Trample[D] - Chapter 14
In his dream, the vivid color painted his world, as the green leaves were swaying, as the blue adorned the sky, as the crimson hue tinged the cheeks of young woman on his front. Again, the scenery he never saw in his life was being played in his dream. The raven haired woman who was smiling at him, with the pair of obsidian he adored, calling his name while softly giggling.
They were holding hands in a familiar city, walking on the small alleyway, under the bright golden bead that cascading its rays to their body. The heat made his shirt slightly drenched with the sweat, but he knew that the young woman next to him had it worse than him since she was wearing a long white coat under this kind of weather. They stood side by side after that, gazing at the beautiful green from above, but then he averted his gaze to his left, since her smile was more enchanting than the scenery from the lookout where they were.
But everything disappeared when he opened his right eye, tainting his world in the vast darkness for the sight had been snatched from his life as the price for the power he borrowed two years ago. If only one of the King didn't grant his pity, certainly, he would be dead at that time.
A heavy sigh escaped from his lips as he felt the ache trampled his head. It was throbbing, and always like that every morning, more specifically, after he saw the dream of someone who was actually not his lover. It really bothered him, wondering why he kept seeing the dream about her. Was it the guilt that tortured him because he thought that he was the cause of her wound? Was it the sin that he committed because he made her try to heal him and let the curse from the King's blessing hurt her?
He thought that probably because he couldn't stop feeling guilty toward the woman so she kept coming to his dream. Even though, actually, the man knew the real reason why he kept seeing her in every of his dreams.
It was love.
One-sided love which he always had since years ago. Watching her whenever she was nearby, peeking into her workplace whenever he walked past in front of it through the hallway, talking to her whenever he had the chance to, and having his heart broken after knowing that she was actually the marshal's lover.
He was never good at romance, thus, he would never make a first move. And when he noticed that he actually liked the young woman, it was already too late for it happened not long after Insomnia was destroyed, and he learnt that she already had a lover. He somehow realized it in Lestallum, after the two of them met at that night, where he unwittingly confessed his love, using the twisted words to convey it.
But, he tried to bury his feelings, as the one she loved was none other than the marshal. He admitted that they were perfect for each other, and he wouldn't want to do something unnecessary but praying that she would always be happy. Even though, at the end, the royal shield noticed how he silently stared at her figure in Cape Caem, and also, gave his wise advice so Ignis would stop adoring her.
Yet, whenever he saw those shimmering obsidian of her, he was being entrapped by her enchantment. It seemed that those eyes were always gazing at him in the far away past, so familiar, so nostalgic. And sometimes, there were blurry memories that invaded his mind when he admired it. Some fragments of peculiar memories that he knew never ever happened in his life. But, all of it felt so real, like it truly happened in his past.
And then, she was sleeping for a long time. Leaving him tormented by a strange guilt, as he kept guessing that everything was his fault. There, in front of her sleeping figure, he confessed everything, his love, his worry, his grief, and his sadness. The things that could be told by him only because she was slumbering.
He missed her…
... but he didn't have the right to miss her.
That was why he decided to stop visiting Lestallum since twelve months ago, to stop coming to the clinic, and put an end to his one-sided love, which somehow never succeeded because he was still thinking of her.
Another long sigh leaving his throat as he rubbed his forehead, trying to brush off the thought of another man's lover from his mind.
Raising from the thin and hard mattress inside the tent where he was, the Scientia moved his hand in the dark, tapping the surface on his right side to take his glasses, before crawling to reach his bag and taking a new set of clothes for him.
He already got used to his disability, even though he was capable to aid the hunters or glaives and join them in battlefield. Relearning his cooking skill, Ignis sometimes prepared the meal for his fellow hunters and glaives, even though the recipe he could use was still limited.
The dirty blonde man walked out from the tent after he was ready, tapping his cane to guide his way to the point where the other hunters were gathering. Listening to the briefing for today's mission, sometimes Ignis gave his suggestion and the tactical plan to defeat the daemon they were going to take down today.
The first mission was going well as he planned, having the other hunters and glaives praised him for the tactical advice, they returned back to the haven which was being used as their temporary outpost. Ignis offered himself to prepare the lunch, but, before he could make his way to do it, his phone was ringing. He took it from the pocket on his pants, then tapping the display twice to receive the call.
"Igg." it was Gladio who called him. It had been quite a while for him to hear the voice of the royal shield, only one month ago when the shield told him that marshal's woman had opened her eyes, stating that probably Ignis needed that particular information to brighten the day.
"Gladio, it has been a while." The dirty blonde man raised the corner of his lips unwittingly, undoubtedly happy to hear the voice of his best friend who went separate ways from him since the prince slumbering in the crystal.
The phone began with the small talk, asking about each other's condition before finally Gladio stated his real intention. Apparently, Iris invited everyone to return to Lestallum, because the raven-haired medic had been discharged from the clinic and his sister wanted to throw a small party to welcome the woman.
The heat gathered in his chest as he heard the news. His heart fluttered in excitement, since actually he yearned to hear her voice. He was unable to return to Lestallum soon after she opened her eyes, having his hands full to slaughter the daemon and help the refugee in Leide. Moreover, he didn't want anyone to raise suspicion as to why he would be too eager in seeing her despite of the fact that she was another man's lover. Ignis was her ex-fiance, and they were definitely not close, only a mere acquaintance, even though he had visited her in clinic almost every week before finally he left the city without returning for the past twelve months.
Right, those were the reasons he created by himself, for himself, to prevent him from visiting her. Prompto asked him about two weeks ago, once, because the blonde had a mission near Lestallum, and asking whether Ignis was somewhere near the location which then being refused by the adviser, stating that he couldn't since his mission was an urgent one. And when the phone was over, the Scientia regretted his decision.
Again, Ignis was just afraid, because perhaps he was the one that hurt her at that time. Remembering how she was injured right after she tried to heal him. He didn't have the courage to show his face in front of her, and in front of the marshal.
However, the Amicitia offered him the chance to meet her today. Even though he wouldn't perceive her figure with his sight, probably, he would hear her voice and, perhaps, it would be enough for him.
"I'd like to." accepting the offer, Ignis gave his reply to the man over the phone.
"Great. I'll come over there with Prompto to pick you up."
Ignis stared at his phone with his sightless eyes, exhaling the heavy air from his chest before keeping the phone back into his pocket.
Gladio came with Prompto in next one hour and apparently Cindy was the one who drove them, coincidentally she should deliver some shipment there to Lestallum. Of course, sometimes she should stop the vehicle as the daemon suddenly appeared and hindered their way. And those three crownsguards would leaped out from the truck and slain those monsters before proceeding their trip to the city of light.
The smell of the familiar town entered his nostril when the dirty blonde man walked past the gate of Lestallum. The rather warm and steamy air touched his skin as he made his way to follow his two friends. His ears caught the faint murmur of people talking in the distance, and few other footsteps along the way. It had been a long time for him to feel the lively atmosphere which he could never have tasted since leaving the only living town in the world.
"Gladdy!"
Ignis flinched when a cheerful voice called the name of the prince's royal shield. Moving his head to face her way, he nodded and smiled when Iris greeted him and Prompto.
She asked them to follow her, and at that exact moment, his heart started to beat in tumultuous thud. He couldn't focus his mind to listen at their small chatter as they walked. The man went silent the entire walk, and only gave a word of gratitude when Prompto told him to be careful since Ignis almost stumbled and fell.
Iris guided those men to a certain house near the previously town main entrance, and opened the door casually as if it was her own house.
"Eira, Gladdy and others have arrived."
Eira was startled when the door was opened. The raven-haired woman who was sitting on the sofa in the living room turned her head to the left, watching the entrance as Iris entered the house followed by her brother.
Her heart began to throb in a quicker pace when she caught the pair of amber beads looked at her. No, not because the man himself, but because she knew that someone else probably would follow the royal shield.
"Yo, Eira! Glad to see you!" the oldest Amicitia grinned widely when their eyes met.
"Eira!" Prompto who was walking behind the biggest guy jumped forward. Eager to see the woman who was also the one who taught him in firing the gun, the tears welled up beneath his eyelids, making his blue orbs damp and glistened as the dim light of lamp was reflected on it.
"Hi…" she replied in her soft whisper. Lifting the corner of her lips, it had been a long time for her to be surrounded by the lively atmosphere. She was always alone in the clinic, having two people visiting her was already the limit for what was allowed by the medic staff.
"She couldn't speak loudly, so please get closer to talk with her." Iris explained, and afterwards excused herself to go back to the kitchen, helping Monica to prepare the dinner.
The dirty blonde man was frozen at the entrance. Strengthening the grip on his cane, his chest was heavy when the faint whisper of her reached his ears. It was too soft, too quiet, it was almost unheard. But, there were butterflies swarming in his chest when finally the melodious voice of her had returned to the world. He was too glad to hear her, happy because finally she was healed and alive.
"Hello, Eira. Happy to hear you." The smile adorned his scarred yet handsome visage as he greeted the woman he couldn't see. He wondered what kind of expression she made when she looked at him now. Did she smile? Did she gaze at him with her alluring obsidian?
"Hi… Ignis…" the weight burdened her chest when his name slipped out from her lips. Eyes glancing to the man who was standing in the dining room, Eira averted her gaze back to the dirty blonde man.
She really didn't know how to react in front of anyone else. It felt so awkward to meet all of them after slumbering for two years, even though it felt like a mere second for her.
Cor greeted those three and they had a small chatter for a few seconds before the marshal asked them to sit on the sofa.
Eira bit her lower lips when Ignis sat next to her. She didn't know why he would sit there, and how the things turned out to be like this. Her heart beat faster than usual, and her mind was shrouded in restlessness. Gladly, Prompto sat on the other sofa and positioned himself not far from her, thus, she could make herself busy listening to the cheerful blonde guy instead.
They told her about their journey, about the things that happened in these two years. Gladiolus told her how he got another scar on his chest, this time it was big enough and he jokingly complained how the medic who treated him couldn't use the convenience spells like what Eira was capable of. The brown-haired man also told her that Prompto stayed in Hammerhead as the attempt to make a move on Cindy Aurum, which somehow did not bear fruit. And when the amber eyes told the story, Prompto was blushing and yelling at Gladio so he would stop telling her about his embarrassing attempt.
Eira laughed, for the first time in the month seeing the lively interaction between them.
A smile passed over Ignis's face as her soft giggle voice reached his ears. The warmth crept into his chest, since he was grateful to hear her laugh. Even though he couldn't see her, it was enough for him knowing that she was laughing right now.
Sitting next to her made his heart beat harshly. Even when their skin didn't meet each other, he could feel the warmth from his right side. But then somehow he could feel her gaze, and his hunch was true for the woman called his name.
"How about... you?" she asked in her whispering voice. Eira noticed how Ignis was being quiet, not talking much, not even talking about himself. Didn't mean that she was too eager to talk with the dirty blonde man, but she couldn't act indifferent at him only because of her personal issues.
If she might, she would prefer that no one would come visit her. Obviously, she didn't want to see Ignis for it only reminded her of the truth that kept torturing her, and also, tormenting the man who was sitting in the dining chair while reading some documents alone.
And what could she do was pretending that… everything was okay and… she was still the marshal's lover.
"Nothing in particular." he answered. "Just like Gladio and Prompto, going around the Lucis to help hunters and glaives."
"You… can… fight?" Pretending that she didn't know anything, she asked that question. The memories were still clear in her mind. When Ignis could fight by himself, when he started to relearn his cooking skill, when he would begin to walk without his cane. Eira remembered every detail of those memories, from the first universe where they spent the seven years of endless nights together to travel around the Lucis.
Ignis smiled, pleased to hear her voice. Moreover, this time those words were for him. He began to tell her about his attempt to regain his fighting skills, about how he could somehow sense the light and how the daemon emitted a peculiar aura which made him capable of attacking them and not mistaking his fellow friends in mission.
Cor put down his documents, eyes gazing at the raven haired woman who was talking to the dirty blonde man on her left. It was the pain that filled his chest when he saw her laughing softly while talking to the man. Because, not even once, she laughed like that in front of him since she opened her eyes.
What she gave him was only the tears…
... and he was the one who hurt her.
Eira stretched out both of her hands to her front, staring how she moved her trembling fingers to clasp and to open. A white magic circle made its form above her hands, shimmering after it was complete then disappeared slowly in the air. Even with her magic, it needed a long time for her to be fully recovered.
It was only two weeks after she left the hospital and stayed in marshal's house. The physical therapy went well, too well because she kept casting the healing spell on herself. She could move her legs to walk for three feet, so she didn't need help to move from her wheelchair to her bed, to the dining chair, or to the bench where she was sitting on right now.
She raised her head to look at the dark endless sky. Blankly stared at it, she wondered whether if the stars and the moon had returned she would be capable to see them.
Hearing the approaching footsteps, she moved her head, facing the man she was waiting for. A thin smile passed over her scarred face, even though the man in front of her wouldn't see her smile.
"Hi, Ignis." her voice was rather hoarse, but at least it was much louder than before. She didn't need any unnecessary pause because of how tired she was when she talked, and it was far clearer, so no one needed to put their ears closer when trying to hear her.
"Hello, Eira. I'm sorry to make you wait."
The raven observed his attire as the man spoke and approached her. The dirty blonde hair of him was not being swept up on the front, letting the strands of his hair fall gently on his forehead. The grey T-shirt he wore was the same as the one he wore when they met in the lookout, and actually the one she liked most in their first universe because it fit his well-built body perfectly.
"No, you're not late. Please have a seat."
Ignis moved his feet carefully, tapping his can to his front to find the seat she mentioned. The man slightly flinched when a tiny hand gently touched his hand, and guided his way to find the bench. He sat next to her, on her right side, so close even he could inhale her sweet fragrance. The skin where she touched was now burning in heat, and even though it was no longer being touched by her, he still could feel how soft and warm her hand was.
The ache made its way to her chest as she watched the way he tapped his free hand on the wooden bench before he sat. The scene before her eyes reminded her how all of her effort to restore his sight had been tampered by the Astral.
"So, anything I can help?" Ignis moved his head to face her, his eyes would never reach her anymore, but he let his right eye to gaze at her way.
This morning, Ignis suddenly received the call from the Heallint, asking whether he would return to Lestallum or not. Initially, he didn't plan to, yet, he found it strange for her to call him. Ignis never gave his phone number to the raven, and he never knew why she had it. Having someone who never contacted him suddenly piqued his curiosity so the man said that probably he would come to Lestallum. And at that time, Ignis never expected that she asked him to meet her, only the two of them.
A soft, almost unheard, sigh escaped her lips. The sadness was emitted on her obsidian beads as she caught the white eye of him behind his dark glasses. Lidding her eyelids for a second, she turned her head away from him, staring at the fiddling hands on her laps. The weight pressed her chest, as the unease started to gnaw her heart.
"No." she gave a slight pause before finishing her sentences. "Actually, there's something that… I want to tell…"
There was something in her voice as she told him her intention. A gravity in her tone, with the spark of uneasiness as she spoke. Ignis couldn't see her face, what kind of expression she made when she uttered those words. But, certainly, from her tone, it was something that weighed her down. Out of curiosity, he asked, "About?"
"Us."
Ignis raised his eyebrows upon hearing that simple word. Facing his front, he strengthened the clutch on his cane.
Us.
The man didn't understand anything. They rarely talked, there was no story between the man and the woman, she was the marshal's lover, and Ignis was sure that he hid his feeling perfectly. There was no way she would know how he admired her in silence these years. Unless, she heard all of his confession when she was slumbering.
He wished it was not about that.
"I'm all ears." he uttered, maintaining his composure and preparing his heart to hear anything she would tell.
Biting her lower lips, Eira took a deep breath, filling her lungs with the cold air of Lestallum, held it for a second before exhaling it slowly and steadily. She had mustered her courage, she had decided, to spit the truth that burdened her and put an end to this misery.
At first, she didn't want to let Ignis know, pretending that there was nothing between the man and her, so Ignis would keep on living without knowing anything. But she couldn't. She was being imprisoned by the guilt, tortured by the nightmare she saw every night, about her failure to save the man from his lightless journey.
Perhaps, it was better if Ignis never knew. But deep down in her heart, she wanted him to know, she wanted him to forgive her. Because the sin she committed made the man trapped in the universe that was being rewinded over and over.
Ignis had the right to know the truth.
"I want to apologize... because I couldn't restore your sight. Even though I promised to do so."
Knitting his eyebrows, Ignis found himself in perplexion, "If I'm not mistaken, you never made the mentioned promise."
Another sigh escaped her lips. "I did."
The man frowned more, absolutely had no idea when she made such a promise. Mind bringing him to the memories in Cape Caem after he and the party returned back from Zegnautus, Ignis was sure that she didn't say anything about the promise to restore his sight.
"You would never remember it… as… it happened more than two thousand years ago… maybe?" she let out a stifled chuckle before giving off her wry smile to her front. The man on her right side couldn't perceive her smile, so she gave it to the whistling wind that brushed her cheeks and to the stained wall across the place where they sat.
"Two thousand years?" Ignis slightly turned his face to his left side, but stopped midway since... it was a useless act. Turning his head or not, the man would never catch her figure with his vision.
"Sorry… I mean…" she stuttered, struggling hard because the composure was almost leaving her. The tears welled up beneath her eyelids, ready to fall in any second. But, she should withstand the overwhelming emotion that is trying to dominate herself, so it wouldn't prevent her from telling him the truth. "It didn't happen here, not in this universe but… in another one. You, probably, won't believe it, because, it's too… surreal…"
Two thousand years ago? Not in this universe? Ignis had no idea what she was talking about. Did it mean that she came from another universe? Or, did the parallel universe actually exist?
"I'm listening." obviously, the answer would never come by itself into his head. He should listen to what she was going to say.
Raising her head, she glanced at him. Probably Ignis wouldn't believe her, for the story she was going to tell was beyond understanding. However, she wanted to try, for she didn't want to keep the truth from him. Not like a certain grimoire who hid everything from her.
Because being lied to, was the worst.
"The truth is… It's not the first time we live in this world, in this universe. We experienced all of this long before, for many times. And like those universes, this universe where we live now is created by a certain Astral… because He wanted to change a certain woman's fate that kept happening in those universes He judged as… failure."
"Certain woman?"
"Me."
Ignis bit the inner side of his mouth upon hearing her answer. The weight started to tighten his chest.
Just like what she said before reciting her story, it was indeed surreal. But even so, Ignis knew that she was not lying at him, from the seriousness in her voice, from the gravity in her tone.
He believed her, but he couldn't shrug off the restlessness within his heart. One side of him wanted to know its continuation, but the other side of him was afraid to find out the truth.
There was a clamor in his chest, as his heart started to beat in boisterous thudding. It knocked the inside of his body roughly, even his ears could clearly hear its throbbing pulse.
The man then clasped his hands when the woman began to tell him the next.
"... She was a witch, and so she is now. At that time, she was the fiance of a royal adviser… They were… happy as a couple, I think? And… the man proposed to her, before leaving to accompany the prince for the wedding."
"Wơu̴̴͞l̸̀͞d ý͢o̢u͢ ̢̨p̢̨̛l̨e̛͞a͠s͞e ͠ą̴c҉̧͞c̢e͘͘͡p͜͞t́ ̸̕m̸y g̡i͝ft̕͜?͘͞"
Ignis slightly jolted when the prickling pain stabbed his head. There were some unknown memories that entered his mind. He saw color in the dark—the red, the white, the silver, the shimmering green, and the dazzling black. However, he should force himself not to sink in his thoughts, for the woman continuing her words.
"... then, the tragedies happened. The same just like this universe, like in every universe before this... The death of the King, the fall of Insomnia, the death of the royal chamberlain in this very city… and you know the next."
"My sight…" he guessed.
A muffled chuckle escaped her quivering lips. Her sight was getting blurred, since both of her eyes had already damp by the piled up tears she tried to hold. The raven started to dig her nails on her palm, enduring the ache in her heart by creating the pain on her skin. She was actually afraid to open her lips, and didn't want him to notice how her voice was shaking because the sorrow tried to burst out from her chest.
But, she needed to continue the story she wanted him to hear.
"The witch tried to bargain, so the former Kings wouldn't take his life as the price for the power they granted him. Exchanging the piece of her soul which was being planted on her lover's body. But... it was not enough so they took... his sight…"
The line of tears had fallen to her cheeks. It was impossible for her not to cry. By telling those words, the memories made their way into her head. Replaying the scene she saw at that time in her mind. Even when she didn't shut her eyelids now, she could clearly recall how the man she loved was burning in ablazing flame, how he was screaming in unbearable pain, how she begged the former King to grant their mercy. And it always happened, for many times, for thousand times, throughout the entire universe that was destroyed by the grand Astral.
"And turned out… even though she didn't give him the piece of her soul, their decision was always the same. Taking his sight." she dug her teeth onto her lower lips, biting it hard it almost tore her flesh.
Ignis didn't know how to react. This story was too much. Too painful for him.
Knowing that she was actually his lover, that they were loving each other, that she tried to save his life… in the far away past… was indeed a kind of story he never expected. He thought that his love for her was the one-sided love, but, perhaps, he fell in love with her in this universe because he did love her in the other universe, too.
"When they met again, the witch tried to restore his sight. But, even for hundreds of times she cast the spell… He would never get his sight back…"
Ignis almost forgot how to take a breath. As if he was drowning in the bottomless ocean. As if he was being strangled to death.
"So, she promised him to find a way to restore his sight… which actually… she did."
He clenched his fists, too strong now both of his hands were trembling as the man tried to hold the surge of emotion. He couldn't name it one by one. They were anger, sadness, exasperation, restlessness, which intermingled in chaos.
"She used a certain spell… to destroy the time… and to change the fate… and she did."
She was sobbing in her lament, struggling to state those words, wishing that her sadness didn't prevent her from talking.
"There she created a universe where the adviser never lost his sight… but… she should pay it with her life and her existence…"
Eira curled up her body, crumpling her dress between her trembling fingers. The tears streamed down like the rainfall. She couldn't stop it. She couldn't hold it.
But she forced her lips to move, forcing her throat to let her brittle voice reach the man next to her.
"But the Astral who helped her to get her wish had another plan… He didn't want her to die… Blaming everything to her lover, He thought that if she never fell in love with him, she would never sacrifice herself."
"Eira…" Ignis didn't know what to do but to call her name. It seemed like the time had stopped and he was trapped in the everlasting sorrow. The weight on her shoulders was too heavy for her. And Ignis was the one who caused it. The guilt pierced his heart, shattering it in broken pieces.
"Weird, isn't it? The Astral was the one who taught her the spell… helped her to fulfil her wish… but… he was the one who crushed it instead. Turning back the time for many times… for thousand times… so I won't fall in love with you. And if I did… and if I tried to save you again… or when I didn't fall in love with you but remembered all of my past, all of our past... and if I decided to love you… again... He would mercilessly destroy the time and… restarted all of it from the scratch… Because, He thought that it would be the best for me if I fell in love with anyone else but you..."
Ignis part opened his lips, but nothing escaped from his dry throat.
It hurt him.
It hurt him when she wailed in her lament.
It hurt him when he learnt the truth.
It hurt him when he knew that she was being tortured endlessly, for many times, for thousand times.
He didn't know about the Astral she mentioned about. Obviously, not one of the Six. He never knew about another Astral unknown to humans.
However, it made him burning in wrath, learning that this certain Astral turned back the time only to make her not to fall in love with him. Only to separate the two...
"Saying that all of He did was for me… to save me… So I won't sacrifice myself for you…"
So she won't sacrifice herself for him…
"Eira…"
"And I remembered all of these things after…"
"After you try to heal my eyes?"
So that was why…
So that was the reason why she acted strange that day, why she kept casting the healing spell on him even though her magic couldn't heal him. It was because there were shattering memories in her head, because all of this had already happened before.
...and that was why it hurt him knowing that she kept trying to heal him that time. Because, probably, he already experienced the same pain before.
She didn't answer his question. Perhaps, she responded it with a nod. The woman stopped talking, and the only thing that reached his hearing sense was her lament.
The Scientia moved his body, facing the raven haired woman before raising his left hand forward. He knew that she had a lover. However, knowing that she was actually her lover before this time was created, Ignis couldn't bear it to let her suffer alone in her grief.
Eira flinched when Ignis's trembling fingers met her damp cheek. Moving her obsidian beads to face the man, another line of tears cascaded down to her skin.
She missed him. She missed the way he caressed her cheek gently like this. She missed the way he brushed away her tears whenever the sorrow gnawed her heart.
She loved Ignis Scientia...
...but she was not allowed to.
"I destroyed the seal of memories… and as the consequences… my magic power hurt me… it almost… killed me…"
She let the man wrap her body with his firm hands. Hiding her face on his chest, she let the overflowing sadness erupted from within. The cursed witch didn't try to hold it anymore, didn't care if her woe would be heard by everyone else.
The sorrow tormented him when the woman was sobbing on his chest, drenching his clothes in her tears. It hurt him more than when she cried because of her headache in this city two years ago.
That time… Perhaps, was she trampled by the headache because she remembered something from the past?
Now when he thought about it, he always had the headache whenever he saw her in his dream. And sometimes, his head also throbbing in pain when he caught her enchanting obsidian with his eyes, when he admired her long beautiful raven hair, when he was mesmerised by her lips as she spoke. Was it because he tried to remember something he shouldn't have to remember?
Because the Astral prevented him from being with her.
"The truth is… I kept seeing the dream… and I saw you in there… Waiting for you in the hallway, sitting in front of you in the infirmary, giving a bouquet of flowers to you, and… holding hands in this city… gazing at the scenery from the lookout… I wonder whether all of those things actually did happen…"
Eira slowly opened her eyes when the man spoke.
So... she was not alone.
She was not the only one who was being haunted by the fragment of their past memories. And somehow, there was a tiny bit of happiness in her heart knowing it.
Circling her arms around his body, she inhaled his scent deeply. The same fragrance he always created whenever he hugged her like this. The one that brought her to the serenity. The one that always pulled her away from uneasiness.
"It did…"
The man could perceive how she nodded slightly on his chest. Placing his cheek on her head, he pulled her body closer and let all of his emotion to burst out.
He knew that she did not belong to him anymore. He didn't even have clear memories when they were together. However, for this time, he wanted to be selfish enough to hug her, letting her warmth seep into his flesh.
He loved her. He always did. And he always tried to kill his own feelings, because he didn't want to destroy her happiness knowing she already had a lover.
But then he remembered that he was the reason she sacrificed herself. He was the one who tortured her. He was the one who trapped them in the neverending time loop.
A line of tears fell unwittingly from his right eye, streaming down slowly until it reached his chin and fell to her head.
"I'm sorry… I failed to fulfill my promise…"
Ignis didn't know his feelings anymore. He was absolutely angered by the Astral's will. His mind screamed that it was not fair, that it was too cruel.
But, in those universes, Eira sacrificed herself only to restore his sight.
Then, perhaps, actually this was the best for her. And for him.
Even if she was his lover in this universe, Ignis wouldn't want it if she sacrificed everything only to save his sight. Losing the privilege to see was way better than losing someone he loved.
If having her as his lover would lead them to the future where she would sacrifice herself… Ignis wouldn't want it.
"I bet Ignis in that universe wouldn't want you to restore his sight, if he knew that you'll sacrifice yourself, Eira."
His sentence brought a wry smile on her face. Yes, of course, Ignis would never want it. That was why she didn't say anything about it to the man at that time. She remembered when the man was enraged when she hurt herself to do a certain ritual that could make her cast the spell without manually drawing any magic circle with her finger nor cast the incantation with her mouth. She absolutely knew that he wouldn't accept it if he learnt that restoring his sight meant she would kill herself while being erased from the world as she never existed.
Slowly pulling herself away from him, Eira raised her head to look at his scarred face. The sadness choked her throat as she saw the trace of sadness fell on his cheek.
Moving both of her quivering hands, the Heallint reached his glasses, pulling it softly to see his damaged eyes. She should accept it, the fact that she would never see the emeralds she loved, the truth that she would never become his lover, and also the fate that she should end their love.
"I thought that since my existence would be erased, he would never know and… everything was going to be okay."
Ignis startled when her thumb reached his cheek, wiping the line of tears that slipped out from his clouded eye. She did it tenderly, softly, as if he could perceive the love she had for him in every movement.
"Don't do that again this time."
"I can't. Don't worry." her lips twisted into another wry smile, as the stifled laugh escaped from her throat, "That's why I would like to apologize."
"No need to…"
The smile didn't disappear from her face, but even so, the man in front of her would never see it.
The heat stung her eyes when she placed her eyes on him. She observed every scar that marred his face. From the smaller one on his right eyebrow, the most visible one around his left eye, the one on the bridge of his nose, and lastly, the one on the right side of his lower lips.
Her obsidian orbs reflected the white empty eye of him. Seeing how he stared at her with that stained white definitely trampled her in wretchedness.
Letting out a heavy sigh, she drew a white magic circle in front of his face. Its shine made the man frown, since he could perceive the light even though he couldn't see anything.
"What was that?" he asked, sensing that she just cast a spell on him. He was uneasy when the faint light entered his damaged sight, afraid that Eira would do something, like hurting herself or sacrificing herself.
"Healing spell… Sometimes it hurts, right? When you sleep?"
"You know…"
"Of course I know…" smiling faintly, she then uttered, "...but in the very first universe, you couldn't open your right eye for four years."
"I could only open my eye for the past one month."
"Oh…"
The silence enveloped the atmosphere between them soon after the magic circle she created dissolved in the air. She stared at him in the quietness, while he stared at her in the darkness.
She took a deep breath before returning his dark glasses to cover his eyes. The misery lingered in her heart, even though the tears had stopped flowing. Somehow, she felt so empty. Because, within her, there was a place that was being filled by the love for him and the love from him. And when she forced him to leave, it created a void. The opened wound, with bleeding flesh, not being covered by anything, so even the wind would bring the pain if it touched her.
It was over...
"Thanks for believing me." she smiled again, despite of him unable to see it.
There was emptiness in his heart, knowing that this conversation had reached its end. A wry smile passed over his face as the man uttered, "Thanks for telling me."
The silence was excruciating. None of them talked. What they could hear was only the faint sound from their breath, and the throbbing heart inside their own chest.
They didn't perceive each other's presence by the warmth they provided when they were hugging. No one dared to touch each other. They already had created the distance, reaching the same conclusion even without telling by words.
But she wanted to make it clear. "And my story… our story ends here."
The unpleasant warmth filled his chest and stung his eyes. Their story ended here. The story that would never be remembered by him. The story that was constructed by the fragments of forgotten memories. Even though he wanted to have the memories, even though he actually wanted to hear about everything that happened in the past from the one who remembered it, he should know that it was better if he didn't know.
For him to move on without her.
For her to move on without him.
"I see…" those were the only words he could mutter.
Another long sigh escaped her lips. She closed her eyes, mustering the courage to leave before finally said, "I should go."
She should go. Away from him to please the Astral. So that He would free them from this eternal loop of time. So that the time would move forward. So that they could put this curse to the end.
"Wish for your happiness." It was his honest wish. Even though he couldn't be with the one he loved the most, he wished that this decision would bring her to the everlasting happiness.
"Thanks… I pray for your happiness as well…" the smile that she made right now was still the wry one. However, she had accepted the fate. She already let her feelings whither, to die, to be trampled. And probably, this smile was the one that was mingled with a tiny bit of relief.
But, even so, she wanted to tell him the three words…
"I loved you…"
"I loved you too, Eira."
I loved you.
In the past tense because she should not love him anymore. In the past tense because he should stop loving her.
Because their love brought the tragedy, and it was better if it would not happen.
Ignis heard how she moved as she left her seat, how she walked slowly, how she made a sound when she sat on her wheelchair. The sound of the wheels that were moving away, slowly faded and disappeared.
She tried to hold her breath, because when she inhaled the air, he would hear how she was crying for once again. Forcing her weak hands to move, pushing the rim forward as fast as possible. She tried to wipe away her tears whenever it fell to her cheeks, this time she didn't want anyone to see her crumbling state.
It was over… Everything was over… Between her and the Scientia she loved in the past… Between her and the Leonis she loved in the present…
Everything was over...
"Eira…" he mentioned her name in his frail whisper. Wishing she would return back and say that their story was not over. Begging she would return to his side just like what he usually saw in his dream.
"Hi͘,͟͠ ͘I͝'͘m̨͟͠ ̧́͡E̴͘͡i͟r͟͞a̢͘.͜͜ ͘͘E̕͟i͡r̷̡҉a ̵̧͟H͠҉e͞a̸̕l̷͘͜l̢i͢͠n͝t̀.̷"̸
"Eira…" he called her name between his grief. Wishing she would not leave because he didn't need his sight. If she wouldn't restore his sight in this time, perhaps, the Astral would understand and let him be with her, right? He promised not to let her sacrifice herself. He promised. So, please…
"҉҉̛I̷͞ ̡́͡d̢o̵n̛'̵̸t̛ m͞i͏ņ́d͞ ̨ì̢͞f ̶͢͟t̨͞h͜e͘ ̢̡͝ą͠r͘r̷̵a̡̧n̨̨͡g҉̵e̛͘͜m̨e̵n̛t ͜i͠s͜ ̵͡c̴͢a̸͘͞rr̸i͜͝ed̷͜ o̡ư̧͞t̢."͠͠
"Eira…" it was okay if he couldn't reminisce about his past, he just needed to create new memories with her from now on, right? He promised to make her smile. He promised to make her happy...
"͘͜L̛͜á͟d̸̴͝y̷͘͡ ̵͠Ę́į̛͠r̸a̸̢͠.̴ ̷W̴o̵u͜ld͏ y̶҉ò̶͏u ̷͟͝ş̨p̷͜ȩ̡͞nd ̵͠t̶̶̴h̴͟e̵ ́͡͏r̶͟e̡s̡͢t̡ o̴̢f̶̶ ̡̛y̨̕͠o̧u͘҉r l̶̸i̶͢҉f̷̵è́͡ ́wi̸t̷h͏ ̡m̵͝e?͢"
̡͟"Į̕͟…̨ ̡̀͟W̵̷̧-̀ẁh̵͝͠…̢͟ ͠W҉̸h̵̨́a̕-̡̨͝-̵͜ ̸͢e͞h̷͢?̵͘͞"̨̕
҉"̢Ple͟a͘s̕ę m̡̨àr̛r͟͢y͟ ̶m̢̛͡e҉̀.̨̕"҉ ̕͟
"Eira… I'm sorry…" but, she was being tormented because of him. She was being cursed by the Astral because of him. She experienced the same sorrow for thousands times because of him. He was the one who gave those scars on her body for she tried to remember him this time.
"I love you, Eira…"
"I͢͡ l̵҉o͏v͠e̢͢ ̀ỳ́͏o̶͏ư̕ t̀ǫ͠o̶̶,͟͡ ̴̷͠I̴͟g̶̨n͟i͡s͠͞͞. T͘ha͠ņ͝k̛s fo̧r̵̡̡ ͏̨m͘ak̢͟͞iń̵͠g҉ ͡me̶͜ ̷͟͏t̡͟͜h̷e͠ ͞҉ha̸p̷̕p̧̕i̢eś̶t҉́ ̀͟w̶͟o̧m͢͝a̷͘͡ń͜ ҉͘į͘n̴͝ ͝t͡h̴͘i̶̵s ̨̨t̛͢im̀̀e̷̡.̵͡͏"
"I love you…"
