Chapter 9

Date: 3/1/2020

Special thanks to: invaderhorizongreen, YumeTakato, and CHEESEPUFF fg.


He woke up in the middle of the night again, and this time he wasn't even surprised.

The nightmares always came worse, after scares like that. When Xehanort had been particularly mad, when he was frustrated for something Vanitas hadn't even done, when he thought that Vanitas needed to "let go of his emotions" and "stop being 'like that'". Vanitas had never really known what that meant, but he had quickly stopped doing whatever he had been doing in a pathetic attempt to save his skin.

The Sonic Blasters appeared in a duo. They circled around his head, lights shining on and around him. He pretended, deep to himself where no one else would know, that they made him feel safe, not trapped like a prisoner.

It didn't really work.

Breathing sometimes helped his nightmares, and when it was really bad walking and apparently talking could help. But some nights, he got them so bad that he couldn't even move to get up. He was shaking too much, or was seeing people in the shadows, anything made it too hard to do anything.

It made it even harder when he saw Xehanort hovering there by the door.

The Sonic Blasters didn't dare shine their lights in that direction, and he was relieved. He didn't want to see his old master—again, wait, but you didn't see him, not really—so he could goddamn stay in the shadows.

Even if his very presence was making Vanitas' shaking worsen by the second.

There weren't many things that Vanitas could admit he was frightened of. His master was one of those things.

Xehanort watched him get worse for minutes, watched him shake—but didn't watch him cry he learned long ago not to cry—without doing anything. Vanitas glared up at him, pathetically dared him to come in while hoping that he didn't take another step closer.

Then, without a word, the man left. Vanitas had things he wanted to say to him on the tip of his tongue—once the shaking stops, maybe—and he hated that Xehanort had showed up, just to creep on him like a fucking stalker and then leave. He wouldn't even sit there to hear his own pupil's lashing out? Fucking rude.

His hands, at least, soon stopped shaking. One of the Sonic Blasters settled beside him but didn't crowd him, didn't touch him, and he hated that he didn't chase that one away. He didn't need this. He was fine.

"Vanitas."

The door opened again, slower this time. A head poked itself in again, and only because they recognized the voice did a Sonic Blaster shine its light on the intruder.

For a second, only a second, Xehanort stood there. He looked young but tall. His hair was brown, though, and... Wait… even Young Xehanort, Xehanort's own past self, had silver hair… so who…?

"I heard you struggling," Terra said, moving into the door a little, just enough that he could close it behind him. "You okay?"

"Tch," Vanitas snapped, face heating up. At least it was dark enough that hopefully the Master-to-be wouldn't notice. He thought Terra was Master Xehanort… again? Surely the scare from earlier had a hand, but shouldn't he have been able to connect the dots? "Get fucked."

"Good morning to you, too," Terra agreed with a sigh. "Look, I just wanted to make sure you weren't having another attack. Aqua would kill me if she found out that I knew and did nothing."

"Then don't tell her," Vanitas snapped.

Terra scoffed and came further into the room, closer to Vanitas. He had something short in his hand—like what, a dagger? Was he going to—what?

Terra brandished the weapon, only to reveal not a weapon at all. It was a… hair brush? With many soft bristles. Why did he have that? It was an awful weapon.

"Scootch forward," Terra said simply. He neared Vanitas' pillow, and no that definitely didn't spook him, not at all. Instead, Vanitas glared at him again.

"No, fuck off."

"It'll help."

"I don't need your help," Vanitas snapped. Talking with Ventus had helped last time. Maybe Ventus would be awake again.

Terra sighed and leaned on the wall. "I'm not gonna do anything bad. My master used to do this when we were younger, when we didn't want to be hugged. He'd just brush our hair until we started to pass out. Worked every time."

Vanitas snorted. That was pathetic. "Whatever."

"Hugging did help, sometimes," Terra continued as if he hadn't spoken. Was he monologuing? "But sometimes it didn't. I used to be claustrophobic, and when I'd get hugged, I sometimes felt trapped. It'd be too close. At least when he just brushed my hair and talked, he was touching, without too touching. Helped me remember that someone who cared about me, was there for me."

"That's dumb," Vanitas snapped. Brushing his hair made him feel cared for? How lame. Besides, who did Terra think he was fooling? He didn't care for Vanitas. "You hate me."

"I don't hate you," Terra said. He nudged at Vanitas, and just because he was getting damn annoying, Vanitas scooted forward. Terra settled in behind him, and the only thing making him feel safe was the Sonic Blaster shining its light down on Terra's head. "I don't particularly like you, but I don't have to, to not want you to suffer like this alone. Besides, Ven and Aqua like you. You can't be all bad. They're a much better judge of character than I am."

Vanitas wisely chose not to comment on that. Terra was a horrible judge of character, but he was definitely well aware of that, and with the man at his back and definitely within reach of his head and neck, he didn't want to piss him off. He winced when Terra lifted the brush to his head, expecting some random reprimand or at least for Terra to rip the brush through. But Terra only tilted his head back a little when he passed it over his head. He was surprisingly gentle, for such a big man.

"Besides," Terra went on. "I saw the way they treated you, in the Real Organization. I was there the whole time, remember? It's hard to hate a kid being mistreated like that, when you can only sit back and watch it happen."

Vanitas' face went red and he sharply turned his head away. He actually had forgotten that Terra, hidden away in the shadow of Ansem, had been there the whole time. He didn't expect him to be conscious for it, though. "It was worse before."

"That didn't make it okay," Terra hummed. "It was the same way they treated that girl. Like a puppet, to be manipulated and told off. I didn't know it at the time, but it made me want to get in there and steal her away, to someplace safe. If I hadn't known you before, maybe I'd have felt the same way about you."

If possible, his face went redder and he was quickly accompanied by two Yellow Mustard. "Yeah, well, you did. And it's too late now. They're all dead."

"Lucky for us," Terra hummed.

Vanitas didn't really know how he was meant to reply to that, exactly, so he just hummed. Lucky, indeed.

Terra fell silent after that. The Sonic Blasters shifted above them, the shadows moving but never very far. The only sound was the Unversed chattering amongst one another and the bristles passing through his hair. This all felt beyond bizarre. It was too domestic. Maybe Ven and Aqua didn't hate him anymore, but Terra was supposed to hate him forever. Hadn't half his travels in the decade prior been to hunt him down? Vanitas found it hard to believe that the desire was just… gone.

It didn't sit right with him. It was part paranoia, an irrational fear that Terra would act on age old desires and strangle him where they were. But more than that, it didn't feel right, didn't feel natural. It wasn't deserved. Didn't Terra care about that at all? Vanitas had tried to kill Ven and Aqua on more than one occasion, and all of it had resulted in Terra losing his freedom for over a decade. Did he not care about that?

"You're tense," Terra suddenly said, making Vanitas flinch.

"Yeah," Vanitas snapped. "I've got my back turned on someone who would kill me given half a chance and half the brain cells that he would think it's okay!" Terra retaliated against his words by taking the brush and whapping it on the top of his head. "Ow."

"Uh huh," Terra hummed, voice grumbling. Vanitas lifted his hand to rub the sore spot in his hair, glancing over his shoulder at the man. None of the Unversed had reacted to the assault besides keeping their eyes on Terra. They probably saw no real threat. "Well. We're trying. You noticed, I assumed."

"Some, harder than others," Vanitas grumbled. Not necessarily trying to guilt him, but not necessarily not trying to guilt him.

"I don't see you making an effort to get to know me, either," Terra reprimanded. He fell silent, taking a bit of Vanitas' hair in his hand. Vanitas tensed, expecting a tug, but Terra simply went back to brushing. Must have found a rat's nest.

"But," Terra went on. "Ven told us that you wanted to learn how to glide, and I thought… well, you wouldn't say something like that if you didn't think he was your friend. Ven'll try to make friends with anything, but when it can make friends back, that's normally a good sign."

"So that's why you trust people so stupidly."

This time, Terra did tug at his hair and Vanitas wisely fell silent.

"If it was just Ven, that might be one thing, but Aqua likes you too, and she's a lot more suspicious than Ven is. If he can trust you, and she can trust you? I'll give it a shot. Just, if you break their trust—"

"Yeah, yeah, you'll break every bone in my body." Vanitas leaned his elbow down onto his knee and his chin onto his hand. At least joking about it made it easier. "I get it."

"Get back here, you're too hard to reach like that."

"Ughhhhhh," Vanitas groaned, sitting back up. "Are you almost done?"

"That depends. Sleepy yet?"

Hardly. Even if it felt… nice.

His silence was apparently enough of an answer. "Then nope, not done."

Vanitas rolled his eyes and adjusted his legs, bringing his knees up so he could lean forward and not hear Terra complain.

"I can't imagine being with Master Xehanort for as long as you were," Terra suddenly said again after a moment. "He was such an indescribable… jackass."

Vanitas snorted, glancing back to his companion. Terra looked thoughtful, staring at the back of his head while he brushed. "Yeah, you could say that," he agreed. Xehanort had truly been a huge jackass. He didn't know that there was a better way to put it. "You were with him longer than I was."

"Not consciously. Only once he started taking over the worlds with the Heartless did I even know anything was going on. He really knows how to make people listen, make people follow him, doesn't he?"

"What makes you say that?" Vanitas asked, honestly. "He had to create twelve other versions of himself just to have enough people to forge the X-blade. He couldn't even get enough people to follow him to do that."

"Maybe," Terra half-agreed. There was a tick in his voice—Terra was definitely going somewhere with this. "But he couldn't just inject himself in the ones who chose to be there. They had to be willing to throw their whole life away to follow him. I know I almost threw away everything because he said it would save the worlds. And I know I'm not the only one in this room who took that option." The brush slowed, then stopped at the base of his neck. Terra leaned to the side to look him full in the face.

Vanitas shuddered and looked away, out of the window. He didn't like where he was going with this. "I don't want to talk about that."

"Okay," Terra said simply. He sat back up and resumed brushing. He was probably well aware that that wasn't really one of Vanitas' triggers, but Vanitas liked that he was respecting it all the same. Until, "I'm just saying. If the Terra who is me, and the Terra that was manipulated by Master Xehanort can be so different, then maybe this Vanitas, and the Vanitas who trained with Xehanort for, I assume, as long as Ven was with us, can be different as well. Your eyes aren't gold anymore, after all."

Vanitas almost opened his mouth to retort, but quickly stopped himself at that last line. They weren't—what?

"What?"

"They're red, now," Terra said simply, cocking a brow. "Hadn't you noticed?"

Vanitas had always hated the way his eyes matched his Masters', especially since he knew what that had always meant, that he was nothing more than a puppet filled with Xehanorts' thoughts, influences, and desires. So no, he hadn't noticed. He didn't look at his reflection, ever. When Aqua finally found some of Ven's old clothes for him to wear so he didn't have to wear that awful bodysuit all the time, Vanitas hadn't even looked to see if it fit him right.

He whipped his head toward the window, hoping to get a look. Red eyes, like when he'd been born? Like most of his Unversed? He didn't know if he liked that they were red, but they weren't gold, and that was something he definitely did like.

"Guess not," Terra muttered to himself. He dug a hand into one of his pockets and pulled out the blocky Gummiphone that he owned. He unlocked it, then held it up to Vanitas' face. Vanitas' reflection frowned back at him. Forward facing camera.

And sure enough, crimson eyes looked out from Vanitas' pale skin. They were the same shade as a Red Hot Chili, a bright red that almost made his face glow.

"...Oh." He didn't know what else he was supposed to say. It had been over two months, and he hadn't noticed.

"Yeah," Terra agreed. "Maybe the old Vanitas was a jackass too, but maybe this one's different."

"Don't worry," Vanitas said honestly, unable to stop looking. He thought they fit his face quite nicely, thank you. Gave off these edgy badass vibes. "I'm still a jackass."

"You sound so proud. Can I have my phone back?"

Vanitas gave himself another long look in the camera. Though his eyes were a little too bright for his skin, he thought that he liked them. All of the rest of them tied with Sora and Ventus had blue eyes, so Vanitas kind of liked that he didn't. It meant he was different than them. Undoubtedly better than them.

Of course, anyone could see that.

"Vanitas?"

Without a word, Vanitas passed the device back. It was admittedly weird seeing his own face, with harsh lines and such pale skin. It wasn't bad-weird though, not like it would have been if gold eyes looked back. He'd get another real look when he went to shower tomorrow. In the actual mirror.

"You really never noticed," Terra hummed. He put his phone away and resumed brushing. His eyelids were looking a little heavy, though. The brushing was putting him to sleep, as much as it was Vanitas.

"I never looked," Vanitas corrected, sort of a snap.

"Hmm. Well, now you know. So maybe you are different after all."

"Maybe…" But probably not that different. He fought back a sudden yawn before he could say anything else, covering his mouth with a hand.

"See, there it is," Terra commented gently. "Getting tired yet?"

"It's like hell in the morning right now, what do you think?" Vanitas snapped to cover up his embarrassment. He hadn't been that tired before now, his nightmare keeping him wide awake.

Well, not so much anymore. Now that he was a little more aware, he realized that he definitely felt calmer, felt better. Had the stupid hairbrush thing worked?

Was he a child, or what?

"Maybe another minute. Close your eyes and I can guarantee you'll pass out in five minutes."

"You don't know me." Still, Vanitas did as instructed. He closed his eyes and even leaned his head back and let Terra do whatever he wanted. The soft bristles brushed gently against his hair and skin in places. They sent shivers up and down his spine—good shivers, that were making him relax. Was this all it took for people to relax? This was… surprisingly nice, he hated to admit it.

Soon, the brushing stopped, but Vanitas was much more at peace than he was expecting. A sudden Jellyshade above his head had appeared, momentarily startling Terra, but one good look at its creator was enough to put him at ease.

Terra moved from behind him and made sure that when he settled back, he didn't hit his head. The brushing worked like a charm—Vanitas was honestly maybe a minute or two from falling back asleep. Were people even allowed to be this at ease?

Terra stole out of the room silently, waving at the Unversed who obediently dimmed their lights. "Good night, Vanitas," he said as he closed the door behind him.

Vanitas was too busy halfway to dreamland to respond.

—-

Waking up to a relaxed mind and the sun shining in was infinitely better than haunting dreams and the moon shining down. There were a couple of Jellyshades floating above, noticing nothing and no one. Jellyshades were funny like that—though they were tied to his own existence, they rarely ever seemed to notice even him, let alone anyone else.

Of course, mere seconds after waking up, Vanitas remembered what had happened last night and with whom he shared conversation. Most of it was fine, but the whole act in and of itself, practically falling asleep on Terra?

Well, the Yellow Mustards popping up in multitudes told him what he already knew. One squeaked and nudged at his back, so Vanitas grabbed his blankets and yanked them back up and over his head, throwing himself down to the pillow and hiding away in the darkness. Had he really done what he thought he remembered? Terra didn't care for him, had threatened his life, and what—Vanitas honestly thought it was a smart thing to goddamn fall asleep with him?! That was asking for trouble, one hundred percent. Vanitas was almost surprised that he hadn't woken up with Ends of the Earth skewered through him.

But Terra had been extremely… civil, all night. And the hairbrush… the hairbrush thing he'd done had helped. Somehow. He'd fallen asleep painlessly and slept well through the night. All of it was so weird, and he didn't understand it. He really didn't.

He really didn't get any of this. He wasn't stupid. He knew he did shit to these three in the past. Shit that he could never make up for. How could he? He'd tried to kill them—don't think about it—chased Ventus away with a plethora of half-truths—don't think about it!—and had assisted in the monumental battle that had ripped their stupid friendship to pieces. What did one say to make up for any of it? They were here—offering him a home, food, and companionship unlike anything the Unversed provided, and all he did was mock and belittle them, and hurt them. He hurt Ventus last night, and they had just pretended like they had hurt him, instead.

And then he… he did that sorry thing, like Chirithy said. The say you're sorry, and mean it thing. He had meant it. He was sorry he hurt Ventus, and they had—forgiven him. Just like that? Ventus had forgiven him. And now, they wouldn't talk when he said he didn't want to talk. That was something friends did, he supposed.

...He was sorry that he had hurt them, so long ago. He had once told Aqua that he didn't get manipulated, but he had only wanted an inexplicable pain to end. Xehanort had told him the only way to do it was to forge the X-blade, and Vanitas had believed him. Vanitas had gone along with it, because Xehanort had promised he would go away when it was over. The pain would end.

Xehanort had manipulated him, and because of that, he hurt Ventus, Aqua, and Terra. And he was sorry.

The sorry thing had made it better last night. He had felt better in his heart, and they had felt better, too. Vanitas wasn't sure that you could apologize for attempting to end someone's life on a number of occasions, but it was as good of a start as any. Maybe it would start to make things better, too.

...Maybe he would take Chirithy up on that offer to let him practice, after all.


As far as practice sessions went, it was the easiest that Vanitas had ever experienced. It was still difficult trying to find the right words, and Chirithy had tried a number of times to help him change his wordage, using more open statements, acknowledging that he'd played a hand and wasn't just making excuses. He thought he had an excuse, and that excuse was that Xehanort was a shitrag and was better off burning, but apparently there was a difference between a reason and an excuse. But it was painless. Even when Chirithy 'punished' him, it was a light tap on the head that didn't even kind of hurt.

And now, he was ready.

...

...not. Not in the slightest. He knew what he wanted to say, but that and saying it were two different beasts. But, he had to get it out. The Vanitas of old wouldn't hold back. This one hesitated. Why? Because he didn't want to be ashamed?

It was a few weeks too late for that.

He tracked them down one morning, before breakfast but not by much. The three of them naturally gravitated toward one another, so when he found one, they were never very far from the other two.

At least it made confessions easy. Easier. Whatever.

"Morning Vanitas," Ven said when Vanitas came up behind him and stopped next to him. At least when Vanitas had basically said only Aqua could call him Van, he listened.

He didn't respond, just reached a hand forward to clasp Ven's arm. Ven silently noted that Vanitas didn't randomly touch anyone, so he turned his whole attention on Vanitas. When Vanitas reached his other hand forward, to cling to Ven and attempt to ground himself, he stared. When Vanitas leaned down and pressed his forehead against Ven's shoulder, making himself vulnerable and small, Ven asked what was wrong.

"I have something to tell you guys. All of you."

"...Okay. Is it important?" Ven asked softly. "Do you want to sit down?"

He shook his head solemnly, quietly. It was important, obviously, was probably the most important thing Vanitas had ever done, but that didn't mean he had the words to get it out.

"Guys," Ven said, no longer speaking to him. "I think something's wrong with Vanitas."

Vanitas didn't see them, but he felt Aqua and Terra's presences approaching. He fought off the desire to get away and made sure he was aware of them, clenching Ven's arm just a little bit tighter.

"Guess so," Terra said quietly.

"Van? What's wrong?" Aqua asked, moving closer. She lifted a hand toward him.

Vanitas felt her hand approach in the moment, knowing that his head wasn't entirely in the right place; moving too fast and too hard, anxieties picking at his brain. He couldn't do her touch. "Don't touch me," he said, just more than a plea.

"Ahh—okay. Only Ven?"

It sounded childish, but he didn't care. Ven needed to be his ground because he was about to do something he had never done before, something he was going to fuck up, inevitably. Vanitas was Ven, once upon a time, so Ven could be his ground.

"Are you okay, Van? Are you breathing?"

Mostly. He wasn't sure how much oxygen he was pulling in, but yeah he was breathing.

"What's wrong? What happened? Ven?"

"I don't know! He came in like this!"

Vanitas took a deep breath. Clenched Ven for just a second longer, then backed off. "I need to say something," he said very deliberately. He avoided Terra and Aqua's eyes and instead stared at the ground. He felt a Scrapper appear behind Ven and wished, god, wished he could pull himself together. This wasn't supposed to be so hard!

"...Okay. We're listening."

Ventus reached his hand forward and squeezed Vanitas' shoulder. He had seen him coming, since he was mostly facing him, and didn't mind the touch.

"Van?" Aqua asked very softly, wanting to reach forward and touch him but putting in the effort to respect his wish. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Vanitas choked out, taking another breath. "I just wanted to… apologize."

"...For what?"

For what? For what? Try, everything? How was Vanitas even supposed to move forward from that?

For what.

He grunted hard and lifted a shaking hand, passing it through his hair. Chirithy had said he had to admit it. No excuses, just that he was sorry and doing better. And he was doing better, he was trying to do better. He wanted… he wanted to be their friend. He wanted that chance.

"Everything, I guess," Vanitas said because even though Chirithy had said to specify, he didn't entirely know what to say. "I hurt you, and… and let Xehanort control me. I wanted things… different than they were," because that was something that they didn't have to know about, about the pain and hurt that he had lived through in just existing, let alone what Xehanort did to him, "and he gave me an option and I didn't even think about why that would fix it. He said it would and so… so I hurt you."

There was so much. So much more than that. But that was the basis of it.

The trio were silent. Probably stunned. Ventus' hand had fallen from his shoulder and Vanitas was almost relieved. The Scrapper was pushing close to him, clearly wanting to comfort him but knowing that the Wayfinders were far too close for that.

"So I'm sorry," he bit out the words pathetically. "I am. I'm sorry for what happened to you, and I'm sorry that it was my fault."

His last words hung thick and heavy in the air. The Scrapper finally moved near enough to Vanitas to touch, and he didn't even think to mention how much its presence sucked his nerves from him. The Floods hadn't done the same for his loneliness, but it was whatever.

Still, the trio said nothing. Just stared. Vanitas still didn't look at them, so he didn't know what they were thinking or if they were sharing conversation at all. His face was heating up, though. They probably wouldn't care. Why would they? They had hundreds of friends, what was one more? What was—

"I forgive you."

Vanitas whipped his head up to the speaker so fast he should have put a crick in his neck. And who else could it be, but Ventus.

Ventus smiled at him, once again wearing the brightest smile he'd ever seen on one person. He had replaced his hand on his shoulder but was moving it around to his other shoulder, as if to hold them together. He looked very genuinely happy, eyes crinkling at the corner.

He just… what? Just like that?

"It wasn't your fault," Ven went on, squeezing him. "Not entirely. Xehanort was in charge, and he manipulated you, and…" Ven then sighed, looked to the ground, then pressed his head close to Vanitas'. "Thanks for apologizing anyway. But it's okay, now."

"It's not okay."

"Maybe not. But we're working on it, and that's close, I think." Ven smiled again, then took a step back and looked to the older wielders. Vanitas honestly didn't doubt that, if Ven was so willing to forgive him, Aqua would forgive him. She had been on his side, or approaching it anyway, before any of them.

But the three of them were in this together. If Terra wouldn't forgive him, if he refused, then he also didn't doubt that Ven and Aqua would retract theirs.

"Of course we do," Aqua agreed, reaching a hand forward to brush his cheek but not getting any closer than that, for which he definitely was relieved. His heart was already pounding. "Van, you're our friend. You made mistakes, but you're trying to fix them. I don't think any of us can say any differently."

You're our friend, she said. Was he? He knew she had been heading for that, knew she had been vying for friendship, but that she already thought he was her friend? She was an idio—

No. She wasn't. She was… he didn't know what she was, but she sure was that.

He didn't say that this was a little different, even if he wanted to. He bit that back. If she wanted to be his friend, and if he kind of actually did want to be her friend, why sour it?

Terra eyed him up and down very critically. His eyes caught on the way that Ven still touched his arm only very lightly, on the way the Scrapper watched Vanitas without acting even annoyed at Ventus and Aqua. His nostrils flared like a bull, like he still didn't know how to feel about Vanitas, which was all fine and dandy, because Vanitas didn't entirely know what to feel about him.

He glanced to his two friends, on both of Vanitas' sides. And apparently within moments, he had an answer. "...Yeah. You're… forgiven. We were both, all, manipulated or hurt by Xehanort, so we can't really say we weren't doing the same. It's not okay, but we forgive you."

Vanitas' mouth didn't drop open but only because he fought it every second. His eyes were wide, though, and at Terra's last certain words, he kind of flinched back. His eyes were stinging, and when he finally had to look away, they started leaking out of nowhere.

"Fuck," he said quietly, because Xehanort had taught him a long time ago that crying was for babies, was pathetic and only made things worse, and he didn't even know where that came from. "Sorry, I—"

"Vani," Aqua said very softly, voice so damn warm. "It's okay if you need to cry. Sometimes it even helps. No one will think any differently of you."

"I don't need to—I don't know where it came from!" Vanitas snapped, biting back anything else. Stupid stinging, crying eyes. Even if Aqua said it was okay, that didn't mean he had to like it. "Just… shut up for a second."

"Okay."

Vanitas took a few deep breaths, forced back his pathetic tears. Glanced up at the Wayfinders, who had all fallen silent, for some reason, at his request. He sniffed once, hard, and Aqua moved forward as if to comfort him, but the Scrapper beat her to the punch. He collected himself, squeezed his eyes shut and wiped at his face. "...Sorry."

Aqua laughed very quietly. She finally reached her hand forward and nestled it gently in his hair. "Don't apologize for that. Sometimes, crying helps. It does. Even if you don't want to do it."

"Most of the time," Ven agreed. "When you don't wanna do it."

"Besides," Aqua continued. "I think we're sorry, too. You got put in a bad place and none of us knew, but we didn't try to help you. We didn't try to learn, and as much as you did try to hurt us, we tried to hurt you back."

At her words, Vanitas' mouth went dry. A Mandrake appeared at his feet, because really, that was the last thing he expected out of her. They were sorry?

Some part at the back of him thought that they should be sorry, and not even them but Ven specifically, but he quickly chased that part down because, well, that wasn't fair.

"...It's okay," he said quietly, awkwardly. If he wasn't at fault for his, then he figured maybe they weren't at fault for theirs.

Maybe Xehanort was at fault for all of it.

Aqua just smiled again, roughing up his hair just little enough that it didn't feel like someone grabbing him.

"I think maybe," Terra said behind Aqua, very slowly like he wasn't sure how whatever his idea was would be received. "Maybe, we should start over."

"Start over?" Ven asked. Vanitas asked the same question with his eyes. "What do you mean, start over?"

"I mean, it won't erase everything that we've done, but maybe we can all put the past way, way behind us, and give each other a second chance." To demonstrate, he took a step forward so that he was nearly in Vanitas' private personal bubble. He stuck out his right hand so quickly that Vanitas flinched hard and looked up to him.

Hi," Terra said. "It's nice to meet you. I'm Terra, and these two idiots attached to you are Aqua, and Ven."

"Hey…!"

Vanitas eyed him hard. A second chance. Ven had been given plenty of second chances—well, enough that it got him to a cushy life in an actual castle, surrounded by people who loved and cared for him. He had been given enough second chances that he got to be a Guardian of Light, complete with every perk it came with, like people trusting you for no reason.

Vanitas had never been given a second chance, not really. The only time he had, was to revive him and bring him back into the Real Organization, and he'd never been given an option one way or the other. He had wanted to stay safe inside Ven's heart, but Xehanort had even taken that away from him.

He would not ruin this second chance.

Not if he had anything to say or do about it.

"...Hi," he said, voice so soft it almost wasn't there. It was weak with past tears, but those were gone now. He did not hesitate any longer. "My name's Vanitas. But, I guess you can call me Van." If he was going to be different, if he was going to grow, and if Aqua liked thinking that Vanitas and Van were two different people because Van was growing, changing, and doing better, then, well… he kind of liked that thought, too.

He quickly, though, looked to Aqua, because she had already proved to disregard the one nickname for another. "But Vani is off the table."

Aqua just smiled and laughed, something like pride shining in her bright blue eyes. "Okay, Van," she said. "It's nice to meet you."

Ven nodded hard but didn't speak up. Instead he dropped his hand to Vanitas', and tugged on him. "Now come on. Breakfast is almost done, right Aqua? Let's eat, I'm starving."

Terra laughed and reached up to cuff Ven upside the head affectionately, which made Ven whine. He dropped Vanitas' hand and batted at Terra before moving to take a seat at the table.

Vanitas, sort of slowly, moved with him. He had eaten at this table, now many times before. This would be the first time that he would really be eating with his friends.


Guys I haven't written much in like 3 months, so the next chapter isn't fully written. I have the next three or four plotted, and I fully intend to stay caught up on my schedule, but... we'll see. Wish me luck!

Have a great day! Happy March!