The Black Eye

"I'm not Koh, Zuko," pleaded Aang, "it's okay to get emotional."

Zuko continued to just sit on the bench they had guided him to with a completely blank expression. He hadn't said a word since they had gotten their latest in a long line of terrible news.

Aang was starting to think Zuko had died and gone to the spirit world, leaving his empty body to walk the world forever, a haunting reminder to men who would anger knife-throwing girlfriends, "can you at least SAY something, Sifu Hotman? You wanna yell at me for calling you 'Sifu Hotman?' Come on, you know you want to."

"I can't help but think you're crying over spilt milk, Zuko," said Sokka. "Well okay, not so much crying as having a highly unsettling emotional breakdown over spilt milk, but the point is you already killed a guy last night, this is kind of small potatoes, isn't it?"

Toph stomped her foot and sent a rock column shooting up between Sokka's legs.

"See?" Aang asked Zuko, pointing his thumb over to Sokka writhing on the ground in pain, "don't you wanna tear Sokka a new one for that? Thanks Sokka."

Zuko's eyes started to narrow and his mouth started to wrinkle in what looked like a grimace.

"That's it, buddy," encouraged Aang, "it's okay to cry, let it all out."

Then, Zuko burst out into the fullest, hardest laugh any of them had ever heard from him. They all just stood there speechless with their mouths hanging open, until Toph started to giggle, and before long she was laughing just as hard as him. The sight of Zuko laughing was pretty funny.

"Wh-what's so funny, Zuko?" she managed to get out.

Zuko wiped his eyes that were starting to water, "you see, I lost the leader of a rival nation, oversaw the murder of a powerful general, I'll likely get burned to death by a mob after the people learn I plunged them into another war, and now I've lost the love of my life! Everything I've ever cared about is gone! It's hilarious!"

Toph stopped laughing, frowned and cocked an eyebrow. She pulled Sokka down to her level and whispered, "I don't get it."

Zuko kept holding his splitting sides and laughing as he stood up from the bench and walked into the nearest building, a rather crowded tavern.

"I'll go talk to him," said Aang, "you guys stay out here."

"Hey, what's that's supposed to mean?" objected Sokka

"Yeah," said Toph, pointing a very indignant finger at Aang, "we're exactly the people you want during emotional distress. I can literally hear people's emotional state with their heartbeat!"

Aang raised an eyebrow, "Both of you look me in the eye and tell me you are not currently thinking of multiple jokes to make about Zuko's situation."

After a long pause, Toph said, "Well that's not fair, I can't even do the first thing."

"Just stay out here and try not to….I dunno, cause a riot or something. Besides, it's a wood floor in there, and this doesn't seem like the place for a non-bending blind girl."

Aang pushed through the curtain in the Tavern's doorway. They were in a shady part of the city, but this place made the rest of the district look bright and upstanding by comparison. Every table was packed with people with visible scars and tattoos drinking, gambling, and playing games with knives that didn't seem fun to Aang at all. It looked like the place where everyone was going for the "festivities" that would draw more attention from guards than the ones going on outside.

Aang found Zuko grabbing a man twice his size (but with half his teeth) out of a stool by the bar and throwing him to the ground. The man started to get up and looked to be reaching for something in his pocket. Aang was trying to figure out how he was going to fight with the place so packed, but apparently the man saw something in Zuko's eyes that said, "I'm a better fighter than you and I also welcome death right now," because he moved his hand back away from his pocket and slinked into the crowd. Zuko then flicked a gold coin at the barkeeper and pointed to a bottle with a skull painted on it. By the time Aang had moved through the crowd to join him, he had downed half of it.

"Hey, slow down, Hotman, isn't that how this whole mess started?"

Zuko didn't even have the will to tell Aang to stop calling him that, just scoffed, "Assuming what we drank last night was just booze. Knowing Sokka, he just bought a bottle of Spirits-know-what from one of these guys," jerking his thumb over his shoulder to the crowd, "Besides, maybe if I get wasted again, I'll screw up so much that the whole world will burn down and it will just be over with."

"Zuko, I get why you're worried about the Earth King and the general, but honestly it's kinda weird that this is what made you give up. I know you promised Mai that you'd keep this a secret, but I don't know if you've noticed, My Lord, but," he gestured to the packed tavern and out the door to the impromptu festival, "people don't really seem to care. I mean is this an issue with succession or something? Sorry, I'm still trying to figure out this weird 'government' thing you guys have."

Zuko forced down another sip from the mystery bottle. This sludge really wasn't worth a gold coin.

"No, that won't be an issue, if we're married when the baby is born (and that's a pretty big if now, then nothing changes. Sure, the commoners don't care, but the blue-blooded aristocrats I have to deal with on a daily basis will."

This junk wasn't getting him lightheaded nearly as fast as he'd paid for.

"Actually, scratch that, they won't care either, but they'll pretend to care in order to subtly chip away at my authority and the authority of the kid."

Aang took a curious sniff of the bottle and had to suppress a gag, "Wow, aristocracy sounds exhausting, that's why we never touched the stuff."

"Honestly, I don't really care about that either, what matters is that Mai cares. Right before I left last night, she made me promise not to tell even you guys. She used the words, 'please, for me.'"

Aang's eyes widened in understanding, "Ooooohhh nooooooo…"

"Yeah, my wedding is in two days, and I just screwed up the simple request to do nothing. I don't know why she puts up with me."

"Zuko, you committed treason against your country and got her locked in a volcanic prison by your crazy sister. I think she can get over it."

"That was for a good reason, Aang. How is she-or anyone-for that matter, supposed to buy that I can be responsible for the next leader of the Fire Nation when I can't even take care of myself for one night? I always hated those rich people that have the tudors and servants raise their kids, but maybe it's better than the alternative."

"My point, Zuko, is that you've already been tested by a lot worse than this and come out together on the other side. Not everyone can say that, you know."

Aang abandoned his usual monastic moderation and took a huge gulp from the Death Bottle. Zuko noticed his hands shaking. He had initially assumed Aang panicking over his "talk" with Katara was just his usual way of putting her ahead of more important things.

"Wow, you're…...actually scared of this, aren't you?"

Now Aang was simply getting angry, "What, did you think I was panicking just for fun? You think I don't realize that there's a delicate political situation to worry about right now?"

Zuko put up his hands defensively, "Hey, calm down, I just meant it's a little weird that you're just assuming that whatever you said in that letter was bad. She just said that it was serious."

"That's not even the worst part. I lied to her, Zuko." He was acutely aware that he had followed Zuko in here to reassure him and that he was the one now panicking, but he still couldn't stop the words from spilling out of him, "Directly, to her face, lied to her. I haven't done that since we first ran into Bato, and I promised that I would never do that again. It's what our whole relationship is based on, what if she never looks at me the same way again?"

Zuko pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, "Aang, I love you, but you can be really annoying sometimes."

Aang was too confused to get angry, "...What?"

"You just said that you literally lied to her once since you met her, and now you're acting like a condemned man because you didn't tell your girlfriend about blacking out. That's like a rich man lamenting the loss of his finest robe to a tramp."

"Do you even have to give encouragement as moody and confrontational as possible?"

"Oh, just wait 'til I get going. It's finally someone told you, Aang, that you and Katara are so insufferably happy that it honestly pisses the rest of us off. Being around you two always makes people feel like they're intruding on something."

"What are you talking about? We never do anything inappropriate?" Honestly the way Zuko was describing Aang's relationship was kind of awesome and Aang was annoyed it wasn't more accurate.

"Not physically no, and that's the worst part, because it means nobody can tell you to cut that out without coming off as the jerk. It's just the way you two….I dunno…..talk to each other for one. No one can spend a whole day around you two without overhearing some kind of over-poetic declaration about how "her eyes are as blue as the ocean" or some tigerbullshit. But even when you're not doing that and just having normal human conversations and doing normal things, you always just give off this….Energy at all times. Why do you think none of your friends want to go on double-dates with you anymore? You always somehow make the other couple feel like they're third wheeling."

Aang frowned. He had trouble believing that it was weird to be hopelessly in love with his girlfriend, "I suspect that's just you, Zuko. For most people, affection is more positive than just begrudgingly admitting that you don't hate the other person."

"Oh no, Sokka and Toph agree too. I mean think about it, imagine Sokka having to witness that while going through his, what, five breakups?"

"I'm pretty sure it's six now."

"And Toph….well, Toph just jumps at any chance to make fun of people with Sokka. They even have this joke going where they fuse your names together as if you were one person and just call you 'Kataang.' Like, 'aw crap, we have to deal with Kataang later.' And as much as I hate to encourage them, it kind of fits. You two have basically fused into a unit by now."

Aang's frown turned into a scowl, "Well I'm sorry being in love is such an inconvenience. I guess since I screwed up, none of you will have to worry about that for a while! How great for all of you!"

"My point is that this is going to change literally nothing. You're still going to marry her, have like 9 kids (all likely bending prodigies), live to 100-or, I guess 200 in your case-and become one of those smiling old couples they put pictures of in frames for sale, because your life is just that damn perfect." He angrily knocked the bottle off the bar like a cat, so it couldn't do any more damage.

Aang was still trying to mentally translate Zuko's moodiness into how normal people communicate, "Well that was certainly the most…..bitter pep talk I've ever had, but I weirdly do feel a bit better. Thanks."

Zuko scanned the shelf for something better, but decided he didn't need it. Maybe berating Aang about not thinking his life was over after one screw-up with his girlfriend had blown back on himself and he was taking his own advice. "Honestly, if constant, frankly weird levels of honesty at all times is that important to you, I'm surprised that was the moment you decided to break it. You were out of earshot of the generals, that's why I was lying. I don't know, in hindsight maybe you should have just told her you don't remember what you put in the letter. I know this whole thing is embarrassing for you, but that's the thing, for you it's just embarrassing, not earth-shattering."

Aang suddenly side-eyed his gaze away from Zuko and nervously pursed his lips, "Well, see, if she knew about everything since this morning, she probably would have had a lot of questions about details, and how much we know, and where our injuries came from, and it probably would have gotten back to your lightningbending scars and with the dead general-"

"WHOAH WHOAH Wait a minute," Zuko cut him off with a furrowed brow, "Were you…...did you lie because you were operating on the assumption that I actually did kill Hu?"

Aang tried to turtle-duck into his collar, "Well I mean….whether or not you did, you just gotta realize how it looks-"

"Oh good Spirits, I don't believe you!"

"Hey, I was willing to abandon my principles and lie to my girlfriend to cover your butt for maybe-possibly-but-probably-not murder! Where's the gratitude!"

Zuko didn't want to get into a contest over who screwed up the most and have their whole conversation over again, so he just tried to look at it from this very weird perspective, "Yeah Aang, you're right. I….appreciate it? I guess?"

Now that some of the tension has dissipated, Zuko couldn't help but find the image of straightforward, monastic Aang frantically trying to spin a tale to Katara kind of hilarious. "What exactly was the lie, anyway? What did you tell her?"

Now that a few hours had passed, and there being likely a few more hours before he had to deal with this again, Aang was far enough removed from it to find it kind of amusing himself, "Well I just kinda dodged everything about what I put in the letter. She asked me who else knew about "it," whatever "it" is, and I said everyone. So sorry, but you guys might get roped into this too."

"The hardest part was actually trying to explain this," Aang chuckled, pointing to his black eye, "I made up a story about us being in a tavern and some big ugly drunk guy coming onto Toph. The building was wood, so neither of us could earthbend, I couldn't firebend without igniting the place, I had nothing to waterbend, and airbending would out me as the Avatar, so I had to valiantly defend Toph's honor with NOUGHT BUT MY FISTS!"

Zuko smirked, "Well. Shame it was a lie, because that sounds hilarious. If not really believable, I'm surprised Katara bought it. If you ever tried to fight someone without bending, you wouldn't get a black eye, you'd be dead."

"Well, Sifu Hotman, maybe it's time you taught me swordbending."

"Aang, if you give Sokka the satisfaction of calling it that I'm never speaking to you again."

Aang felt his stomach squirm and clutched his belly, "ugh, why did we keep drinking that stuff?"

"I dunno, yeah it's gross, but it tastes kinda….familiar, doesn't it? Felt like I had already learned to power through it before."

Aang suddenly felt a lot of things click in his head, "...Yeah. Matter of fact, a lot of things around here are giving me this weird deja vu. The furniture, the bottles, the-ugh!-pelts on the walls…..have we ever come here befo-"

"YOU!"

They were interrupted by a huge man pushing his way through the crowd towards them. His face made their stomachs churn even more than the sludge they just drank. He had a shaved head, an ugly dragon tattoo that looked like it was the artist's first job running down the left side of his face, a deep scar running down the right side, and a lumpy, pierced nose that looked like it had been broken over a dozen times without ever seeing a healer. He was snarling at them with a mouth missing at least six teeth.

He was flanked by two even bigger and uglier thugs. One had the facial tattoo of the Yuyan archers, but if he ever actually was one and not just a fan then he had long since washed out, as evidenced by his huge beer gut. The other had a long ragged beard that looked like it had caught on fire recently, and the tip of his nose wasn't there at all.

"You've gotta lotta nerve showing your face here again!" the one with the dragon tattoo roared, finger pointing at Aang, "You were lucky I just broke half your face, you here to get it evened out!?"

Aang was just wondering what this guy's problem was when it suddenly dawned on him, "Wait…..you….holy cow, you're real?"

The man stopped in his tracks for a moment, confused. Zuko got the impression that he was the kind of man who got confused quite a lot, and solved said confusion by hitting something.

"Oh, you best believe I'm real, pipsqueak. And I'm gonna teach you a very real lesson about sticking your nose where it don't belong. You screwed up my chances of taking that pretty blind girl home!"

"I very much assure you that he did not," said Zuko

"Shut up, Scarface. As for you, skinny man, I would have beaten your skull in if someone hadn't hit me in the back of the head with a bottle like a coward and your two friends who could actually fight came to your rescue. Now, you're one friend short, and I've got some backup of my own."

Aang couldn't react beyond just looking back and forth between Zuko and the three ogres, in complete disbelief at the universe's sick sense of humor.

"Well…...shit."

Then he was knocked sprawling onto the floor as he was punched in his remaining good eye.


*Mushu voice* I LIIIIIIIIIIVE! Six years after losing interest in fanfiction altogether, I've kind of gotten roped back in and I'm updating this story for the first time in 6 years. I assume that nobody who was interested the first time around is still here, so welcome newcomers, it doesn't get better.

Fair warning: this story might end up not making much sense because I simply don't remember where I was going with half the mysteries I set up in the scene where they wake up. I'm discovering this just as much as you are.

I already have the next chapter almost done, which is Sokka and Toph outside, so that should be up in a few days at most. I was originally going to publish it all together (all my chapters are stupidly short) but I thought it would be funny to end on the punchline (see what I did there?) of Aang getting hit.