29 – Ianto

We were supposed to be car shopping but instead find ourselves looking at the baby store window in the mall next door, a little pair of booties so quaint in the window that he pulls me in and I find his credit card being swiped as not only do I get some little clothes but the cutest little bear with his name embroidered across the belly.

"And some flowers for her" he says as he pulls me towards the florists "What flowers does she like? We will go together, she will see that you are happy with me and you still care is as a friend. We will show her that you have forgiven her and we can all get along, she is not alone in this even if as friends. Right?"

Jack … just when I think I can't fall for him any deeper he does things like this. Without a second thought he is choosing to make this his problem, his life decision too. He's right. It's like we always knew each other, somewhere deep in the recesses of our hearts a little spot is reserved. Here he is. Filling it.

'what are you thinking?" he asks, looking over at me, catching me staring at the cyclamen.

"That you are wonderful" I blurt "and this is her favourite plant."

"A plant! Yes, so much better than flowers, She can keep it. We will have that, also, this little posy of wild flowers. You said she likes hiking with you? Some of these look like they are from the Barrens. Right?" he asks and I smile as I assure him that we did walk past little patches of wild flowers when we were camping out there.

We go to the hospital and now I am confused. Her name is not up on the board and I wonder if she went home already. I am slightly shocked by this, I mean … really? I thought she would have a few days to recover at least.

"Can I help you?"

"Ah, Lisa Hallett. Not up there on the board, did she go home?" I ask and she stares at me, then recognises me and her face changes. I do not like the new look and reach for Jack who is already moving forward to block me.

"What has happened" he demands, his hand firmly clutching mine and we are shown to a room where a doctor enters behind us, nervously blinking at me.

"Doctor Milne?" I recognise him from the delivery room and he looks… oh no. I blurt is out like a lunatic, but I know I am right "She's dead. Right? She bloody went and died!"

"Yes. A blood clot, post delivery complication that we were unable to see coming … not unheard of and I am sorry but… are you OK?" he is surprised by my anger but I cannot help it. I am fucking furious with her for doing this. For leaving the poor little one all alone. I know the loss of family, I know the pain of being an orphan. I am so pissed, it doesn't make sense and I know I am showing it in my face as Jack pulls me against him and speaks for both of us. I am so grateful he is there, knowing my mind and speaking my words for me.

"What about little Jessie. Is the grandmother here? And the father, what of that?" he demands, his head held high with the sense of entitlement someone with a badge has, that feeling of someone in charge. Feels nice to cling to him.

"Well … Ms Hallett did have a living will. A lot of young mothers have them here, our midwives encourage it and Ms Hallett named you as her child's next of kin should anything happen. As per her wishes, you are the legal guardian of little Jessie." He says such silly things and my hands grip Jack's arm now as I try to understand the silly talking "Mister Jones, she also names you on the birth certificate as his father."

"Bullshit" I blurt out "I am not. I am not capable of creating something so sweet and… she can't do that."

"She can and did"

"What…what…." I can't speak, like something is broken now.

"Legal ramifications of this?" Jack is still firing for me "What are the options going forward?"

"Well … even if there is no biological connection there, legally right now Ianto here is the legal and only parent for the little one. Right now … he is the guardian in the eyes of the law" he is calm as he looks at Jack and I wonder if he sees how wonderful he is. I am now in some sort of in shock I think.

"Then he can go home? We will take him now"

"What?"

The doctor leaves to check something and Jack turns to face me "Ianto, you've not had much to do with custody law, I have. I know what this is and I know the thing she did is shocking and confusing but I know why she did it. Ianto, look at me. We take him home. We love him. We fight for him. We give him the love he needs and we honour her wish for him to be part of your life. Right?"

"What about her family? Her mother? Them?"

"They can fight us if they want. They can try but I know the law. The doctor is right … you are the father in the eyes of the law. On paper. Even if they demand a DNA test … they can get one done. It will not change Lisa's decision. A judge would look at that, agree to it and let them have visitation." He pauses to let me catch up, I nod telling him to go on "Any lawyer will tell them that too. Will advice them not to kick up if they want to be part of his life too. That is how we will play this."

"She signed him to me like a car. We went to get a car, get a baby instead." I am so confused now.

"She signed the forms … your name on that dotted line." He is soothing "She made a decision and we have to respect that."

Yes. Yes he's right.

A line. She chose a line.

Needs to be respected.