Chapter 29: The Death of a Dream
The world came back into focus as the memory of my parent's death faded away. I swiped tears off my face. I hadn't thought about that day in years. I hadn't wanted to, but how could I not do so now?
I was in the same position again.
Mom and Dad had meant everything to me. They had been the center of my world and that world went out of control when they were taken away. I lost my family, my friends, and my home. Instead, I lived on Mr. Maurizio's promise, Sarah's backhanded kindness, and Lisa's companionship.
Lisa.
I couldn't lose her. Not after everything that had happened. The world had been so cruel to me. It couldn't take her too. She had to be alright.
Lisa was my everything now. She was my family, my friend, and I couldn't have a home without her. She never lied to me or insulted me. She didn't call me weird or tell me to stop daydreaming. She was always there for me.
Even if I hadn't been there for her. Even if I had failed her.
I still needed her and she needed me.
It seemed like an eternity passed as I worried myself to death. Finally, after hours of waiting, someone called me into the hospital.
A bored-looking front desk lady directed me to a room where the vet stood waiting.
The man looked stern and I was afraid to ask the question. I couldn't handle it if she had…
"Lisa is in that cage," the vet began. "She…"
I rushed over.
Lisa was alive. She was alive. Thank goodness, thank everything. I hung on to the cage for dear life as I took in the sight of my living breathing bobcat.
She laid asleep, curled up on a large pillow. There was a cloth-lined cone on her neck and her back leg had a cast on it.
I looked at the vet and asked, "What's wrong with her?"
The vet frowned at me. I had apparently interrupted him. Finally, he replied, "As I said, Lisa injured her back leg. It has several fractures but the surgery was successful. Now, it will be up to you. However, recovery will be difficult since your bobcat is malnourished, Miss Hayes. If you didn't have such a good record, I'd be more concerned, but-"
"Did you say malnourished?" I repeated. My relief curled into something dark.
The vet went into a thorough explanation of Lisa's current state of health. He finished by saying "I have some literature for you and instructions on treatment. The next few months will be rough for both of you. Lisa is already underweight so it will be crucial to keep her well-fed, comfortable, and strong. For now, we'll keep Lisa overnight, but tomorrow you should start thinking about accommodations."
I nodded, trying hard to focus on his words and not lose control.
"Do you have any questions?" the vet asked.
I had so many but I only had one for him. "Will she make a full recovery?" I asked in a strained voice.
The vet watched me wearily before he finally said, "It's possible for Lisa to fully recover, if you follow the instructions and see a specialist, but only time will tell."
I just nodded.
"Now, Miss Hayes, I have to go see other patients, but I'll talk with you more tomorrow." The vet left the room.
I was finally alone with Lisa. My hands were wrapped around the bars as I tried to hold it together, but it wasn't working.
God damn it.
What had I been thinking? How could I call myself an animal trainer?
Of course, she was malnourished. I knew something was wrong and it seemed so obvious now. Her fatigue, her moodiness, even her forgetfulness made sense. The symptoms were all there. I should have known. I…
Lisa should have died today.
A sickly cat and a car accident, that was a death wish. She should have died, but she had lived. She might even recover. No thanks to me.
I had been working so hard to make my dreams come true. I had done my best to play nice and to be a team player, even with Ruth roasting me and most of the circus ostracizing me. I had cooked. I had cleaned. I talked to Dhiren and I did what I thought I could with Lisa. During it all, I just kept hoping and hoping. I kept thinking that things would get better and my dreams would come true that I would come home, rejoin my family, and perform on stage with my best friend.
All the while, Lisa had been slowly starving. The thought made me sick. I had let them do this to her, do this to me.
I knew that she was worn down and tired. I knew we weren't spending enough time together. I knew that she hated being cooped up all the time. I knew all that and yet this had happened. I had let this happen.
Angry tears rolled down my cheeks. I let them fall. I deserved them. This had nearly been the last straw. It should have been.
Last night, when I had finally been confronted with the truth: That the circus wasn't a place where I could train all day. That my only friends were cats and that nobody else, not even Mr. Maurizio was on my side. That even at my precious circus, I was alone.
I had been given a chance then, a choice. And I hadn't taken it. Instead, I had fled. I had cried and fled. I had pushed those truths so far down that I didn't even remember them the next morning.
Now I was crying again. Except this time, I didn't have Lisa to comfort me because I had failed her.
I clutched the bars tighter and squeezed my eyes shut. No more. I was done running away. I was done crying over my precious dreams. It was time to act.
The circus had asked me to choose between my bobcat and them.
Fine.
I knew my answer. I should have known it last night.
There was no choice. I refused to treat Lisa this way anymore. No circus I could work for would ever force us into this situation. Circus Maurizio had ignored my pleas, treated me like dirt, and starved Lisa. They weren't worth my tears. Not anymore.
And that dream, the one I held onto so tightly since my parents died, of the circus family that waited for me, of a place where I could be loved for being myself and a home where I was happy. That dream was dead.
I gritted my teeth to avoid another bout of tears. I didn't have a home anymore, not even a pretend one. All I had was my bobcat and she was all I should need.
A miracle had happened today and I wasn't going to forget it.
I had Lisa. She was alive and she would recover. I would make sure of it.
I was going to be the friend and trainer that I should have been this whole time. I was going to prove that I deserve this blessing even if I had to kill my dreams to do it.
A/N: Yes I know. I'm cutting it real close, but I made it as promised. I wanted to take my time because once again we've hit a major turning point. Even my beta reader is asking me what's going to happen next.
But I don't just have apologies and excuses. I have news. First, Tiger's Circus has a cover. And second...my secret special project has been unveiled.
I started a new story!
It's called Rajah's Curse.
It has our favorite tiger Dhiren in the role of Rajah from Disney's Aladdin and it's from Dhiren's point of view. It's not just a retelling though, expect some surprises. The ship is DhirenXJasmine.
Please follow, favorite, and review my new story.
It's a Tiger's Curse/Aladdin crossover so the easiest way to access it is to go to my author page.
Don't worry though. It's just a side project and I fully intend to keep up my monthly updates to Tiger's Circus. I've said this before but I'm really invested in Tiger's Circus. This last scene has been one I've been contemplating since the beginning of this fic. It's so good to get here but there still so much more to do! I look forward to showing you all how this story ends. Thank you for all your support and consider leaving a review of this latest chapter. It seriously makes my day. Finally, stay safe everyone.
See you next month!
