Hi there, guys! I'm back, a little later than usual, but here I am.

GojGoj and Caroline, thank you so much for checking on me. I am fine, nothing bad is happening. Well, I am just being a little sleep deprived, but that's already a constant for me anyway.

This chapter ended up to be longer than I planned and when I got back to editing and completing some parts, I ended up falling asleep, so here's the reason of my delay :) and today I had uni almost all day, so again, I had to edit at night

selairalynn, the name thing is coming :) it would be about time, wouldn't it?

And yes, seeing how the chapter ends, please don't get mad for me making you wait another week, but squeezing in this chapter the lemon I have been preparing didn't seem right. It is quite long for starters (dear GojGoj, I hope it will be hot enough too) and I wanted to write some more fluff before they'd get to some more physical stuff

Enjooy!

Love you, guys!

Later added comment, to whoever might see it, but I just couldn't resist saying this and I didn't want to add an extra chapter for it. But guys. Have you seen that Danila Kozlovsky has a baby? Now I want a baby in my story too.

And I am so starting to get ideas on that guys! I have already written five pages in my notebook this morning. So, prepare yourselves because this fanfic is just getting longer. Yay!

Of course it's a thing that's going to happen after all the things I already planned, but I am doing it. I am giving Rose and Dimitri a babay, that's set.


Follow your heart

RPOV

When I open my eyes, there's no dream going on. I am awake. Wide awake. And he is still holding me, his arms around me, his cheek resting on the top of my head and his fingers still playing at the back of my head, swirling on my skin.

Now that I moved a little, he pulls away and cupping my cheeks, he lifts me off him, a smile appearing on his lips as he watches me.

"Hey," I say, a silly smile creeping on my lips. I can't believe this has happened. I can't believe he did this. That we did this.

"Hey." he bends and gives me a peck on the lips. One time. Two times. Three times.

When he pulls away again, I tilt my head to look at him, and my skates slide a little, and luckily, he steadies me on my feet.

"What do you say if we get rid of the skates?"

"I practiced my skills long enough tonight, right?"

"Yeah, and we don't want you to sprain your ankle with those complicated acrobatics."

He takes my hand in his and we skate outside the rink.


"Hey! What are you two doing there?" I hear a man yelling, and when I look up, I see someone approaching the rink, and fast.

And I still haven't put my shoes on!

Damned lace that got tangled and made me get behind!

I want to rush to get my boots on, but my companion has other ideas. He takes them from me.

"Hey! Wha-"

"We don't have the time for that."

"Then what do we have the time for?"

"To run, of course."

"To run? But I don't even have my shoes on."

I don't have to wait for a solution. He just bends and picks me up on his shoulder, and starts moving.

"Hey, you two! Stop! Damned tourists!"

As he runs fast, considering all the extra weight I represent, I squeal as my hat falls off my head and I wrap my fingers on his duster. I hope I won't have the same fate.

"Comrade, please don't drop me!"

He laughs a little. "Don't you worry, love. That won't happen. I have held you in harsher conditions."

I laugh, remembering all the times he handled me like this. Yes, he won't drop me.

I keep on looking at the poor man that was so close to catching us, and he doesn't seem willing to give up. He is still running after us.

And out of nowhere, seeing him like that and as I am hopping up and down on his shoulder, I start laughing again.

"What's that funny?"

"Everything. Everything is, comrade. Isn't it for you? And you can stop running now. He gave up."

Slowing down, he moves me off his shoulder, but still holds me into his arms, and again, I watch him with a silly smile plastered on my face.

I bring my hand up and pass it through the now messy strands enframing his face.

"Thanks."

"For what?"

"For this. I liked it. It was… fun. It…" I can't resist the urge to bring my face closer to his, and I walk the tip of my nose along his cheek. "It made me feel alive." and I don't know if he knows what I mean, but I am not only talking about the adrenaline rush I got in this little chase.

He smiles and does the same little gesture on my cheek.

"I like it too, Roza," he whispers in my ear and kisses on my neck. "I liked it too."

He continues to carry me until we reach a bench on which he sits me.

As he seems to not want me to get my shoes on by myself, I let him do it. He's already crouching after all and I don't think I'll get a hold of those boots soon.

"Comrade?"

"Huh?"

"What about your shoulder? Doesn't it hurt? I'm heavy after all."

He stops, and when he tilts his head, one of his eyebrows is lifted.

"You? Heavy, love? I don't think so." he goes back to taking care of my left boot now, his fingers handling my feet with such care.

"Hey, don't you change the subject. Tell me how it is."

"You worry too much. I'm good."

"But-"

Taking a hold of my hands and holding them both, he gets up and pulls me up too.

"Let's do something about your cold hands now," he ends the previous subject and I know I won't have a chance to protest.

"Like what?"

"Like that." He shows me a little cottage on the other side of the road.

"What is that?"

"What does it look like?"

It is a little hot chocolate booth, but it is closed.

"Comrade, we're breaking the law again?"

"I promise I'll pay for it all. We won't break a thing either. I promise."

"Fine, fine. I am already an outlaw, so what would another felony do?"

He gets laughing and wraps an arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer to him and kisses my forehead.

"Oh, Roza. You're unbelievable," he says as we head for the little cottage.

He does his thing as I keep an eye open for someone who might pass.

After he gets the booth open, we start looking through all the flavors and little sweets there as we're waiting for the milk to get warm.

I decided to let him impress me with this cup of hot chocolate as he has told me about a better recipe he knows. So I fill my belly with marshmallows as he prepares our beverages.

When he's done, we sit on the sidewalk in front of the crime scene, as we're enjoying our drinks, and I happily snuggle next to him, nothing more than our side bodies touching, but I'm enjoying this little thing so much. It feels so good to do this without being confused or angry or God knows what. We're something I can't pinpoint exactly, but I love each second of it.

When I take the first sip from the carton cup, I am more than amazed. He was right to brag about that.

"This tastes like heaven! What magic did you do to this drink?"

"It's a secret."

"Sure, and you'll have to kill me if you tell me this ultra-secret recipe."

"I wouldn't go that far, love."

"So? This means you'll tell me the secret?"

"I may if..."

"You may if what?"

He shrugs. "If you're convincing enough," he says staring directly at my lips, with no shame, and I feel my cheeks already starting to flush.

"Comrade…" I stare into my cup.

But I should start getting used to his direct approach of stuff from now on, shouldn't I? Still, I wonder, will he be this straightforward with other things too?

Laughing a little, he puts his arm around my middle and pulls me into him, his fingers playing on my shoulder, slipped inside my unbuttoned coat.

"So, what's the secret?" I try to break the silence between us.

"Na-ah. You still didn't convince me, love."

Oh, so he isn't giving up on that.

I growl a little and hide my face into the comfort of his embrace, having to tilt my head a little to do so.

But he won't hear it other than his way.

He takes the cup away from my hands, pulls away enough so that we'd have to look at each other, and it doesn't take much for his lips to come over mine and he starts kissing me like he'd be the one having to convince me of something.

And he's not trying to convince me only with his lips. Turning me a little towards him, his palm slides up on my outer thigh and it slips slowly under my coat, his tongue making its way past my lips and starting to play along mine.

When we stop for a breather, I smile like an idiot.

"I'm convinced, comrade."

He laughs, but becomes serious in the next second.

"But maybe I am not."

"You're not?" could I be a bad kisser? I mean, I don't have much experience either and-

"What's with that worried face, love?"

"I um….nothing, I just…"

Smiling, he interrupts my thoughts.

"Oh, Roza. If you're worrying about what I am thinking you're worrying about, let me tell you that you shouldn't."

And before I can be surprised about his words, he gets kissing me again, more boldly this time.

"Mmm, Roza." he pulls away for a second to kiss the tip of my nose. "You're so sweet," he finishes after leaving me a little more breathless than before, his lips never leaving mine.

If I'd be a bad kisser, he wouldn't kiss me that often, right? Not with such passion either.

I brush these stupid thoughts out of my head and continue to enjoy our kiss. Continue to enjoy all the things only his tongue is doing to my body.

But when his fingers creep on the skin under my sweater, I gasp a little.

He pulls away and walks his thumb on my lower lip, parting them, like preparing them for another kiss. And why the hell not? I'd kiss him all night long.

"Was that alright?"

I nod. I was just surprised by the change in temperature. And to be honest, I started to get used to him touching me like that. I like it quite much.

But even though I gave him some kind of consent, he doesn't do that again. He just smiles a little and pulls me to him, laying my head on his shoulder.

"You want to finish that drink?"

"Of course I do. You know I never get tired of sugar."

He hands the cup back to me. "One day, you'll become a cube of sugar."

"Hey, this hot chocolate was your idea."

"Sure, my bad. I am the one who introduced you to sugar."

"Oh, don't you worry, comrade. You're not getting rid of me that easily."

He kisses on my forehead. "Not that I'd want to." aw, isn't he sweet?

"So... you're not going to tell me your secret?"

He sighs almost imperceptibly, then looks away and his mood seems to change.

Did I say something wrong? Maybe I shouldn't have insisted on it?

Okay. I won't push it anymore. If he won't say anything, neither will I.

"My family used to do it like that." used? Like in, not anymore? "My mother came up with the idea one Christmas morning when I was sad about not getting what I wished for Christmas and she was trying to cheer me up."

"How old were you?"

"Five."

"And what did you wish?"

"What do all the boys want at five?"

"Dunno. An action figure?"

"Exactly."

"What did you get instead?"

"A book."

I start laughing.

It's such a cute image that's forming in my head of him being a little boy believing in Santa and pouting at the sight of a book. But hey, maybe his parents saw in him the reader he would become later in life.

"Wait. You remember that? I don't think I remember what I ate three days ago and you remember that thing from when you were five?"

He holds me a little tighter, or I am imagining it, I can't tell.

He kisses my temple and sighs again, so deeply this time it makes me think it's hurting him to talk about such stuff. But the odd thing is why? I mean, it seems to be a quite funny story to tell. Why would he be sad about it?

"I remember a lot of things from when I was five, love."

Like what? My tongue is itching me to ask, but I stop when I tilt my head and see the expression on his face. He doesn't seem himself. He seems so… sad.

I would like to ask some more questions, but for now, I'll take what I have been given. Maybe some other time.

I wrap my arms around his torso and cuddle back into his embrace.

"That's a cute Christmas story, comrade. And thank you."

"For what?"

"For sharing it with me." I mean, how many things did he tell me about himself until now?


DPOV

"I want to give you something."

She stopped walking too, and now she looks at me frowning.

"What? And why?"

From my pocket, I get out my phone and put it in between her palms.

"What is this?"

"A phone?"

She giggles as she squints her eyes at me.

"Sure, that at least I can see. But why?"

I shrug. "Merry Christmas, love?"

"Why?" her mouth voices promptly.

"What do you mean why? It's Christmas Eve. It's that time when people give gifts and-"

"I know how Christmas functions, comrade, but…. you got me a gift? A phone? I don't get it."

"Not a phone. More like, a phone call."

"To whom? Who should I call?"

"I thought that you might want to say Merry Christmas to your parents. You said you miss them and…" I shrug. I know I'd like to do the same, I still do.

An outburst of happiness goes through her and with a little hop, she comes and puts her hands around my neck, pulling me into a tight embrace, which I won't lie, surprised me. But I soon respond to it, wrapping my arms on her middle and pulling her closer to me. I can't get tired of feeling her body pressed against mine, of feeling the peace and happiness she radiates. She has this effect on me that I can't describe, but I like it so much.

"You're so thoughtful, comrade," she whispers into the crook of my neck, then pulls away.

But she moves again closer to me, this time moving slower.

"Thank you so, so much."

Her lips tremble a little as she kisses my cheek. When she pulls away again, her cheeks get a little blushy as she gets biting on her lips and she looks down.

Deciding not to tease her about her shyness, I change the subject.

"Come on, go ahead and call them. Don't let them wait."

She nods excitedly and starts tapping the number.

I decide to take some steps away and let her have her conversation in private.


Some minutes later, she finishes her conversation and comes back towards me, that earlier smile never leaving her face.

"How are things going?"

"Great. They've been having a great holiday. Unfortunately for them, they're flying back tomorrow."

"Why?"

She shrugs and looks down at her feet.

"Because they planned this trip thinking I'd be home for Christmas…"

"Oh…" shit! I may have done things worse than I intended. "I'm sorry, love."

"No. No, don't be. I'm… I'm glad they're safe, at least. And me…" she takes a step closer and rests her forehead on my chest. "I like it here, with you."

I put my arms around her and rest my head on hers.

She nuzzles her nose on me as I start playing with her hair.

"It meant a lot to me, comrade," she whispers. "The present. I mean, the call."

"I am glad you liked it."

"I did. But…" she pulls away and looks at me quite sad.

"But what?"

"I didn't get you anything."

"Oh, love, don't you worry about that. I'm good. I don't need anything."

Seeing her happy, having her in my arms, feeling her lips on mine, what could I ask for more?

As a thought passes through her head, she smiles and gets back to being excited.

"I know!"

"You know what?"

"You'll see."

She pulls her sleeve up and starts taking off her bracelet, but I stop her.

"Rose, that is yours. That little girl made it for you." it's all she has left. And she wants to give it to me?

"I know. But I want you to have it. Of course, if you don't think it's too silly." she takes it off and looks at it. "It's silly, isn't it? It has pink too." She gets laughing. "Oh, what was I thinking? Of course-"

But she stops when I unravel my wrist and extend my hand towards her.

"Comrade…" she says still smiling. "You don't have to if you don't want to."

"But I want to."

"You're sure?"

"Never been surer. That's my present, isn't it? If it's from you, I am sure."

Loosening it, she slowly slips the bracelet on my wrist, and after she fits it, she looks at my hand and smiles playfully.

"It looks way better on you, comrade."

"Oh, really?" I can't help but smile too.

"What? I am speaking the truth here. It brings out your eyes."

"Oh, Roza."

I bend and she doesn't need any other cue to tilt her head, and soon, my lips meet hers into a sweet kiss. I want to kiss her forever.

"I'll never take it off," I promise to her after we break the kiss.

"You'd better not, or I'll kick your ass," she threatens and both of us laughing we continue our prolonged walk.


RPOV

I can't help it but start squealing as I see the cutest dog at the end of the street.

"Oh, comrade, look at it! It's so small!" I pick up my pace and head towards it. "Hey, boy!"

I am so going to play with it for half an hour. It seems to be fluffy too. Or maybe he's just chubby. Oh, who even cares? It looks so sweet.

But the dog doesn't even seem to have heard me. It keeps on walking away, its chubby ass moving left and right without a worry in the world.

"Rose…" I hear him following me. "...wait."

I realize I have been running a little in my rush to get my hands on that fluffiness that's so far away from me.

"But it's running away. And it's not listening to me," I stop walking and whine. "I wanted to pet him. Or her."

"And you had to run half the town after it?"

"I called for it, but it didn't want to stop. What else could I do?"

"Follow me."

We head the same way the dog went and I see it again as it has stopped to probably sniff something.

My companion whistles and he gets the dog's attention from the first try, and happily, it starts hopping our way.

"Oh, of course you can whistle too. There's something you can't do?"

"Not that I know of."

I punch his chest lightly as I stick my tongue out at him.

"Oh, you're so modest too, comrade."

He smiles playfully. "But at least I got you your dog coming to us, didn't I?"

"Yeah, and supposedly, I am the dog owner here. But still, I wouldn't be able to whistle even if my life would depend on it."

"I could teach you that someday."

"You would?"

"Yes, why no-"

"Oh, God, comrade, look at those tiny legs!"

I take some steps away from him and want to crouch so that I could bond with the little bundle of fur, him getting close enough to us now.

But then I remember something and stop.

"Oh, no, I'm an idiot. Your aller-"

"I'll be alright. You go play."

"But-"

"I'll live, love."

"No, no. I don't want you to get an allergic reaction if I pet him."

I want to touch him too and him to continue to kiss me and stuff, and this little guy's fur will stop me from getting that.

I turn to the little creature looking at us with its head tilted, seeming confused by our words exchange.

"Sorry, buddy, but I can't pet you. You're a cutie, but I can't. You go on your way and sniff stuff, okay?"

And after spending a second watching me, as he would have understood everything I told it, the dog turns around and leaves, resuming to his business. Bye-bye, cutie.

As I turn back to my Russian, I find him smiling at me.

"What?"

"I forgot how you used to talk with Ash all the time."

"Oh… and I forgot you know all that…"

"Oh, love. Don't you worry. I found it cute how you always talked to him."

"Yeah, sure you did."

"When will you believe me, huh?"

He puts an arm around me and pulls me to him, and I take the opportunity to hide my all of a sudden teary eyes into the comfort the crook of his neck provides.

But still, I can't stop from sniffing my nose.

"What's the matter?"

"I miss Ash…" talking about him now, I remember how I left him and- "I miss my little friend…"

"Oh, love..."

He holds me tighter and soothes my hair.

"Do you think he's still with Anna? And if so, if she's with the bad guys…" would she go as far as to hurt him?

"I don't know. I wish I'd known." of course. His powers have some limits. But still, I can hope.

"Comrade, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"If I… you know… something happens…"

"Something like?"

"Like, you know, something happens to me an-"

"Roza-"

"No, no. Please let me say it. If something happens to me-"

"Which won't."

"But still. If it does, would you find Ash? I am not asking you to keep him because I know you're allergic and all. But would you, you know, at least see if he's alright? Would you look for him? And if you find him, by any chance, would you give him to my family?"

He sighs. "I usually don't promise things that will never happen, but fine. I'll make this exception for you. I promise. I'll find Ash. And I will bring it to you. Because nothing will happen to you."

"Thank you. You're so kind."

A minute or so later, I am still in his arms.

"Can I ask you something, love?"

"Sure."

"Why Ash?"

"What?"

"I mean, it is not even black. Or grey. What is the meaning of that? Why did you name it Ash?"

"You know, I got Ash at a short while after Mase… you know…"

"This I get. Ash was some kind of new buddy for you."

"Yes. Somehow. He has been next to me through it all."

"And you called him Ash because?"

I laugh a little. "You'll think it's silly."

"I doubt it. But tell me anyway."

"Mason's last name was Ashford and…"

"Oh. I get it now. That's-"

"Silly?"

He tilts my head and looks at me smiling warmly.

"No. I don't think anything about that is silly. I think that's really sweet, love."


"Hey, comrade. Wanna do a snow angel with me?"

He smiles at my request, then shrugs as in saying "Why not?"

I like it how we're tempting each other to do stuff. He is making me become a felon, I am making him play a little. We're completing each other in some weird, cute way.

We head to a spot off the road that hasn't been touched by any footprint and we lay down into the puffy layer of fresh snow and start moving our hands and feet.

And even after the little piece of art we've made is done, we still lay there.

It's so peaceful this silence here. I feel at such ease. It's magical here, with the cold snowflakes landing on my face.

And oh, when his hand finds mine at the meeting of our snow angels, there's nothing comparing to this feeling. I don't need anything more to be happy right now.

"Isn't it a pity that two-thirds of the population have never seen snow in real life? I mean, how could you live without having felt this? Seen this?"

He gets up to his butt and looks at me, a smile creeping on his lips.

I get up too, looking at him questioningly.

"I like your facts, love. You're a smarty-pants."

His words make me shy away and I look down so that I could avoid his amused eyes.

"Is it that cold outside or are you blushing?" He teases, his voice more amused than earlier.

Still not looking at him, I extend my hand and take a hit at him. It lands somewhere close to his stomach, which I might say, it's so damned toned. Not that I didn't know already that he has a six pack, and only being remembered how I walked my fingers on it, I blush harder.

I hear him laughing lightly as he takes my hand in his.

"Stop that."

"Stop what, love?"

I finally look at him and throw him an ugly glare.

"You know what. Stop teasing me with that."

"Oh, but you know I like it so much."

"I keep on wondering why."

He shrugs and brings my hand up to his mouth, kissing on my knuckles.

"Just because."

"One day I'll… I'll…"

"You'll what?"

"I don't know, but I surely will," I try to sound upset, but the smile on his face is contagious.

We drop the subject of my silly threatening and get up, careful not to spoil the snow angels and we take some steps aside to watch them and how beautiful that turned out to be.

His is way bigger than mine and is, of course, wearing a duster. But what I love most is that in between, they touch. They hold hands, just like we did. We've even left an imprint of our hands holding in the snow.

His arm coming around me, he pulls me closer and buries his nose into my now damp hair.

"Are you cold? It's getting a little colder outside. You lost your hat and lying here in the snow…"

I nod and tilt my head to watch him. "In fact, I am a little cold."

"Where?"

"Right here," I say placing a finger on my lips, and I don't even know how come I gathered the courage to become this daring. Am I really asking for a kiss now?

"Nowhere else?"

"No, just that."

Smiling playfully, he pulls me even closer to him, lifting me on my tippy toes and gets our lips to touch. He grits his teeth on my bottom lip, pulling it a little and I moan. Strengthening his grip on my middle, he pushes his hot tongue inside my mouth and kisses me hungrily, this time his whole body moving along mine in the same rhythm of his tongue. Slow and precise and firm. Oh, how could anyone get bored with such kisses?

"Is this better?"

"Mhm," I say and smile as a little realization comes to me.

Ever since the ice skating thing, we have stopped like every five minutes to kiss and touch and feel each other in any little way we could and I still can't get enough of it. It's like we're making it up for all the times we didn't end up kissing or touching or showing each other what we really wanted and felt. And no wonder he said he's more a man of action than words. He indeed can show plenty to me.


DPOV

Walking through a park now, she stopped speaking for the past five minutes or so, and her eyes lazily keep on examining the surroundings. And her jolly mood vanishing, I worry about what she might be thinking about.

"What happened, love?"

She looks at me and blinks a couple of times, just like it would be the first time she sees me.

"I think I am a little sleepy." a thing I can now see on her face. Her eyes are cloudy and she looks like she's already half asleep.

"Wanna go back?"

"But it's so beautiful out here." she pouts a little, gesture that makes her look cuter than ever.

"It will still take us enough to get back. We're continuing our walk somehow. How does that sound?"

"Fine. fine. Let's go back."

We walk close to each other and along the way, as we don't talk about much, I have the time to think about a lot. About a lot of things involving her.

As we get closer to the air bnb, I remember the reason we came here in the first place and those dark thoughts come back in my mind.

Is this right? Me being with her? It feels right for me to hold her hand, to kiss her, but, am I not being selfish? Oh, I don't know. I want her. So, so badly. I'd like to be able to love her every day from now on. But I still wish for her to be safe. And what if I can't have them both? What if there's no way of me having both?

Then, out of nowhere, I feel her fingers touching my hand.

And yes, I reacted like an idiot, but I was deep into my thoughts and her little brave gesture surprised me and I flinched a little.

She mumbles a sorry and hides her hands deep in her pockets.

I stop her from walking and she's looking down, cheeks already flushing, seeming very distressed by this. But oh, if she'd only know how much I love it when she starts something. Just like the earlier thing with the kiss. I love it when she gets daring, even if it's just with a little thing like this.

I bring my hand in her pocket, finding hers and I entangle our fingers as I pull it out of the pocket.

"I…"

"I know you don't bite, love."

I bring her hand up to my mouth, and after I turn it a little, I press my lips on the inside of her wrist, over the spot where her pulse is beating like crazy.

"I just didn't expect you to do this, don't get me wrong. But I am glad you did, love." I'll encourage all her gestures like these. I want her to keep on doing stuff like this. I love it when she shows me how she feels.

She smiles and I pull her closer to give her a kiss.

And all the way back, I won't let go of her hand. I love keeping her so close to me.


Five minutes later, she already yawned ten times. Yes, I counted.

"I don't remember when we walked that much till we got here, comrade."

"That's just because you're tired."

"Yeah, it might be," she answers yawning again and rubbing her eyes.

I see all the things that happened today consumed her energy. I'm glad that at least she'll have a good night's sleep tonight.

"Here. What if we do a thing?"

"Do what?"

"I'll carry you back to the apartment."

"You know, I'd argue with you about your shoulder and you'll tell me not to worry about it and on and on, but my feet really hurt and I am just so tired, so I'll say yes if you don't mind carrying me."

"I'm glad we got to get over that discussion, love."

I pick her and she cuddles into me, her head resting on my shoulder.

"Promise me one thing."

"What?"

"The second your shoulder hurts, you put me down."

"Sure, I promise."

"Why did you give in so easily?"

"Would you have liked me to argue?"

"Dunno. I guess I am just a little used for us to always be on different sides." she smiles. "But I like it when we're not. You're the sweetest, comrade," she whispers as she kisses my neck, then nuzzles the tip of her nose along my skin. I love it how each time she's sleepy, she turns into a kitten. The only thing that's missing is her starting to purr.

Which doesn't take long to happen, as she gets snoring lightly.

"I beg to differ, love. You're the sweet one."

I feel her palm reaching a little further under my coat.

"You may have thought I was asleep, but I heard that, comrade."


RPOV

I don't remember when we got back, but now I am in bed and I'm lying on top of him, his body feeling so good against mine, his arms wrapped around me.

But I got up because there's a phone ringing.

"Mmmm, comrade, make that stop, please." I pat my palm on his chest along with my request and I open my eyes to meet his face illuminated by the Christmas lights that he probably lit up.

He kisses my forehead and as he pulls away, I get growling.

"No, don't leave."

"Sorry, love, but I have to take this."

He gets out of the bed, leaving my body already longing for his warmth and he heads out room, starting to speak in Russian.

I don't know what this is about, but well, I can't do anything about it. I can only trust him. Maybe it's that guy we met at the bar. Ivan, wasn't it? Oh, I don't know. Let him speak to whoever he wants.

But before his words become too muffled for me to hear, I hear a thing from him that makes me smile. I close my eyes and let myself drift back to sleep. It's Christmas Eve after all and no one should miss its family. Plus the hour difference and all…

DPOV

As soon as I answer, she scolds me.

"Dimitri… It has been a while ever since I heard from you. You said you'd call more often."

"I know, mama, but I've been a little busy lately an-"

"What happened to you? What's with the sulky voice?"

"Nothing. I'm just tired. It's night where I am."

"Sure, sure. I may haven't had much time with you boy, but I know when there is something wrong with any of my children."

Yes, she always does, even through a phone call.

"It's just… I don't know what to do."

I have been staying awake all this time and thought and thought and I still haven't come up with a solution. I can't make my mind. Should I push her away or ask her to never leave?

"Follow your heart, Dimka," she gives me her usual advice, but I don't know if I can apply now. I am, and it feels good and bad at the same time.

"I don't know if that is the best thing to do now."

"Why not? That is the best thing to do when you don't know what else to do. It's always the right thing to do when you're in doubt."

"But this might get someone hurt." It did before. What if with her it's no different?

"Will it hurt her less if you don't do it?"

Her. She already knows. How come she manages to know all the things that trouble me without me saying it out loud, I never figured out.

"On the long-term, yes." it wouldn't hurt her at all if I have just kept my hands off.

"On the long-term," she puffs. "Damn that. Live for today, child. We never know what tomorrow brings and you talk to me about the long-term? I might die tomorrow. I might die today. Right now. The same with you. You think too much, Dimka. Just follow your heart. It already knows what's best."

And deep down, my heart tells me too not to make the same mistakes I did before. Because with her, I don't want to risk it. I don't want to lose her. I need to keep her safe at all costs. And for this, I know I'll have to keep her away from me. At least until I am sure she'll be safe. Until this is over. Then, I'll see what the future brings.

But what if she will never be safe around you, not even after this? How many enemies can you keep her away from? Because only God knows you have plenty.

No. No long term. I'll keep her safe for now. I'll take things one day at a time.

I won't be again the egoist I was before. She shouldn't be part of this world. She-

I know!

I know who could help me with this. Someone who has been through the same thing. She'll help me and Rose too.

I'll need to call Lissa.

"Boy, you're still there?"

"Yes, mama, I am. Sorry. I was thinking about something."

"Something on the long term?"

"Somehow."

She sighs. "Oh, child. You know I never pushed you, but you know I am not getting younger, don't you?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I am talking about grandchildren, Dimka. What if you're not my child? I still consider you mine."

"Mama, we've talked about this… "

"I remember that. And each time, you never come up with a solution." when I want to protest for the thousandth time, she cuts me short. "Don't you deliver me that speech again. I know it so well. Damn that Agency. You just see what you're doing about this girl, but don't you dare push her away. I know that's what you do, God knows you tried with me too. But you deserve to be happy too, you know?"

RPOV

But I can't fall back asleep. I got to used to him holding me and I don't wanna fall back asleep without that.

And I'm thirsty. So maybe a little trip to the kitchen won't be a bad idea. Maybe he'll finish his conversation and he'll join me too.

As I get out of bed, I realize how I am dressed. Which is in my new pyjamas. Just thinking about him undressing me, I start blushing. I can only be grateful that he left my bra on. Pretty uncomfortable to sleep into, but I am still grateful he didn't go that far. But well, he had a reason to change my clothes. After that snow angel, my clothes got a little wet.

Anyway. He saw me more naked than that and he even felt plenty so… yeah.

As I get out of the room and head to the kitchen, I distinguish some English.

"Yes. Thanks."

He changed the person? I mean, why would he use English with his mother?

"I hope I'll bring her to you soon."

Hearing him say this, I already feel my heart start racing.

Bring who to whom? Is that her he is talking about me?

"Yeah. I'll take care of that too."

I slowly slide open the door of the kitchen and there he is, talking on the phone. Who is he talking to, I can't tell. But I don't like the words he just said.

"That's one less worry. Like this, things will end faster. Yes. See you soon."

End what faster? One less worry? Am I the one less worry?

Oh, wow. I'm such a fool.

Ending the call, he turns around and when his eyes land on me, they widen in surprise.

DPOV

Rose is in the doorway and she is already crying, tears strolling down her cheeks, and the disappointment and the hurting I see in her eyes is killing me.

No, no, no. She heard too little of this conversation, I am sure. She got everything wrong.

I take a step closer. "Rose…"

"No." she is shaking her head and makes a few steps back, getting out of the room. "No. I won't hear it."

I follow her as she goes to the living room and gets a hold of her coat. She wants to put it on, but I take it away from her and try to get a hold of her.

"Don't you touch me!"

"Roza, you don't-"

"Don't you Roza me!" She lashes at me. "Don't you ever call me that again! I am not allowing it to you!" she stops from her yelling to wipe her tears, pressing the back of her hands on her eyes and cheeks hard, leaving red marks behind on her skin. "Was that your plan all along? You tried to seduce me and when I responded to it, what? You thought I will just do anything for you, right? That I would go anywhere without question? Is that it? Is that what this night was all about?"

"I didn't-"

"No! Don't you even bother to speak. I won't listen to a single more lie of yours. I am going out of here. I don't want to see you ever again!"

I get a hold of her wrist and pull her back to me.

"I told you not to touch me!" she fights back, trying to rip herself out of my grasp.

"Hey, listen to me. Let me explain."

"You don't need to explain anything to me. I understood everything-"

"Wrong. You got everything wrong."

"The hell I did! I am not stupid. I heard enough to understand it all. Someone will take me. You're getting rid of me. What did I get wrong, huh? I don't think I did. You're taking me away to who? You're taking me back to your people, aren't you? This was your plan all along? And you pretended to… you pretended for what?"

"It has nothing to do with them."

"I don't trust you with that! And let go of me!"

She tries to get away from me, to free her hands, and I am doing my best to not let her do that, but she keeps on fighting me, and sometimes she's so close to succeeding.

She keeps on fighting me until her hand slips and she ends up hitting my cheek, this little thing startling her. Her eyes widen and she stops struggling, and I find it safe enough to let go of her other hand too.

To be honest, I had it coming in some way for the other stuff I did so far, for the dick I have been before. And it didn't even hurt, to be honest. It was a little accident. But to her, it doesn't look like that. She thinks she hurt me.

"I'm um…" she brings her now trembling hand up and cups my cheek. "I didn't mean to slap you… I…" her eyes get teary again and she's biting the inside of her cheek distressed.

I bring my hand over hers. Seeing how much she cares about me, it has always been a thing I loved about her. But maybe like this, she'll calm down enough for us to talk.

"It's okay, love."

"I'm sorry," she says with her voice breaking, but then she shakes her head and her expression turns back to being upset and she pulls her hand away. "No. You know what? I am not sorry. Because you've been lying to me! You fooled me! I am not sorry for anything."

Being free, she storms away for me again, getting towards the kitchen this time and heading outside.

"Don't you leave." there's no one to listen to me. "Roza, stop."

Me calling her that again, it makes her stop. She turns around to face me. But along that, she grabbed a mug that was on the counter, and she sends it flying towards me.

"Don't call me like that! And how dare you tell me that? How dare you tell me not to leave?"

I take some more steps closer to her.

"Don't you come near me!" she throws another mug, breaking it onto the wall behind me. "You broke my trust! You lied to me all over again! I won't listen to you! And stay away from me!"

But I ignore the third and the fourth thing that she throws at me, and I keep on walking towards her, and I soon reach her, my hands preventing her from throwing the fifth object by taking it from her clenched fingers.

She takes two steps back, tries to contain her tears, but soon, she needs to stop because she reached the counter behind her.

"There is nothing more important to you than your mission, right? This is all that I am to you? A trouble? A trouble you have to get rid of? Why? Why did you… Why do you go around and kiss me and… just to go and throw me away a second later? What was that? Some strategy of yours to make sure I won't question your reasons? That I will follow anywhere without any question? That of course, I am stupid enough to fall for it and then let you take me there because I trust you…?"

She would have said so much more, but she had to stop to wipe her tears.

"Rose, would you just listen to me, for once? Let me tell you-"

"So what? So that you will lie to me over and over again?! No, thank you! I don't want to listen to your shitty words ever again! I thought that you understood. I thought that you… It's my life! My life that everybody is playing with! And you don't care either! "

"Rose-"

"No. You're no different than anyone else."

Her stubbornness drives me angry. She is not willing to listen to me at all. She won't even let me say a complete sentence.

"You don't care about me! Not at all! You-"

In a second, I am facing her and my hands have already gotten a hold of hers and pinned them on the counter.

"Stop! Stop, for God's sake, stop saying that!"

I snapped and I yelled at her, and as soon as those words left my mouth, my throat starts burning, realizing the tone I used. I hate it when I get like this. I hate arguing with her.

I temper my voice, loosen my grip on her hands and I bend closer to her.

"Stop, please," I whisper to her.

But she starts squirming under me and her mouth doesn't stop saying no to me, to all of my words. She's not hearing any of them.

I get a hold of her shoulders and shake her a little, making her look at me, to pay attention to me.

"Listen to me, goddammit, Roza. Listen to me."

RPOV

He is so angry. His jaw is tight, his teeth are screeching, his palms have let go of me and they're sitting fisted to his side and he is breathing harshly on my face.

He is all tensed up. And maybe ready to snap.

I am no fool. I have seen these eyes before. That look resembles so much the one in Alex's eyes from when we argued that night. And I know so damn well what happened next.

"Come on," I provoke him with a lump forming in my throat. "Do it."

"Do what?"

"Hit me," I dare him again. "I know you want to do it. I have said too much."

He starts moving his hand and I tense too, under him. Oh, to hell with it. I am trembling all over.

"Oh, Roza…" he sighs deeply. "You're wrong," he whispers as his palm gently finds its way on my cheek, his fingers spreading on my skin. "So, so wrong. I don't know who told you you should be treated like that, but I won't treat you in such way." he moves his hand up in my hair, tilting my head. "How could I hit you?" he sighs again and wipes away the tear that falls down my cheek. "I know you don't think the best of me, and for a good reason at times, but…" his other thumb gets on my lips, parting them a little. "…but that I will never do."

His fingers moving under my chin, he pulls me closer. His lips come closer to my forehead, and kissing it, he continues to caress my cheek.

"Never, love. I wouldn't hurt a single hair on you. Never."

I force myself not to listen to his sweet words. So what if he won't hurt me? He still did what he did. He still said what he said.

"Well, too bad. Because you have been lying to me for so long and all I want is to hit you! I want to hurt you so badly!"

"Fine. Throw at me each and every piece you find in this apartment. Take shots at me. I won't stop you. But listen to me first. Or after. You decide."

His fingers are still walking on my cheek and I find this gesture so soothing, so calming, so good for my now breaking heart. Too bad that's he's the one who is doing both of them.

DPOV

"No." she pulls her head away. "Don't... Don't touch me. Just don't."

"Roza…"

"Don't call me like that, please," her voice breaks.

Her heart is beating like crazy against my chest and she looks at me with widened eyes. She still looks at me scared.

I know I should pull away, but I don't.

"Roza... Don't fear me. Please. I won't hurt you."

She lifts her eyes and looks into mine, her lower lip trembling

"I... I don't... Fear you…"

She tries to be brave, and gulping, she gently lays her palms on my chest, showing me she doesn't.

I smile lightly and dare kiss her cheek.

"That's good. Know that I am not going to do anything to you, love. Never."

She growls a little.

"I can't… Don't do this to me. I don't believe you… I am not falling for it, no matter how many times you will kiss me and promise me shit. Because you lied to me. Again."

"I didn't-"

"No! You are just like anybody else! You don't give a single damn except for yourself!"

"Rose, stop saying that."

"No! Get away from me! I don't want to see you ever again!"

"I am not doing anything for myself. It's to keep you safe."

"Safe? You're keeping me safe by taking me to them? Yeah, sure. And how is that supposed to go? I'll be the safest I have ever been when I'll be dead? I will better go out there and let myself be killed than to let you take me to whoever you want to. I prefer choosing my way to die."

"It's not like that. I am not going to take you to anyone from-"

"I don't care where you are taking me because I am not going! I have had enough of you. You just proved to me you don't care. You never did!"

She wants to pull away from me, but I have heard those words from her enough tonight. I pin her back to the counter, her hands pinned up beside her head, my whole body glued to hers.

"Don't you tell me how I feel!" She stops struggling and is watching me, breathing heavily. I soften my voice. "Don't you tell me I don't care. Don't tell me what I feel, Rose."

"Yeah? Why not? Because it's so damn obvious. Now let go of me."

"Because what you think it's wrong."

"Yeah, and what do you feel?"

I have so many words to tell her about how I feel, that I don't know with which one to start.

She puffs. "Exactly as I thought," she says her voice breaking again.

"Rose…"

"No." she shakes her head and her eyes fill with tears.

I bend and brush my lips across her cheek, kiss on her temple and prop my forehead on hers.

"Roza…" Her eyes avoid mine as she starts crying and shakes her head. "Look at me." I lift my head off hers.

She bites the inside of her cheek and eventually lifts her eyes and looks at me, the hurting never leaving her eyes.

"What do you want?"

"I am not lying to you. I just want you to be safe. I am not taking you anywhere where you'll be harmed."

She nods. "Yeah? And this is why you want to send me away to God knows where to be with God knows who…" she says seeming hurt, like I am betraying her. "Why don't you keep me with you?"

Not that I would love the idea, but it is what I have to do for her to be safe, for her not to be around me until I take care of this thing. Or at least try to set things right.

"I wouldn't do it if I had another choice."

"But you…"

"Please, Rose. Trust me with this. I can't keep you with me."

She sighs and we spend another minute just looking at each other.

"I don't know if I can trust you now. You have never told me the truth and what if tonight is no different? I can't risk it. Please, just let me go." she starts pulling away. "Let go of me. Stop messing with my head."

She tries to push me away some more and I am afraid that if I tighten my grip on her wrists some more, I would hurt her.

"You won't do this to me again. I am not letting you fool me. It has already worked for far too many times. Let me go. I will deal with it by myself if you don't want to keep me around anymore. I understand."

"No, you don't understand. I can't. And I won't Roza. I don't want to."

"Why?"

"Because I care."

"You care?"

"I do."

"How can you say that?"

"Let me show you."

I let go of her hands and they fall along her body. I pass mine through her silky dark strands, getting to the back of her neck and down to her chin, then I tilt her head up.

Her breath comes to a halt and her eyes widen as I get my lips closer to hers and brush them lightly. Even though I kissed her only an hour ago, I missed this. I can't seem to get enough of her. She has been instantly addictive ever since I kissed her in that mall when it all started.

Her fingers wrap on the material of my T-shirt, pulling it towards her, she finally exhales and moves closer herself, her lips pressing on mine, looking for more.

"No." she sobs and pulls her face away with a growl. "Stop doing this to me," she says starting to cry again. "Stop playing with me and stop kissing me and stop…" she wants to say something more but the sobs shaking her chest prevent her from saying it. "Stop… please..."

"Hey. Hey." I desperately try to wipe her tears. "I won't do it anymore, I promise. Unless you want me to, I won't kiss you anymore and anything else you say. I won't, I promise."

She watches me with tears still falling from her eyes.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why are you doing this? Why are you saying all these things? Why are you doing all these things?"

"Because I mean them. I meant everything I said. And if you say that me kissing you is doing you no good, I won't do it anymore. I won't do it if you don't want me to do it."

She bites her lip, looking at me, trying so bad to contain her tears.

"But only one thing I can't do. I can't let you go, Rose. Please understand that I am not doing it for myself. I have nothing to gain from this. I just want you to be safe. And the place-"

She stops me mid-sentence when both her hands move upwards and she places them at the nape of my neck, moving her thumbs up and down on my skin and then draws me towards her, pressing her lips on mine.

I am the one who pulls away this time.

"Rose…" I don't want her to think I am forcing myself on her somehow, even though she kissed me this time. "Are you sure about this kiss? You just said that I shouldn't-"

She nods and pulls me closer again.

"Yes." she walks her lips on mine. "I want you to kiss me." her fingers clasp in my hair and she presses her lips harder on mine. "And so much more," she whispers and this time I go as far as getting my tongue into her mouth, starting to play with hers, tasting her sweet aroma, and my hands mindlessly start to explore down on her body and soon, they find their way under her T-shirt, getting a hold of her hips and she doesn't protest, she just moans lightly.

God, this sound makes me lose it for a second.

In this second of pure insanity I get my hands down on her thighs and pick her up, encircling her legs around my waist and I sit her on the counter, merging out bodies completely, my hips fitting perfectly into the V of her thighs.

I get my mouth on her neck and bite on it.

"Oh, comrade," she moans again and begins to move her lower body up and down on mine, creating a lot of friction between my hardening crotch and her core.

I grip the flesh on her thighs and when I reach to her full ass I squeeze it hard, digging my fingers into the material of her pants, desperate to feel her flesh instead. Her back arches, the grip around my hips tightens and she clasps her palms in my hair once more.

She brushes her nose on my cheek, and when her mouth finds its way up to my ear she whispers to me. "I want you to take me."

Hearing her say these words, I try to keep myself composed because all the years of training are telling me that this is one of the worst things that could happen. It's the worst thing to let someone get attached to you, or even worse, to get attached to someone because this is where we are heading to, it's not just something about instinct, it's more, so, so much more about it, I know it so goddamn well, it's not the first time happening to me.

But what if with her things will be different?

But I know that this is wrong. It's very, very wrong, just like kissing her on the ice rink earlier and a lot of times after that, just like kissing her so many other times before, just like all the times I couldn't force myself to be cold with her, just like all the things that I am doing right now, that this isn't fair towards her at all, and I want with all my being to pull away, to stop and put her down because I know I am not supposed to do this, because this will all end badly for the both of us, that the history will only repeat itself and she will be the only one who will lose the most from this deal, but my body simply doesn't listen to me. It's like someone else is controlling me, my body having a will for itself.

But even though, at the back of my mind, there is still a little part of me that resists to the impulse of making this woman mine in all the possible ways because I don't do what she is asking me to.

Instead, I continue my movements on her lower body, taking in every inch of her delicious curves as I push myself harder into her, continuing the grinding that she started some time ago and I kiss her again.

And she eagerly responds to it, her hips matching my pace.

"Roza, goddamnit."

There went my self-control. I want more. I want it all. To hell with wrong and right. I'll make love to her tonight and there will be no turning back. The only way I'm heading is further. With her.

I grab the collar of her T-shirt and pull it down, my mouth continuing its way down on her neck, and I am careful to kiss and bite and suck on each hot patch of her skin and I soon reach the softness of her breasts, hiding into that nest of lace.

But I can't go on like this for too long. I need to feel her.

I reach my hand under her T-shirt and search for the thin strap that helps to keep her skin covered and I pull it down until it slides down her shoulder, managing to loosen the cup of the bra so that I can expose her skin to my touch. Touch that I might dare say she's so eager to feel, her chest lifting and sinking at a fast pace. And oh, I won't let her wait.

I pull the lacy material down and cup her breast in my palm, feeling its perfect weight and softness and fullness.

She sighs and her fingers get a hold of the back of my T-shirt, her fists holding it tight.

"Is that alright?" she nods. "What about this?" I start stroking her flesh gently while she starts moaning lightly, a thing that gives me the impulse to get a little further.

"Yes…"

I get my thumb over her peak and get drawing little, precise circles on it, feeling it get hard and pointy, and that's not the only thing getting in such way. It is physically getting painful for me to take it so slowly, but oh, don't I love each second of this torture?

As we kiss again, she starts swaying her body against mine again, and I can feel myself lengthen some more in appreciation at each of her moves.

But soon, she growls displeased and squeezes her legs around me, making me stop. She lifts her head, breaking contact with me and her hand gets a hold of my face, holding me by my cheeks. She is looking me directly into my eyes as she speaks, determination is filling her voice.

"Stop this or take me already, but don't you keep on torturing me like this."

As I consider my options, she parts her lips, licks them and runs her hand through my hair, pulling me back to her. She brings our lips close, but before pressing them on mine, she speaks again.

"And I am not going to repeat myself for the third time. I want you to take me, and God, I want you to do it right now," she commands.

Wow, this is totally unexpected. What happened with the Rose I know? Her shyness disappeared. It's like someone else took over her, just like it has happened to me. And I swear that I usually don't like being bossed around or to follow the orders, but with her, I just can't say no. I don't want to say no. I give in to my desire and hers and forget about everything else that is happening outside this little room. How can I even think about anything else when she is just so tempting, so delicious, so willing and so, so eager?

But oh, I just need to know something before I forget even about myself.

"Are you sure about this?" I ask her with the last piece of my self-control. My hands are itching to hold her, each inch of her and I need to wrap my fingers on the counter next to her to not do it on her body that's so eager under mine.

"Yes. Yes, I am. I…" I see her blushing a little as she looks down. "I want you," she whispers.

"No revenge?"

"No, God no. Nothing like that. I was just trying to-"

"Trying to what?"

"I was trying to… hide… this." she gets biting her lip and starts drawing little lines on my chest with her index. "I was trying to hide how much I wanted you," she says so faintly, but I am glad I heard her say these words.

That's all I needed to hear. And I want her just as much.

She tilts her head and looks at me from under those damned long lashes, that she bats slowly.

"I won't stop you this time, I promise."

She licks her lips, want filling her eyes, and this only adds to mine making me lose it completely. To hell with everything. I want her too much and she is just as willing. I have never found myself so crazy about a woman, and I am not even mad about it. I'm crazy about her and I want her in every possible way.

I get a hold of her cheeks and pull her into another kiss.

"But, oh, please, just… " she pushes her hips up on mine.

"Just what?"

"Don't you stop, comrade. Don't you stop either."

RPOV

But to my very utter displease, he decides to stop. He just stopped again, after everything I told him, after that kiss that he started.

Confused, and I won't deny, a little hurt by his gesture, I try to keep my tears at bay and I start covering myself, putting my bra back into its place. I can understand when I am not wanted.

When I want to get away, he stops me by shaking his head, he bends and kisses my forehead, his arms embracing me.

He buries his nose into my hair and reaches the crook of my neck, his lips starting to nip on my skin.

"Don't get me wrong. I am not going to stop. Just… I don't want to rush. So just, let me see you for a second, Roza."

Oh, so this is what it was about? And if he wants to see me naked in here, hell, why not? He has already seen me a couple of times, I don't know why I would act that shy about it. I'll try not to. Or at least not that much.

With him walking his lips and tongue on my collarbones now, I start lifting the T-shirt on me and as I expose more skin, he starts touching me where I have already unraveled myself and soon he reaches over my hands.

"Can I do that?"

I let go of the material and let him take charge of undressing me and he moves just as slowly as I started, his fingers careful to stroke everything that he finds along the way, and when he finally takes the material off my body, I am more than crazy with desire, his skin brushing on mine managing to bring me on the verge of despair.

Without the littlest of care, he lets it fall on the floor and continues to give my body all of his attention, and I get chills all over as he walks his fingertips on my hips and he's so close to me that I can feel my chest touching his lightly as he bends to kiss my shoulder.

But soon, he stops and pulls away, taking a step back and he looks at me head to toe, and I swear I am trying so hard not to hide somewhere.

When a smile appears on his lips, I feel my whole body starting to heaten under his admiring gaze, and I can't take it anymore. I break the visual contact and stare at his feet.

"This wasn't supposed to be here."

"What?" I lift my eyes back up and meet his expression changed, a frown between his brows.

As he comes closer again, his fingers creep over my ribs and he watches me, seeming a little mad.

"Where is this bruise from?"

Ouch. A bruise. The bruise.

"Um…" I don't think I want to tell him.

"Rose…" he gets demanding and I hide my face into his shoulder, praying that he won't get scolding next.

"It's from that night at the bar."

"How? Who?"

I sigh. "It doesn't-"

"Who, love?"

"The man I jumped on, he elbowed me."

He gets me off him and makes me look him in the eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

I shrug. "I didn't want you to worry. Or scold me."

"Why would I have scolded you?"

"Because you told me not to move."

"Oh, Roza. You… do you think it might be broken?"

"No."

"But does it hurt?"

"No."

"You're lying to me?"

"No. I promise. I hurt a little after he hit me. But not anymore."

He nods. "Let's say I believe you." he gets his hands back on my body and pulls me to him, making our bodies touch everywhere. "But not really. The bruise is still fresh." he sighs. "And if you keep on not telling me things like these, I might get mad at you."

"Please don't."

He smiles. "I won't. But I don't like at all seeing these bruises on you."

He kisses me lightly.

But I am not wanting only this. He promised me more and my brain is set to getting more.

I round my hands around his neck and as I start again grinding on him, his palms get stroking on my thighs again, his lips starting to get hungrier from mine, and we pick up from where we've left things.

DPOV

As I already expected and knew, under that T-shirt, she revealed a body that's worth dreaming about. But the only difference now is that she is so goddamn real and I feel her all over under me.

Just to make sure, I pull away a little and watch her. I can't believe she's real and she's here and that she'll be mine.

She gulps as my eyes leave the beautiful sight of her face and I move down, kissing on her collarbones. Further down, nested into black lace, I watch her breasts move up and down fast with each breath she takes.

She is really a sight to see and oh, wouldn't I just kiss every inch of her body? And why wouldn't I start now?

As I massage the pointy parts of her hips with my hands, I continue kissing my way down and follow the line of her sternum, her breath getting harsher with each kiss. When I reach my destination, I rub my face between her breasts, greedily feeling off the silkiness of her skin against mine.

I nip on her breast, deciding to do this instead of ripping that lace off her.

"Comrade," she whispers as her whole body trembles under me and I feel her fingers wrapping on my palm.

I lift my eyes to meet hers and even in this dim light, I see her cheeks burning. She's unbelievable. She lets me do so many and still shies away?

RPOV

His lips turning into a cheeky smile, he gets up.

"So shy," he murmurs as he traces his fingers feather-like along my spine, making me quiver under his touch, and I let out a sigh as his palm moves over my wanting breast.

"You shouldn't be shy at all. You're so beautiful."

"You… you think that?"

"I don't say it just for the sake of saying it, Roza." I just shrug a little in response. I have heard these words from plenty of people. But the way he says it… it's different. "I do believe that. You're gorgeous." he bends to give me a peck. "You're so beautiful, love, it physically hurts me at times."

"Thank you," I barely hear myself say as I put my hair behind my ears nervously and I try not to avoid his eyes. My heart is beating so hard just by hearing him say these words, and oh, my cheeks are burning so bad.

Smiling widely, he takes my hands in his and kisses my knuckles.

"You don't have to be shy around me Roza. Or afraid. I won't bite." He walks his lips up on my cheek and when he reaches my ear, he lightly grits his teeth on my earlobe. "Of course, unless you want me to."

His words along with what he's doing to me make me sigh in pleasure and I relax a bit more, my whole body untensing and in my mind, I giving him a free hand to do whatever he wants to me. I bet I will like anything he might do to me.

DPOV

She moves her head so that I would be kissing her lips now and seconds later, she wants to take my T-shirt off, her palms gripping on it and lifting it from my back, her fingers touching on my skin in the sloppy process, managing to send little electricity waves throughout my body.

But in the front, the T-shirt is stuck in between us and she tries to pull it harder, not giving up on her little task, but we are too interlocked and she doesn't manage to do much and growls in displease.

"Patience, love."

She chuckles lightly and lets go of the material.

"I don't think I can't." she kisses my cheek as she is walking her fingers on the nape of my neck. "Just… oh, take me already, comrade," she says almost like a whine and sways her body on mine, getting a growl in response from me.

"Where's the rush, love?"

Biting her lips, she shrugs. But only God knows how hard it is for me too to take things slow.

I kiss my way along her shoulder and when I reach the strap of her bra, I pull it back down with my teeth.

She is watching me as I admire her some more, as in my mind she's already completely naked, and I hear her gulping loudly before she takes charge over the situation and takes things one step further, in another daring moment.

Her hands get behind her and she unhooks her bra, then slips the other strap down, letting herself half covered in front of me.

When she seems ready to change her mind, I am already helping her get rid of it and now her T-shirt is on the floor and so is her bra. Good.

Her round, full breasts are hard to conceal as she coyly places her palms to cover her nipples and tries to hide a little more, a Rose gesture I should have seen coming.

But I have already seen enough to make my brain get cloudy. Her dusky nipples were perky and engorged, and I just can't wait to feel them, to taste, to bite, to tease, to bruise. But not until she lets me.

I move her hair to one side and she leans her head in that direction too, eager to feel me on her skin. I get my mouth closer to her shoulder and I still haven't touched her, but she is already trembling lightly, just by feeling my breath on her skin.

She sighs and the hair on her back stands as I move closer and kiss her shoulder, my hands getting a hold of her hips and slowly moving up, announcing my intentions to her.

She doesn't protest and takes her hands off her breasts and moves them along my thighs, moving slowly up, reaching my hips, she makes herself busy with unbuttoning my jeans as I continue to explore her naked skin. I love how she goes from shy to daring in a split of a second.

Being allowed to, I move my hand up and cup her full breast with my palm, feeling her hot flesh on mine, and my other hand is going into the other direction, rounding on her ass and pulling her closer to me.

Her head tilts backward, she places her hands on my ribs and she squeezes a little as she is slowly swaying her body, her core reaching just too close to my pulsing member as she keeps on moaning each time I pinch on her peak, soon remaining breathless. She is vocal and this only makes me want to do so much more to her, just to hear her consumed by pleasure. And why not do more?

I bend and take her nipple into my mouth and suck on it a little, finally getting to hear her cries of pleasure. I didn't think it was possible for my cock to get harder. But oh, wasn't I wrong?

"What are you doing?" her head snaps up and she looks at me, cheeks flushed and surprise filling her face.

Feasting on the sweetness of her skin, of course. I will savor each inch of her body.

I can't help but smile at her question as I take her other nipple in between my fingers and play with it, making her flush even more as, after she watched me do it, her eyes lift to make contact with mine.

"What does it look like?"

She shrugs and bites her lip with a deep, pleasurable sigh.

"I am pleasing you, love. Don't you like it?" I ask and not wait for her answer, I just take her peak in my mouth again and round my tongue on it.

Her joyous cries and her hand clutching in my hair is enough of an answer to me anyway.

"I do… God, I do… I…" I go again, pressing my tongue on her perky caramel peak. "Mmmmm…" she lets out in between puffs and tilts her head, and starts pushing her chest upward, pushing her flesh in my mouth, inviting me to do more. What I exactly do.

When I bite on her, she whelps and her hands drag me by my hair.

"Comrade!"

I do it again, just for the sake of her response, which is more exciting this time.

And I move my mouth back and forth between her nipples, teasing her unmercifully, greedily sucking and biting, trying to make her crazy with desire, just as I am.

"Please, comrade…"

Hearing her like this, only makes me want to tease.

I nibble on her skin a little harder as my hands are busy with taking in all of her delicious curves. I'd only wish I have gotten her pants down earlier.

"Please," she whispers once more as I squeeze on her thighs.

Kissing her now up on her neck, I speak.

"Are you wanting of something, love?"

"I, um…" she gulps between long take ins of breath, and looks me in the eyes. "I am," She admits, her hands playing in my hair. "Of you. I am wanting of you. Really, really bad." She bites her lips, watching for my response.

"Oh, Roza. You'll end me one day."

RPOV

I don't know what he told me because he used Russian this time, but I don't really care. Because his hands start moving again on my body, and that's all I wanted.

So does his mouth, as he starts biting on my neck, and I tilt my head a little, giving him all the access he wants.

But when his palm slides in between my legs and he presses on me, I gasp and tilt my head a little more, but I did that quite fast and ended up banging my head against the cupboard behind me.

His head snaps up on an instant and his hands leave my body as he cups my head.

"Oh, shit. I'm sorry, comrade."

He kisses my forehead and pulls me closer, massaging the top of my head.

"You're okay?"

"Yes. I am just being my clumsy self," I try to sound funny, but in fact, I feel like an idiot for spoiling this moment. "Sorry if I-"

He stops me, shaking his head.

"Oh, Roza, I am waiting for the day you will stop apologizing for things that don't upset me." I shrug. But what can I do rather than apologize when I do a stupid thing? "What if we make a deal?"

"What deal?"

"You don't apologize for anything from now on. Especially for things that make you you. I don't want you to ever apologize again for being yourself."

"But what if me being myself means clumsiness an-"

"Stop, love." he gives me a peck. "Don't apologize for anything like that. I like you being clumsy. I like you being in any way you are. I like you, just like that, as you are."

His words make me smile like an idiot.

"You mean that?"

"Didn't I already say it?" He did. And I love him for saying these words. "Now, you're sure didn't hurt yourself?"

"No. Really. I just… you know…"

"Good."

He kisses my forehead once more and looks at me smiling, then picks me up and gets moving.

"Where are we going?"

"Bedroom, love. I don't want you to get a concussion from what I'm going to do to you next," he whispers kissing my shoulder.

Hearing his words, I panic a little. Okay. A little more than a little. Maybe a little more.

"I um… and… what is that?" I barely find the courage to ask.

His palm slides up on my ribs and the huskiness in his voice makes me tremble with desire.

"So impatient, love," he whispers and I hide my flushed face into the safety of his neck. "Don't worry. You won't have to wait for too long, I promise."

Oh, God, I can't believe I am doing this

DPOV

As soon as we enter the bedroom, I take a seat on the edge of the bed with her on my lap. I take her hair out of the way and get my hands on her skin once more, this time roaming the skin of her back and I feel her muscles contracting anywhere I touch.

Just like earlier, she begins to slowly grind on me and all I want now is to rip every piece of clothing left on her and to push her into the mattress, but I don't. Not yet. I want this thing to last. I don't want to rush things not even for a second. I have never been tense while doing this. Ever. But with her, I have to pay attention to each of her little signals, otherwise, I might fuck it up again. And damn me if I am doing this again.

So instead of rushing, I place kisses along the side of her neck, stopping when I reach the pulsing spot of her jugular and bite and suck hard on her skin to mark her as mine. Only mine.

She sighs, closes her eyes and extends her neck, giving me more access and her hands get under my T-shirt, her coldish skin making contact with mine again.

When I see blood pooling beneath the surface of her flawless skin, I pull away. I can't wait to see it turn purple later.

"You do bruise easily, love."

She smiles as her fingers play along my abs.

"I told you I do," she says and bends to kiss my cheek.

I pass my hand through her strands, making her give me her attention and she looking at me as she is slowly kissing her way up on my jaw.

"Is there something that you are into, love?"

I want to do whatever she likes most. I want to bring her so much pleasure tonight. And not only once. For her, I would go all night long.

"What?" she asks pulling away fast and watching me confused.

"I know you heard what I asked. Come on, don't be shy about it."

She frowns, gets her hands out from under my T-shirt, bringing them to my lap and then moves her eyes down and looks at them. She seems some kind of embarrassed. Did I say something wrong?

"I um... Why?"

I can't help but chuckle. She is becoming more and more distressed as the seconds go by, her fingers playing with each other faster and faster.

"Hey, love." I get a hold of her forearms and pull her closer to me but she doesn't move her eyes from looking down.

Trying to calm her, I start drawing little circles on her lower back, as I am slowly kissing my way up on her collarbones and she tilts her head back once more as I am reaching her neck and under my lips, I feel the fastness with which her blood is pumping.

She dares touching me again, walking her palms on my upper arms.

"You don't have to be shy about it. I am asking just so I would know what we're going to do next."

"You don't have to…"

"Oh, but I want to. I want to make things very pleasurable for you, Roza," I bite her neck.

She gulps hard and pulls away a little.

"I don't know. Honestly. There's nothing passing through my mind." She starts playing with the hem of my T-shirt now instead of kneading her fingers and she is avoiding my eyes again.

I lift her chin and make her look at me.

"There has to be something. Anything you wish. Anything you think about. Just name it." hell, I would even bark if this is what turns her on. Fine, not really bark, but you might get what I am trying to say.

"I don't know. Alexander…" she shakes her head. "Xavier and I…" she puts her hair behind her ears. "We didn't really do much…" she takes the edge of my T-shirt and plays nervously with it once more.

God, the things that this guy did to her still affect her. And I don't think I even know half of them. If I am ever going to find him again, I am going to make him pay for whatever he did to her. And I will find him one day. I just hope that that day would come soon.

"You know, he was always away and I, before, with the other guys I- I didn't-" she clears her throat and shakes her head. "We would usually just do- I don't know, basic stuff I guess…"

I take her hands in mine and she lifts her gaze, meeting my eyes.

"He doesn't matter now. And no one before him. Not anymore. You matter now love. This is all about you." She gives me a faint smile. "Is there something you would like to try then? Something you haven't done before?"

She shakes her shoulders and her head.

"I don't know, comrade."

I kiss the inside of her palm, hoping it is reassuringly enough. She just needs to relax a little more. This conversation has brought her stress level to the roof and I have no idea why.

"Anything your heart desires, Roza. Just tell me and I'll please you in any way you want."

She frowns again and passes her hand through her hair. She is so nervous and I just want her to feel comfortable in my presence. I want her to come to enjoy this. Very much, if possible.

I trace the line of her jaw with the tip of my nose and go further up, reaching her ear and I grit my teeth on her earlobe. She lets out a sigh and I feel her breath steadying a little.

"Come on, love, tell me. Anything you wish."

"Um...I, I have never been on top?" she pulls away from me and shakes her head mostly to herself. "No, no, this is stupid. So stupid. Sorry. I don't know. You don't really have to do anything special. It's okay either way. Really, I don't mind if-"

"Hey. What did I say about apologizing?"

"Not to do it anymore," she mumbles.

"Yes, Roza. And it's whatever you want." I get my mouth back on her neck and make my way up to her ear once more. "Your wish is my command tonight," I whisper and there is a shiver that shakes her lightly as she hears my words. Oh, how can I not love the way she responds to me?

I lift and turn around, laying her on her back.

She slips her hands under my T-shirt and starts pushing it up, everywhere she touches burning deliciously, making my muscles flex under her wandering hands.

"Your turn, comrade."

Being given the impulse, I get rid of almost all my clothes fast, throwing them wherever I can. I am still trying to move slow, but I can't wait for long. I want to feel her skin on mine.

I press my body on hers and I meet her full lips one more time into a prolonged kiss. I trace lines on her side, learning all of her curves and I can feel her underneath me, squeezing her thighs together strongly. She must be so ready.

I get up and see that she got busy with untangling the ribbon of her pants, so I give her a hand and in one fell swoop I pull down her pyjamas and panties at once, leaving her completely naked.

I stop for a second to take her in all her whole glory, as she is sitting there, biting her lips, smiling, waiting. Not for long, love. Not for long.

I have always had a great imagination at undressing women. But her? Wow. She is a hundred times better than all my thoughts.

Inside my boxers, I can feel my cock thicken and lengthen some more. She's drop-dead gorgeous. I can't wait to have her, to feel her on me.

I lay next to her and take one thing I have forgotten of from my jeans and well, ever since I am already laying, why not enjoy seeing her from this angle some more? I pull her on me and she mounts on me and we kiss once more, her lips being a thing I can't easily give up on.

RPOV

"Что-то с чем-то."

"What? What did you say?"

"That you're so beautiful, love," he says as his palms stroke on my hips.

"I um…" I lift a little and put my hair behind my ears. "Thanks." I think I could get used to hearing these words from him.

But you know… I kinda start getting anxious. I feel him pressing on me, so, so hard, so thick and wanting, and I feel my heart starting to pound faster.

I need a breather or I'll end up fainting.

So I find my way out and into a little break. I don't want us to stop. I just need a second to calm down.

I lift, breaking our kiss and start exploring his torso with my eyes and fingers, mesmerized. I see the disappointed look on his face as he lifts himself, wanting to follow me, but I show him to wait a minute.

With a little thud he lays back down, guessing what I want to do, and I smile at him for letting me do it then go back to exploring his skin.

I liked it when I saw it the first time, I totally love it now that I have a little more time to explore his tattoo, this warm light in the room giving it a special look.

Back to the first time I saw it, in my drunkness, it was just a bunch of tree branches for me, nicely spread across the right side of his torso, wrapping themselves a little towards his shoulder blade, towards his back, on his ribs and down under the waistband of his pants. It would take him to be completely naked for me to see the whole tattoo, that big it is. But with his T-shirt laying on the ground now, hastily thrown away, I can see plenty of it anyway and I will surely see more later when he will eventually get rid of his underpants.

Now I see that there is way more to it than I have first thought. So much more. It is so complex, and in my drunkness, I haven't realized it.

I remember walking my fingers along the ends of branches that are imprinted on his ribs and I start there, from where I have left things some time ago, and I take in as much of it as I see, still walking my fingers along his tattoo.

"Love," he says taking my hand in his, disrupting my thing.

I move my eyes on him and see his bothered face. It seems that I wasn't the only one enjoying that kiss I broke. But I really need that break.

I move once more above him, meeting his wet, sweet lips into a short peck.

"Just give me a second more. Please," I say pulling away and I kinda beg him with my eyes and he sighs a little in response, but doesn't argue anymore when I go back to looking at him like he would be a museum exhibit.

This here, engraved on his skin, is no regular tree. It is, in fact, a skeleton, if you pay enough attention to the details. The bones of his body, as it seems to be a male one to me, form the trunk of the tree, and from there, his hands, lifted above his head, blend into the tree's branches and they are all covered with black leaves.

And the more I look, the more of the body I see. His pelvis, his ribcage, his face and I gently run my fingers along each bone, just as he is patiently drawing little circles on my thigh and watching me as I get lost in the details.

But this is not all. The tattoo is not just black and white, even though it would have been a great piece of art just like that. It has some spots of color too.

On some branches, there are little deep blue diffuse spots of color in the shape of birds, little blue jays, that bring some life to all that darkness on his skin.

I start counting them, bringing my fingers over each of them.

One, resting on an arm of the skeleton towards his sternum.

Two, just above the first one, a little more to the left.

Three, at the top of the tree, reaching under his collarbone.

"Do you think you can…?" I touch his elbow and he complies, lifting his hand off my leg and above his head and exposes to me one more bird, this one colored in purple, resting on the side of his ribcage, bringing my count to four.

"Are there more?" I feel the need to know.

He nods. "Two more." but he doesn't move to show them to me, so all I can suppose is that they are somewhere on a branch that extends oh his back.

I decide not to push it. I have seen enough.

His hand gets down again, and he is now playing with a strand of my hair, rounding it on his finger.

"It's really beautiful." and in my head form a thousand questions about it, but none of it actually finds its way on my lips because I fear him pulling away from me once more.

I have a feeling that it involves something personal and we all know too well how he reacts when I ask anything about him.

His response gives me the confirmation I needed.

He gets up, dissolving the distance between us, his hand moving to the back of my head and his lips now kissing my jaw.

"Not as beautiful as you," he whispers, and I know he is trying to change the subject before I start a little parade of questions, and I must be happy with what I got for now. At least he let me explore it a little.

"Wouldn't you say anything to get in between my legs now, comrade?"

He pulls away and looks at me frowning.

"Rose, I won't do that. I won't do anything unless you want me to and-"

I smile widely and run fingers across his forehead and down to his neck.

"I know, comrade. And this is why I do want you to."

Slowing down a little did me good. But now I feel ready. I know with all my heart that I want to be his.

"But where's the hurry, comrade?" I ask him the same thing he asked me when he kept on torturing me back in the kitchen, getting a playful tone.

He shrugs.

"I was just wondering when you will smack me again."

"Do I have a reason to?"

"Not that I know of."

I chuckle and kiss him with short kisses on his cheek.

"You know, you always know what to say to keep a girl interested, comrade."

I feel his lips turning into a smile on my cheeks.

"Oh, love. Wait till you see what I can do for that same thing," he whispers and the second my brain processes what he has just said, my blood starts boiling in me with desire.

Yeah, I really, really want him right now. I don't care about anything else. All I know is that I want him and that he wants me too. And for now, this is more than enough. And he is eager to start showing me.

He uses his pointed tongue to lick an area on my neck, then nibbles it with his teeth, and finally sucks gently with his lips and this combination sends chills down my spine, managing to arouse me even more.

He doesn't stop here. He moves his kisses further down, nibbling on my skin from time to time and finally reaches my breasts, where he leaves red spots all over behind, but who cares? I just like the way he plays with my body.

As his mouth is busy with my jaw and my neck, he moves his hand slowly up on my body, taking his time to grip on my flesh, going from my knee to my thigh, to my ass, lower body, up on my abdomen and my ribs and then to my breast where be stops for good and plays with it, rounding his thumb on my peak and I moan lightly at his every touch, my whole body trembling slowly under him and I swear that I can see him grinning from time to time.

Well, he surely has reasons to be proud of himself. If not for all the touching part and for what he's doing to me, then for some other thing. For example, for the thing that is now pressing on my core and he seems to do his best to ignore it for now too. But for how long?

He turns me around and lays me back down, and his lips start moving down on my body, kissing and caressing my skin.

DPOV

She tenses under me as I reach under her navel area and I breathe on the thin skin there.

"Comrade…" she purrs as her fingers intertwine in my hair.

Her legs even enclose a little on my hips. Too much? Yeah, maybe.

But I swear I could bury my face in between her legs and please her like that all night long, please her until she would be squirming at the mercy of my mouth.

Her scent is driving me insane. She's hot under my lips and that sweet and musky smell, oh, I would love to taste her. I am drunk on her already and we didn't even do much. But if she says no in any way, it's a no.

Okay, I think I have tortured myself enough with this foreplay. I want to have her now.

I lift, get rid of my boxers and put on the condom that I snatched from my jeans earlier. Too bad. I want to feel her on me, without anything in between. But I don't complain. Just by thinking about having her folds on me is enough to push me closer to the edge.

I bend her legs and part them some more, propping myself between them, getting closer to her core, my tip brushing on her folds and she gasps a little at the contact, and of course, her cheeks start to get red. She's unbelievable.

I get on top of her and move closer, and I can feel her hot flesh on mine and I can only imagine how hot and moist she must be in there.

RPOV

I wanted to do it. I thought I could. But I don't.

I thought that by not telling him I was doing myself some kind of favor or anything that my mind full of kinky fog was thinking, but as I felt him so close to my slit, I felt the panic creeping back to me too.

I just did such a good job until now even though I must admit I am completely clueless and it feels so good to let him be in charge and bring my contribution from time to time. But what if I do a thing that gives me away?

But come on, Rose! It won't be bad. Just chill and let him do his thing. Maybe it won't hurt or stuff.

Yeah, but hell, he is big, isn't he?

I mean, while I am hardly an expert on male stuff, I can at least tell that he is blessed and a surge of pleasure raced through my body between my legs at the thought of him in me, but… oh, I don't know.

As the moment gets closer, I don't find myself as daring as I was earlier. I need to slow it down. And I need to find a way to tell him. Because, being honest now, I am a little scared of it. Not that I wouldn't trust him with it because I do. But it seems now fair that he would know what he is getting himself into.

And he is so close!

No, I can't do this without letting him know. Whatever will happen, will happen. But I have to tell him.

"Wait, wait, comrade. We need to stop."

I always end up messing things up! But now I can't back down. I already told him to stop. He'll want an explanation.

Surprised, he pulls his body away from mine a little, his hands stop moving on me and he catches my eyes, confusion filling his.

"What's the matter? Too fast?"

I shake my head.

"It's just…"

How should I put it not to sound weird? I have broken this news to only one other guy before and he didn't really take it very well. He still tried to get me, but I didn't feel ready. Unlike now.

"Did I do something wrong? You didn't like it?"

Wouldn't that have been easier? But I loved each thing he did. And I want more. But slower. And truly now, he needs to know.

"Did I offend you in some way?"

"No. God, no. You are amazing." he smiles a little at my words. "It's just that…"

He nods.

"It's alright if you don't want this anymore," he says and wants to pull away, but I get a hold of his shoulders, making him stay.

"No, no. Stop saying things like that. There is nothing wrong with you. You didn't do anything. And I want this."

"Then don't keep me guessing like this. Tell me what is the matter. I don't understand what is going on and I surely can't read your mind," he says sounding a little upset, and who would blame him for it? It feels like I am playing with him.

"You need to know that I am...you know," I say passing my fingers down on his arm and look away for a second.

But he doesn't get it. How could he? I am not helping at all. All I do is to confuse him big time.

He gets off me and watches me, expecting me to continue with my explanation.

I take a breath in and lift on my elbows to have a better look in his eyes.

I thought I could be like one of the women he is used to be with. I tried, I really did. I wanted to be confident, to be sexy, to feel like I should have. But at the end of the day, I am still my shy, virgin self.

"I want… need to tell you something."

"What? You can tell me anything. I won't mind if you have something to argue about," he says promising and bends to kiss on my shoulder. "Just don't keep me on my toes. Tell me what's the matter."

"I um… you need to know that…" my eyes fill with tears. I am such an idiot. "I am sorry," my voice breaks.

He gets a hold of my shoulders and lifts me into his embrace.

"Roza? Hey, what happened?" he asks me with a soothing voice and his hand caresses my cheek.

Okay, it is obviously not going to work like this. I am crying and he wants a reason.

"I haven't…" shit, how the hell do you even say this out loud?

"Haven't what?" he gets a hold of my cheeks and makes me look at him. "Rose, did something happen to you before?"

"What?"

"I mean, did someone ever did something to you? Did he-"

"No. No. Nothing like that happened. But this… I haven't… oh, comrade…"

Full of shame, I cover my face with my palms and confesses to him that I have never done it before with anyone, like ever, in my entire life.

But of course, that this is not what he hears because I am sobbing and I mumbling into my palms.

His hands catch mine and pull them off my face, breaking fast my little resistance of keeping them there.

"Roza…" he gets a hold of my jaw and lifts my head so that I would be again looking at him. "What…?" he shakes his head in confusion. "First, calm down, okay? Nothing that you don't want to happen will happen, alright?"

I swear I see and hear panic in him and it's unbelievable to know I have brought him in this state.

I nod and try to calm down so. That we would be able to have a normal conversation.

"Good. Now…"

He lifts me off him and gets my hair out of my face and wipes my tears away.

"You're okay?" I nod. "You don't seem okay, love." he gets swearing a little. "Tell me what's wrong. Tell me with complete words, please. Make a sentence, love. I don't get what you are telling me. Did I hurt you in any way?" I sniff my nose and shake my head. "Then what happened?"

And I tell him again, fast because some sobs are threatening to take my voice away.

Oh, what did I do? Why the hell am I acting like a fifteen year old stupid girl? I should have had the guts to be completely honest and let him know from the first second what he is getting into and not to think that I could handle it. Because obviously, just like always, I can't! I so want to punch myself.

I can't even sit to watch his reaction and I feel the need to hide away again into the comfort of my palms.