So this is going to be my last chapter. I've kind of lost my inspiration for this story so I've done my best to try and clean up the loose ends. Thankyou to those who have read this far. Maybe one day I'll come back or add an epilogue or something. I can't get the idea of pirate Blaine and merman Kurt out of my mind, so maybe I'll find some fresh inspiration there (Sue Sylvester would make a fantastic Ursula).
Enjoy
"Taking your parents to a sex club. This has got to be the most embarrassing event of my life." Kurt muttered so only Blaine could hear as they approached Danni at the entrance door.
"Come now, surely having your parents own the sex club is far more embarrassing." Blaine tugged at Kurt's sleeve, trying to cheer him up.
"No, that's kind of cool actually."
"Surly you've had more embarrassing things happen to you."
"No, I can't think of any."
"Really?"
"Alright, fine, maybe one thing." Kurt confessed.
"Oh, you have to tell-"
"Hi guys, how are we going this… Oh hi Alan. You will be glad to know we have great numbers for next week's event." Danni had spied Blaine's father behind Blaine. Then her eyes wandered over to the two strangers beside them.
"That's good to hear Danni. I think a few introductions are in order. This is my wife- ah, ex-wife, Pam."
"Oh, it's so good to finally meet you." Danni raced around the countertop and shook Pam's limp hand. She hadn't recovered quite enough strength to form a proper handshake, but it was good enough for Danni.
"Alan told me that you helped keep things running while he was looking after me. I cannot thank you enough."
"Oh, it was nothing. Kind of feels good to be in charge actually. And are these two new members?" Danni's eyes grazed over Burt and Carol. They were not at all dressed for the club and if they were anyone else Danni would have certainly sent them away.
"NO! God no!" Kurt protested. "No, they are not new members. they are, ah, my parents." Danni stifled a smirk. She could feel Kurt's embarrassment like a heat wave.
"O…k. come right this way." Danni opened the door for all of them. As Kurt hesitated Danni whispered. "They have no idea, do they?"
"They think this is a fancy club where celebrities hang out."
"Well, we do get celebrities from time to time."
"Not. Helping."
"Kurt, come on just go." Blaine pushed his boyfriend forward into what Kurt was sure was going to be the worst evening of his life.
To say that Burt and Carol were surprised as an understatement. Kurt wasn't sure what their expressions were exactly, because he did his best to not make eye contact with them at all. It was up to Alan to show them around the club, with the occasional chime from Blaine about certain events they had lined up. Blaine, although was not completely comfortable with the entire situation, found great delight in watching Kurt walk around like he was holding jello up his ass. The boy's gait was so stiff they could have built a bridge over him. It only made matters worse when Carol turned to him and asked.
"Kurt, honey, what did Alan mean by water sports?" Carol asked innocently. She appeared far more comfortable as they completed the tour than Burt, who had not said a word, in fact, he looked as horrified as Kurt did upon hearing Carols question.
"Ah, um, er." Kurt stammered. He most certainly did not want to explain anything like this to his stepmother. She had asked after Alan made the off had comment that water sorts were not allowed in the normal play areas, (for obvious reasons). "It's ah where-"
"Here." Blaine saved Kurt buy quickly Googling the definition on his phone and sliding it under Carols nose.
Thankfully they had arrived rather early and the club was not too busy and thank God, that apart from Dannie, Blaine and Kurt didn't run into anyone they knew… yet. Kurt kept a vigilant eye out for Brittany, who in some strange way he wished she was here. Nothing phased her, she would have greeted Kurt's family as if they were meeting at a park. It would have helped a lot if she was around, but she was nowhere to be seen.
"So, do you want to see the basement?" Alan asked when they had almost completed their tour.
"No, I think we've seen enough." Were the first words Burt had spoken all evening. Kurt was very much in agreeance. Carol on the other hand pouted in disappointment.
"Oh, come on, why not?" Kurt could think of a million reasons not to. He looked to Blaine for help.
"Why do I get the feeling that having your parents visit the basement is going to cause a comparable amount of post-traumatic stress as to what I had experienced." Despite Blaine's joke Kurt was worried Blaine would suffer a panic attack. Blaine seemed to read his thoughts. "I'll be fine. You are the one that appears to need the paper bag to breath in."
"This is just not what my parents visit to New York should be like." Kurt hissed before they entered the elevator.
"So, what is in the basement, Blaine?" Carol's questions sounded far too innocent as if she were expecting a field of daisies when the door opened.
"Mostly individual rooms." Blaine didn't skip a beat. "But there is a foyer I can show you which we mainly use for larger gatherings of those who are particular to this fetish." Fetish, oh God, did Blaine say that word out loud? Kurt wanted to keep over into a tiny ball and roll out of existence. Burt very much felt the same way.
"Oh, I see." Carol muttered as they exited the elevator and turned a corner into the main foyer. There were chains on the grey brick walls. All the side doors were locked and only accessible with the right key. Although the walls were sound resistant there was a distant muffle coming from a few of them.
"So yeah, this is the dungeo-" Blaine began but was cut short by the shrill shriek of Kurt.
"Sam!" the foyer was not empty. Kurt's eyes bulged at the sight of the blond boy, dressed in what appeared to be normal clothes pressing someone else, who also appeared to be wearing normal clothes up against the brick wall. They had been kissing, no, making out! Nothing kinky, no handcuffs or dog collars, Sam was passionately and tenderly making out. That was, until Kurt's horror shocked the two culprits apart.
"Ah, Kurt?" Sam stammered, his face blushing brighter than a slapped bottom. Kurt was not an idiot. This was not a kinky fling, this was Sam's date, this was the person he was actually dating, and it was Elliot.
"You two!" Kurt marched towards them. Elliot was utterly terrified of Kurt's wrath and attempted to hide himself in one of the dungeon rooms. Unfortunately, the door was locked, and the two boys were left to face their friend.
"Ah, sorry we didn't tell you, Kurt." Sam looked like a scolded child.
"We just wanted to see where things were going first, you know, without any pressure from external forces." Elliot finished his sentence with an accusatory eyebrow.
"Fine." Kurt huffed with a satisfied smirk. At least the mystery was solved. "Hang on, what about those dating apps? I searched every single one of them and not a single sign of Elliot."
"Oh Kurt, you didn't check the text messages, did you?" Elliot snickered wrapping an arm around Sam's waist, giddy with the fact that they had outsmarted Kurt. "Oh, who are these people?" Elliot spotted Kurt's parents.
"Never mind." Kurt choked. He would never hear the end of it if Elliot found out that his parents were having a tour. "Ok, lets go, we'll leave you two to… fall in love or whatever." Kurt backed away very quickly and basically pushed his parents and Blaine back around the corner and into the elevator.
"They seem like a nice couple." Carol mused brightly as the elevator door closed and binged open again.
"Oh, they are. It's been quite a rollercoaster of a love story." Blaine informed as if it were common knowledge.
"What? When? How?" Kurt was just finding out about this know.
"I was sworn to secrecy." Blaine held his hands up in the air in surrender. "Maybe I'll tell you about it one day."
They left the club with Kurt muttering something under his breath about "You better tell me the whole bloody thing."
"Kurt, can I talk to you for a moment." It was Burt's first words of the evening and it send a cold was of dread down Kurt's spine. They had made it outside the club and were bristled against the icy air. Around them people were lining up outside the club next door and others were slinking into the door beside it.
"Um, ok." Kurt was dreading whatever his dad was going to say. He valued his dad's opinion above all else and he dreading to think that his did not approve of Blaine or his family. So, before Burt could awkwardly navigate through an obligatory lecture, Kurt spoke first.
"Dad, I'm so-"
"No, let me speak first." Burt cut him off with a stern finger. "You better treat Blaine right, son. People like that don't come across your path every day. He's got a set of incredible parents, and sure, they are a little odd, but they are the closest family you have when Carol and I are in Ohio. Take care of them."
"Err." This was not what Kurt was expecting.
"And if you ever make me set foot into the club again, I can't guarantee I won't have another heart attack." There it was. "I saw things in there Kurt, things that I don't want to ever see again. Was that man wearing a dog muzzle?"
"It's best if I don't answer that question."
"Right, well…. Just remember that talk we had when you were a teenager."
"How can I forget, it scared me for life."
"Now were even."
Kurt and his father began to wander back to the group. When Blaine saw Kurt smile, he let out a breath. whatever Burt's lecture was on, it seemed to have gone well.
"So, I take it that your father isn't going to kidnap you and lock you away in a tower after seeing the club?"
"He's undecided." Kurt winked.
The group said their goodbyes amicably. And Burt was left walking home with Carol wildly giggling at Burt's awkwardness.
Blaine's parents returned to running the club and Blaine slipped and hand into Kurt's as they strolled back home for the night.
"Now that wasn't so bad, now was it?"
"I can't believe you didn't tell me about Sam and Elliot."
"Oh please, it was so obvious I'm disappointed you didn't figure it out."
They made it back to Kurt's apartment, thinking that there was not much else that could surprise them for the evening. When Kurt opened the door, they were very, very wrong.
"Rachel!"
"Oh, hi guys." Rachel sung from the couch; she was sipping from her favourite mug. She was dressed in her pyjamas with her socks wriggling on the coffee table.
"Rachel what have you done?" Blaine raced to Brodie who was bound and gagged (and not in the sexy kind of way). His protests were muffled by a sock in his mouth and hands tied behind his back. He wriggled like a worm on the floor with his angles wrapped together with Rachel's dressing gown tie. Blaine rushed over to him instinctively but before he could free the Kendoll Santana swooped in out of nowhere.
"Not so fast, Blaine."
"Santana! You got out of the handcuffs."
"Bitch please, I could always get out of them. My wrists and hands are bend in places you couldn't believe. But Burt provided me with the perfect opportunity to do some digging."
"But then, how?"
"Sit down Hummel and tell your James Dean boyfriend to stop playing the hero. There's no steam train coming across Brodie's tracks any time soon so he can remain bound for a little while longer."
"I think this is a crime, Santana." Blaine was disastrously concerned with what was going on.
"Consider it more like a citizen's arrest."
"Rachel?" Kurt asked, hoping to get some answers out of his best friend. She sipped her mug innocently, letting Santana talk.
"You see, when you are handcuffed to another person you get to see everything that they do." Santana explained. "Which includes their texts, oh and their phone calls. So, when that phone was buzzing more than Rachel's vibrator, I got a little curious. I got very good at reading peoples text messages with so many years of practice in high school. How else did you think I found out about all your secrets back then? My peripheral vision is unmatched. After reading a few of these incriminating texts, I enlisted the help of Cat woman and Bain. Turns out someone is a bit of a drug dealer and has been handing out their candy snacks at the club."
"It was my idea to tie him up until the police arrive." Rachel hummed, awfully proud of herself. "I have to thank Santana for saving me from what would have undoubtably turned into a scandal should the paparazzi have every found out."
"Rachel you're not that famous." Kurt seemed to be missing the point of the entire story.
"Yet." Rachel corrected.
"I still don't feel right about leaving him tied up like that." Blaine stared down at the worming man with concern. At least he was wearing a shirt, come to think of it, it was the first time any of them had seen Brodie wearing clothes. God, this was a strange night indeed.
"Just go you your rooms and feign ignorance." Santana waved away Blaine's concern and basically shoved them down the corridor. "You two really haven't paid attention to much else other than yourselves, have you? I bet you don't even know the news about Danni."
"What?" Before Kurt could ask anything, else Santana shoved them both into Kurt's room and closed the door.
"Santana!"
"Kurt, just relax, we can find out about it all tomorrow." Blaine flopped onto the bed. It had been a long night. With reluctance Kurt sulked and slumped on the bed beside him, nestling up into his chest. Blaine wrapped his arms around Kurt like a kola to a tree. There was no way Kurt could escape that embrace even if he wanted too. As soon as Blaine's arms were around him the bed felt like an island lost at sea.
"I sleep now." Blaine muttered; his eyes already closed.
"How on earth can you sleep when there is a person tied up in our living room?"
"Sounds like the usual Saturday night to me."
"This is insane. It makes no sense, why is everything happening so fast? How can I be so out of the loop with all my friends?"
"Shhhh." Blaine soothed, tugging the blankets around them both despite the fact they were both still fully clothed. He pressed a soft kiss to Kurt's cheek. "Just think of them as stories for another time."
