30 – Jack

I am not sure how to react to all this but I can tell you, the moment they placed the little man in my arms I knew we had to keep him. God, listen to me. WE. Like Ianto even needs or wants my input here but he is looking to me for support and I feel useful in helping any way I can.

He is a sweet little man and Ianto did say he was pale when he came out but like most babies of colour, he soon became a handsome little chocolate drop. He is not as dark as his mother but I think the man she was schlepping was white like Ianto. Even more clear that Ianto might have accepted this child as his own had it not been for that pesky sterility thing. She had really thought she might manage to pass it off. Him. Not it. This is a him. A little boy so cute and innocent, not to blame for what happened before he even existed right? Ianto seems OK with it, I think I need to let go of my annoyance on his behalf then.

I cannot begin to think how I would feel if anything happened to Lucia. The time and love between us, even if changed now … and this poor little boy is all alone. Ianto has told me about the family dynamics within her family. Her parents are split up, the father as much a waste of space as Ianto's' was. The mother domineering and Lisa emancipated herself when they were still in high school, moving in together to start their life. No wonder her betrayal was so deeply hurtful. She was not just his lover, she was his life. I sort of feel even more blessed to be let in when he must be so damned nervous letting anyone in. I know I will never hirt him, it would be a betrayal of epic poroprtions not just to him for letting me in … I now know it would be a deep hurt to myself as well. God. It would wouldn't it. I know this now. Looking at the tiny face I know… this is where I was destined to be, the hand covering mine as Ianto leans against me to coo at the child … I am where I am meant to be. The right place. Rigt time. Right universe… if that makes any sense? Like… I have faied so many times, died so many times in other lives to get here. Right here, right now as I turn my head to look onto Ianto's eyes I know … I am home.

Holy hell.

A son. I suddenly have a son. Perfect.

Lisa was nothing if not organised (probably learned from Ianto) and there is a little capsule waiting for the baby's travel home as well as some things in her grab bag. It feels so sad, dressing him as she would have thought she would. Little arms reaching out like he is seeking her affection. I am rabbiting on a bit and I know I am starting to tear up as I step back and let Ianto take over. His hands as expert as mine as he softly croons to the baby in Welsh. Lovely language, sexy.

"Hey" a familiar voice says as Owen enters and looks at me with a resigned smile like he sort of wasn't sure I would be here. I hope he is happy that I am. Because I am right here mate!

"Hey Owen. This is Jessie. See? Jessie? This is Uncle Owen, yeah" Ianto lifts up the tiny tot and Owen's face softens as he looks down at him, crooning softly as he pokes at him with an awkwardness I did not expect.

"Right, Toshi wants to come visit this avo. That OK? I told her what's happened and she is going to look into things with her legal mates, see if she can get the lowdown on what to do, expect moving forward" Owen says as he suddenly grins and makes a noise, "Look! Look, he's looking at me Yan!"

"Yes he is" Ianto is smiling at Owen with a fatherly look on his face and I see that Owen is a lovely man who is clearly more childlike than I first thought. God, look at us. The Shitty Father Club, please come to order.

"Rooms" I suddenly find myself blurting "We will need to sort that … you will want the stuff she got for him right? I can do that. We will go home and I will leave you with him to settle in and I will go to the apartment, collect some of the nursery things right? We can sort anything else later."

"Yeah… yes. I don't want to go back there" Ianto nods "Would you Jack?"

"Ianto … I will do anything you need me to do, OK?" I say and I mean it, I know I do as I lean over to kiss him lovingly, his smile as I pull back is blinding.

"I knew I could count on you" he says as he looks away to check the baby in his arms again and I feel another lightening, I now feel like I am almost floating with his love.

I also know we have to really sort the SUV for him, four kids now.

Wow, look at me … happy.