A/N: Everything recognisable belongs to JKR
Hermione landed with a jolt. Her legs quickly gave way beneath her, and she dropped to the ground, the force of the fall winding her to the point of tears. The feel of the grass beneath her bare feet and the warm summer sun against her skin and in her eyes was a shock to her system. Her head was pounding, and she was fairly certain that whatever she had left in her stomach of dinner was about to make a reappearance.
"Are you okay there, miss?"
She squinted up to see a man with a hard hat stop, the patched castle hazy in her vision behind him. Hogwarts? She was thinking of it when she tapped the portkey. She tried to lift herself from the grass but found that her arms would not support her.
"What is the date, please?" she gasped out.
"Fifth of August, love." he was staring pointedly at the copy of the Daily Prophet she had clutched in her hand.
"No - the year -" she had to ask, although his very presence should have been proof enough for her.
"Nineteen ninety-eight," he replied cautiously, looking very much as though he wasn't sure if he should help her up or try to get away from her as soon as possible. Hermione thought must have looked a bit mad, barefoot and holding the newspaper and her beaded bag. Her hair was probably not suitable for public consumption and - she looked down - she had indeed put her robes on inside out in the dark.
She found she just had enough strength to turn to lose the contents of her stomach all over the grass rather than herself. She was exhausted and the adrenaline from being woken up so suddenly was still coursing through her system.
"Are you okay, miss?" she heard the builder ask again. He had finally made his decision and stepped closer to her.
"The headmistress -" she whispered, feeling herself losing consciousness. There was a fuzziness as the back of her head that felt as though sand was being poured directly into her skull.
The next time she gained consciousness, she could just make out a glittering light through her lashes. Where was she? It reminded her of the chamber with the flying keys from the Philosopher's stone protections. She tried to open her eyes wider to have a better look but found that they would not cooperate. She felt something pushed against her lips and drank greedily from what was offered, suddenly aware of how dry her throat was.
The taste was familiar - an invigoration draught. How many of these had she taken over the last few weeks of school?
"Ah! She wakes." Dumbledore's familiar voice permeated her haziness, startling Hermione into opening her eyes fully. The glinting she first saw was the evening sun coming through the infirmary window and shining off of McGonagall's glasses. The woman was staring intently at her, and she could see Dumbledore's figure inhabiting a painting that had previously housed a rather serene scene of a windmill. His beard was being blown lightly from an invisible breeze.
"Calm down, Albus - the girl's still getting her strength," McGonagall admonished.
Hermione felt just like she had two years before when Harry had finally defeated Voldemort: shattered. Voldemort. Harry - Snape. There were small ticks in her memory, things that hadn't stood out to her previously: Remus doing a double-take and giving her an odd look when he saw her in the Hogwarts express carriage by the light of his wand. Sirius inquiring into her parentage when they were on their way down the tunnel leading back to the Whomping Willow, before they had realized that Remus hadn't taken his Wolfsbane. As much as she wanted to examine them closely - despite the feelings of dizziness they gave her - she turned her mind back to Severus - Snape. Snape, who still had been one of the most sour people in her life, Snape who still deferred from the Death Eaters, who became a spy for Dumbledore, who still visited the Order Headquarters and lamented his loss of Lily Potter. Snape had still done everything that he had done previously, had still given his memories of Lily to Harry by way of explanation for his behavior, and had still allowed Harry to save the Wizarding World.
Snape, who still was attacked in the Shrieking Shack by Nagini. Hermione could remember the snake's fangs sinking into his throat as clearly as ever.
She had to get - where did she have to get to? She tried to pull herself up but Madam Pomfrey began to cluck at her disapprovingly. "Easy there, Miss Granger." She helped Hermione sit forward and placed a few pillows behind her before she addressed Minerva. "I need to run to Horace's storeroom to get some more peppermint to ease her stomach. I'll return momentarily."
Hermione waited until Madam Pomfrey was out of earshot before she opened her mouth. "Thank you for not being too harsh on me about my relationship with Severus, Minerva."
Of all the things Minerva expected Hermione to say, that must have been the furthest thing from her mind. A thousand different emotions crossed her face before she finally settled on one of relief. "You're back. I had wondered if - Dumbledore warned me. Were you successful?"
Hermione shook her head. "I don't know," she admitted, tears welling in her eyes. "I need to go to the Shrieking Shack - that's where it happened. I don't know if it was ever reported, if -"
Dumbledore's voice cut her off. "Severus isn't there." McGonagall whipped around surprisingly quick in her chair to gaze at the painted figure of the man who seemed to still be dealing in secrets. "Lovely to see you again, Miss Granger, and with so many new memories. I do miss our chats together."
"Is he… is he alive?" Hermione asked, her voice sounding fearful to her own ears.
"I believe Severus was released from St. Mungo's about a week ago."
Minerva's hand went to her mouth in shock. "Albus - you knew he survived, and you didn't say anything!"
Hermione lost herself in her sobs. She felt a phial pushed into her hand and drank it unquestioningly - a calming draught. It took a few moments but eventually her tears stopped flowing and she could catch her breath.
"I let Severus keep his secrets until they were uncovered," he explained. "Just as Miss Granger will undoubtedly do the same with hers."
"Do you know where he would have gone?" Hermione asked when she felt she could use her voice again, swiping at her eyes.
"I believe Severus is still in possession of his parent's house," Dumbledore explained.
Hermione nodded and tried to rise but found she did not have the strength. Madam Pomfrey re-entered the infirmary then and began to reprimand her from across the ward. "Not under my watch, young lady! You two - I'll ask you to leave if she's going to react like this. This girl needs rest -"
"Absolutely, Poppy. I believe we will retire for the evening. But before we go - Minerva, I believe I asked you to bring something for Miss Granger?"
"What?" A look of confusion crossed McGonagall's face before it turned to realisation. "Oh. Oh, yes. Of course." McGonagall rose and produced a slightly yellowed envelope from the pocket of her robes before holding it out to Hermione.
Hermione took it gladly and her heart rose at the sight of the official Hogwarts seal across the back of the envelope. It cracked open easily at her touch.
Seven "Outstanding"s on her NEWTS. Despite her exhaustion, she could not keep the smile from her face.
"Congratulations," smiled Dumbledore. McGonagall offered her own congratulations as well before the two were ushered out of the room by Madam Pomfrey. The sheep that had previously inhabited the windmill scene now felt comfortable enough to saunter back to graze on the grass now that their intruder was gone.
Madam Pomfrey had no interest in the circumstances surrounding Hermione's reappearance at the castle, she simply sought to treat the symptoms that she saw - which, thankfully, were nothing too terrible to worry about: extreme exhaustion and symptoms of magical stress which were easy enough to sort out. The peppermint she had retrieved earlier had indeed settled Hermione's stomach, and she felt well enough to grab and peruse the copy of the Daily Prophet that had transported her back to the present.
It appeared to be very much the same as when she left: the same old news, the same headlines dashed across the front page, same picture of Harry ducking in to the ministry, same few words that had meaning squeezed out of them.
There was no mention of Snape, the same Death Eaters were still being rounded up - but what was this? Under announcements, there was a small notice for Edward Lupin's christening - where Harry Potter and Hermione Granger are expected to be named as godfather and godmother. A memory flew into her head, making her suddenly disoriented -
"A boy!" Lupin had shouted, stumbling into Shell Cottage. Hermione had been so pleased and had shrieked in delight, pleased that he finally embraced his fatherhood. He drew Harry into a hug and asked him to be godfather, and just after -
"And Hermione - you - please - you must be his godmother." Lupin stated rather than asked - his voice full of emotion as he drew her into a hug as well.
"Of course," she responded.
Heavens - how many more times would this occur? She remembered it happening the first time around and being oddly touched and a bit confused, but it all made sense now. She set down the copy of the Daily Prophet. If she thought back and truly examined her memories, how many would take on a new significance? She was both eager and hesitant to do so. The feeling of dizziness the memories had given her so far made her want to reach for another dose of peppermint, but she wanted to do it - she needed to know -
She thought of her first interaction with the magical world, finding out that she was a witch, and Professor Sprout showing up at her parent's door. There were no flickers or recognition or wayward comments there. She still met Harry and Ron on the train, and she was still as overwhelmed as ever her first time seeing Hogwarts.
The Sorting Feast, though. She remembered standing at the front of the room in front of the Sorting Hat and running her eyes over the teachers, thinking about how she was going to do her best to impress each and every one of them over the coming years. Her eyes eventually fell on Snape and she was taken aback by the intensity of the stare he returned, his eyes continually moving over her, almost hungry in their search for an answer. She felt uncomfortable under his gaze and so she turned to distracting herself by trying to remember all the spells she had taught herself over the summer.
It appeared that Dumbledore had done his best to ensure that there would be little to no interruption in her life, but there were small things that had happened that she could see now. For the most part after that, Snape had been extremely professional, almost dismissive of her. However, running through her school years in her head, a few notable incidents leapt out at her.
She caught Sirius watching her in Grimmauld Place more than once, his gaze so intense it made her mildly uncomfortable. When Remus noticed him doing it, he always gave him a slight nudge and a discreet shake of his head. There was once or twice when Sirius opened his mouth as though to say something but seemed to think better of it.
And there was one memorable occasion in the summer before her fifth year where there was arguing coming from downstairs - a number of them in the house had crept out onto the staircase and Hermione was shocked to hear her name being shouted by Sirius - and Snape's low response in return, followed by Remus and Dumbledore's softer tones. Ron and Ginny had given her inquisitive looks, but she had simply shrugged, just as confused by the exchange as they were. She did notice from then on, if Snape were present, Remus or Sirius were always hovering nearby. She could tell this irritated Snape, but she had chalked it up to the dislike of the pair rather than anything to do with her.
It was odd to suddenly have meanings behind these recollections falling into place like pieces to a puzzle, finally making sense. She was suddenly glad for the attentions of Madam Pomfrey if she was going to continue feeling this disoriented.
Her mind went hungrily back to Snape, always on the outskirts of her life at Hogwarts. There were times when she could tell that there was something behind his actions toward her - the smirk when he was helping Madam Pomfrey reverse the effects of the Polyjuice Potion ("brewed in a girls toilet, honestly" she remembered him remarking under his breath). She remembered that she was the first victim to receive the mandrake solution that reversed the effects of the basilisk despite not being the earliest attack victim. He had been the one to conjure a blanket for her after she was retrieved from the lake during the Triwizard Tournament, and she also noticed his gaze upon her several times when she was dancing with Viktor Krum at the Yule Ball.
And, when refereeing Harry's Quidditch game in their first year, she remembered a scruffy looking black scarf coming free from Snape's throat and flapping in the wind. She recalled being envious of his ease on the broom, and how effortlessly he could stay seated on it without using his hands as he tucked the scarf back into his robes.
She had to reach for the bottle of dreamless sleep that had been left at her bedside. The feeling of giddiness from her recollections was overwhelming now and within moments of taking the potion, she began to feel the pull at her eyelids and was thankful when she drifted off to sleep once more.
She was awoken a few hours later by a voice in the darkness.
"Miss Granger." It was Dumbledore's voice again. She grabbed her wand from the bedside table.
"Lumos," she said. The light barely illuminated the portrait, now showing the sheep cuddled up asleep and Dumbledore standing among them. "Maxima," she added, and the light grew stronger.
"My apologies for waking you, but I thought it best to have this conversation when Poppy had gone to bed. You must have some questions for me."
"Yes, please," she said eagerly, sitting herself up now and leaning toward the painting. "I still don't know what happened to Severus. I don't know what happened after I left."
"He did write to me after you disappeared, to ask if I had heard from you, but unfortunately I had no clue as to your whereabouts as I assume you have only just now arrived here."
She nodded. "They came for me in the middle of the night. He warned me and I was able to get out," she explained.
"Yes. Apparently one of the NEWTs examiners was impressed by your skill and did not hesitate to advertise it at the Ministry, and word got back to Tom. When he found out I had been doing my best to suppress information about you…" Dumbledore trailed off and took a deep breath before he continued. "Severus later explained he was under suspicion for your disappearance and had to do something to gain favor. He applied for the Defense Against the Dark Arts position because he thought you might be interviewing for it as well, and unfortunately overheard the prophecy. It was the perfect opportunity for him to gain favor again. When Voldemort targeted Lily Potter, that was the final straw for Severus. It also helped that I did have some information on you - though he was not very happy with me when you showed up as a student."
"I always encouraged him to turn to you if he ran into trouble," Hermione explained.
"He did say you were the driving force behind his decision."
Hermione nodded. "He made it look like it was all for Lily. He spent his life trying to make up for betraying Lily."
"He gave Harry what he needed to complete his final task. You gave him another reason. And then, while you were at school, he was not just protecting Harry… The number of times he ranted about Harry being a bad influence on you," Dumbledore recalled with some fondness to his voice, shaking his head.
"He was never anything but professional," Hermione asserted.
"Of course. I trust Severus. He and I did spend a number of evenings mulling over your trip to the past, wondering over your reason for returning. I had my own suspicions, and I believe Severus made peace with it at some point towards the end of your Hogwarts career."
"He didn't survive Nagini's bite - it was unfair. Why should he -" Hermione had to stop, recalling the guilt she felt in the months before she left. Tears sprung into her eyes and the pitch of her voice rose with her emotion. "Why couldn't he have lived to see that he helped save us?"
Dumbledore nodded sadly. "That is something I have asked myself hundreds of times over the years."
The silence stretched between them for a number of minutes while Hermione composed herself. When her tears stopped, she spoke again. "I didn't plan - I didn't mean to fall in love with him," she explained. "I just wanted to save him."
A rustling came from Madam Pomfrey's room and her soft snores stopped. Hermione hid her wand under the bed sheet. The rustling stopped and Hermione strained her ears to hear Madam Pomfrey's breathing continue. After a moment she felt comfortable enough to remove her illuminated wand from beneath the bedsheets again.
"You did well, Miss Granger," Dumbledore whispered. "I believe our interview should end here. I'll see you in the morning."
Hermione woke to Madam Pomfrey's ministrations the next day, waving her wand above her and muttering as she did so. The strength of the light streaming in through the windows told her it was late morning.
"You're clear," she said, giving her permission to sit up. "Though I wouldn't recommend doing anything more strenuous than walking for the next few days."
McGonagall greeted her with a pair of slippers that she transfigured into shoes once they were comfortably on Hermione's feet. "Shall we take a tour of the castle?" she asked.
Hermione nodded, though she was anxious to leave and visit Severus. They walked the corridors, McGonagall pointing out various improvements that had been made or repairs they were waiting on. Hermione could sense Dumbledore was nearby - as before, she could hear protests coming from frames behind them. He finally called out before they reached the entrance hall. "Miss Granger!"
The pair of women stopped and Hermione turned to the portrait nearest them. The main occupant had vacated the frame so that Dumbledore could enter.
"Please tell Severus I look forward to hearing from him," he asked. "I hope he receives you well."
Hermione's heart started thudding. She hadn't thought of that - what attitude would he have toward her now that there were twenty years stretched between them? How much of her Severus would she recognize? Would Professor Snape even want to see her?
McGonagall drew Hermione into her arms in a hug that surprised the younger woman. "Yes, please give my regards to Severus - and my apologies. I hope to do so myself in person soon."
Hermione nodded, swallowing her nerves down and after a promise to visit again soon, made her way down to the castle gates, clutching her beaded bag.
Her first instinct was to visit the Shrieking Shack. She thought of the last time she had been there and how she conjured the phial for Harry as Snape bled profusely and seemed to ooze memories from every open wound. What must Severus have thought of her? She left him to his injuries - something Hermione still felt deep shame over.
As soon as she passed the castle boundary, she turned with a crack and found herself in the dingy Shrieking Shack.
Everything was still layered in dust. There were still dark stains on the floor, soaked into the wood, caking into the dust, right where he had fallen. But there, what were those? She kneeled down. There were small footprints set into the dust as well, elongated with delicate toe marks, almost like a child's footprint. A body had been here - Severus had been here, but not for long. There was much less blood than she remembered.
She would have to ask what happened - how he survived. She hoped that he would tell her - she hoped that he would see her, would even deign to speak with her.
Hermione dug through her bag and found an old letter of Severus' that she had thrown into it during those last few moments in the past. It listed his address as Spinner's End, Cokeworth. She wondered when he had returned - he had been so eager to vacate his parent's house.
She wouldn't apparate directly into the street - that would surely alert him, and in a muggle neighborhood, be more than unwelcome. She held tightly onto the envelope, closed her eyes and with a twist and a crack, found herself on what appeared to be a seldom used train platform. A sign with chipped paint declared that it was for Cokeworth. There were no barriers, no sign of guards and there were weeds growing through the cracks in the concrete. A magpie hopped along one of the rails in front of the platform and eyed her curiously.
She had no idea where to begin, so she exited the platform and tried to think of every time Severus had mentioned his home to her. He did mention a mill - or a factory. A river, a corner shop, a playground. She could see a factory in the distance and took off in that direction.
She passed by the tall chimney that rose up over the rows of workers houses and walked down an alleyway between them. The houses seemed deserted. If she hadn't known better, she would think that she was walking through a ghost town. It was eerily quiet for being school holidays - even the playground she passed was deserted, and she wondered idly if that was where Severus had played as a child.
Hermione walked for a further ten minutes before she passed an elderly woman with a cane and a scarf over her hair. "Excuse me," she said. The woman jolted in surprise at being spoken to. "Can you point me in the direction of Spinner's End, please?"
"Down that way," she pointed with her cane. "You'll come to the river. Turn left."
Hermione thanked the woman and set off in the direction she pointed. The drains were littered with sweets wrappers and crisp packets, and she passed the corner shop that supplied them. The river, when she reached it, was dark and flowed slowly. She was surprised that it was flowing at all.
Even without the houses being numbered, she knew which one was Snape's. There was no washing hanging out the back, no flower pot stuck next to the front door to try to brighten up the facade.
Should hesitated as she reached the front door. Should she knock? Would he see her through the glass and come open the door? She reached out toward the door and just as her fingertips grazed the lock, it yielded to her touch, swinging open obligingly. Her heart began pounding. There was no one there to greet her.
She entered directly into the front parlor. It was dim with little light making its way into the window, and completely surrounded by bookshelves. The grouping of furniture in the room - the sofa, the chair and the table - looked as though they hadn't been used in ages, though the chair looked as though it was the most used of the trio. The kitchen would be at the back, she knew, and she could see a thin passage between the bookcases leading there. She squeezed through it and had her first inclination that she was not alone. The house didn't have the same unlived in feel that her parents house had had, or Grimmauld Place when it was released back to Harry. There was no dust settled on the countertops. There was a stray tea towel left next to the sink. The refrigerator hummed noisily as though it were about to give out at any moment.
She made her way back into the parlor, looking for a way upstairs. Finding none, she called out.
"Severus?" she called hesitantly. There was no answer.
"Homono revelum," she whispered. She knew he would have felt a sweeping wind pass him as the tip of her wand lit up to signify his presence in the house. There was no use in hiding now.
"You could have warned me," his voice was low and quiet. He suddenly appeared in the corner of the sitting room. He had been watching her, and his eyes were on her with such intensity that she found it difficult to meet them. "Do you have any idea how shocking it was to suddenly see your name on my roster, Hermione Jean Granger? To see you at a sorting?" It hurt, the fact that the first words out of his mouth were so full of venom and anger. No, she didn't expect a happy reunion, but she had hoped that there would be some semblance of Severus, her Severus in his greeting - but this was pure Professor Snape. She could not help herself in her answer.
"Is that why you were so cruel to me in school?" She replied calmly, drinking in his appearance. He had stepped fully into the room now, and was gripping the back of the chair, and the weak light streaming in from the window provided her with just enough illumination to examine him properly. It was odd to see him now - Severus, her Severus, aged once more. Frown lines settled in around his mouth and eyes. How many times had she kissed those lips, stroked that cheek, how many times had those arms held her until she fell asleep? It was odd to see him changed from her sight of him just a few days ago.
His lip curled. "Surely you know I had just as much of a role to play as you did." He did - the only time he had ever said anything that hurt her was when there were children of Death Eaters present. Otherwise he treated her with indifference - maybe a slight annoyance. It all made sense now, knowing that he had never wished to pursue teaching in the first place.
"I'm sorry, Sev -" She stopped herself at the sight of his fingers tightening at the top of the chair with her familiarity. "I'm sorry - I… I'm not quite sure how to address you."
He was silent for an uncomfortably long time before he responded. "'Snape' will do."
"Snape," she repeated. "I'm sorry. I really am - I was bound not to give away too much - Dumbledore, of course. I'm sure he told you. I'm just so pleased that you paid attention to my warning about Nagini." She had begun rambling, she couldn't help the words from flowing from her mouth. She wanted to tell him more - so much more now that she freely could, but he was still staring at her with an intensity that made her feel uncomfortable and she felt as though he would expel her from his house at any moment.
"Yes. Invading your memories ended up being one of the most useful mistakes I ever made."
She took a deep breath before she spoke to him again and moved her eyes to the floor, unsure of how he would react. "You didn't give Harry any of our memories."
"They were not his to have. What relevance would they have had other than further upsetting or distracting him when the sole point was to let him know he was a sacrificial lamb?" His lips were pulled into a grimace when she had the courage to look at him again.
There was so much tension in the room.
"Would you like a cup of tea? I could do with one. I've had a rough few days. Travelling twenty years when you're awoken in the middle of the night to a Death Eater attack is a bit of a shock to the system, you know," she giggled at her own joke and it came out at a higher pitch than normal, betraying her nervousness at the situation.
He raised an eyebrow at her.
She took a deep breath and steeled herself. She was Hermione Granger. She could handle this. She had been at the Battle of Hogwarts and survived it. She had gone back into the past and saved a man's life. She could survive this confrontation. "Right," she said, moving past him and squeezing back into the kitchen.
He followed her and watched as she opened his cupboards until she found the mugs and pulled out two. She felt very much as though she were back in the potions classroom, the way his stance was, the way his arms were folded and the way he was watching her oh so closely, ensuring she didn't make any mistakes.
"Do you still take it with two sugars?" she asked as she filled the ancient looking kettle.
"No milk," he replied.
The familiarity of the process eased some of the tension out of her - the clicking of the gas hob as she waited for it to light under the kettle, the search for the teabags and the sugar. They didn't speak, but both listened for the water to reach the right amount of boil. When the tea had steeped long enough, he stepped forward to take one of the mugs from her.
It wasn't until he had seated himself in the old armchair and she had taken a place on the rather threadbare sofa that some of the tension had dissipated from the air between them. Both were clutching steaming mugs despite the heat of the summer permeating the room.
Severus seemed very eager to reintroduce it, though. "I searched for you, you know."
Hermione surveyed the tea between her hands. She couldn't seem to tear her eyes from it at the moment. "You didn't find anything."
"Of course not. I wrote letters, but the owls always returned, the letters unopened. I even went to Dumbledore, like you pushed! Do you know what that bastard told me?"
Hermione finally met his eyes again. He had cast his mug aside and his hand was gripping the arm of the chair so tightly she was surprised the cloth hadn't ripped. She shook her head.
"'Miss Granger's secrets were her own. You will find out about them soon enough.'" He spat out Dumbledore's words with disgust. When she didn't respond, he continued. "He did have the decency to explain that you had links to the Order, eventually. I tried to pass messages to you through Albus, but he said he no longer had contact with you. I didn't understand - how could one witch disappear from existence?"
Hermione bit her lip, knowing the outburst that was coming.
"And then you showed up! And with Potter, nonetheless! Covering for him at every turn! It was almost like I was in school again myself, having my best friend taken from me again -" His voice was straining now with his emotion and he stopped speaking.
"But I was a child, Snape. That was me before I knew you."
"Albus said that as well."
"Well, I'm glad he defended me." She took a sip of her tea, doing her best to appear together though she felt like she was being torn apart.
"He never stopped." He fell quiet as he readjusted his weight, leaning forward in his armchair and balancing his elbows on his knees. "I kept searching for you, Hermione," he began again, and she did not even have a moment to savor the sound of her actual name on his tongue before he continued. "I knew the child under my tutelage wasn't you, but as you entered your fifth year, your sixth year, even when you were out in the forests with Potter, I kept asking myself if you had gone yet. It was only when I was attacked that I realized that it wouldn't be long after. Didn't you say that you had to watch someone you cared for die by a snake attack? My Hermione wouldn't have been more focused on Harry, getting my memories, letting me pass out without a second thought."
They fell into silence again. There was a ticking coming from somewhere in the house. Hermione felt tears stinging her eyes.
"It wasn't without a second thought," she defended when she could finally gather her words. "I thought of you over and over again. Why do you think I travelled back in time?"
"You had the power - the knowledge to save anyone - everyone else, and you wasted it on me - you didn't use it, you threw it away -"
"Severus Snape, if you believe that Albus Dumbledore would have let me run around that school with the knowledge that I had -" she began, but his sharp voice interrupted her.
"There were ways around it, I'm sure."
"And what could I have done? Who would have believed me, and even if they did - what good would it have done?"
"You could have saved… you could have stopped…"
"Yes - I could have saved Lily, but at what cost? You would have still been a Death Eater, the Horcruxes would still have existed, and Voldemort may still be alive. The whole wizarding world may have been under his rule when I returned. I may have prevented my own existence. My goal was to plant you with enough information about Nagini's attack for you to be prepared, and it worked, and I'm not sorry for it."
They lapsed into silence once more and Hermione couldn't help herself voicing the anguish she felt over their last few months together.
"The number of times I let myself dream of having a life with you - of continuing just as we were - happy in our little flat. Not coming back at all. I loved the life I had with you - despite your… associations. I let myself dream of the business we would start together, the life that we would have - but you know it wouldn't have lasted - it couldn't have lasted. Do you remember when you found me crying, just before the leaving feast? Dumbledore had all but threatened me to return. And then you found out that it couldn't have lasted when they were sent for me -" Tears began to spill from her eyes now, and she was proud of herself for holding off for so long. She swiped at her eyes, fiercely brushing them away. They felt raw from the number of times she had cried in such a short period.
Severus was leaning back in his chair again, taking long sips from his mug.
"How did you survive?" she asked, finally.
He took a deep breath, and it once again reminded her of being in the classroom again. He seemed to take on the same detached manner that he would as though he were going to give a lecture on the twelve uses of dragon's blood, and the corner of his mouth lifted in a small smile - or was that a grimace? "I stopped research on everything immediately, if I'm honest. What purpose was there to it once you had gone? I saved the notes, of course. I perused them when you showed back up at Hogwarts. And then when the Dark Lord rose again, and I saw Nagini for the first time, I remembered your memory, and his voice commanding her to kill."
She nodded along with his recollection, now on the edge of her seat, watching him in rapture.
"I had initially thought you meant Arthur. After all, he had suffered from Nagini's bite, but then I remembered that you said you had seen them attacked and watched them die, and Arthur was admitted to St. Mungo's almost immediately. I acquired some of her venom under the guise of creating a new poison - the Dark Lord did like my potions work, after all - and was able to create an antivenom that eventually helped Arthur and closed his wounds.
"And when the Dark Lord started keeping her in that damned cage, I realized it was me. I started taking the potion every few hours - that started as soon as the Dark Lord was aware you were destroying things. He could punish any of us at any time, and he enjoyed using the snake - and Dumbledore had warned me as well. I was lucky - as soon as I knew you were on these grounds, I took a dose, and another before I met with him after Lucius summoned me to the Shrieking Shack. It was the wounds that nearly killed me rather than the poison." Snape's voice had grown weak and raspy with use. He took a drink of tea and grimaced. "Excuse me, I haven't spoken this much in quite some time, and my muscles haven't quite recovered."
His voice, while familiar, she found had lost some of its deadly silkiness - there was a gravelly undertone to it as though it was long disused. Of course - his throat. He appeared so whole before her and the events in the Shrieking Shack had happened so long ago for her.
"Are you alright?" she asked, kicking herself for not thinking of his welfare sooner. Her eyes went immediately to his throat, and she could see some pink marring his pale skin, but his robes covered most of the damage.
He held his arms out. "As alright as a man can be after he's had his throat ripped to shreds and looked death in the eye."
Hermione nodded and waited a few moments before she questioned him again. "But the blood - the wound…"
He took a deep drink of his tea, now outright grimacing at its tepidness, before he spoke again. "It wasn't pleasant. Crouch, Jr. actually gave me the idea. Dobo had always been so faithful to me over the years - he was most pleased when I gave him the special task to follow me around. With Dumbledore's help - and Dilys' - he was able to get me to St. Mungo's within moments after you left."
"I'm surprised you were able to keep it as secret as you have."
"Dumbledore's word still carries a lot of weight in the wizarding world, and Healer Potts was quick to dose me with Polyjuice. She always did like me," he added, but did not bother to elaborate much further.
They lapsed into silence. Hermione set her mug down and curled her legs up beneath her on the sofa, exhaustion setting in despite the amount of sleep she had over the past day. The sun was weaker now, and it was late afternoon. They had been talking for hours.
Severus was watching her closely again, his empty mug now discarded on the table. He cleared his throat.
"You almost make me believe we could be in our seventh year again, seeing you like that," his face softened. "We could have just come back from sneaking down to the kitchens, you would be settling in with a book, I would be working on Potions orders…" His hand was now resting against his chin, his finger tracing his lips.
The air filled with a new tension now - one that did not have to do with secrets and missing information.
Hermione battled with herself, contemplating the next words out of her mouth. Should she acknowledge the relationship as well, the missing years between them? Merlin, she was so exhausted from the past few days, and she was desperate for comfort, his comfort. "Come sit next to me, Severus," she said softly, daring to use his given name despite his earlier warning. "Please."
He contemplated her for a moment before he rose and seated himself beside her, a respectful distance away. She readjusted herself so she was leaning toward him, resting her elbow against the back of the sofa and cradling her chin in her hand.
"How does it feel?" she asked.
"Be more specific. I am feeling a great many things right now."
"How does it feel to be free?"
He took a deep breath and leaned back heavily into the sofa before closing his eyes. "Bliss, when I'm not worried about aurors knocking down the front door and arresting me."
"You did no wrong."
"I have done a great deal wrong. I have not been a perfect man."
"Everyone knows you were acting under orders. Harry will fight for you. Kingsley and the public have been surprisingly lenient where he has been concerned."
His lip curled in distaste. "Oh yes, another Potter to be indebted to. You should know better than most how much that would please me."
Hermione rolled her eyes.
"You can stop fighting, you know, Severus."
"I have been this man almost as long as you have been alive, Hermione. I am not going to change at the snap of your fingers."
"What happened after I left?" she asked. She felt bad for making him speak so much, but she was desperate to know.
"They ran upstairs to find you gone. I told them you had put up a fight and went out the window. You disappearing worked out in your - and my - favor. I said I must have done enough damage to kill you."
As difficult as it was for him, he had done his best to save her. She scooted closer to him and slipped her arms around his middle, resting her head on his shoulder. His body did not respond in the relaxed manner she was used to. He was incredibly tense, his limbs were stiff, and he eyed her warily. "Thank you, Severus. You risked so much to get me out of there."
He hesitantly lifted his arm and rested it across her shoulders, and after letting his hand hang there for a moment, twisted it so that his long fingers found her curls. It was a position they often found themselves in in the past while they were sitting and reading or listening to the wireless. Hermione was surprised how comfortable she felt against him. Despite the changes the years wrought to his body, he was as thin and angular as ever.
They remained like that until sunlight no longer streamed through the window. He flicked his wand and the lamp above them flickered into light.
"How did you do it, Hermione? The time turners - they were all destroyed at the ministry, and the ministry wouldn't approve anything that travelled back further than five hours."
"Do you remember that Time Sand I told you was a very important ingredient to have?"
"My stores - you went into my potion stores."
"Not for the first time, if I'm completely honest," she smirked at him, hoping to elicit a response that wasn't so serious.
He nudged her and shook his head slightly. "We'll come to the beginning of your criminal career later. I believe we were discussing how you travelled through time."
She sighed and took on a spiritless tone. "I made a potion. I acquired one object from 1976 to anchor me to the past, and then another from the present day to bring me back here. I imbued the objects with the time potion and they acted as portkeys once activated with a spell."
"Do you still have the recipe?"
"No, thank Merlin. I destroyed it when I activated the portkeys. I've learned my lesson."
"Good. It wouldn't do for you to be arrested."
Her stomach made a gurgling noise and she sat up, suddenly aware of how hungry she was. "I haven't eaten in twenty years," she laughed, suddenly aware that she had survived the last day on potions. "Are you hungry, Severus?"
He shrugged. "I haven't had much of an appetite lately. I don't have much, just small things from the corner shop."
She jumped up and made her way into the kitchen, locating the small refrigerator. He followed her once more, hovering around the doorway, watching her as she sliced apples and cheese and turned the gas grill on as though she had been using his kitchen all her life.
"Where are you staying?" he asked.
"With Harry. But I told him I was going to Australia to try to help my parents, so I'm not expected..." Her voice trailed off as stomach dropped with the realization that she had pulled out all of her notes and had left them on the table in her workroom, and she had been too distracted by Severus' arrival that afternoon to remember to put them away. She couldn't prevent the gasp that left her lips. "I left all my research - everything in the past. I can't believe - of all the things I didn't grab. I'm going to have to start over again from scratch - I can remember most of it, but there were a few nuanced -"
His lips curled into a smile of triumph. "Didn't I always warn you to not keep everything in one place?" he asked. And he had - the number of times she had to run back to her dormitory to grab notes that she had forgotten, and the number of times she had wanted to sneak out of the common room at night because she had forgotten a book in his workroom had been numerous.
Hot tears sprung into her eyes and she clenched her hands into fists. "Don't - just don't - I can't believe -"
He sighed, his amusement gone with the ferocity of her emotion. "Don't be silly. I kept my own copies. I have them."
"Say that again, please."
"Don't let that burn." He gestured to the grill where she was making them cheese on toast. She turned back to it. "I saved your notes," he continued. "I figured it could be passed on to St. Mungo's at some point, but I never let go of them. Then when you showed up at Hogwarts, I figured out that it must be important somewhere, so I started again…"
Her heart leapt and she couldn't help but beam with joy. She couldn't remember the last time she had experienced so many emotions in such a short expanse of time. "Don't tell me you tested on Lockhart."
"Of course not. While he may have been the perfect subject, the wizarding world is far better off without that twat."
"Severus!" she gasped before breaking into laughter. There he was - though she had seen glimmers of him throughout the day, that was her Severus coming through. Even when he had dared touch her earlier, there was a hesitation that communicated an unfamiliarity, but it felt comfortable now - it felt as though he had peeled away the layers of years between them and they were truly at ease with one another.
"Don't change the subject. I've been working alongside St. Mungo's with a few individuals who have been obliviated a little too enthusiastically or had the wrong memories altered, and I'm happy to say that the potion has been successful on a few trials. If you want, I believe you can test it on your parents with confidence on the outcome."
Her arms were around him before he knew it and their dinner burning was the only thing that caused them to separate. They had to make do with some tins of soup that Hermione found tucked in the back of a cupboard.
She wanted to stay with him - she could spend hours and hours with him even though they had lapsed into silence. It was only when she noticed Severus getting more and more agitated, grimacing more and more at the quiet that she realized she should take her leave.
"Should I come back tomorrow?" she asked.
"Do as you wish," he replied, waving his hand in dismissal. He was withdrawn again, lying somewhere between being Professor Snape and her Severus.
She nodded at him and bid him goodnight as she made her way through his front door. She made her way up the road and out of the corner of her eye, she could see the lights extinguished and the dim light from a lamp come on upstairs. She stopped to look behind her and saw his figure in the window, watching her in the darkness. She raised her hand to him but he did not return the gesture. With a twist and a crack, she left Spinner's End.
