I woke up to darkness. I couldn't see anything in front of me, there was only black everywhere. I couldn't even see my hands in front of me. Even though my eyes were open, it felt like I was blind.

Panic settled in and I sucked in a breath, trying so hard not to hyperventilate.

Where am I?

Ohmygodohmygodohmygod-

I sat up and patted myself down frantically, hands shaking. No chains anywhere on me. No ropes tying me down. I think I was still wearing my prison clothes. I could only guess based on what I was feeling through my hands.

I wasn't dead. My neck was aching where the 'Anbu' had struck me and I could feel a cold floor beneath me. I rubbed the palms of my hands on the ground, concentrating hard on the sensations. Hard, cold, and a bit rough. It felt like smooth stone, was it concrete? Where was I? I felt nothing within my arms' reach. There was no wall. Only solid black all around me. I was flailing at nothing.

I couldn't think straight.

I wanted to freak out. Lose control. I was panicking, and it threatened to take control over me.

Ohmygodohmygodohmygod-

My body trembled with anxiety. It was cold too, but I was shaking. I didn't try to stand, my legs had no strength.

I wanted to cry, but I didn't dare make a sound.

Drawing my knees to my chest, I covered my mouth with both hands. Even with my mouth closed, I nearly whimpered in fear.

Ohmygodohmygodohmygod-

I forced myself to breathe and closed my eyes. My stomach churned so badly I wanted to throw up, but I forced the nausea down.

Focus, Haru, please, please, calm down. I need to think. Breathe. And think. Think back to what happened before you woke up. What's happening now.

I was in prison. And then a wall blew up. There was a fake Anbu. No tattoo. Said that it was by orders of Yondaime. But, probably not.

Was I kidnapped? And where was I?

And by who? Who would do this? And why?

Who else could get access to prison? Minato and Jiraiya ensured that no one knew details of my imprisonment other than a very select few people.

I should be trying to get out of here.

But my body wouldn't move.

I was too scared.

So I prayed.

Please, let me get out of here.

I just want to see my younger brothers.

I want all of this to stop.

My stiff fingers let go of my legs and I inched forward on my trembling hands and knees. My breath shuddered even though I tried to control it.

Please, someone, come find me.

I was hoping to find a wall. Something to ground me.

Minato. Jiraiya. Inoichi. Please. Someone.

Please please please please please please please.

Anyone.

I'm begging anyone, please find me. Get me out of here.

My heart ached at how desperate I felt. My mind was frozen with fear and I was barely forcing myself to move to get somewhere.

I wanted to cry at the situation, but there were no tears because I was too scared to cry.


My world stayed black. And silent.

I drifted between consciousness and unconsciousness. The line began to blur at some point and sometimes I wasn't sure if I was awake or in a dream.

I don't know how long it had been, but I didn't bother opening my eyes after some time. I used my chakra senses instead.

Once I had finally maintained some semblance of calm, I cautiously spread out my senses to see if I could detect something.

I was scared to find something, but I was also scared if I were to find nothing.

And I found nothing. It was like I was inside a vacuum. Nothing except a floor stretched all around me and there were no walls.

I think one of things I hated most about my situation was that I couldn't find a wall. The skin on my back prickled every time I thought how there was no way I could cover my back.

A more pressing issue was that I was growing hungry. Extremely hungry and thirsty. The thirst was worrying. I carefully touched my throat. Swallowing was growing to become a bit difficult because of the dryness.

And then I started thinking about if I was going to die trapped in this black hole. I'd die out of hunger and thirst, lying on this cold concrete floor with absolutely no clue as to what happened to cause this.

A part of me morbidly wondered if death by assault would be better in this situation instead of starvation.

If I got attacked in this place I'd be in more pain, but there would at least be a chance of understanding why this is happening to me. Lying here with a slow death would be a different kind of torture.

As my thoughts ran off by itself, I pulled myself together for another short exploration attempt. It had taken some time, but I was now okay with standing on my two feet instead of crawling on all fours. My chakra senses let me 'see' far, but there was just emptiness as far as I could tell.


I was dozing off when something pierced my senses.

I lurched to my left and something hit the ground, right where I had been sleeping seconds ago.

Who? What?

I didn't have time to think. I was barely on my feet when my senses screamed again.

I ducked. Something swiped the air above me.

I focused everything on my chakra senses.

I blocked the forces coming for my face, they felt like fists. Backing up step by step, I dodged and blocked everything that was thrown at me, but I wouldn't last for long. I was tired, my body was getting heavy, and my speed was starting to lag.

One attack slammed sideways into my block and I couldn't hold out against it. I hit the ground awkwardly, elbows scraping against the concrete floor.

Even though I fell, the attacker didn't stop and I scrambled to get back to my feet, but my lungs were so heavy and on fire. I had no energy to hold out.

This couldn't keep going. This person wasn't aiming to kill, but they weren't stopping.

Did I have to make them stop? I found myself caught at that thought. I've never hit someone so hard that it'd maim them.

But do you have a choice? I gritted my teeth and steeled myself for the next set of attacks.

Twisting around a kick, I got close and elbowed where I imagined the sternum to be.

They disappeared, and I lurched forward hitting air instead. My senses flashed again, but I wasn't fast enough to react.

I felt a fist dig into my stomach and acid spilled out of my mouth as I hit the hard floor. I retched, coughing out liquids and whatever was barely left in my gut. I hadn't eaten anything so it was a wonder that stuff was even coming out of me.

"What-," I spat on the floor. "What do you want." My voice was hoarse and ragged.

For the first time, I was finally able to get a chakra read on the attacker. He? I think it was a he.

His chakra felt...oily

My eyes got wide.

Son of a bitch. I breathed slowly as my stomach ached.

Kabuto. The attacker was Kabuto.

I could sense the coldness of his chakra pooling and shifting like when I had first met him. It was revolting.

I was on a knee, tensing for another round of fists. Questions whirled through my mind at the revelation.

Kabuto. Here.

But there were no more attacks. I heard some rustling, as if he pulled out something from his clothes and put it on the ground.

And then he disappeared. His chakra was gone and I couldn't sense him anymore.

Kabuto had left behind two things: a bar and a packet. Judging by the crinkle and feel, I guessed that it was a rations bar used by shinobi on missions. I didn't hesitate to rip it open and take a bite. I had to tell myself to breathe and chew slowly. I nearly bit my tongue out of sheer excitement of having to eat something.

Holding the packet in my hand, I could tell that it was filled with liquid.

Please be water, I prayed and gingerly ripped it open and sucked on the opening.

Thank you, God, I nearly sighed in relief. Water had never tasted so good, so clean.

I wet my lips with my thirst momentarily quenched. I finished the bar, picking at the wrapper for every little bite, and drank the rest of the water, sucking out every drop.

With a little bit of food and water in my body, it felt like some fog had lifted from my mind. I sat in the darkness, arms hanging off my knees, and fiddled with the foil wrappers. My eyes were closed all this time, even when Kabuto made his unwelcome entrance. My senses were my eyes now.

I now could afford energy to think and there were a lot of things to think about.

This hellhole. Kabuto. The attacks. And lastly, the food and water.

If Kabuto was here, then either Danzo or Orochimaru were involved in this. I weighed Danzo as the one more likely than the latter to be the one orchestrating all of this; there wasn't a single time when I encountered Orochimaru or any of his pawns other than Kabuto. Danzo, however, knew me and was aware of how Minato had taken interest in me.

Did Danzo kidnap me? It would explain why there was the Anbu-imposter without the red swirl tattoo on the shoulder. The imposter might have been a member of Root under his orders. It would also explain how he was able to get information on my isolated prison. If anyone were to dig up secretive information, it'd be Danzo.

Did that mean Danzo learned about me? My secret? Did he find out about my journals? About my past memories? Was that why he put me here? Did he want to know what I know? Was it related to Kumo?

And why would he send Kabuto here? To attack me?

No, those weren't 'attacks'. As harsh as he kicked and punched, it wasn't meant to hurt me. It was more like… dare I call it… training, of sorts. A twisted, horrific method of training. That would explain why he brings the ration bars and water.

I'm not getting killed.

Whatever Danzo is trying to do, he's not killing me.

The thought was comforting, but it also made me afraid. If he's not killing me, then what was he planning?

Why keep me in the dark?

My mind briefly flashed to a piece of information I had read in my past life: three weeks of living in darkness can cause some measures of hallucination and temporary blindness. Whether that was scientifically true or not, I was hoping that I wouldn't confirm it.


The pattern repeated.

Kabuto would show up out of nowhere. We'd fight. He'd beat me up. Before disappearing, he'd leave a rations bar and a packet of water.

I laid on the ground after his seventh visit and didn't reach for the bar or water immediately. My body no longer ached with the pains of hunger as much as I first came to this hellhole. It was incredible how much the human body could adapt to its surroundings. I was even getting used to my circumstance; I didn't rely on my eyes anymore, my chakra sense sharpened to every sliver of movement and object around me, and my stomach shrank so that even the rations bar was filling. My other senses, touch, smell, and sound were heightened.

I barely peed because I wasn't drinking enough liquids for my guts to process as waste, however I took the occasional dump which were pitiful little turds.

Living in the dark like this with no sense of time, crapping wherever I pleased, hissing at anything that moved, I felt like a sewage rat. Scurrying around like vermin. Feral.

The only time I felt human was fighting Kabuto. We never talked. I had asked some questions before, but he would never answer and hit me hard in response instead. Despite the silence, I sometimes felt like we would talk through our bodies.

If I couldn't fight off a certain movement during the previous fight, he'd do it again to see how I'd fare. If I couldn't fight it off, he'd do it again until I could. And then he'd move on to another set of movements as if going on to the next lesson. There would be repeated lessons, repeated moves, neverending kicks and swings, and no excuses for slacking.

We could speak without words.

But, he never went easy.

I hated it.

I hated him.

I hated that it was the only thing I looked forward to while I sat in this black pit.


It was the 15th visit.

Kabuto broke my right arm today.

It was a clean break on the forearm and it happened too quickly for me to register that I had a broken bone until the pain hit.

I yelped and jumped far away, cradling my arm.

It was officially the worst injury Kabuto had ever given me in these "training" sessions.

Kabuto came closer, but I backed away. Every time he stepped closer, I distanced myself.

Like I'd let him get any closer after breaking my arm. How am I supposed to heal from this?

He suddenly appeared in front of me and grabbed my broken arm. Yelling in pain, I reflexively punched with my other hand, but he caught it and then backhanded me. The force wasn't hard enough to throw me back, but it stung enough to catch me off-guard.

Taking advantage of the moment, Kabuto pulled chakra into his hands and-

Is he healing me?

I stood frozen as I felt his chakra pooling and shifting the balance between yin and yang releases, and then my right forearm stopped hurting and it felt like it was back to normal. Kabuto let go of me once he was done and stepped away while I clenched my right hand, twisting my arm this way and that to test the bone.

Fascinating. I faced where Kabuto stood. Him healing me doesn't make me hate him any less though.

He left and I shivered, running my left hand over my right arm.

I wondered if he was going to be as harsh next time.


45th visit.

It was still Kabuto, but he had grown more brutal since the thirtieth visit. If he hurt me while exchanging blows, I'd still have to fight him until he was satisfied and it was only then that he would heal everything. Sometimes, I suspected he dragged out the fights longer than necessary because he liked seeing me struggling.

I hated him so much.

The me before coming here in the hellhole would have cried at the treatment, but I couldn't call myself the same person anymore now.

If he was vicious, then I was vicious back.

I was used to it now.

I hated it.


87th visit.

I landed a hit on Kabuto for the first time.

He underestimated me and I saw the opportunity and I took it. It went just like I wanted my first hit to go.

A solid punch to the gut and he threw up whatever was in his stomach.

Just like when he first hit me, when he first visited.

It felt good. I didn't regret it even when he hurt me more after that.


95th visit.

It wasn't my imagination, but the time between his visits grew shorter. After training, I'd eat the rations bar and drink the water and sleep. It wouldn't be long for Kabuto show up after I wake up.


112th visit.

After he left, I cried.

I couldn't remember what my younger brothers looked like.

I wanted to get out of here.


126th visit.

I couldn't fight like before.

Ryouta. Yuuma. I want to see them.

I want my life back. I want to go back.

Kabuto wasn't pleased with my lack of energy. He only healed the serious injuries and left the bruises and scrapes before leaving.


134th visit.

I was holding onto some hope.

People are looking for me. They know I'm missing. I will be found. It's because my kidnapper is Danzo that they're having a hard time.

I will be found, it will just take some time.

I can hold on until they find me.

They'll find me, I silently chanted as I danced around Kabuto in the dark. We both held kunai in our hands.

I just need to survive this until then.


141st visit.

A small voice inside my head started speaking. They might not come for me.

I blinked away the strange patterns that appeared every time I opened my eyes to the dark.

I shouldn't listen to that voice.

They'll find me, I told myself. I uncrossed my legs and stood up.

Kabuto was here, but he wasn't alone.


150th visit.

The voice was louder now.

They might not come for me. Danzo is too powerful. If he was able to get away with plotting the Uchiha Massacre in a shinobi village underneath the Third Hokage's nose, then he could get away with kidnapping one kid.

Kabuto threw something at my feet. Picking it up, it felt like a case for a blade.

My ears pricked, Kabuto unsheathed a blade in his hands; the scrape of metal sounded so loud in the dark. I quickly unsheathed the one I held and briefly tested the weight. It didn't drag in the air, so it wasn't a long blade.

Kabuto swung. The handle vibrated in my hand at the force, so I tightened my grip.

After getting cut and nearly stabbed several times, I realized I was holding a tantō. Just like when we fought with kunai, Kabuto took the weapon from me before disappearing.


154th visit.

Minato and Jiraiya got what they wanted from me. Jiraiya knows English and Korean, so he could figure out my journals even without my help. He doesn't have to understand every single word to get the gist of the important details in the notebooks.

I've probably been discarded.

I was getting better with the tantō.


159th visit.

Minato wouldn't weigh my life equal to the lives of the entire village. No one would upturn politics for the sake of one child, especially if it was to expose one of the most skilled, secretive, and esteemed elders.

I must have been discarded.

I accepted it.


I stopped counting the visits.

No one's coming to find me.

When not fighting, I spent my time either sleeping or meditating.

Meditation didn't help me recall Yuuma or Ryouta's faces, or mom's or dad's.

Meditation helped me settle the anger and bitterness.

Kabuto was here with two others. The same two that came with him every time when it was three against one. They each held a tantō and Kabuto tossed me one.

I pulled out the blade and strapped the scabbard to my back.

It was going to be a difficult fight.


I'm not the same anymore.

The thought didn't surprise me.

I didn't feel the same way anymore.

I was aware I should be sad about everything.

My predicament, my pain, my emptiness, my loss of freedom.

But what was the point of being sad when there was no way out for me.

It wasn't like anyone was coming to save me.


x


Me myself while writing this chapter: finish the dang story.

Hope everyone is safe and holding out okay in this crazy COVID-19 situation. Be careful.