"I-I can explain!"
Nope. No, I can't.
Aderyn crosses her arms. "I'm waiting."
"Shit," Zelda says without a care.
"Well, you see—" I wince. "It's kind of complicated—"
"Un-complicate it. I can wait."
But we can't. We're already cutting it fine, since I decided to have a heart-to-heart with Silas. Stall for any longer and by the time we get there the match will be over. I take Aderyn by the arm and say, "I'll explain on the way."
"No." She digs her low heels into rug, forcing me to jerk back. "I'm not going anywhere until you explain what's going on!"
"We don't have time!"
"Make time!" She snatches her arm back. "Or I'll go to Naomi!"
Letting out an aggravated sigh, I push Aderyn into the hotel lobby toilets. Thankfully it's unoccupied – Zelda kicks in every stall and locks the restroom door to make sure.
"What's so important that you have to leave immediately? What's with all this secrecy?" Aderyn demands. "Tell me."
There's not even enough time to think of a good lie. So, taking a deep breath and glancing at Zelda for her support, I tell Aderyn everything: auditioning for the hockey team, becoming an All-Star, the games and players and Bellona and the tournament here. The tournament we should be at. To her credit, Aderyn listens intently.
"This is absolutely nuts," she whispers at the end, shaking her head like she can't comprehend a thing. She's pulled off her uniform bonnet to run a hand through her hair. "You're— this whole time, on a hockey team?" She actually Googles the second ladies All-Stars' team to make sure. There are no pictures of us, but our fake names are there. Susanetta and Linkle Vivas.
Zelda restlessly taps her foot. "Okay, so now that you know, can we please go? The match will start soon and Gail needs to be there!"
"I—" Aderyn's frown turns wary. "This sounds dangerous. I really should tell Naomi and His Majesty about this. If you're caught… I can't protect you."
"I'm not asking you to protect me," I say forcefully.
"No, but I'm morally obligated to."
"Please." This time, I force myself to look into her eyes. They stare back, the blue a gentle swirl of conflicted feelings. And pity. So much pity. "Please, please, please. Naomi's a stickler for this, and Roy… if he found out, I wouldn't be allowed to leave the palace ever again."
She ponders for a moment. Quietly, she says, "He's only concerned with your safety. We all are."
"There's a difference between being safe and being trapped." My shoulders bunch. "I'm not sure Roy knows the difference."
I'm certain he doesn't.
"Please." This last one comes out of my mouth in a desperate, quiet whisper. "Please let me go and play, Aderyn."
Aderyn's mouth hardens to a line. Then she sighs.
"Okay. But I'm coming with you."
It's good enough. We speed out of the hotel and onto the taxi rank. With our hair shrouded by wigs and our make-up thick with layers, we look like anyone else on the streets of San Francisco, hailing a yellow cab that melds into the neon lights. The three of us pile into the back as Zelda calls, "To the Francisco Ice Rink, as fast as possible."
The city is a blur. Say what I will about San Francisco drivers, they're just as crazy as LA ones, as turns hit us with maximum G-force. Aderyn takes a moment to remove her apron to make her liveries less obvious, but relents to contemplative silence as she sits back and watches the streets as we zoom through them. I worry she might change her mind, call Naomi, but even if she did there's nothing that can be done immediately. We're on the way to the rink. The pieces are in motion, and it's too late to stop us now.
When the cab pulls up to the rink, Zelda throws her change at the driver and we clamber out. I'm arrested for a moment, so used to the derelict image of Glendale Ice Rink that seeing this monstrosity of a building with an entrance at every yard is jarring. Dome-shaped, the spotlights that ring the complex are so strong they pierce the dark clouds that hang above. Advertisements plaster every available wall space. There's actually a line to get inside, but Zelda elbows past them all.
I think we'll have to beg the receptionist to let us in, but Bellona stands in wait in the lobby. At first I don't recognise her, but it's because she's not wearing her trademark purple, but rather a plain black blazer and pencil skirt. The pin in her hair is star-shaped.
Her whole body seems to hone when we approach her. Then I see the way her lips curl in disgust, and I know I'm about to get the verbal equivalent of being flung into the sun.
"What time do you call this?" she hisses, marching us to a quieter corner as she does. "You're so damn late, the match is about to start!"
"We're sorry," Zelda says, and she does actually sound it. "We got caught up in traffic—"
"Why do you think we travel as a whole squad and get here earlier than necessary? So things like this don't happen!" She lets out an aggravated sigh. "This is incredibly disappointing from both of you. We will have a discussion about this – later. Linkle, ask reception to take you to the box. Susanetta, follow me. Now."
I pass a little wave to Zelda and Aderyn. Adeyrn reaches out as I dash down the corridor behind Bellona, but Zelda holds her back. I'm not sure what will happen to them now, but if Zelda pulls her connections, maybe Aderyn can sit in the box with her. The place is more of a maze than a rink, but Bellona knows her way, and deposits me outside the changing rooms.
"This better not affect your play today, Vivas."
"O-Of course not, ma'am."
I don't miss the way her eyes narrow as she leaves.
Inside, the changing room is chaos. Jerseys fly everywhere. Shin-pads bash against one another. Lockers bang and cries bleat.
"So Baby Su did decide to show up!"
Janet cheers from the other side. Claps – of the most sarcastic persuasion – sound out as I go red from tip to toe.
"Sorry, everyone…"
"You ought to be." Felice makes her way towards me, shaking her head. The disappointment is so palpable I could peel it away from her face. "This is our first match. You missed our team meeting!"
I have nothing to say to that. Without Zelda, or even Aderyn, I feel terribly alone.
"There's so much at stake and you cruise in like everything's fine. You could have jeopardised the whole match!"
"Forward sub is right here," calls Janet, gesticulating towards Maureen by her right. "Just saying!"
Felice ignores her. "Make sure this doesn't cost us the match, Vivas." She makes another grunt of disapproval before returning to her locker space.
Immediately Rose comes to my side. She's already geared up in full shin-pads and helmet, masking but not entirely hiding the sympathy on her face. "Don't worry, you didn't miss much."
Beverly appears next. She, too, is already dressed head to toe in her hockey uniform, and gently touches my shoulder in solidarity. "It was mostly a reminder of the strategy we came up with last week and of a few technical manoeuvres that Bellona wants us to nail. Rebounds especially."
"I can do that." Even though my last training session with rebounds didn't… go so well. "Anything else?"
"The atmosphere is wild out there," Rose whispers, as if the walls have ears. "The opponent's manager Marco de Lucas introduced us all to the crowd and they went crazy. Felice was introduced to the opponent's captain but apparently she was horrible. That's why Felice is, like, a thousand per cent more determined to destroy them now."
Beverly nods. "Don't mind her. She's under a lot of pressure."
That's supposed to make me feel better about being yelled at in front of everyone? I think, but my mouth glues itself shut. Of all of us, Beverly seems most friendly with Felice. Somehow.
I change as fast as a lightning strike, and soon all of us are on the rink, warming up. The first thing I notice is the ice looks different – feels different. I give it my utmost respect and pleading for the match to go well today, and I know the wrongness is because I'm not used to the atmosphere, but it's like my legs are used to hitting marble, but instead find stone.
Second is the, oh, you know… ginormous crowd beyond the walls. Rose was not exaggerating.
How can our little friendly match pull such a large body of people through the door? The stadium is not packed, not by a long shot, but there are enough people to fill the first tier of seats to make me think the San Fran Rink must be making huge bank tonight. If only Glendale had the same enthusiasm. Cheers and screaming raze the air, popping my hopes for a silent match of focus. The San Franciscan Ferrets – the first team, are one of the most accomplished teams in Illéa. It's no wonder their supporters come out in droves, even for the second team.
The Ferrets enter the ice on the other side of the rink. Immediately my heart beats against my ribcage – they're all so huge. Like twenty Felices, and not a single variation in body shape to be seen. The opposing defenceman comes to the halfway line, close to me, and the difference is immediate. I'm like the little Schnauzer against a great big Rottweiler.
Gulp.
Bellona hops onto the ice not long after, and we huddle around her.
"Remember our training. The Ferrets are more experienced, yes, but we have an advantage: they don't know us or how we operate. Torres, man the lines. Remember everyone looks to you for direction. Lamb, keep that goal airtight. Forwards," she eyes me, "keep on their ass." She punches a fist forwards. "Sticks in."
Mine wobbles, but it's there.
"Train as a team," Bellona recites. "Play as a team. Think as a team."
"Train as a team. Play as a team. Think as a team."
"When all else fails, we rely on our sisters to lead us to victory."
"When all else fails, we rely on our sisters to lead us to victory."
"All-Stars!"
"All-Stars!" we cry, and the little whoop invigorates me.
"Get it done, ladies."
And with that, Bellona skates to the side. To the box, where Zelda and Aderyn are waving and giving me the thumbs up. I give them a little wave back, if only to sedate my nerves, which as we line up our positions, sky-rocket into my brain.
Chill, Gail. I can do this.
I have to do this, if only to prove to Aderyn that I can.
"Begin!" the linesman calls.
Everything explodes at once. This isn't like facing our own team in a split game – we have the full-force of the All-Stars on our side, but also the steamrolling power of the Ferrets against us. At one point the puck bounces from toe to toe so fast I lose track. The Ferrets never let up, their defences solid, but we don't let them take advantage of our team.
"Su!"
Felice shoots the puck my way. I catch it, dancing along the wall to avoid a collision and powering deep into enemy territory. It's like a jungle, except the Ferrets are giant tree trunks. That move. And also want to kill me.
From my left the defence bullets towards me and I freak, the puck twirling free right into the goaltender's waiting toe. "No!" I curse, but too late, they've already moved on, leaving me a dust pile in the wind. The crowd screams.
They score.
"Get it together!" Felice yells when we reset.
I hate that she's right. People behind the walls whoop, yell, cheer and boo. It's hard to know what to think when everything and everyone is so overwhelming. It's like the game has sped up tenfold now that we're playing against actual people instead of ourselves.
The game begins again, and I force myself to focus, laser-sharp attention attached to the puck as it skips from toe to toe, from Bev to Rose to Madison to Felice. I get the puck again, and my chance to score opens up like a yawn. There's no one marking, I think. I take a shot.
It bounces off the goaltender, dancing right. A rebound. I shoot forwards, readying to take another hit, another shot. A Ferret squeezes past, surprising me from the left, and runs away with the puck again. With another victory.
By the time the first period is up, I'm exhausted, sleepy, ready to bury my head in the sand. Or ice. Whichever ends my life quicker.
"You were overwhelmed," says Rose as we take a quick breather on the sides. She can't devour her water bottle fast enough for all the shots she had to block. She might actually eat the bottle. "I don't blame you. It was… a daze."
"But you didn't freak out like five times and mess everything up."
"I let in a few goals," Rose notes, with a frown. "They're two up on us now."
Bev ushers us forward. A group meeting. Bellona rounds us all together.
"A rocky start," she says with an unimpressed tone. "Defence, what were those blocks? Blumenthal, you're letting your opponents pass you too many times. Breath, focus."
Beverly gulps. "Of course."
"Lamb, keep it up. They've a strong offence, like we predicted, and you're doing well to hold them off." Then she sighs and looks at me. "Vivas, you need to pull your socks up and play like I know you can."
Is that… positive reinforcement?
"I-I'm trying."
"I don't want feeble trying," Bellona snaps. "I want doing. You're letting your opponent's size get to you."
"B-But ma'am, they're huge!"
"Of course they are. We play ice hockey. Size is an advantage." Her gaze hardens. "But it is not a must. You're fast – faster than any of them, and that's where your skills lie, but hesitating is costing you."
I take the words. Go fast, I think. I can do that.
"I will."
"Good. The rest of you, keep it up. Keep on your toes, stick to our strategies. They're a resilient team but have all the flaws we noted when watching their previous games. Use that."
She gives me a particularly hard push when I get back onto the rink. I'm not sure I feel entirely reinvigorated – Bellona's speech at once punishment as it is encouragement, but I know I can't let the Ferrets win. As they pile back onto the ice too, they all take their moments to look directly at me. They must think I'm the weak link. But I let them underestimate me.
The whistle goes again, and this time our team picks up the slack. Formation, strategy. I barely even think as I execute manoeuvre after manoeuvre, and when the puck lands in their goal by my hand, I finally start to feel that burn in my heart. We can win, we can win. The scores start to even and the crowd starts to go anxiously quiet as we approach a tie.
By the second break, we're practically even, with one short goal that separates us. I'm giddy as I take my water and roll my shoulders and hands – I don't want to inflate my expectations but we're so close, so close I can taste victory as much as I can the sparks of ice dust that fly from the rink.
During our second meeting, Zelda and Aderyn's heads pop around the wall.
"Linkle?" Bellona says. "We're in the middle of—"
"Sorry, sorry, I just— I had an idea." She approaches with Aderyn on her heels like a lost puppy. "For something we might be able to pull off to secure a victory."
She goes on to point out a terrible flaw in their team set-up, a giant gap that needs filling like a hollow tooth. Then she explains that the gap in their formation is large enough to take advantage of, if we're quick enough to do it.
All eyes turn to me.
"Oh."
"You have that window of opportunity to score, Su," says Zelda, using her finger to tap rapidly on her crudely-drawn diagram. "Their defence is slow on the pickup when we take possession. I've seen them linger on one side for so long it's like they're begging you to score. All the rest of the team have to do is get you the puck."
"I'd have to cross more than half of the rink."
"Aside from the goaltender, it'll be undefended."
"I think it can work," says Bellona. "We are close to tying but we need to push it over the line before it becomes penalties." She looks at Beverly and Felice. "Think you two can work together to take possession when they're close to our crease?"
They exchange a glance and grin. "I think we can easily manage that," says Felice. "Bev's a good shot."
"The best," Bev pipes delightedly.
"I'll pass to Vivas."
For the first time Felice doesn't look down on me. Her eyes only say, you got this.
Or maybe it's you better have got this.
I nod once. Already my stomach is roiling. It's a big job, this strategy we have, but if it secures us the win…
Back on the rink, we take our positions.
"Ya' think lil' titch here will score on more than luck?" says the opponent's centre, the horrible one Rose was talking about, who skates around me in a taunting circle before making her way to her place.
The opponent's right defence laughs, loud enough that I can hear it, several paces away.
My cheeks burn. "That's not very nice!" I yell, but it's consumed by a roar of the crowd at the appearance of the linesman. My eyes drift and snag on the All-Stars box. Amongst the people I don't recognise, Zelda and Aderyn have their heads together, Zelda's mouth moving animatedly. Aderyn is stony-faced and silent, her eyes on the rink.
I have no idea what to think about that until her eyes meet mine. A small smile emerges across her lips, and she gives a thumbs-up.
I grin. I may not be the best player ever – or even here, on this rink or on my team, but I'm enjoying it so much. I hope, I desperately hope, she sees that.
The whistle goes and so do my legs, pumping them into motion. The puck skitters this way and that, and I track it with my eyes. When they have the puck in their possession I tear after their players, unrelenting like a dire storm, and when the puck is ours, I do my best to skid, dive, meander like a shooting star and plant the puck in their goal. I successfully blot out the noise of the crowd so that it's nothing more than the city's din, buzzing in the distance.
Time is almost up. We're tied. Better than a straight loss, but penalties are so stressful and I can't imagine relying on them alone, so I push myself as hard as my body will go to chase the puck. They dive into our half, pass between them.
Beverly cuts across so smoothly they have to process the moment – hesitate, before she shoots to Felice. Zelda was right, half the rink is wide open. Ripe for the taking.
"Go, Su, go!"
She launches the puck at me.
It lands in my toe. I pivot, ice dust whipping up in a vortex, and skate. Go Gail, go. Quicker than they anticipate I'm in their zone. Shoot.
The puck goes through the tender's legs. It's a goal.
"Yay!" I scream, as the crowd mirrors my excitement. Boos erupt as well, but that's okay, I can hardly care.
Time continues, but it's too late. Not long after the reset, the linesman calls time. The audience erupts. We did. We won.
"You did it!" Rose crashes into me with a bear hug. I'm laughing so hard tears are streaming down my cheeks, ruining my foundation. "That was so awesome!"
The rest of the team piles in for one big group hug.
"Holy shit, that was amazing!"
"We did it! We won!"
"We kicked ass out there!"
I'm sweaty and breathless and my heart is set to burst, but as I'm squished in a fuzzy warmth my emotions flip entirely over in the space of a moment.
I belong.
The Ferrets reluctantly skate around to shake hands. The centre gives me a particularly dirty look as her meaty hand encases mine, gripping so tightly I fear she's trying to sabotage my future matches. But they go wordlessly back to their own manager, tail between their legs, as I soak in the glorious feeling of our win. Nothing can beat this moment. I will remember this for the rest of my life.
We skate back to the lockers, high on victory. No one can stop talking, gabbling, giddy and thrilled and flushed with joy. Least of all me, who can't stop replaying that last manoeuvre in my head. Or on my mouth as it motors through the emotions I felt in those intense seconds.
"Ladies."
Bellona's voice calls our attention immediately. Half in my gear, upper half only in a sweat-ridden tank top, I turn. Her face is cool as she stands like a soldier with her back to the shut door.
Then she smiles.
"Well done."
"Yeah!" Janet yells. "We rock!"
We laugh and clap and Bellona nods her head.
"That was quite the turnaround from our wayward beginnings. You all played excellently. Blumenthal, Torres, and Vivas, congratulations on succeeding that final shot. That clinched us certain victory, and you should be proud of yourselves."
Oh. I definitely am. I stand straighter, beam larger. For a moment I'm so high on celebration that I consider even telling Roy – like I would when I'd do anything good – but the thought dies like a pierced balloon.
I'll never be able to share this joy with him. With anyone but the people here.
Bellona continues to talk but the sadness has already filled the nooks of my happiness. This is one match, but of how many? How many times will I have to keep this all to myself? How many times will Roy and my family and friends miss what I consider hugely important victories in my life?
"Vivas," she then cuts across suddenly, snapping my thoughts. "I'd like to speak with you after you're done."
"Okay," I say. She's probably still angry that I appeared late, but I think this match has changed her tune.
Not shortly after I shower, Zelda and Aderyn find me packing my things in the locker room. Zelda wraps her arm around my neck and pulls me into a sudden hug.
"You star! You did it! You actually did it!"
"Was there ever any doubt?"
"Er, yes. A helluva lot of doubt!" Zelda cackles at my face. "But you pulled it off. Oh, that was so awesome!"
"It was," says Aderyn quietly. "Even though I had no idea what was going on."
Zelda sighs. "I explained the rules."
"Doesn't mean I retained them."
"Great work today, Su!" Rose comes up from behind and gives me another hug. I return with a pat on her arms. She steps back. "Oh, hello! Are you a friend of Su and Linkle?"
Her eyes are on Aderyn. Aderyn begins, "Yes, my name is Ad—"
"ADDIE," Zelda screeches, drawing the eyes of everyone else here. "Yes. This is Addie, our… er, elder sister. Adopted. Obviously."
"Elder sister?" Rose says.
"Elder sister?" Aderyn echoes, but with an even more bewildered tone.
"Yes. Her. You. Elder sister." Zelda laughs and pats Aderyn on the shoulder. "Of course, you're the one that took us here, aren't you?"
Aderyn blinks and the confusion dissipates. "Yes. That was I. Me. Myself. I did that. I took them there— here."
I want to bang my head against the wall.
"I didn't even know you had another sister," says Rose. "It's nice to meet you, Addie. I'm Rose! I'm the goaltender."
They shake hands.
"You played very well today," says Aderyn.
"Thank you! Not as well as Su." She takes my hand. "You really did great today! I'm so proud of you!"
My heart melts. "You did brilliantly too."
Once Rose goes off to entertain Janet, Aderyn's smile drops and she glares at us both. "Elder sister?"
"We're adopted sisters," says Zelda, pointing to herself and me, as if that's going to explain anything. "It makes sense. Just go with it."
It seems to bring back the old argument. How can she be an accessory to all this? Aderyn's eyes cloud and she turns away.
"We should get going."
"Bellona wanted to talk to me."
At this, Zelda tenses. "About being late? She gave me the same lecture before the match started."
"I'll be fine," I say brightly. "We just won! How mean can she be?"
It doesn't lessen Zelda's obvious anxiety.
"All right. We'll wait outside." She takes Aderyn's arm. "Come on."
Aderyn fixes me an odd look as she leaves. It's like, before this night began, she thought me mischievous, stubborn, a little unruly, but now it's a pensive expression that says nothing is as it seems. I'm different than what she thought, and she may never look at me the same way again. We may never have the same relationship again.
I don't know what I'm going to do about it. I didn't want to jeopardise Aderyn's job by sharing this secret with her, but it's out there now, and there's no way I can take it back.
Glumly I take my stuff, say my goodbyes, and head down the corridor. There's a small waiting area through the doors, empty save for Bellona, who occupies one of the lone blue couches and stares stiffly out the window. No trace of our victory lingers. It's almost like we lost.
Something is wrong.
I knock timidly and enter at her beckoning. "Vivas," she greets. "Let's chat."
I sit on the edge of the sofa opposite. The bright lights of the room are the opposite of homely, of cosy, and it raises the hair on my neck. Bellona sits on the edge, and that immediately makes me on edge. Her unfeeling but unyielding expression tells me nothing.
"What's wrong, ma'am?"
"You were late today."
"Yes," I admit. "I-I'm sorry—"
"That doesn't cut it." I flinch at her sharp tone. "What you did today nearly jeopardised the team. It was evident you weren't playing your best in the first period. If you'd had time to adjust to the atmosphere you may not have had this problem."
"I know, I know." I bow my head. "It won't happen again."
"No, it won't." She sits up straighter. "Because effective immediately, I'm taking you off the active team."
She may as well have punched a hand straight through my chest, ripped out my heart, spat on it, thrown it into a fire, and then devoured the ashes. Breath enters my lungs in a gasp so sharp I taste the stale air around me.
Too shocked to anything, Bellona takes a moment. Her eyes dart back and forth between my eyes, like she can't decide where to settle.
"You must learn discipline. I cannot have a player who waltzes in whenever she likes. This tardiness will not stand."
"But… but what about today? I did the winning goal."
Her face darkens. "We won in a combined effort between you and the rest of the team. Don't dare to assume your contribution was the only thing that won it today."
I'm silent. Tears are threatening to spill, rising up through my throat with throbbing pain.
"I've reprimanded your sister for her tardiness as well. However, her absence is not as keenly felt as yours." She lifts her chin. "You're on thin ice, Vivas. Until you have understood that I will not tolerate anything that could negatively impact this team, you will attend the training sessions and nothing more. Understand?"
My head droops. I can't cry, I won't. Promise me you won't, Gail.
"I-I understand."
"Good. Let this be a lesson." She stands. "I expect you're making your own way home, so I want to see you at our next training sessions sharp and early. I want to see you do everything to the best of your ability. I want to see you play, Susanetta. Not this nonsense earlier."
Then she breezes out of the room, like she hasn't just broken my heart.
Without being able to help myself, I break my promise.
I cry.
A/N: Poor Gail! It seems the repercussions for her double life are catching up to her... Hope you enjoyed the chapter, folks!
As always, please let me know your thoughts. How will Gail cope knowing she's been benched? What will happen now that Aderyn knows The Secret? No Selected boys in this one, but I promise, there's some spicy Selected content coming, huehuehue...
Feel I should note, with my limited knowledge of sport, I actually have no idea what the protocol is for tournament matches, so I sort of made up my own thing. Let's all just pretend this is exactly what happens in the future, m'kay?
Thanks for reading, buds.
~ GWA
NTT: "Is Soren a big donut? True or true?"
