The familiar sight of despairing students filled Shiro's vision as he stepped out of his dorm at his university. The sidewalks that had been bare the day before when Shiro arrived back at school to move into his dorm were flooded with students headed to their early classes.
Shiro suppressed a yawn as he locked his door behind him and headed for the stairs on his way to his aviation class. His new schedule was similar to the last semester; aviation was Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings, per usual. His mechanics class had been replaced with a new aeronautics class focused on the design of aircraft that had just been added to the aviation curriculum that semester. The aeronautics class was Monday and Friday evenings just as mechanics had been, but it ran three hours instead of two. Lastly was the class Shiro dreaded the most: math. He'd fulfilled all previous math requirements, but along with the new aeronautics class came the requirement for an advanced algebra/pre-calc class tailored to the content airplane designers and engineers were required to learn. Shiro's university held a firm belief that every pilot should understand how a plane worked before they stepped foot in it, and thus all aviation students were required to take the class, not just the aviation design and engineering students.
A sigh escaped Shiro and he shook his head when he neared the aviation building. His classes were harder than last semester, and Najenda had asked that he find time to visit every week to keep a steady and consistent schedule of appointments. That meant every week he'd have a tight schedule and less time to go to the gym and de-stress. That easily made the new semester the most difficult load he had given himself in his entire college career, but he'd felt so okay the previous semester when he signed up that he had no worries about handling all the work. Anymore, though… He could only hope that he could keep it together.
Shiro walked into his aviation classroom and nearly collided with Sam, who was about to exit the room. Both froze at the last moment, then side-stepped around each other.
"Oh, sorry, sir," Shiro apologized, a tight smile forming on his lips.
Sam shook his head and waved his hands dismissively. "No, it's okay. I wasn't paying attention to where I was going," he admitted. "It's nice to see you, though. I thought Matt might invite you over during the break, but it looks like that didn't happen."
An icy flower bloomed in Shiro's chest and sent chilly tendrils through his limbs as guilt squeezed him in a vice-like grip. "That's my fault, actually. We were both a bit busy after classes got out, then I had some stuff to take care of at home during the last few weeks. Matt texted me a few times, but I completely missed all his messages," he stated vaguely, rubbing the back of his neck. Shiro paused, his gaze on the ground, then he looked up at Sam nervously. "He's not mad about that, is he?"
Sam frowned, shaking his head. "Of course not. I mean, when I asked him about you last week he seemed a little, I don't know, off when he said you were busy? He's never really had any good friends to go out with, so he was probably just upset that he didn't have anyone to go out with, but he wasn't mad at all," the man assured. "Actually, he was going to hang around here to try to catch you before he had to go to class, but Professor Rift needed to borrow him at the IT Center, so he left."
"He has a morning class on Mondays this semester?"
Sam nodded. "Differential equations from nine to noon, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday."
Shiro nearly choked on air. "Differential equations?" He frowned. He honestly wasn't completely sure what that was- besides really fucking hard math -but felt too embarrassed to admit it.
"That's what I said," Sam agreed. "Him and Katie both… Their mother is a brilliant woman, and I'm not too shabby myself, but I have no idea where they got their brains from! Sure, I can do calculus just fine, but I didn't learn it until I was twenty-five! Matt's barely twenty and Katie isn't even old enough to drive, but they both can solve problems quicker than I can," Sam said with a chuckle.
"I don't think I could solve a calculus problem if someone walked me through it," Shiro admitted.
"Oh, don't be so hard on yourself, Shiro," Sam said. "You're a smart guy, and even if you struggle with math, you're an excellent pilot. Everyone has their strong points and their weak points. It's nothing to beat yourself up over."
Shiro smiled. "Thank you, sir." He glanced to the side as another student started down the hallway toward the classroom, then gave Sam a nod before heading toward his seat. He quietly dropped down into the uncomfortable plastic chair and pulled out his phone. He hadn't glanced at it all morning despite wanting to ask Matt about his schedule for the new semester, too worried that Matt might be upset with him for not responding to his texts over half of the break, but Sam's words had been reassuring enough to ease Shiro's anxiety.
Shiro: I heard you're taking differential equations this semester?
Shiro: I thought you were too tired from calculus to take a class that's even harder
A response came before Shiro could put down his phone.
Matt: I was thinking abt it but decided id be bored
Matt: Need motivation to get hit by a campus bus
Shiro nearly snorted.
Shiro: Maybe don't get hit by a campus bus
Shiro: You'll miss class and end up behind
Matt: :0
Matt: Aw shit ur rIGHT
Matt: fUKSNDKNN
Matt: Wait I can just get hit Friday night 0-0
Matt: Ill have two days until my next class
Matt: Enough time to wake up from my coma
Shiro: What if you don't wake up in two days and still miss class
Matt:
Matt: Y u doing this to me
Matt: LET ME HAVE THIS SHIRO
Matt: I CAN DREAM
Shiro: You better dream that your dad won't walk back into the classroom and see your messages over my shoulder
Matt: noOOO
Matt: Hide the evidence
Matt: Or next time ur phone breaks ill make sure it STAYS broken
Shiro: Ouch
Shiro: Rude
Matt: A nerd gotta do what he gotta do 3
Shiro: Remember that next time you want help carrying something heavy
Matt: :P
Shiro:
Shiro: Hey look your dad just walked back into the classroom
Matt: sHIT
Shiro smothered a chuckle and glanced up at the empty doorway. Sam hadn't returned, but it was nearly time for class to start. While Shiro didn't want to stop texting Matt, he needed to end the conversation before class began.
Shiro: I'm kidding, but my class starts soon
Shiro: I gotta go
Matt: Evil
Matt: ttyl meanie :P
Shiro: :P
Shiro silenced his phone and slipped it into his pocket just as Instructor Con and Sam walked into the classroom. The rest of the seats had filled up while Shiro was on his phone, and now that he had lost his distraction from the outside world, the sound of tired chatter from the other students filled his ears with an annoying buzz.
At the front of the room, Con clapped his hands together loudly to draw the class's attention. The room silenced immediately.
"Good morning, and welcome to the new semester. I don't see any new faces here, so you should all know what I expect from you this semester, both in the classroom and in the air…."
Shiro wasn't one to ignore a teacher, but he couldn't quite focus on Con's voice as the man spoke. He did his best to sit up and watch intently so he would appear as if he was listening, but Con's words disappeared before they reached Shiro's ears. Was he tired? Was he bored? Shiro wasn't sure what the cause was, but he suddenly felt as if his energy had been drained from his body. His head was heavy, and tremors started in his hands. The tremors were slight at first, but they started to grow worse and worse the more Shiro thought about them, and he couldn't get them out of his mind. Eventually he discreetly pulled his hands off the desk and clasped them in his lap under the table so no one could see them shaking.
A moment later, a wave of heat suddenly struck Shiro. It wasn't scalding, but it was just intense enough to make his blood feel like it was boiling beneath his skin. The heat brought discomfort to his lower back, and it felt as if a ball of energy had begun brewing beneath his skin. Suddenly, he wanted nothing more than to move. He wanted to get up, run, twist, and turn until the itching ball of energy went away, but he could only try not to twitch as it intensified.
It took Shiro a moment to realize Con had finished speaking. The rest of the class was gathering their things and getting to their feet. Right. It was the first day of the semester. That meant it was time to do the flight simulator. That was probably where everyone was headed.
Slowly Shiro reached for his bag. He zipped the top and lifted the bag onto his desk before moving to stand; he almost didn't make it to his feet. His legs weren't numb, but they had no strength. They felt heavy and empty like limp noodles straining to hold him up. The skin on his face felt tight as if it had shrunk and was stretched over his skull. His face felt hot, then cold, then hot again, the feeling starting to spread around his entire head. He blinked a few times, his eyes on the ground and one had planted firmly on his desk to hold him up as he willed away the wave of dizziness that washed over him, swelling and fading, then swelling again. His vision was grey at the edges and… green? Why was everything green? It was as if the world had been tinted the color of peas.
"Shiro?"
Shiro saw feet on the ground near him. He raised his head to look at whoever was standing next to him, but the simple motion robbed him of his sight entirely. He blinked once, then twice, then again and again and again until slowly a face came into view.
Sam looked at Shiro with his lips turned down in a frown and his brow furrowed in concern. He'd been standing near Instructor Con as the man explained what the class would be doing in the new semester when he'd noticed a blank look in Shiro's eyes. At first, he'd thought the younger man was spaced out, maybe because he was tired, but then it struck him that something didn't look right. Shiro's tan face had gone pale, and there was no color in his lips. Shiro's hands, which usually rested on the table in front of him, were out of sight.
When Con had called for the class to gather their things and head to the simulator room, Shiro hadn't moved. He'd stared blankly in Con's direction for a moment, then blinked and slowly reached for his bag. Sam had watched Shiro stand, and the moment he'd caught a tremor in the young man's legs, he'd grabbed Con's shoulder to get the man's attention.
"I think Shiro isn't feeling well," Sam had muttered low enough that only Con could hear.
Con had glanced from Sam to Shiro, then back at Sam before nodding.
Sam had returned the nod, then let go of Con's shoulder as the man continued toward the door to lead the students out. Sam himself had walked further into the classroom toward Shiro, who had paused next to his desk with his eyes on the floor.
When Sam had called out to Shiro, he was met with a blank stare before Shiro blinked, his pupils shifting in his irises.
"Are you okay?" Sam asked.
Shiro nodded numbly but said nothing. He slung his bag over his shoulder and took a step past Sam on his way to the door, but his leg folded mid-step. One of Sam's arms flew out straight like a metal rod and caught Shiro before he could crumble, holding the young man steady as he planted his feet beneath himself.
"Sorry," Shiro said, his voice low and raspy as he raised a hand to scrub at his face. Neither commented on how quickly he leaned away from Sam's arm despite his unstable state.
"Why don't you sit back down for now?" Sam encouraged, glancing back at Shiro's seat. It was within reach, only a few paces away.
"The simulator-" Shiro began.
"Don't worry about the simulator. You can always come in for the pre-assessment at another time," Sam interrupted. "If you aren't well, you need to rest."
Shiro shook his head. "I can't stay here. There might be another class later."
Sam pressed his lips together in a firm line. The next class wouldn't arrive for another four and a half hours at least, but there was an electrician due to arrive in the next half hour to fix damaged lines in the ceiling that hadn't been dealt with during the break. The room was to be clear so the electrician could work freely, and no students could be hurt by loose tools or live lines.
"My office is just down the hall. You can stay in there as long as you need," Sam offered. He meant to be gentle, though his insistence made his voice slip into a commanding tone, the one he had used back when he was leading units as Commander Samuel Holt.
"Yes, sir." Sam didn't know that Shiro was an ex-soldier but didn't ask questions when Shiro responded like one. Instead he walked out of the room with a light hand on Shiro's back and a careful eye watching in case he stumbled again.
The walk to Sam's office wasn't far, but it felt like miles to Shiro. His heart was pounding as if he'd just run a marathon, and his legs were so heavy that he was almost shuffling the whole way there. By the time they reached the office, the merciless waves of heat and cold left Shiro shivering and sweating simultaneously, though Sam said nothing about it.
Sam unlocked the office door and ushered Shiro inside. He started toward the chair behind the desk, but Shiro beelined for the wall. He leaned on it heavily, then sank to his knees and sat down heavily in the corner. Sam frowned.
"You can sit in the chair. The floor isn't exactly comfortable," Sam pointed out.
Shiro shook his head. "It's okay. You've already helped me enough, and I don't want to be in your way."
"You wouldn't be in the way," Sam assured, though Shiro didn't budge. The young man was exhausted and struggled pathetically as he pulled his backpack off his shoulder and set it in his lap. Shiro folded his arms on top of the bag and let his head drop on them as he pulled his legs up close to his chest, packing himself up as small as he could. Sam could see his back heaving against the wall as Shiro fought for deep breaths.
Still frowning, Sam stepped out of the room and walked quickly to the small vending area down the hall. He bought bottled water from one of the machines, then returned to his office and knelt next to Shiro.
"I have to go help Con with the simulator, but I can come back if you need anything. Just call," Sam said. He set the water bottle at Shiro's side. "Drink some water and stay as long as you need."
Shiro nodded but didn't look up. A muffled "sorry" reached Sam's ears, but he said nothing. He didn't need an apology from someone who had done nothing wrong.
Sam got to his feet and crossed the room, pausing at the door to look back at Shiro one more time before he stepped out, careful to leave the door unlocked.
-000-
Matt wasn't sure whether he was happy or worried that his first differential equations class ended early. The professor handled out the syllabus, answered questions, then passed out a series of homework problems she called a "pre-test". The students were to attempt all the questions and turn them in on Wednesday. They would then do the same sheet again in the middle of the semester, and the end of the semester. That way, the professor could monitor the class's progress and make sure they were actually learning.
There was nothing else the professor asked them to do, instead dismissing the class early, though she allowed anyone who wanted to stay in the room to work on the problems to do so until the scheduled end of class at noon. After that, another class would need the room, so they'd have to leave.
Of the fifty students in the room, less than a dozen stayed to work. Matt was one of them, though as he rummaged through his bag for his calculator, he found nothing. He frowned and checked every pocket, though still ended up empty-handed.
Matt resisted the urge to smack himself when he remembered what he'd done. He'd been using the calculator the previous day when he'd come to the university with his father. He'd gone in to help clean up Sam's office, then waited there when his dad had a meeting with the other aviation staff. Matt had been brushing up on his calculus skills in preparation for differential equations, but eventually got bored and started playing on his phone instead. He'd forgotten about the calculator and left it in the office.
Frowning, Matt gathered his things and left the classroom. Once outside, he slipped his phone from his pocket and sent a text to his father.
Matt: Hey dad where r u
Matt: I need the keys to ur office
Matt: Left my calculator there yesterday
Matt turned his phone off and made his way out of the math and science building before starting toward the aviation campus. Two minutes into his walk, his phone vibrated in his hand.
Dad: I'm working with students in the flight simulator right now
Dad: But my office it unlocked
Dad: Shiro wasn't feeling well in class so I let him in there to sit and rest until he feels better. Try not to be too noisy when you go in
Matt: Really?
Matt: K
Matt frowned as he slid his phone back into his pocket. Shiro was sick? In what way? Sam hadn't specified exactly what kind of sick Shiro was, and a wave of worry made Matt nauseous. Had Shiro caught a cold or was he still struggling with the things that had pulled him into the depths of his mind for weeks during the break? What could Matt do? Should he call Keith? Was something else wrong?
Questions and apprehension swirled in Matt's brain throughout the rest of his walk. He couldn't push aside his darkening thoughts as he made his way to the aviation building and to his father's office. He paused outside the door with his hand hovering over the handle, unsure of whether or not he wanted to enter, but ultimately went through with it. If he didn't at least get his calculator, Sam would ask why, and Matt wasn't sure what excuse he'd make. Besides, while he didn't know what to say to Shiro, he was done avoiding the issue as if it didn't exist. He wouldn't prod if the subject didn't come up, but if Shiro needed help, Matt was prepared to give it.
Slowly Matt pushed open the office door and slipped inside. He silently shut the door behind him and scanned the office. At first, he almost didn't see Shiro, not recognizing the sleeping hunched figure in the corner of the room as his typically strong, looming friend.
Matt pulled his gaze from Shiro and made his way to the desk, searching it until he found his calculator. He slipped the device into his bag, cringing at the loud sound of his backpack zipper in the silent room. His gaze flicked to Shiro as he rezipped his bag, but the man didn't so much as flinch.
While he intended to get in and get out of the office without bothering Shiro, something in Matt wanted to stay. His eyes were glued to his friend, and he couldn't look away. Matt had thought he'd seen Shiro relaxed before, but it took him only a moment to realize he had been wrong. Shiro's shoulders were slumped in a way that seemed unnatural; they lacked the usual tension that kept them squared. One of his gloved hands dangled limply off his folded arms which obscured half his face, though what Matt could see of Shiro's face looked almost…younger? There was something missing, some kind of alertness that usually stiffened Shiro's face even when he smiled or laughed. Whatever it was, it had made Shiro look his age. Without it, though, even with the white tuft of hair over his forehead and the scar stretched over his nose, Shiro looked closer to Matt's age than his own. Maybe twenty-one or twenty-two instead of twenty-five.
A twinge of sadness struck Matt's heart as he thought back to his phone call with Keith. Shiro was a veteran who had lost almost everyone close to him. He'd dealt with struggles similar to what Matt had watched Sam go through and had been through things Matt could only imagine. Was it that which had aged him? Was his white and grey hair a remnant of something he wanted to forget?
Matt didn't realize he was staring, lost in thought, until Shiro moved. The sight made Matt blink as he noticed he had knelt at Shiro's side at some point during his observations. It was too late to stand; he could only watch as Shiro's eyes blinked open and the other man raised his head, slowly meeting Matt's gaze.
"Hey," Matt greeted with a small smile.
Shiro inhaled deeply, raising a hand to scrub at his face before he looked back at Matt and returned the smile. "Hey."
"I was just stopping by to grab my calculator from my dad's desk, but he said you were sick," Matt explained. He tipped his head to the side as his eyebrows furrowed. "Are you okay?"
Shiro nodded, straightening his back as he ran a gloved hand through his hair. "I'm not sure what happened, but I suddenly got really dizzy and tired. I could barely stand."
Matt bit his lip. "Did you catch a cold? Or maybe you caught something from someone when you came back to school."
"That might be it," Shiro lied. A cold left him coughing and sneezing. It was stress that turned his legs to jelly and drained him of his energy.
Instead of saying anything else, Shiro sighed and moved to stand. Matt rose and shuffled backwards with his hands hovering in front of him as if he was planning to catch Shiro if he fell.
Somehow, Shiro got to his feet successfully. He wasn't as dizzy as before, and while his legs were still tired, they weren't too weak to hold him. Shiro slowly reached down for the half-empty water bottle next to his feet, unscrewed the cap, and took another drink. The water wasn't as cold as it had been when Sam left, but it still felt refreshing.
"Are you sure you don't need to rest longer? My dad won't mind…" Matt trailed off.
Shiro shook his head. "No, I'm okay now. I feel a lot better already," he assured before frowning. "Aren't you supposed to be in class right now?" he asked.
Matt hummed. "Yeah, but we got let out with a homework sheet after half an hour. I was kind of disappointed, actually."
"Wow," Shiro said with raised eyebrows. "Well, I need to go to the flight simulator. Your dad said I could do it at another time, but I don't want to bother him or Instructor Con." He paused, looking at Matt and raising a hand to rub the back of his neck. "So, do you have somewhere you need to be, or do you want to go with me? The simulations usually take pretty long, so I'll be doing a lot of waiting without anything to do," he offered. "We didn't see much of each other during the last few weeks, so we could use the time to catch up."
Matt smiled and nodded. While the forbidden knowledge in the back of his mind left him uneasy, Shiro was his friend, and they hadn't had a chance to talk face-to-face in weeks.
Shiro returned the smile once again, though it was tight and felt strange on his lips. It seemed that the past two weeks had caught up to him all at once, leaving him exhausted. If today was so bad that he could hardly walk, how would the next day be? The one after that? It worried him that his relapse might be more serious than he expected, even with Najenda's help. It worried him that he might become a burden on others again when he was trying so hard not to be. He was finally starting to feel better mentally only to stumble physically. Hopefully his fatigue wouldn't last long.
Making a mental note to thank Sam later, Shiro took a few cautious steps away from his corner, then he and Matt left the office, locking the handle of the door behind them.
