wihout going into some sort of emotional spiral I really don't think it would be a good idea. With a deep breath she shifted in her armchair, draping her legs over the side of the arm to get comfortable. To distract herself she was reading the bestiary that Anders had given her for her birthday and had just turned onto the section regarding Mabaris, Bubble was a fascinating creature, his bond with Garrett seemed to be more than skin deep. Makatza had always liked dogs and had grown fond of the hound that was currently lying in front of her fire. She found a bit that she found interesting and made note of it by highlighting it with a coloured pencil that she had for this very reason; -Each Mabari chooses their master for life in a process called imprinting. Although fierce combatants, a Mabari companion is shown to be a highly sociable animal, and though not capable of speech, they can clearly respond to speech with growls, whines, barks and several other actions that demonstrate intelligent comprehension- it made Makatza wonder as Garrett seemed to understand everything that Bubble was trying to convey, her cousin had simply said he knew what the canine was trying to say and it was mostly context and practice. Her silence was broken as there was a polite knock at her door. 'Come in,' she says while chewing on her pencil.

'Hey!' Garrett said poking his head around the door. 'Where were you this morning? We had to pull Varric out a barrel,' he laughs as he walks in, greeting Bubble who leapt up to say hello. 'Did you have a good time last night?' He asked as he sat on the edge of her bed.

'Yeah, it was fun,' Makatza said shrugging a shoulder as she put her pencil in the book and shut the covers. She must have sounded a little bland because Hawke gave her an intense stare, 'what?' She said defensively.

'What happened?' He says simply as he scratches his hound's ears. 'Something is bothering you,' he said as he looks at her feeling a little annoyance. Yesterday's celebrations hadn't started well but he had been hoping that she enjoyed herself as the night went on. 'I won't tell Isabela, if that's what you're worried about. This is strictly between family,' he reassures.

Makatza sighed and got up as she came and sat next to him. 'Okay, okay, I should probably tell someone and like you said, Isabela wouldn't be my first choice for advice,' she says pulling a face. She loved the pirate but when her every solution was to just screw until you felt better, didn't really help. She leant her head on his shoulder and looked at the fire. 'Well, long story short. Fenris and I almost kissed. Sebastian and I did kiss and Fenris found out and then he went all cold towards me. I don't know what's going on in my head. I really like them both for totally different reasons and I also have an attraction to Anders and I don't even want to dwell on that one, I'm confused enough. I don't want Sebastian to change the way he is towards me as I don't think I'm ready for anything serious and I just... ugh! I don't know. I'm pissed! Pissed at Fenris! Pissed at Sebastian! I'm just really confused and really fucked off,' she said in a stream.

Garrett nodded slowly as he looked at her. 'Okay. That was a lot of information at once and pretty much all of it was expected and a total surprise,' he chuckles. 'So, I suggest we break this down. First thing's first. Do you want me to punch anyone?' He asks.

Makatza laughs and shakes her head as she bites her thumbnail, 'no, no, I don't think that needs to happen. I just think Seb had too much to be honest,' she smiles genuinely.

Garrett grins and nods, 'righty then, next point. Is Sebastian a good kisser?'

Makatza rolled her eyes and tried not to smile but failed. 'I don't see the reason why you need to know but yes, I would say that he is,' she admits. 'Where are you going with this?'

'You'll see,' he says simply. 'Third thing, what did Fenris say to you regarding the kiss with Seb?'

Makatza sighed, 'he said that I didn't need to justify myself to him-'

'True,' Garrett interrupted.

'-Yeah, I know, he said I was free to do as I wish-'

'Also true.'

'Yeah, but when I tried to ask about what happened between us with the ''almost kiss'' he cut me off and just said good night, it was the way he said it. So blunt, so cold. Like he didn't even want to think that what happened between us even happened. I mean, it could just be that I had had a fair bit to drink and felt sensitive and emotional over Seb but I just wanted to cry,' she moaned as she flumped backwards onto her bed. Bubble saw his moment and leapt onto the quilt using it as an excuse to get onto the comfy mattress. Garrett leaned back onto his elbows to look at her.

'Can I be honest?' He said simply.

'When aren't you?' She teases as she covers her eyes with an arm.

'Sounds like you regret kissing Sebastian and have stronger feelings towards Fenris,' he states. Makatza frowned and looked at him with a scrunched up face.

'I can't say that what I have towards him is actual feelings,' Makatza mutters. 'More like an... attraction,' she says. 'Base attraction,' Makatza adds. 'Like, I think he's handsome and his tattoos are gorgeous but sometimes when he's not being a grumpy asshole, he's actually really sweet and shows that he worries or cares-

'Yeaah,' says Garrett not convinced at all. 'Sounds a little more than a base attraction there, cousin.'

'You're talking shit,' she pouts as she covers her eyes again. With a huff she sits up and looks at Hawke. 'I care about Sebastian,' she mumbles. 'It's just different with Fenris... I don't get why. They're both attractive, and Seb actually seems to give a shit!'

Garrett grins at her with knowing eyes. 'Awww, Katza,' he teases. 'In all seriousness, let me try to explain it this way. I think you're stunning, you're very beautiful,' he pauses as Makatza blushes and smiles in a little embarrassment. 'You care about me a lot, I'd assume,' Katza nods to confirm, 'and you would happily go out your way to help me. I feel comfortable around you and safe in the knowledge that you'd never purposely hurt me.'

'Pretty much, yeah,' she agrees.

'If we were to kiss, ignoring the fact that we're cousins, I'm talking hypothetically here,' he reassures. 'If we were to kiss, I'm sure that it would be good and hot and everything else,' he laughs. 'I'd feel guilty though because there's Isabela, she's also drop dead gorgeous, she shows she cares about me in other ways and to be honest I think she would hurt me if she thought it was for the best. She's not for everyone and a lot of people don't like her, I wouldn't change her for the world because there's just something about her. You two are both beautiful, strong, caring women, but it becomes blatantly obvious that I care about you in two very different ways. Does that help at all?' He asks.

Makatza sighs and nods, 'yeah it does. So what am I going to do about it all?'

Garrett holds up his hands, 'oh I have no idea, and there's nothing saying that the attraction to Sebastian won't turn into more and you'll start leaning towards him instead,' he adds.

'That doesn't help at all! Why did you say that?!' She says annoyed.

'Maybe just spend time with them and see what happens, that's all you can do,' he suggests.

'I doubt Fenris will even want to see me,' Makatza shrugs.

'Well then, that's his loss. Don't try to force anything just go with the flow,' Garrett advises as he kisses her on the temple giving her a hug. Makatza nods and hugs him tightly as she wishes that everything he had said was wrong. 'Take a couple days to yourself. Orana and Mother want to talk dresses and girly things lately anyway. Take a step back from all the drama,' he says. Makatza smiles and agrees, maybe a couple days would be good for her.

-x-

Makatza had finally reappeared from her vacation away after about a week, she had seen the girls during this time as they came to the estate but she had tactfully avoided anyone else. It was nice to get the head space, she had grown closer to her Aunt Leandra and now had a permanent space in her heart for Orana. They were all meeting at the Hanged Man as Varric and Garrett had news, Makatza had decided to dress in the armour set that Leandra had commissioned for her birthday, her weapons and even the protective corset Fenris had given her. She had made the decision to become part of the group, not to sit back and just watch it all happen. Not entirely comfortable with the thought of killing people but Aveline had reassured her that she should just be able to get away with wounding. 'Wow, Katza,' Isabela said as she came into the bar, she had walked down with Bubble and hadn't run into any trouble.

'What?' She asked feeling her cheeks go pink.

'You look so different dressed as a rogue that's all, it suits you,' the pirate smiles. Makatza grins as she takes her seat at the table, it was just Aveline and Fenris there with them at the moment and she felt a little on edge but ignored it.

'Hey Aveline, Fenris,' Makatza said simply as she takes her bow off and pulls her plait through so she wasn't tangled. 'Haven't seen you in a while, Fenris. You okay?' She asked brightly, trying to ignore the spike in her heart rate.

He's a little surprised at her attitude but hides it well. 'I am sufficient. You have not been seen for a week-'

'Only for you lot,' Aveline cuts in. 'We've seen her, you only had to go to the estate,' she says simply making Fenris' face go blank.

'It's okay Aveline, really,' Makatza laughs as she shakes her head. 'I just thought I would take some time to figure out what I want, that's all,' she explains to the elf. 'I'm going to get a drink, anyone else need one?'

'Grab a tray won't you? They'll be here soon,' Isabela says simply as she puts her feet up on the table only to have them knocked off again by the Guard Captain. 'Fenris, give her a hand yeah?' The elf doesn't react in acknowledgement and simply stands up brushing down his leggings as he followed Makatza to the bar.

'You don't need to, I can handle a tray of drinks,' Makatza said to Fenris simply as they waited for their order to be taken. He looked at her, she was acting differently. More confident? Assured? She held herself tall and he couldn't help but appreciate the armour that she was wearing and had spotted his present around her waist.

'I do not mind,' he says in reply as they wait. 'It seems to fit well,' he casually mentions as he brings up the gift. Makatza looks down at it and smiles.

'Yes, it just needed a little tightening which Orana helped me with. It's quite comfortable,' she nods. 'Thank you. Aunt Leandra was very pleased, she said that if I insisted on running around with you lot at least I would be well protected.'

'Is that what you were trying to figure out?' He asked hoping that he sounded merely interested in continuing a conversation. Makatza laughs and shakes her head.

'No, it was one of the things,' she shrugs a shoulder. She turns to look at him as she leans on the bar, 'why do you wish to know? Do you think that one of those things included you?' Fenris was a little taken aback by her forward attitude and doesn't know what to say in reply. She grins wickedly, what's this? No smart reply? I see a week away has changed your attitude a little, she thought smugly. She turned to Johnny and placed their order while Fenris attempted to gather something to say.

'You seem to be more assertive,' he clears his throat.

'Yes well shit is going to happen whether I like it or not, there's no point getting worked up about it. I just thought I would make the best of it and do what I want instead of hoping what I want happens,' she says thanking Johnny for the tray of drinks. She hands it to Fenris and grabs the couple bottles of wine that wouldn't fit. She smiled at him brightly, 'so stuff like Sebastian kissing me shouldn't cause such a big drama any more,' she said a little slyly wanting to see his reaction. 'Anywho, we should take the drinks back.'

Fenris feels his chest tighten as she spoke, what did this mean? Had his plan worked and any affections she held towards him had been dampened? It certainly hadn't helped him, he had felt awful all week and couldn't help but think she was spending her time with a certain Prince. He swore mentally as he followed her back to the table, her attitude seemed to be rubbing off on everyone and they were all quite perky. Whatever Garrett and Varric had to offer, he hoped it would be distracting.