August 1968

Of course, there was nothing we could do to take back Nihonmatsu. The Daimyo, lord Niwa Nagakuni, didn't seppuku. He fled to Yonezawa and surrendered his domain from there. Most of the Nihonmatsu retainers were dead anyway including all of the Shonentai who fought all they could when the SatCho penetrated the castle. We didn't have more news. Our army was also in bad condition. Aizu had only fifty men left on the two hundred they sent and I had personally lost ninety, leaving me with only half of my effectives. The biggest toll was on the Denshutai though. From eight hundred men, they were now down to three with all the heavy fire they faced. Really, that was starting to look like a joke of an army...

After our defeat in Nihonmatsu, we departed for Aizu and settled camp near the castle of Wakamatsu where Lord Matsudaira Katamori had his residence. I asked for permission to meet with him and to my surprise, he agreed. In fact, I was even more surprised that he knew who I was and that he treated me like any other respectable samurai, maybe even better, even if I had no right to use that title anymore and was nothing more than a ronin. It unsettled me to have the respect and recognition from a man like Lord Katamori. That man was one of the warriors I respected the most. He had been the military commissioner in Kyoto for years, he always defended the Shinsengumi against our detractors and now, he was still fighting when the Bakufu already surrendered. I bet if he liked, he could have an honorable position in the new government if he were to surrender but that wasn't the kind of man Lord Katamori was. He was true to his beliefs, a daimyo yes, but a bushi before it. I always liked how Aizu was true to the Bushido. How they trained diligently, boys or girls and how they would fight for their domain. Aizu was the last line of defense in Honshu, Sendai was sending soldiers but other sources were indicating that they were discussing their surrender or ready to leave for Ezo as lord Katamori told me. We talked without roundabout ways, we both were atune on that matter. Aizu would probably fall. But we would fall with it.

I asked him for shelter, for Chizuru and Haruhi. I also asked him for two horses. I had to travel north for a few days and my wife and daughter would stay in the camp so that the men wouldn't feel like maybe I fled the battlefield. Leaving Chizuru as an hostage was a way to make them understand that I was coming back. Yet, as soon as I would return, she and Haruhi would be sheltered in the castle so they could have more confort and hygiene.

Chizuru was having trouble to stand most of the day now and even if she was still helping as a doctor, I was too worried about her to let her continue to work like this. She needed to stay still, to have a calm atmosphere and to rest. That's why I had to travel. The only way I would succeed to have her calm and still, would be to plunge her nose back into books. That way, she would sit and and lie in bed all day and she would still think she was useful to me. Perfect plan even if I wasn't sure that plunging head first into a Rasetsu nest with Sannan and a Kitsune as leaders was the best idea I ever had.

Lord Katamori agreed to both my requests and assured me that Chizuru and Haruhi would be well treated and cared for and that was warming my heart. If I were to fall on the battlefield, at least, they would be safe. I thanked him genuinely and told him that my sword would fight for him and Aizu and so would the Shinsengumi. I came back to the camp after that to inform Chizuru on my departure.

« I'm back. » I said as I entered the tent, taking off my shoes and coat.

« Welcome home ! » replied Haruhi with a big smile but I couldn't help but frown.

« Where's Chizuru ? » I asked.

« Attending some injured men, she's gonna come back. » she replied « do you want me to fetch her ? »

« No. » I shook my head.

I opened a bottle of sake which was a present from Lord Katamori and Haruhi immediately went to get me a cup.

« Take two. » I told her and she complied, bringing me the two cups.

I poured the sake in the two cups and took mine in hand. Since Haruhi wasn't moving, I took the second one and handed it to her.

« Chizuru-neechan says I can't. » she refused politely.

« Chizuru's not there, is she ? » I smiled.

« No but... »

« Are you really going to let me drink alone ? » I asked.

« I... don't know... » she answered, flustered.

Yet, she made no movement to take the cup off my hand and I sighed before emptying my cup, sitting down. I emptied the second one and I chuckled when I saw Haruhi pour me another cup and hand it to me.

« What's so funny ? » she asked with a pout.

« Nothing. » I answered as I took the cup to my lips.

I drank it slower this time, savoring the taste. It was a really fine sake with a lot of flavors. Swallowing it like a drunk would be a waste. Haruhi stayed by my side with the bottle in hand and I smiled again which cause her to pull on my sleeve, annoyed.

« Tell me why you're mocking me ! » she growled.

« I'm not. » I answered calmly.

« You're looking at me and you laugh ! » she pouted « I don't get what is so funny. »

« You make me think of your mother. » I answered and she widden her eyes in surprise.

« W... Why ? » she asked, her face flustered.

« I don't know » I sighed « maybe because I used to drink alone with her too. She was pouring sake, cup after cup, and she never shared one with me. »

Or maybe that day with the whisky but does it really count ? She nearly spitted it all out and didn't even finish it.

Haruhi seemed to think for a minute and then she angrily took my shoulders in her little hands and shook me. I was lucky my cup was empty.

« You shouldn't think about my mother, Otousan ! » she scolded « You have Chizuru-neechan now. It's not good what you're doing ! »

I escaped a small laugh. I wasn't thinking about Yuki that way. Yet, Haruhi was scolding me like I did a terrible thing.

« Calm down, Haruhi » I said calmly « It's not what you think. »

« Well, you shouldn't think about women unless you think about Chizuru-neechan ! » she stated, poking my nose with her finger.

I caught her hand and made her loose balance so she ended up back flat on the ground and her head on my lap. She giggled and closed her eyes. She stayed still a while, a smile on her face.

« Otousan » she called after a few minutes.

« Ha. »

« You were right. » she said.

« I often am. » I nodded and she pouted again and tried to attack my face with her hands but I pulled it out of her reach. « On what matter ? »

« I'm not a warrior... » she said in a sad voice.

« How so ? » I asked, serving myself another cup of sake.

« I wanted to be one, truly. Because... I don't want anyone to have power on me or beat me like Yoshio used to but... I failed. I wanted to be stronger and live with honor and everything just like you do but in the end, I'm afraid. It was easy to act tough when you wouldn't take me on the battlefield but when you finally did, I wanted to run away. I was so scared... But I knew that you would be disappointed so I didn't... And I still feel bad you know, because I shot those people... Do I disappoint you ? »

« No. » I said softly, stroking her hair with my fingers « you do not need to be a warrior, just like Chizuru doesn't need to be one either. I will protect you both. I am glad you took lessons and that you can defend yourself but you do not need to walk that path. »

« But... If I dont want to be a warrior and I don't want to marry then, what will I do ? » she asked.

« You still have some time to figure it out yourself. » I answered with a smile « You know, I never thought I would marry either. »

« Would you have let me marry Souji ? » she asked out of the blue and I took a few seconds of reflexion before answering.

« If you had an appropriate age to marry and if Souji answered your feelings then maybe I would have. » I answered with caution « did he answer your feelings ? »

« I don't think so... » she muttered « And I never told him... Maybe he didn't even know. »

Oh, he knew, alright. He knew.

I stayed silent, still stroking her hair. How I changed in only a few years. And I had Chizuru to thank for that. She taught me to open my heart a little bit more and now, I was there, with a wife I loved deeply, a daughter I was proud of and a little one on the way. All these things that once seemed so foreign to a sword like myself.

« I love you, Otousan. » she said, breaking the silence.

« Where is that coming from ? » I asked, flustered.

« Nowhere. » she muttered « I just wanted you to know. »

« I'm not going to die, Haruhi » I smiled « and I love you too. »

She paused and thought for a moment before she opened her mouth again.

« Will you still love me when my sister will be there ? »

« Your sister ? » I smiled.

« Yeah, the one in Chizuru-neechan's belly. »

« Chizuru is pretty sure that it's a boy. » I stated and she frowned.

« No, it's a sister. » she affirmed « I saw her in my dreams. »

« Alright. » I escaped a small laugh « Although I'm not sure that I'm ready to have two disobedient daughters. One is already enough. »

She lifted her hands to try and attack me again with an angry face and I evade her easily. I took her hands in mine to steady her and she giggled again.

« But you will still love me ? » she asked again.

« Why wouldn't I ? » I asked in return.

« Because... She'll be your blood. So, you will probably love her more. » she affirmed, nodding in understanding to hide how afraid she was about the idea of me not loving her anymore.

« I will love her. » I stated « She will be my daughter and so are you. I will love you both. »

« Noooo » she chuckled « I'm sure you're gonna be so easy on her ! »

« We'll see. » I smiled.

She may be right. If my daughter looked like her mother and has the same temper, I would probably become softer than I ever was.

« Go fetch Chizuru » I ordered, realizing how time had passed.

I needed to talk to her to inform her about my departure and she was taking ages to come back from the infirmary. Haruhi nodded and stood up, arranging her little bun that was exactly like Souji's and she grabbed both her swords before heading out.