A/N: Hi all! Hope you're all doing well!
After this week's post, I'll be going back to bi-weekly updates for a while. Unfortunately, the ol' writer's block is back and it brought friends so things are going a bit more slowly than I would like. Hopefully things will pick up before too long *crosses fingers, toes, and eyes*. Thanks again to everyone who favorited/followed/reviewed and thanks to my beta Leona2016- you've been such an encouragement and an amazing help with everything! You rock:)
Hope you all enjoy this chapter! Let me know what you think- I always love to hear your opinions!
Take care until next time!
The transport ship rocked as it entered Jakku's atmosphere and Ben felt his shoulders knock first against Rey's and then stormtrooper Captain Tal's on his left. Light flickered on the white plastoid armor of the company of stormtroopers that seemed to enclose them on all sides. They would be the first to see the world outside the hull of the transport ship and the first into any fire that might await them. Ben tested the Force around him, drawing on it to shield himself. Rey had already erected a strong wall, her anger feeding it until it had become almost tangible to Ben as he stood at her side. She held herself completely still, back straight and face lined with tension, hardly seeming to breathe.
Ben couldn't help the rush of adrenaline as they neared the surface of the planet, its nauseating excitement so familiar after countless battles. It made him restless. The vague disquiet he sensed from Rey only served to compound it. His fingers tapped against the hilt of his lightsaber, poised to snatch it from his belt and spring to the offensive. Memories of a similar expedition to Jakku, almost identical to the one in which he found himself, flickered through his thoughts. He tried to push them away. Tried to forget the night he'd killed in Snoke's name as his slave.
He was blinking away the memories when the transport juddered to a stop, its thrusters slowing the ship's momentum. It settled to the sand and the door hissed open. Ben darted out into the open, saber lit in his hands, and Rey at his heels. The stormtroopers spilled out behind them into the half-light of early morning, weapons raised as they formed a half circle around the spacecraft. There was a rush of dust and Ben felt the sting of sand against the back of his neck as the thrusters picked up again and the ship took off.
"Your orders, Supreme Leader?" asked Captain Tal.
"Search it," he said, nodding to the small collection of ramshackle buildings and tents half a click away.
The captain raised his hand and motioned the other troops into a cautious advance. Ben was about to follow when he felt Rey's hand on his arm. She stepped up beside him.
"They're not there," she whispered.
"How do you know?"
"I know this place inside and out," she said. "There's nothing here that wasn't here when I left. Nothing out of the ordinary. The kind of presence Hux was talking about would mean starships, vehicles and people. I don't see any of that here."
"Then we'll search and move on."
"No," Rey gave him a thin smile. "There's people who know things here, and there's a way to get the information. Give me a little time and I'll find out where the Resistance went."
"Rey-" Ben began.
Rey's smile grew until it was more like a fierce snarl than an expression of pleasure.
"If I have to be here, I might as well say hello to Plutt."
...
In the end, Rey's assertions that there was no one from the Resistance at Niima outpost turned out to be true. The stormtroopers had rounded up anyone they could find and forced them into the approximate middle of the scattered tents at blasterpoint. Ben watched it all with an uncomfortable sense of familiarity. It was almost exactly like the night he'd led troops into the village of Tuanul and a reminder of how much blood truly stained his hands. How long had it been since he'd participated in that terrible slaughter out of his own fear and desperate need to find the missing piece of a map to Luke Skywalker? He thought of Rey. Less than a year. Months. Only months since the night his world turned upside down in a way that could only be compared to the rolling of the Silencer in pitched battle.
Rey hadn't stayed by his side, choosing instead to skulk about between the tents, sometimes disappearing into one or another for a moment before reappearing with an expression of distaste. Once or twice, he saw her pick something up, only to drop it again and absently stare about as if lost in a memory. His chest constricted a little as he watched her. She wore her sadness close, obscured by anger and fear, but he knew her too well for her to hide it from him. He could feel it as an undercurrent beneath the dark emotions swirling on her surface and he could see it flickering in her eyes.
As more and more people filed out of the tents, Rey drew closer, seeming to gravitate toward the activity. Her eyes swept the crowd, searching for the one that still haunted her dreams. Ben could see Unkar Plutt from where he stood, and he knew the second Rey caught sight of him. Every muscle in her body seemed to stiffen and a wave of her cold hatred slammed into his mind. She leapt forward, reaching for her saberstaff, eyes fixed on Plutt. Ben ran after her, catching her by the shoulders mid-step. Rey kicked and struggled against his grip, trying to free herself.
"Let me go," she grunted as she pushed against his arms. "He deserves to die."
"I thought you wanted him alive." he said in her ear. "Didn't you want to question him?"
Rey went limp, though her eyes still tracked every move Plutt made. Ben released her slowly, ready to make another grab for her if she tried to dart away.
"Do you think you can get the location of the Resistance out of him?" he asked, hoping to distract her attention.
Rey gave him a sharp nod.
"There's only three things creatures like him care about. They're greedy for money, power and their own lives. Their lusts lie in all that will build up their store of any of those things. Threaten one or all and they'll do anything to keep what they have. Jakku is a planet full of people like that."
She spat on the ground at her feet, disgust painting her features. Ben watched her fingering the hilt of the saberstaff again and sensed her deepening hatred. Her memories flickered behind his eyes, threatening to pull him into them with their strength. He blinked and shook his head, trying to clear it, but bits and pieces broke in anyway: Rey's small fingers cut and bleeding after picking through craft after craft for something useful, Rey's back bent under the heavy pack of tools and scavenged parts, Rey pleading with Plutt for an extra half portion to get her through the week, insisting that the salvage she'd brought back was worth as much as they both knew it was.
She stood with her feet braced, tense and eager to strike, breaths coming in short bursts, fists clenching and unclenching as she stared across at Plutt. Every last ounce of her self-restraint was battling back the dark rage that grew inside her. She was desperately trying to maintain control and she was losing ground.
Easy, Rey, he whispered in his mind.
She flinched and her hand found the cloth bracelet at her wrist, twisting it around and around until the skin beneath started to redden. Ben reached across and wrapped his hand around her arm, forcing her to stop.
"A few minutes and he's yours to question, alright? Take a breath."
Rey obeyed, pulling a long slow breath through her nose. Ben noticed her shoulders relax a fraction and her body lose some of its stiffness as she purposely averted her eyes from the big Crolute. In contrast, Ben stared at the creature, feeling his own anger rising. His rage mirrored Rey's; so alike that he could not distinguish between the two. The longer he took in the sneering visage of Unkar Plutt, the more loathing filled him until he had to force himself to keep still and not stride forward himself to strike Plutt down with one thrust of his lightsaber. That was for Rey to decide. It was her history. Her tormentor. Her choice.
The stormtroopers finished lining up the crowd and motioned to Ben that they were ready. Ben saw Rey tense again and her eyes went immediately to Plutt. Ben nodded.
"He's all yours," he said.
Rey's saberstaff burst to life at her side and she cut through the distance between their vantage point and the crowd in several quick strides. Her anger was as cold and biting as ice and the shards of it sliced painfully into his mind, severing thought from feeling. He had the immediate sense that, somewhere in her mind, Rey had thrown a switch. In the space of an inhalation, she had become capable of killing another without conscious thought. Without remorse. She had become as he had feared. She'd touched that dark place within herself- the one like the cavern he feared to enter in his own being- and had been consumed by it. Whether she still possessed her spark, as Luke said, he did not know.
"Him," Rey shouted, gesturing at Plutt.
Two stormtroopers ran forward, one to each side of the Crolute and forced him to step out of the crowd at blasterpoint. Unkar Plutt's eyes widened as he drew close enough to get a good look at Rey. Recognition mingled with terror flooded over his face.
"Rey?"
"Hello Plutt," Rey said through her teeth, edging her saberstaff closer.
The Crolute swallowed and tried a small smile. The expression seemed out of place, as though his muscles were unused to forming it.
"I haven't seen you for a while, my girl," he said, speaking as if encountering Rey at his supply stand on any normal day. "To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit here?"
Rey's face spasmed.
"Do not call me that," she said. "I'm not yours. I never was."
"You parents sold you to me," Plutt said. "I own you."
Rey movement was as quick as thought and Unkar Plutt's eyes widened further as he found the blade of her saberstaff less than an inch from his throat.
"I paid back any debt you could claim years ago." Rey snarled. "Now I want information. Everyone here knows that you're the man who buys and sells it, so let's do a little business."
"What information are you interested in?"
"The Resistance. We know they were here. Where are they?"
Plutt chuckled nervously.
"Why would I know anything about the Resistance?" he asked. "There's no profit in getting involved with a group that's being hunted down by the First Order."
Rey's saber edged a fraction of an inch closer to the pale flesh of Unkar Plutt's neck.
"We both know that's a lie," she hissed. "Tell me."
Unkar Plutt's expression flickered, eyes taking on a greedy glint as he looked over Rey's shoulder to Ben.
"I may have heard something," Plutt said slyly. "But you know I don't trade for nothing. What do you have to offer?"
Rey took a step closer, letting the blade of her saberstaff rest, ever so gently, against his neck. Plutt howled and cursed in pain as the skin sizzled and burned.
"Your life," she said, a deadly smile creeping over her face. "Take it or leave it."
Plutt seemed to struggle with himself for a moment, trying to flinch away from the threat of the saberstaff. Rey kept it close, allowing it to dip forward to leave dark burns across the Crolute's pale flesh.
"The Graveyard of Giants!" Plutt finally gasped out. "They were going to the Graveyard of Giants."
Rey withdrew the saber.
"There," she smirked. "Was that so hard?"
Plutt stumbled back and away from her, cringing and rubbing his throat. Rey turned from him with a victorious grin on her face. Ben felt her bitter satisfaction and the fierce pride that lifted her chin in an almost regal posture. She looked like an empress.
"You're mad!" Plutt shouted at her back, voice snapping the silence that had fallen around them. "Mad! You always were: dreaming your family would come back for you. As if anyone would want a scrawny little skittermouse like y-"
The words cut off in a sharp exhalation as Rey spun the staff in her hands, deactivated one blade and drove the other deep between Plutt's ribs. Snarling like an animal as she drew on the Force, she stretched out a hand and brought Plutt to his knees. There were shrill cries of fear from the crowd behind as Rey pressed her weight against her weapon, driving it deeper. She leaned in close to speak only with the helpless creature on the end of her staff, but her furious whisper seemed to reverberate in Ben's ears.
"I am not your slave anymore," she rasped, "and you will not speak to me as if I were. Not now. Not ever again."
Unkar Plutt's eyes roved over her face, stricken with terror and pain. Rey ripped her saber from his chest and they flickered for a moment before the light in them died and they went dark and blank as Plutt collapsed in a heap at Rey's feet. She turned and stalked past Ben, not seeming to notice that she'd just taken a life.
"You heard him," she said to no one in particular. "They're in the Graveyard of Giants."
Several of the stormtroopers turned blank plastoid masks to Ben, waiting for his orders. He nodded.
"Let's go. It's almost a full day's march west."
"I'll take you north from this outpost before we start west," said Rey. "If they're hiding where I think they are, an approach from the south will be faster and safer."
"Supreme Leader?" asked a trooper. "What about the prisoners?"
"Kill them," Rey answered for him, without turning her head. "They could warn the Resistance of our presence here."
The trooper waited until Ben dipped his chin in assent before giving the order to his troops. Ben tried to block out the noises of terror and dismay that were quickly drowned by the high barks of several dozen blasters discharging. It was easier not to listen. It had always been easier that way. But he could never fully suppress the feeling of a sudden emptiness in the Force. He could always sense them vanishing- sense the instant their presences were torn away.
Rey had turned and was watching the proceedings with a mixture of emotions twisting her face. Ben saw disgust and anger, but also a growing fear and regret. He felt the awful realization of what she had done sink in as an old woman with gray hair escaping a ratty old turban crumpled to the ground, her muscles giving one last spasm as death took hold.
"Ben," Rey whispered, eyes fixed on the body, voice little more than a breath. "What did I do?"
Ben took her by the arm and gently turned her around. Rey glanced over her shoulder, back to the corpses the troopers were beginning to drag into a pile for burning. She was shaking. He could feel her trembling under his fingers and felt her guilt as a weight in his chest. It was compounded by his own guilt. Everything he was sensing from her was so familiar that he might as well have been bonded to a younger version of himself. Rey was walking in his footprints, following the path he had taken without realizing what she was doing. He knew better. She was becoming more like him every day.
"Ben?" she pleaded, her voice almost breaking. "Say something. Please."
He edged her in front of him so she couldn't see the bodies when she looked over her shoulders.
"Don't look at them. It makes it worse."
...
Jakku's sun rose from the desert as they made their way across the sands that stretched beyond the horizon in every direction. The bright light beat down on their heads, turning skin red and sending sweat trickling down their necks. Ben's tunic stuck to his back, darkening to a deeper shade of black as he watched Rey struggling to tie her hair farther up her neck as she stumbled on ahead of him. She led them on without looking backward to make sure they were following, and Ben could feel the guilt still clinging to her in much the same way as her tunic clung, wet with sweat, across her shoulders.
As they marched, they came across various wrecks lying half buried. Ben thought he could make out several AT-ATs and x-wings scattered and gnarled, half eaten by creatures Rey called steelpeckers and nightwatcher worms, though it was difficult to tell exactly what they were from the remains. Rey didn't turn either to the right or the left, but kept on in a straight line, face turned from the sun. She didn't seem to be paying attention to much at all until an AT-AT in somewhat better condition than any of those they had seen appeared ahead of them in the sands. Rey's head snapped up and she took off over the sands at a full sprint. Ben gave a startled half shout and went after her as fast as he could. If it had been anywhere else, he would have outstripped her, but the sands of Jakku shifted under his feet and made it difficult for him to run. By the time he'd caught up, Rey was already inside the AT-AT.
"Rey?" he panted, ducking as he entered the machine. "What's going on?"
Rey ignored him. She stared around the space, seeming to take in everything. Ben glanced about as well, trying to shake the feeling that he somehow knew this place. Rey was trailing her fingers over a wall covered in silver markings: scratches someone had made in the metal until they covered several panels from floor to ceiling. Ben noticed that there were some so old that the metal had begun to rust over again, leaving the marks barely distinguishable from the orange-brown of the AT-AT's hull. His eyes roamed the room to rest on a little doll in an orange uniform and a withered flower in a tin cup. Rey walked over to it and gently touched one of the small petals. It cracked and broke, scattering in tiny pieces across the table.
"What is this place?" he asked, squinting and trying to decipher the snippets of memories drifting through his head.
"This was my home," Rey said softly, brushing her fingers against a stained helmet on which the symbol of the rebel alliance could still be deciphered.
And, as if her words had been the keys to unlock the door, Ben saw her memories clearly. He saw her making food, sweeping out the dust for the hundred thousandth time, washing her face in a tiny basin of already filthy water that was all she could spare from her rations. He saw her carving one more valley in the wall to mark the passing of another day without her family. They weren't pleasant memories and she wasn't remembering any of it with fondness. She wasn't homesick. She was mourning for the little girl that had made her home in a weapon of war- a child abandoned to her fate on a desolate planet to which her parents had never returned, despite her persistent, forlorn hopes. A child dreaming under the stars every night. She was saying goodbye- closing the door on who she had been.
"We should rest somewhere for the afternoon," Rey said as her eyes drifted over the relics of her past. "We can start again in the evening and march through the night. That'll get us there by dawn and we may have the advantage if they're not on the lookout."
"Think they will be?"
"I don't know. Probably."
"Then go in ready for a fight."
"You were expecting something else?"
They were interrupted as the head of a stormtrooper poked through the low doorway.
"Everything alright, Supreme Leader?" asked Captain Tal.
"Everything's fine," Ben said. "But there is a slight change in plans. We'll be resting here for the remainder of the day and resuming the journey at dusk."
The man took off his helmet, an expression of relief written plainly on his face.
"I'll inform the men."
He disappeared back through the entry port and Ben and Rey were alone again.
"Are you alright?" he asked her.
"I'm fine."
Ben took her hand.
"I know you're not. You can't hide that easily from me anymore."
Rey snorted and turned away, but he saw her anguish in the moment before she hid her face from him.
"Rey-"
"What?" she exploded. "What do you want me to say? I'm okay? I killed someone, Ben. I killed him and I didn't feel anything. I still don't feel anything. I ordered people shot and I didn't feel…I didn't feel…"
She trailed into quiet tears, shoulders jerking with the effort of trying to hold in her misery. Ben took a step closer and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in until he could fold her against his chest. He didn't know what to say. There was nothing he could say. Nothing could erase this.
"What's happening to me, Ben?" Rey whispered against his shoulder. "I'm turning into someone I don't know."
Ben sighed and rested his forehead against hers, closing his eyes.
"Believe me when I say that I wish I could fix this," he said. "I wish I could, but I can't. But I'll walk with you through it."
Rey tried to laugh, but it came out as a sob, and the tears ran faster down her cheeks.
"Then I guess I'm not alone, after all."
