Hi, it's me! It seems every time we meet here I'm apologizing. Long story short: I was super busy, and now I'm not as busy! Although it's a result of sad circumstances, I've had the benefit of being able to churn out a lot of writing and I can't wait to see what you guys think (:
DISCLAIMER: The author does not own any publicly recognizable entities herein. No copyright infringement is intended.
Beta: Fran
2018
"Should I go over there?" I ask my companions as I watch Edward gesture wildly and Irina's face crumple. I shouldn't be staring so blatantly, but I can't help myself. It's like a car accident. Everyone knows it's wrong to gape, but we do it anyway, shamelessly rubbernecking as we drive by.
I force my eyes away after a moment, drawing them to the faces of my friends to take in their reactions. Alice is concerned, lip drawn between her teeth. Jasper's brow is wrinkled as he mashes his lips to the side. They look how I feel.
Utterly confused.
"I'm not sure that's a good idea," Jasper intones solemnly.
Edward's back is to us, shoulders tense. Irina, on the other hand, is facing us. Her expression is stony, mouth set in a hard line. They look like they're in a standoff.
I'm breathless for a moment, wondering who will be the first to break. And, when that happens, what will be the result of said breaking.
"What do you think is going on?" I ask anxiously, tracing my eyes over Edward's tense back once again. I would kill to hear what he's saying that's making Irina look like that. His back heaves as he speaks; her jaw tightens with every word.
"They're clearly fighting." Alice pipes in, arms crossed over her chest as she observes the scene before us.
"But why?" I breathe, brows pulled together in confusion.
"Might be because she shouldn't be here," Jasper supplies. "She shouldn't be at a place like this."
His words give me pause. Place like this?
I look around, observing the pristine tents and smiling festivalgoers milling about. His tone implies negativity, yet, all I see are normal, jovial people enjoying good food and drink.
"Why not?" I prod, curiosity piqued. If he knows something I don't know, I'd like to know it, too. "I mean, it's awkward as fuck for her to be here right now, so I won't argue if he asks her to leave. But, I don't see why it would be a big deal for her to be here, otherwise."
"Oh," Jasper's eyes narrow minutely. "You don't know."
The look on Jasper's face tells me I'm missing something. Something important.
I glance back at the tense couple, hoping to garner a clue as to what that would be. Irina looks defensive - she's scowling, hands clenched into fists at her side. I can't see Edward's face, but the way he mashes his hands through his hair before crossing his arms over his chest tells me enough …he's annoyed.
"I don't know what?" I probe, bottom lip clenched between my teeth as I anxiously await his response.
"I..." Jasper purses his lips, contemplating his next words. "I'd better not."
"Come on," I huff, feeling my annoyance creep up my back and twist angrily around my throat. "Are you for real? You can't just say something like that and then leave me hanging!"
Jasper looks conflicted at my burst of anger. He wants to tell me, I can see it flickering in his eyes. But he won't. "If you don't already know, then Edward must have a reason as to why he hasn't told you. I do think it's important for you to know, but ... it's not my story to tell. So, I'm sorry, Bella, but I can't."
"Ugh," I groan, hands twisting around my hair in frustration. "Seriously? You are so noble. You suck."
"You want to know? Ask him," Jasper gestures to Edward. "With what we're all witnessing, it's bound to come up."
"Sure, I'll ask him," I frown, eyes rolling. "He's very forthcoming with personal information." The sarcasm in my voice is clear, yet I can't hide the hurt that bleeds from me as I fully absorb the truth behind that statement.
He might kiss me with tenderness. He might touch me with reverence. He might look at me with adoration, heat, and longing in his eyes. Yet, all those amazing things do nothing to discredit the message his silence sends me.
Jasper chuckles at my sarcasm, shaking his head, but it's Alice's reaction that hits home for me. Her lips tilt downward in a soft frown, eyes clearly sad for me. She gets it, too.
He doesn't trust me. And I don't really know him.
"Hmm," Jasper's thoughtful hum breaks me out of my downtrodden introspection. "Here's your chance." My eyes blink away the fog of unshed tears as I follow his line of sight. Edward's trudging toward us, jaw tight with his hands stuffed deep into his pockets. Irina idles in the background, hands hanging by her sides, expression blank.
"We'll give you guys some space," Alice murmurs, squeezing my shoulder reassuringly before she tugs Jasper away.
"Hey," Edward sighs, stopping a few feet in front of me. His eyes are downcast, long lashes fanned out over the tops of his cheeks. He's so beautiful, but that observation does nothing to quell the anxiety and confusion twisting in my belly.
"Hey, what's going on?" I croak in response, feeling fingers of anxiety seize me by the throat. His posture reeks of shame; his eyes, when they lift to meet mine, are apologetic.
"I'm sorry," he murmurs gruffly.
"It's no problem," I rush to reassure him, and his right eye twitches in an unmistakable wince. "I know it's kind of awkward, but I'll endure it. It's okay."
"Awkward, right." Edward huffs out a breathless laugh as if he hadn't thought of that. "Well, it's about to get even more awkward, then."
His chest rises and falls in a heavy sigh and my eyes follow the movement. His fists are clenched in his pockets, his shoulders are high and tight, and his jaw hasn't stopped working. He's anxious.
"What?" I mouth, overcome with confusion. "How?" And then it dawns on me. "Wait - is she going to be hanging out with us?" That would be extremely awkward.
"No," he sighs again, lifting his hands to rub them over his face roughly. With his fingers wrapped tensely around his neck, he clarifies in a gruff voice. "I have to go. I'm taking her home."
What?
"I'm really sorry," he continues, eyes downcast as if he's afraid to see my reaction.
"I ..." I start. "I don't understand."
"I know," he intones, voice laced with what sounds like guilt. "I'll explain later. I promise."
This is big. It has to be. He wouldn't look like this if it wasn't.
"Okay," I drawl, struggling to process what he's told me. "Wait - what about me? Am I going with you guys?"
"No," his retort is quick and harsh. His expression divulges that it was more than a simple "no," it was a "hell the fuck no." My face falls in a frown. "I'll ask Jasper to drop you off later," he softens minutely. "After you guys have had your fill of the festival. It's not fair of me to ask you to leave. We just got here. I want you to have fun."
"No, it's all right." I surge forward and desperately grasp the hem of his shirt. I force his gaze to meet mine and plead with my eyes for him to understand. "I'll go with you. I don't want to be the third wheel here."
"Bella," he sighs, expression pained as he strokes my fist clenched around his shirt, before working my fingers free from the fabric. "I'm sorry, but I can't take you. Rina and I ... we need to talk."
Rina.
I dry swallow, and the sensation in my throat reminds me of sand.
"Okay."
"I'm really sorry," he repeats, eyes downcast once again. My fist is still cradled in his hand, he watches his thumb dance over the top of it. I want to let it fly into his ribs. Let him feel the same pain in his gut, even if it's an ounce of what I feel twisting in mine.
"You keep saying that." I sound defeated because I am. His posture is resolute. There is nothing I can do to stop him. He's leaving me.
"Please," Edward breathes, reading my expression. His lips curl down in a frown, thumb soft on my cheek as he tries to rub some life into me. "When Jasper drops you off later, I'll explain."
"Right." I turn my face away. His gaze hurts; his touch burns. I'm so annoyed with him and with myself for letting him do this to me.
He doesn't listen to my body language. He gathers me in his arms, lips hard and then soft against my temple. His nose mushes against my hair, chest expanding against me as he breathes.
"I'll see you later," he promises as he steps away.
I shrug, arms hanging limply at my sides. I refuse to look at him as he peers at me. I don't want to see the guilt in his eyes. I don't want to hear the apology.
After a minute, he gives up. He leaves me with a sigh. I stare down at my feet, not wanting to see him with her … see him leave me for her.
Ugh - this is a fucking mess.
"Well," Alice sighs, pulling me into an embrace as she rejoins me. "That was unexpected."
I let her hug me for a minute, before dragging myself away. "You're telling me."
"She must be hammered." Alice continues, eyes narrowed as she watches Edward's retreating form over my shoulder. I don't turn and look because I can't. "He's practically holding her up."
"Must be," I close my eyes and take a deep breath. "I don't know why else he'd have to take her home."
"Hmm, yeah." Alice frowns, tearing her eyes away and back to me. "What with Uber and all that. Doesn't really make much sense."
"Right," I frown. But he's already told me; they need to talk.
My eyes find Jasper, who stands idly by listening intently to our conversation. He meets my gaze steady on, face impassive. Nothing - he gives nothing away.
He's a good friend.
"Okay," I sigh, fisting my hair in frustration. "Enough." My hands drop to my sides. "I need a drink."
-infatuation-
"You'll call me after you two have talked, right?" Alice's concern is magnified by drink. She's handsy, gripping my face as Jasper waits patiently in his car parked curbside.
"Of course," I assure her.
"I'll try to get Jasper to cough it up in the meantime." Her fingers clench, pinching my cheeks between them.
"Please," I grasp her wrists, squeezing them so she'll meet my eyes. "Don't put him in that position. Don't."
"You're too nice," She grins easily, dipping to kiss my nose.
"Sometimes," I chuckle, wriggling away from her. "I'll talk to you later."
I feel hollow as I duck through my front door and switch on the lights. Today didn't go as planned, and the disappointment has me feeling ill. Or maybe it's the copious food and drink I consumed at the festival.
I stand hopelessly in the middle of the living room, unsure of my next move.
Should I wait around?
Should I get ready for bed?
I sigh and slump down onto the couch.
Did he mean tonight when he said he'd tell me later?
Did he mean another day?
My hand automatically goes for my back pocket. My first instinct is to call Angela. She's my rock, she always has been. Her advice is my security blanket. And, right now, I'm feeling really, really insecure.
Yet, as my fingers brush the outline of my phone through my pocket, something clicks inside me. I can't keep leaning on others. I need to do this by myself. I put myself in this situation. I made a conscious decision to involve myself with someone unreachable - a parent of a student, a guy with immense baggage, a guy with commitment issues. It's up to me to navigate through this. I can't ask anyone else to.
My hand draws back and rests on the arm of the sofa just as my butt cheek begins to rattle with the vibration of an incoming call.
I take a deep breath before retrieving it. The caller ID flashes with Edward's name.
My stomach plummets.
Here we go.
Hmmm, anyone else sketched out? Why did E leave with Irina? Any predictions/theories?
Stay safe and see ya soon!
xo
j
