Chapter 39.

Cas was in his room, looking through the pictures he was collecting on his phone. He had started taking pictures of everyone around the bunker and they all seemed happy to let him take them. He had none yet of Sam, Dean or Jack and was wary of asking for them. Sam already seemed troubled that he needed pictures.

Whenever he got to a picture of Jules, he spent some time in admiration of the beautiful eyes, the glowing skin, the lips that now always made him think of tender, lingering kisses.

They'd worked together a lot and he had always liked and admired her. Whatever his other feelings had been, he had buried them, because he had thought that Dean liked her. He had, after all, constantly told Cas how approachable she was and how attractive and Cas had always assumed that, once Dean expressed those feelings to Jules, she would instantly reciprocate them. Finding out that Dean had been trying to convince him to make a move had been a shock, but an even greater surprise had come when Jules had told him he was more her type than Dean was.

Once he had known that Dean would not be angry or hurt, he had allowed himself to consider those feelings he had refused to acknowledge, the way his fingers tingled when they made accidental contact with hers in handling the archived material or the way a room became less interesting to him when she left it.

In the eyes of everyone else, they probably had little in common. She was everything he wasn't, confident, easygoing, great with people. She was a skilled hunter, leading a small team and hoping to get a larger one. He was a better fighter than she was, but not close to her level as a hunter. He still found it strange that she was not more drawn to Dean than to an insecure angel whose skills were impressive, but terribly limited in scope.

Whenever he gave it any thought, he found their relationship implausible. He couldn't see why she would be attracted to him. Nevertheless, she was and he was very grateful. Even if it couldn't last, and he was fairly sure it couldn't, the feeling of mattering to her brought him immense happiness.

Implausible or not, temporary or not, it was real. It existed. A woman he greatly admired cared about him. Despite knowing him very well, she liked him. She chose to spend time with him and was pleased when he found reasons to spend time with her.

His thoughts were interrupted by a call from Sam. "Hello, Sam." he said.

"Are you ready to go?" said Sam.

"I just need to say goodbye to Jules."

"Okay, I'll be in the garage." said Sam.

Cas exchanged his green and white striped tie for blue and went to find Jules.

She was still in the archives. She looked up from her work and smiled. "Time to go?" she said.

"Yes." he said, "So I came to say goodbye."

She stood and went over to him. "I'm not jealous of Dean and I never will be. I know he's like a brother to you and I know you need to be there whenever he needs you. Stay as long as you need to and call me when you get a chance." She kissed him. "And if you want me to go there, let me know. I'd love to see the farm. It was always a dream of mine to live on a farm one day, before the world ended and plants stopped growing."

"We must arrange for you to see it." he said, "It's a beautiful place and the bees would like you."

"You changed your tie." she said.

"Yes." he said, "The other one is for signalling to you, not the world."

"I told Sam what it means." she said, looking guilty, "Was that wrong?"

"No. Sam is not the world." he said, "Besides, you can tell anyone anything you like. If I'd wanted anything to be secret, I would have told you." He looked at her smile and said, "Is it appropriate to hug?"

"Always." she said.

He hugged her and said, "Song of Solomon 6:10."

"Same book, 5:16." she said.

"Then kiss this most sweet mouth." he said, "And then I have to go. My brothers need me. I would not leave you for a lesser reason."

She kissed him again. "Proverbs 17:17." she said.

"Watch over Jack for me." he said.

"Of course." she said.

"If you need me, if Michael attacks or anything else happens, call or pray."

"I don't pray." she said, "None of us do. In our world, nobody wanted to attract the attention of angels."

"And you feel the same way when I'm the angel in question?" he said, trying not to sound as hurt as he felt.

"You don't understand." she said, "After years of cosmic warfare, I don't think I can make myself pray again. We had to kill off every impulse to pray. It's not you. It's the psycho angels we used to know in our world."

"I'm sorry." he said, "Of course that makes perfect sense. I forget sometimes, what my kind did to yours. I forget how vast the horrors Sam and Dean prevented here really were."

"Sam, Dean and Castiel." she said, "That's why I will never think of you as the same as those angels. You stood against Heaven and Hell for the sake of humanity."

"The Winchesters saved me and made it possible for me to be a small part of saving this world." he said.

"You were not a small part." she said, "Without you, they could not have saved it."

"They would have found a way. They always do."

"They always have you beside them." she said, "Now go and take care of your brother." She kissed him once more and then he turned away, his heart singing a song he didn't know.