- chapter six - lost in the inbox

To my shock, the rest of the week is… fine. Pleasant, even. Me and Ben Solo work opposite one another in quiet peace, occasionally making each other cups of tea. We even exchange jokes! And sometimes I'll look up, catch his eye, and, get this – we'll smile at each other. Actually smile. I know, I can hardly believe it. It feels like the chaotic energy between us has settled to a gentle hum, and God, it is a relief.

On top of that, since I'm not spending so much time worrying about our dramatic antics, I'm actually somewhat getting my life together. I eat breakfast at home now, rather that at my desk, and I've started trying to look a bit more presentable for work. For now, that just means I'm making sure I properly brush my hair and putting on a tiny bit of mascara on the train in, but baby steps!

By Friday morning, I have that creeping anxiety blooming in my chest that is too good to last.

My workload is heavier than usual thanks to an important manuscript coming in half an hour after I sat down at my desk, so I'm frantically flipping through papers and clicking between about 25 different browser tabs when the clock ticks over to noon. My stomach is growling so loud I'm sure you can hear it from space.

Ben Solo: Hungry?

Rey Skywalker: Oh God, sorry for all the noises. I think my tummy is digesting itself at this point.

Ben Solo: No need to apologise. I'm just not used to you still being sat here at 12:02 – you're usually off like a shot as soon as the smell of the canteen soup starts flooding into the desk block.

I let out a laugh, trying to stifle it with my hand. He really does pick up on the details.

Rey Skywalker: It's terrifying how accurate that is. I'm just really swamped today.

Ben Solo: Ah, well in that case, sorry for interrupting. I'll let you get back to it.

Rey Skywalker: No, the distraction was appreciated. Apologies in advance for any further stomach rumblings.

At 12:10, I remember that Finn will be waiting for me at our usual table in the canteen – I should have messaged him warning him that I was going to be late beforehand. I've never been late before. I'm usually sat there 5 minute before him, already digging into a sandwich the size of my head.

Oh well, he's a big boy, he'll figure it out.

By 12:15, I'm feeling a bit less stressed. One of the production assistants has very kindly said she would check through some of the files for me, which has sliced my remaining workload in half. I might just be able to have this all sorted out before leaving today. I breathe a little sigh of relief, and, with perfect timing, my belly gives another loud rumble.

I hear a quiet chuckle, and I flush. "Something funny?" I snap.

"Someone hungry?" he retorts, and I smile.

"I am a monster. I've thought about keeping snacks in my desk but I worry that would just be an excuse for me to literally eat constantly."

"Well," he lowers his voice conspiratorially. "Don't tell anyone, but I may have restocked my Hobnob stash this morning."

My mouth drops open. "I thought you didn't eat junk food."

He looks a bit embarrassed. "I guess you're having a bad influence on me."

I'm delighted by this. The idea that I'm having any influence at all on Ben Solo's lifestyle is a complete surprise.

I'm about to make fun of him more, but my stomach lets out another almighty growl.

Ben's brow furrows. "You're not skipping lunch because of what Armitage said, are you?"

I'm startled. "Oh God, of course not. Mr Hux's opinions on my lifestyle choices are hardly my concern."

"Good. Because I'm sure you know that would be ridiculous. And clearly unnecessary. He's an idiot."

I blush – was that almost a compliment? "Thanks. But I really am just a bit snowed under. Although I think I might have bought myself 15 minutes to grab something as soon as I just send a couple more emails."

Ben hesitates, considering something. I turn back to my computer and am back to typing manically when I hear his voice.

"We could go… together. If you want. My treat."

My heart rate quickens slightly. Did he just ask me to lunch? Did he just offer to buy me lunch?

"Oh!" I look up at him, and he's gazing back at me, his eyes guarded. I occurs to me that he's probably asking me out of pity, and is most likely secretly hoping I say no. But what if he isn't? I hesitate. Could this be the first step from friendly co-workers to… friends? Or even towards the thing I'm still not fully willing to admit to myself I want – something more than that?

I open my mouth to reply, unsure what I'm actually going to say, when I hear a voice behind me.

"I have never known Rey Skywalker to be late to a meal."

I feel a sudden pang of guilt as I turn around. "Finn. I am so sorry."

My best friend leans on the file cabinet next to my desk, looking – thankfully – perfectly calm, and not at all annoyed. "Rey, don't be silly. I know it must have taken a pretty big mental breakdown for you to not show up. I don't think in our two years of working here together than you've ever missed lunch with me before, so I'm just glad you're actually alive."

I laugh, relieved. "You're the best. Thank you for understanding."

Finn grins, reaching into his work bag. "Oh, don't thank me yet." He pulls out a white packet and places it on my desk. "Ham and cheese sandwich on brown bread, no mayo?"

My stomach growls even louder, as if it knows food has entered my radius. "Oh my God Finn, you actual angel. Thank you. I could kiss you."

He laughs. "How about you buy the popcorn for movie night tomorrow and we'll call it even?"

"Sounds like a deal." I really am lucky to have such a good friend in Finn. I had totally forgotten about movie night with him and Poe on Saturday – it's Poe's choice this time, so we're almost definitely watching Top Gun again.

"Cool." He smiles, and then looks up above my head, surprised. "Oh, hi, Mr Solo."

I suddenly remember I was in the middle of a conversation with Ben when Finn arrived – he must think I'm so rude. I spin around in my chair, panicked, to find him staring at his computer screen, face carefully blank.

"Hi, uh-"

"Finn." Finn smiles at him. "We spoke on your first day. It's totally cool if you don't remember, I'm sure you met a lot of people."

I'm almost surprised Finn remembered Ben – but then again, he's always been good with names. I haven't mentioned him to Finn since last week – after my complaining about Ben when we first met, and I wasn't sure Finn would understand how much our relationship had changed. I also definitely didn't want to tell him about the Gym Incident.

"Ah, right."

"So how come you're still sitting out here?"

Ben's face stays carefully blank. "I'm sorry?"

Finn glances at me, his eyes narrowed. "Wasn't your office all set up like - a week ago?"

I look over at Ben, surprised. Ben was supposed to have left his temporary desk opposite my a whole week ago?

Ben's jaw twitches in the way I've come to recognise as him suppressing anger. "What makes you say that?"

"My friend Rose in IT mentioned that they fixed the wiring problem on Friday. You should have had an email-"

"Ah. Well, the email must have got lost in my inbox. My mistake."

Finn nods, glancing over at a me again. "OK. Well, yeah, it's all ready for you."

Ben looks over at me as well, and for a second I see a flash of whatever emotion he's holding back. Before I can put my finger on it, it's gone.

"Well, what a relief. I can finally get some peace and quiet."

I blink, hurt. I open my mouth to say something but no words come out.

Finn looks down at me, his eyes sympathetic. When he sees that I clearly don't have a good comeback, he fills in for me. "Yeah, and hey, Rey, you can get your view of the window back, right?"

I swallow. "Yeah. Exactly. A nice change of scenery."

Ben's eyes meet mine again, but his are completely cold. It's like we've gone back to that first Monday. "Great. Well. I'll start moving my stuff today so that by the beginning of next week I'll be all moved over. Thanks for letting me know… Finn."

And he gets up from his chair, walking out to the stairwell. Maybe he's off to get some lunch, since we won't be going together. A lump forms in my throat.

I finally look back up to meet Finn's incredulous gaze. To my shame, as soon as my eyes meet his, tears start forming in my eyes. I really thought things were better. I really thought we had moved on from that horrible day at university. I had really thought – and it seems so stupid now – that Ben might have actually started to like me.

Finn sighs. "Well. Movie night has just been rescheduled to tonight. Because you have an awful lot to catch me up on."