Lucifer woke up several hours later in his father's quarters. He recalled his father helping him into bed after his emotional breakdown. Lucifer was irritated with himself for losing it like that, especially in the presence of his father. He hated that he'd shown weakness in front of the man. Worse, he hated that he'd allowed himself to find comfort in his father's arms for the second time. He knew better than that.
Then, of course, there was still the raw pain he felt after his conversation with the detective. It hurt so badly. She'd confirmed everything everyone had told him. She'd turned on him after swearing that she would never consider him the Devil. It wasn't even just that she tried to hurt him. That hurt deeply, but it was made much worse by the fact that she said she could accept him, and had ever made him think she wanted to be with him. She'd given him hope before she put the knife through his heart.
Lucifer attempted to shove those thoughts away and slowly got up. He couldn't stay there anymore. He wouldn't. He wanted to get back to his own quarters where he could properly drown his sorrows.
Lucifer made his way out of the room. He found his father as he made his way into the living room. The man was seated on the couch.
"Lucifer, I'm glad to see you're awake. How are you doing?" God asked.
"Am I allowed to leave now?" Lucifer asked in a short and bitter tone.
"Son, I hope you know I didn't want to circumvent your free will, but I didn't think you were in the right frame of mine. Will you sit and talk with me for a bit? I want to be sure you're alright. Then you can do as you please," God promised.
Lucifer silently sat in a chair across from where his father was sitting.
"I know today was very upsetting for you. Would you like to tell me about it. It could help," God said.
Lucifer snorted in response. "Me telling you something to use against me later will be no help to me."
"Lucifer, I know I have given you many reasons to think the worst of me, but one thing you know about me is that I have never used your pain against you. I don't like seeing you in pain," God said.
"If I'm in pain, it's your fault! You let humans think the worst of me! You're the reason she was so afraid of me!" Lucifer snapped.
"To a point, you're right. I never told a single human to think of you the way they did, but I didn't stop it either. I thought it was important to stay out of human affairs, even when they did things I hated. It's a mistake I regret. That being said, Chloe Decker had known you for years. She knew how many times you'd risked your life to save hers. She knew how protective you were of her. She should've known better," God said. He knew he had a great level of responsibility, but at the same time, he refused to take on the responsibility that belonged to the Decker woman. She made her own choice. There were many things she could've done differently. If she truly couldn't accept his son, she could've walked out of his life. She didn't have to conspire to hurt him.
Lucifer didn't respond. He couldn't deny the truth in his father's words. He blamed his father for the way humans thought of him, for the stories that led the detective to initially believe what she did, but Lucifer believed in free will. He believed in choices. It was what led to all of this in the first place. The detective made her choice.
"I'm so sorry, Lucifer. I wish I could undo it all," God said. Even he couldn't undo all that had happened. Some things were above even his power. Taking back millennia of damage was one of those things.
"She says she's sorry too. That she was just scared. At least you don't try to make any part of it good," Lucifer said. He couldn't get that out of his head. The detective said it had led to him being back in the Silver City and having a chance to reconcile with everyone. She said that as though it made what she did less terrible.
"What do you mean, son?" God asked.
"She says that it led to this. To you allowing me to come home and being sorry. Even if that's true. It doesn't make it right! She doesn't get to use it to absolve herself!" Lucifer said angrily.
"No, of course not. She may not have meant it that way though," God said. He thought very little of Chloe Decker, but he did wonder if she was just trying to make his son feel better. It failed spectacularly, but it seemed more likely.
"I don't care how she meant it. There's nothing good about what she did! Me being here doesn't make what she did any less…" Lucifer trailed off before he could say anything else. He was losing control of his emotions again. He couldn't allow that again.
"I know, son. She can't hurt you anymore. You never have to see her again if you don't want to," God said.
"Why'd you bring her here anyway? Why not just let her go to Hell? You probably wouldn't have had to do anything at all," Lucifer said. He was curious as to why his father would arrange such an unorthodox punishment when the detective probably would've just punished herself in Hell without any interference.
"Mostly because of you. Even after what she did, I assumed you wouldn't want her sent to Hell. I wasn't going to let her get off without punishment though. I also found a hell loop to be too easy. I wanted her lucid enough to be able to realize what she was being punished for. If you don't want here this close though, all you have to do is say so. She can still be sent to Hell," God told him.
"No," Lucifer said after a minute. His father was right, he didn't want her in Hell. His father might think his punishment was worse, but Lucifer just couldn't stand the idea of the detective in Hell. "I don't think I can ever see her again though."
"Then you won't have to. She has no access to the Silver City and never will," God said. He had told Chloe Decker once that he might lift her punishment at some point, but not if son couldn't forgive her. This was Lucifer's home, not hers. His son would never feel uncomfortable in his home again.
Lucifer was quiet for several moments before speaking again. "Dad, why was it so bad? Why was it bad for me to want free will?"
God sighed. "It wasn't bad, Lucifer. Free will just wasn't a concept I was comfortable with then."
"But you let humans have it," Lucifer argued.
"Humans were my creations. I cared for them, but my interest was more like that of a scientist or an inventor. I know many of you thought that I cared for them more than I did you all, but that's not true. Giving you free will meant allowing you to make the wrong choices. It meant not being able to protect you. That's why I was so angry at your rebellion. Some of it was about what you did, but quite a lot of you was about what it meant. I took it out on you when most of it wasn't even your fault. Lucifer, I can't tell you enough that I'm sorry," God said remorsefully.
Lucifer couldn't help the tears that began to flow at his father's words. He never considered that reasoning before. He thought his father just wanted to control him. The idea that he wanted to protect him never occurred to him. It didn't make things at all fixed, but it did affect the way he thought of his father.
God got up and went over to his son. He sat on the arm of the chair and put a comforting arm around his son's shoulders. "Can you forgive me, son? I promise you, nothing like this will ever happen again.
"How can I believe that? You sent me to Hell. You sent Gabriel away too," Lucifer said after composing himself a bit. It wasn't that he really cared that Gabriel was gone, but it proved his father was capable of doing it all again.
"No, I didn't. I gave Gabriel a choice. He could apologize to you and promise to treat you with as much respect as everyone else or he could leave. He chose to leave. If he wants to come back, he can. All I expect from him, as well as the rest of you, is to treat everyone else with a certain level of respect," God said. That wasn't to say that he expected serenity all the time, but there was a difference between fights and the abuse Gabriel had shown his younger brother.
"I don't trust you," Lucifer said after a few more moments of silence.
"I know. Maybe I can earn that back. Will you give me another chance?" God asked.
A part of Lucifer wanted to say no. His father had hurt him so much. He didn't want to give him a chance to do it again. But the other part of him wanted the love his father said he had for him. He wanted to stop being so hurt and angry at him. He was tired of it, especially now that he'd been hurt even worse. "Okay, I'll try."
"Thank you, son," he said before pulling his son close.
Lucifer rested his head on his father's shoulder, for the first time consciously letting his guard drop. It felt good. He felt peace just agreeing to let some of his anger go. He felt like maybe things would be okay.
