Deeply touched by Hope's words, McCoy's heart was brimming over with love. What she'd just described was exactly how he'd always hoped to make her feel. Ever since he'd overheard her explaining this beautiful German expression to Uhura, that time in the mess, ages ago.
Geborgen.
They hadn't been more than colleagues then, really, and yet, looking back, he knew he'd already been irrevocably in love.
"Tell me, love," he asked, smiling down at her and suddenly feeling the need to hold her extra gently, her slight frame seeming even more fragile to him than before. "Does that mean you feel 'geborgen' with me?"
"Of course, I do, Leonard," she chuckled, sounding surprised at the question, "very much so."
"That's good," he murmured, his voice rough with emotion.
"How do you even know this word?" she asked, intrigued, turning around and pushing herself up to look at him.
The doctor let his gaze drift off into the distance, casting his mind back in time to when he'd first heard the expression.
"I've actually known it for quite some time," he smiled, "and I've wanted you to feel that way ever since I first heard it."
"Oh, come on, tell me already! Where did you first hear it?" Jenny, ever curious, whined and impatiently poked him in the ribs.
"All right, all right, I'll tell you," McCoy chuckled, always enjoying teasing her a little. "It was soon after you first came aboard. You were discussing linguistics with Uhura, talking about how some words were so hard to translate, because they had no equivalent in other languages. 'Geborgen' was one example."
"I dimly remember this conversation with Nyota," Hope wrinkled her nose in concentration, one of her many adorable mannerisms, "but I don't recall you being there."
"Never mind, love, you were deeply engrossed in the subject," McCoy remembered fondly, "and I was having a coffee at the next table, happy to just sit there and listen to the two of you nattering away. I recall thinking what a beautiful word it was, and how a girl like you should always feel that way."
He took a deep breath, suddenly overcome with emotion, as it hit him how much he'd already cared for her even then.
"But it wasn't just the word and all that it stands for, that resonated with me. It was the way you explained it, the way you talked about it so passionately, your voice so full of longing, that went straight to my heart. I could tell that you hadn't just chosen a random example, but that this word held a lot of meaning for you personally. It was quite obviously something you deeply longed for."
Hope's eyes were growing wide, as she listened attentively. She was obviously only just beginning to understand quite how much attention he'd been paying to her from the beginning.
"I've wanted you to feel that way ever since," he continued, reaching out to gently cup her cheek in his hand. "Every time I held you – or even just your hand, when you were scared or injured or troubled, I'd think, Please, let her feel 'geborgen' now. Like on your first assignment, when you were too scared to sleep. Or when you finally confided in me about your secret past. When I held your hand after you'd told me about what your friend's father had done to you. And the night after, when I held you all night, sleeping in that cave. Or when I held you in my arms, shaken and shivering, after we'd saved that little girl from the pool. Those and all the other times, I was hoping to make you feel 'geborgen'."
-x-x-x-x-x-
"And you did, Leonard," Jenny exclaimed, losing herself in his tender eyes, her heart melting, as she realised just how much she'd meant to him from the start. "Every time. All the time. You've made me feel 'geborgen' since my very first day on the Enterprise. Since long before we became lovers. Before you even knew the word. Because that's what you do, who you are. You give people 'Geborgenheit'."
She could sense McCoy's emotion as he pulled her close again, and happily snuggled into his warm and loving embrace.
Her mind wandered back to the cave he'd mentioned earlier, making her smile.
"That night in the cave, you know," she began, reaching up to caress his face.
"What about it, love?" he murmured, nuzzling her hair and nestling his cheek into the palm of her hand.
"That was the best night of my life," she sighed dreamily.
"Oh?" he responded, and she could practically hear him lift an indignant eyebrow.
"Until then, at least," she clarified quickly, chuckling when he grunted his approval.
"Seriously, Leonard," Jenny went on, gently tracing his expressive eyebrow with her thumb, "lying in your arms that night, I remember thinking that, even on the cold, hard floor of a draughty and damp cave, I felt happier and more 'geborgen' than I'd ever felt before in my life. In fact, I probably didn't realise the full meaning of the word until that night."
-x-x-x-x-x-
McCoy exhaled deeply, taking a few moments to absorb her words, and letting them warm his heart and soul. His mind drifting back to that cave, he drew immense pleasure from knowing that he'd managed to make her feel the way he'd intended.
"You're right," he said at last, "that night was very special. It might well have been the night that changed everything."
"How's that?" she asked, intrigued, and he could hear how much she was enjoying this conversation, revelling in the memories of that particular night. "Was that the night you fell in love with me?"
"Oh no," he chuckled, giving her an affectionate squeeze and planting a tender kiss on her head.
Her eagerness to make a trip down memory lane was tangible, and he was happy to indulge her.
"I fell head over heels in love with you the moment I first saw you. But that night in the cave was probably the first time I admitted it – if only to myself. Holding you like that, there was no more denying that what I felt for you was much more than just fatherly affection. I remember lying awake for nights afterwards, longing to hold you again, yet tormenting myself over the aberration of my feelings for you and blaming myself for letting it go that far. But, as we both know, in the end it still took a lot more time after that, an amazing vacation and some serious convincing on your side, until I finally gave in to the inevitable."
He paused a little, shaking his head in silent wonder.
"What a waste of time. But then, I wouldn't have it any other way. Getting to know you as I did, falling in love with you a little more every day, was just wonderful."
"I know exactly what you mean, Leonard," Hope said softly, regarding him tenderly. "It was just the same for me. Drawn to you from the moment we met and I volunteered to work in sickbay. Wanting to be near you and trying to stay away at the same time, for fear of being too obvious. Convincing myself that I was too young for you to take me seriously, that you'd never be interested in me as a woman."
McCoy snorted and let his hands roam all over her body, smiling when he felt her shiver with longing.
"And what a woman you are," he crooned. "All woman. Even though I agree, you were far too young, it was impossible to ignore your charms, I can tell you!"
Laughing and squirming a little under his teasing touch, she went on, "I adored you, Leonard. I admired you, and I was more than content to just be your friend. Even though it was obvious that you cared about me, I thought that was just part of being the kind of doctor you are. And I was, of course, perfectly aware that you were trying to gain my trust, hoping that I would open up about my past. But when I slipped into your arms that night in the cave, it felt like… it's hard to explain… like coming home, like I belonged there. It was the most wonderful feeling. I even dreamed about you gently kissing me goodnight, practically feeling your lips in my hair."
She shook her head, chuckling softly at the memory.
"You were still awake then?" McCoy burst out, still embarrassed after all this time.
"You mean," Hope asked guardedly, "I wasn't imagining it after all?"
"No, my love," he replied guiltily. "I really did brush a kiss on your hair that night, when I thought you were fast asleep."
He fell silent, ashamed of having lost control and taken advantage of the situation, if just for a single moment. It was against everything he believed in, definitely against his moral code as a doctor and as an officer. He'd been in charge, responsible for her, and she'd trusted him. And even though it had just been one innocent kiss on her head, he suddenly felt the need to explain.
"You have no idea what I was going through that evening," McCoy sighed, unable to look her in the eye. "What being so close to you was doing to me. Our very private conversations, our voices so beautifully in harmony when we passed the time with that singing competition. I just couldn't help myself, I simply had to let out some of all those pent-up emotions."
He puffed out a self-conscious chuckle.
"And then, with you lying there in my arms, so completely trusting and peacefully asleep, or at least that's what I thought," he chortled, "I was overwhelmed by the intensity of my feelings. Completely unprepared for the depth of my love for you. And your pressing up against me while you were trying to get comfortable didn't exactly help."
"Wow," was all Hope got out, quite obviously blown away by his revelation. "If only I'd known."
She kissed him tenderly on the lips, lost in her own sweet memories of that night, and apparently not sharing his view that what he'd done had been in any way indecent. Looking at her sweet face, he could feel the romance of the night in that cave every bit as intensely as he had then.
"Every time I think I couldn't possibly love you any more than I already do, you go and say or do something that makes me fall in love with you all over again," she murmured, and McCoy was thrilled to know that he could still touch her this deeply with his words.
-x-x-x-x-x-
"Anyway," Jenny continued after a while, "after that night there was no denying that I was madly in love with you. Not only as my friend and mentor, but in every sense of the word. Nevertheless, it took an amazing vacation, as you put it, for me to feel confident that our age difference didn't really matter to you, that you didn't mind my lack of experience, and…"
"Silly us," McCoy cut in, shaking his head, "there you were worrying about being too young and inexperienced, while I fretted over being too old to keep up with your youthful vigour."
Jenny nodded, amusement lighting up her face and eyes.
"Sorry," McCoy said softly, "I rudely interrupted you there. You were saying?"
"I was saying," she smiled, feeling a little mischievous, "it took an amazing holiday and some minor signs of jealousy on your part, to finally make me realise that you might see me as a woman rather than a girl after all."
Seeing McCoy flush a deep red at that, she could hardly keep from laughing out loud.
"Jealous? Me? You must be kidding!" he growled.
"Oh come on, I thought it was just so sweet," she giggled.
"It was pathetic," he grumbled, not even trying to deny it any longer. "And not something I'm proud of, either, I can tell you. But if it helped bring us together, I'll gladly admit to it. I've never known jealousy like this before. And I certainly didn't have the right to feel it, when we weren't even together. But then, I've never before loved anyone else the way I love you, either."
Jenny's heart leapt with joy, hearing him declare his love for her like that. He was such a wonderful man, so special, and everything to her. And even though she knew how he felt about her, she could never get enough of hearing him say it out loud.
"Honestly," McCoy went on uncomfortably, still dwelling on the subject, "I've never been the jealous type before. Not excessively, anyway. When someone left me for someone else, I always thought I deserved it. And when I found out that Jocelyn was cheating on me, I was more angry than jealous. The love was already gone."
Jenny was sorry to have brought this up in the first place. She'd only meant to tease him a little, not upset him. But of course, she should have guessed that after Jocelyn, everything to do with infidelity would be a touchy subject for him.
"But with you, it's different. Everything is," McCoy continued quietly, and the earnest look on his face told her how important this was to him. "You're special, Jenny. You're … sacred to me, there is no other word for it. The thought of anyone else touching you the way I'm allowed to, makes me sick."
"Me too," she smiled, hoping to ease his mind and meaning every word. "I wouldn't want anyone else to touch me that way, either."
Then, thinking of all the delicious ways the doctor loved to touch her, she added with a grin, "Not that I think anyone could."
-x-x-x-x-x-
McCoy felt heat rising inside him at her words, her cheeky grin telling him exactly what she was thinking right now. And although he was mentally kicking himself for having pursued the subject at all, he was grateful that she'd so expressly assured him of her faithfulness. Not that he thought her to be the cheating kind anyway. She might leave him one day, yes, but she'd certainly never cheat on him, of that he was sure.
"You don't still feel jealous, do you?" Hope broke into his thoughts, the gentle concern in her eyes reminding him that she'd never mock his insecurities. "My dancing with Pavel, for example. Does it bother you?"
"No, of course not," he was quick to reply.
Although he had to admit that watching her in Chekov's arms still rankled a little. But Hope was true and loyal to a fault, there was no doubt about it, and he really liked the young Russian, too. And even though it was obvious that the boy was still as infatuated with her as ever, Hope had never given him reason to believe that she felt anything but friendship for Pavel.
McCoy didn't know how convincing he'd sounded, but Hope chose not to doubt his answer. And she certainly didn't offer to stop dancing with Chekov. He'd never ask her to give up something she loved on his behalf, no matter his feelings, and she knew that.
"I'm sorry I brought this whole jealousy thing up, Leonard," Jenny smiled, kissing him softly and looking him straight in the eye. "And I certainly didn't mean for you to explain or defend yourself. I just wanted to tease you a little, because it was extremely sweet and flattering at the time. And totally unfounded, I can assure you. I haven't been interested in any other man since the day we first met. It sounds soppy, I know, but that's just the way it is."
"Can't be too sappy for me," McCoy countered, emphasising his use of the American term, touched by the way she'd tried to put him at ease, so typically Hope, always acutely aware of people's sensibilities and needs.
Speaking of which, he thought, feeling another kind of need demanding to be taken care of. It would seem their conversation had made him want her more than ever. So, before she could say any more, he covered her mouth with a hungry kiss.
"I just can wait any longer, love," he murmured against her lips. "That night in the cave? You want to know what I felt? I think I really need to show you rather than just talk about it."
And remembering how he'd hardly been able to contain himself when she'd pressed up against him that night, trying to get comfortable in his arms, he felt a sudden urge to get even.
So, with a wicked glint in his eye that Jenny recognised only too well, and which sent a pleasant shiver of anticipation through her, the doctor focused all his skilful attention on her magnificent body. Grateful for every little thing in their past that had brought them together and led to the wonderfully fulfilling relationship they had now.
