Everything Stops For Tea

This internal document from the Assassins' Guild was recently retrieved from the Prancing Pony Tea Rooms, where it had perhaps been mislaid by a careless visitor…

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INHUMATION VIA THE MEDIUM OF BEVERAGES.
* it is always courteous practice to take into account the client's nationality, ethnicity and personal preferences into account when devising an elegant and tailor-made strategy for their demise.
* As examples, consider the following recent clients:
* Mr Zūnzhòng Wǒ, respected elder of the HungHung Triang crime society, who was shown great respect by Miss Pretty Butterfly, who, posing as a geisha host, served him exquisitely prepared lapsang souchang as part of a Tea Ceremony of her own adaptation.
* The Baron Fyodor Smirnoff of Kreschoi Oblast, Far Überwald, who poured his tea from a samovar which had been pre-loaded with zavorka prepared by Miss Natasha Romanoff of Tump House. (all the more creditable as Miss Romanoff is not normally a poisoner; she prefers pinpoint accuracy with arrows. Full credit to her for operational adaptability!)
* Mr Derek Puvis of Dolly Sisters, Ankh-Morpork, who shortly before his demise was heard, by Miss Tracey Hodgkins of C2 House (Day and Scholarship pupils) to exclaim "Thanks, Tracey, love. By the Gods! You can't beat a nice cup of tea, can you? it sets you up right well for the day, does a cuppa!" In this case, this was Tweakins' of Ankh-Morpork's Economy Own-Label Blend.
Mr Francois van der Terreblanche of Tweebuffelsmeteenskootmorsdoodgeskietfontein in the Widdershins Caarp province of Rimwards Howondaland. He was assisted to what his religion assures him will be a strictly racially segregated Afterlife, with the help of miss Corrine van Wellwillend of Raven House, and some suitably blended rooibus tea.(1) Plus lemon juice, as Miss van Wellwillend assured us in her report that it's nicer with lemon.

Be inventive. Do not overlook the possibilities for tampering with the milk or sugar. Miss Sanderson-Reeves, our Domestic Science mistress, has some very good biscuit recipes. She also advises students not to overlook the potential for the adapted teaspoon with the trick hollow handle, thus ensuring that when the client stirs his own tea, he also inadvertently adds the contents of the hollow handle to his beverage, and this incapacitates himself. A truly elegant inhumation and one where you do not need to share the contract fee.

And the whole area of coffee cultures, such as the Semi-Untied States of Lower Aceria, is a fertile area for study in its own right.

(1) We do note the objections of Doctor Smith-Rhodes, who is temperamentally opposed to the idea of tampering with redbush tea, pointing out that she has standards. Her exciting ideas concerning china teacups made with an element of Agatean Fireclay, which will remain totally safe and inert until near-boiling-hot liquids are added, have been noted. As has the idea of the biscuit to be dunked in the tea being totally inert, until dipped into to a tannic acid based accelerant. Sugar lumps with an element of nitroglycerine are still at the development stage.