Narrator: Ah, the world of Pokemon. Majestic, lovely, and brimming with life…I hate it! Roll the clip!
Ash: That's not your line!
Narrator: It is now, ya loser!
Ash: This is really no way for a narrator to speak!
Narrator: Bleh.
Ash's shoulders slump down as he sighs.
Ash: Whatever, just forget it.
Brock: Who're you talking to, Ash?
Ash: The narrator.
Brock: Right, sure you are…
Ash: Anyway, come on let's go get all of the others so we can celebrate me becoming a Pokemon Master!
Brock: We've been celebrating that for the past five months, Ash.
Ash: Darn right we have.
Brock: (Sighs).
Dawn: Hey Ash, I'm here.
Ash: Hey, babe.
Ash winks at Dawn as he hooks his arm around her waist.
Brock: You got here really quick, Dawn.
Dawn: Yep, couldn't wait to see my boo bear.
Dawn placed her lips on Ash's.
Ash: Oh Dawn, you sexy fox.
Brock: Is it just me or do you two seem kind of out of character? Especially Ash…
Ash: What are you talking about? I'm the same as I've always been, idiot.
Brock: H-Hey!
Misty and May soon walked into Pallet Town as well.
Ash made a sly grin as he checked out the two girls from head to toe.
Ash: Hey, babe number two and babe number three.
Misty and May: Hey Ash~
Brock: Aw man!
Brock ran his hands through his hair in frustration.
Brock: Why can't I ever find love?!
He suddenly whipped a microphone out of nowhere and started belting out a tune.
Brock: Trainer's fighting~ Pokemon fainting~ You seem them hurting~ You hear them crying~
He walked across the yard, bending over a she continued to sing.
Brock: Where is the love~ Where is the love~
Paul suddenly walked out from behind a tree.
Paul: There you are, Ash. I've been looking for you.
Ash: Paul, what do you want?
Ash scowled at the purple-haired trainer before him.
Max: Whoa, what's with this sudden animosity between them? I thought that they had resolved their differences?
Paul: We have. This isn't about training methods. It's about…that dang harem of his! It must be put to rest!
Max: I didn't think you cared about that…
Cynthia crossed her arms as a small smile formed on her face.
Cynthia: You see, young man. When one life meets another life something will be born.
Max: Meaning?
Cynthia clasped her hands together as her eyes sparkled.
Cynthia: I ship them!
Ash: So you're just jealous of my swagger, huh?
Ash slowly walked up to Paul as he took a pokeball out of his pocket.
Ash: If that's the case, then let's settle this with a battle.
Paul: Gladly.
Paul took out a pokeball of his own.
Ash: PAULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
Paul: ASHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
The two started smacking each other's faces with the miniature balls.
Ash: SHINJIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"
Paul: SATOSHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"
Ash: Rasengan!
Paul: Chidori!"
Max: Wait, something about this setting feels wrong…
Brock walked in front of Ash's and Paul's skirmish, his microphone still in hand
Brock: Trainer's fighting~ Pokemon fainting~ You see them hurting~ You hear them crying~ Where is the love~ Where is the love~
Gary appeared out of nowhere, his black cloak flapping in the wood. He jumped off of the roof, making a flawless landing.
Gary: Hello there, Ashy boy.
Ash: Gary…What? You want a piece of me too?
Gary: That's right. I've decided that I'm going to be your rival again. Now go on, hand over all your cash.
Ash: What kind of rival is that supposed to be?!
Gray simply folded his arms and smirked at that.
Gary: An unrequited rival.
Ash: That's bull!
Dawn shivered as she realized that a certain glasses-wearing trainer was behind her.
Conway: Dawn! Have my children!
Dawn: Ew no! Back up freak!
She stuffed a mop into his mouth, yet he moaned in delight.
Conway: Mmmmm, Dawn's hands touched this…So lovely, ahhhhhhhhh~
Dawn slowly started to back away from Conway. Conway took the the mop out of his mouth and stated chasing Dawn around the yard.
Conway: You will be mine!
Misty: You know, that Conway guy is actually kinda cute now that I think about it…
May: You're kidding, right?
Misty shrugged her shoulders.
Misty: Hey, don't knock it 'till you try it.
May: Now that's a crackship for the ages…
Tobias: Ash, I challenge you!"
Ash: Can't you see, I'm busy right now? I'll deal with you later, Trollbias.
Tobias: It's Tobias, actually.
Ash: No, it's Trollbias.
Paul: Definitely Trollbias.
Dawn: Absolutely Trollbias.
Brock: One-hundred percent, Trollbias.
Tobias: Whatever! Just battle me already! Unless you're afraid of getting stomped by my legendaries, again.
Ash: Oh, now you've done it. It's on!"
Ash turned around to face Tobias and threw a pokeball.
Ash: Charizard, get your butt out here! Uh, I mean, I choose you!"
Tobias: Go, Darkrai! Now, let's see if you can handle the power of legendaries haha!
Ash: Charizard, use flamethrower!
Charizard roared in response and let out a burst of fire from its mouth.
Tobias: It's useless! Now matter how hard you try, you can't beat my legendaries!
Ash: Blast burn!"
Tobias: Legendaries, Ash! Legendaries!
Ash: Wing Attack!
Tobias: Legendaries!
Ash: Oh oh oh oh, I'm unbeatable!
Suddenly Ash and Tobias were in the middle of a stadium with a crowd surrounding them.
Tobias: What? What is this? We've somehow been teleported to a different location?!"
Narrator: Ash is channeling the special ability, Main Character Power!"
Tobias: What?! That is ridiculous!"
Narrator: Shut up, Trollbias.
Tobias: Auu…
Max: This isn't Kanon!"
Ash: Walking down this endless highway~ Nothing but my friends beside me~
Tobias: Why is he singing?!
Ash: We'll never give in, we'll never rest~ Advanced battle is the ultimate test~ From the earth, the land, the sea, and sky~ They can never win, but they sure can try~ Oh oh oh oh~ I'm unbeatable.
Crowd: Pokemon! Advanced battle!
Ash: Oh oh oh oh, I'm undefeatable~
Crowd: Pokemon! Advanced battle!
Ash: From the stars in the ancient past~ They come to play, but they never last~ Oh oh oh oh, I'm unbeatable~
Crowd: Pokemon! Advanced battle!
Ash: I'm unbeatable~ Pokemon!
Tobai's Latios comes crashing to the ground as Ash's Oshawott dances around happily. Ash wipes some specks of dust off of his upper lip and grins at Tobias.
Ash: Too bad for you, Tobias. But your legendaries don't have anything on me anymore! After all, I'm the very best, like no one ever was.
Crowd: I wanna be the very best~ Like no over was~ To catch them is my real test~ To train them is my cause~
Tobias: NO! No more songs! Agh!"
Tobias covers his ears and runs out of Pallet Town, tears streaming down his face.
Spotlights suddenly appear from the sky and make Jessie, James' and Meowth's appearance known.
Jessie: Prepare for trouble, pretty please.
James: And make it double, you rotten sacks of garbage peas.
Jessie: To protect the world from devastation if you don't mind.
James: We'll going to unite all people within our nation, even if we gotta put you in a bind.
Jessie: To denounce the evils of truth and love, making sure everyone is as jolly as can be!
James: To force our reach to the stars above, crushing them all to hear them cry out in agony!
Jessie: Jessie!
James: James!
Jessie: Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light!
James: Surrender now or prepare to fight!
Meowth: Meowth that's right!
Ash: (Sighs) Pikachu, use thunderbolt.
Pikachu: Pika pika!
Pikachu uses thunderbolt on Team Rocket and sends them flying high into the sky.
Team Rocket: We're blasting off again!
Giovanni then comes out of nowhere and leers down at Ash. Ash glares back up at him in response.
Ash: It's you…What do want? Looking to get a piece of my harem too?
Givanni: Please, boy. As if I'd have any interest in that brunette with huge tits or the girl wearing that incredibly short skirt showing off her fine thighs.
Ash: So, you're interested in Misty, then?
Giovanni: I will neither confirm nor deny that.
Ritchie: Hey, back off!
Barry slowly walked into Pallet Town carrying a rose in his hand.
Barry: As long as you stay away from May, that's fine by me. Heh.
He flicked his blonde locks and made a suave look.
Drew suddenly crashed into Dawn.
Drew: Hey! Watch where you're going girlie!
Dawn: Geez sorry, jerk.
Drew: Sorry isn't good enough! I'm going to have to fine you, pay up! Well, or you could just make out with me.
Dawn: Dream on, punk.
Conway: Stay away from my beloved!
Dawn: Oh crap.
Dawn quickly grabbed a hold of Drew's shoulders.
Dawn: Alright, you win. Pucker up!
Dawn smashed her lips against Drew's as they kissed passionately.
Conway gasped at the sight.
Conway: I don't believe this…Dawn…how could you? How could you betray me like this?!
Dawn ignored Conway as she kept making out with Drew. Conway ran away crying.
Giovanni: I came here to tell you something, Ash.
Ash: Yeah? What is it?
Giovanni: I heard from Professor Oak that you wanted to know who your father is.
Ash: No…Don't tell me.
Giovanni: It's just as you think, Ash.
Ash: No…
Giovanni: Yes.
Ash: No…
Giovanni: Ash, I am your father.
Ash: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Misty: Hold on, I thought Red was Ash's dad in this story? Was that retconned or something?
Red was standing on top of a tree branch with his arms folded.
Red: No I'm still his father as well.
Professor Oak came out from his laboratory and rubbed the back of his head in an awkward fashion.
Oak: As am I.
Ash looked around at the three as they slowly closed in on him.
Ash: No way, you're saying all three of you are my dads?
Red: That's right, Ash.
Ash: But that doesn't make any sense!
Oak: Oh please, young man. When has this chapter ever made sense?
Ash ran away from the three men in a hurry before he bumped into Mr. Mime. Mr. Mime stared at him for while before Ash's eyes widened in horror.
Ash: No…no…no…
Mr. Mime just nodded at that.
Mr. Mime: Mime mime.
Ash: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Ash suddenly wakes up in a hospital bed. He looks around the room perplexed.
Ash: Huh, what am I doing here?
Delia wraps her arms around him, hugging him tightly, tears streaming down her face.
Delia: Oh Ash I was so worried about you…
Ash: Mom? What's wrong?
Delia: Ash, dear…You've been in a coma for ten years. You were struck by lightning and Professor Oak rushed you over to the hospital.
Ash: I was struck by lightning? You mean…when the Spearow attacked me and Pikachu?
Delia just slowly nodded.
Ash: So then, I never actually got far in my Pokemon journey at all! I'm not a Pokemon Master anymore?!
Then, Ash woke up in his bedroom, cold sweat pouring down his forehead. He looked over at all his badge cases and trophies and sighed in relief.
Ash: Man, that was one freaky dream…
Giselle snuggled up to him, rubbing her cheek against his.
Giselle: Aw, did you have a nightmare Ash, my love? Don't worry, Giselle will make it all better for you. Just pull down your pants so we can get started.
Ash: Giselle! This is a K+ rated fic! K+! We can't do that here!"
Giselle pursed her lips.
Giselle: Aw pooey.
Wes: Indeed pooey. I was quite looking forward to seeing how that would develop considering the perverted author that is writing this story.
Wes was leaning against Ash's door, a cold expression painted on his face.
Ash: Wes?! Why are you even here?! You were never part of this fanfiction!
Wes: Well, you see, the author is actually a big fanboy of me. So, I guess he just couldn't resist including me in this chapter or something? Who knows?
Ho-Oh came flying into Ash's room causing it to come crumbling down.
Ash: Ho-Oh?!
Ho-Oh: Listen, Ash. I have a greatly important task for you.
Ash: (Gulps) What is it?
Ho-Oh: Take a shower. You stink, pee-yew!
April Fools! :P It's probably over for most people, but it's still April Fools day in my timezone so figured I'd do this. Pokemon: Champion League (Redux) coming soon! Not a joke. Though, it won't be in script format. I just wanted to go back to that format for this special occasion. Hope you all enjoyed this nonsensical chapter, haha.
