A/N Hello everyone. There is no excuse for such a long delay other than life. I promise to update more frequently. Hopefully a few of you are still around wanting to read. I've had a few people ask how I'm going to work things out with Will still being in witness protection. I will address that and get back to more of the original focus of this story. I admittedly went down a rabbit hole with Alicia's abduction that I wasn't originally planning on, and that I'm now regretting. I hope you'll all forgive me and bear with me as we come back out of the rabbit hole and get these two into a healthy, long lasting relationship. :} I hope the new year is finding you all well.

Alicia lay in bed staring up at the ceiling trying to will her way out of bed. The smell of coffee wafted through the air. Zach had probably been at work for nearly two hours already. In the week since she'd been in Portland neither Zach or Allison had questioned her sleeping in every day until the late morning hours. But each morning around ten Allison would knock on the bedroom door claiming she'd just made some fresh coffee. Alicia didn't mind the not so subtle means her daughter in law used to check up on her. She needed some excuse for getting out of bed anyway. Something that had been more difficult lately than it should have been. She smiled to herself. Despite what Allison thought it wasn't usually the coffee that lured her out of bed. It was her grandson. Somehow his morning chatter and cuddles with grandma made everything seem right for a few moments. It also distracted her from the unexplainable pain that seemed to sit in her body periodically throughout the day.

The pain, she thought to herself. There were moments when her whole body ached for no apparent reason. Her ribs were still fairly tender, the scars around her wrists and ankles still visible. But the bruising over the rest of her body was all but gone. There was no outward reason her body still ached in so many places. She'd kept the pain hidden from everyone. Forced herself to push through it. When it reached an unbearable point, she'd claim exhaustion and retire to her room for a "nap". When it had hit at Will's a few nights ago during the Christmas tree decorating event, luckily they'd been watching a movie and she'd simply eased herself into a more comfortable position, managing to keep Will from suspicion. Or so she'd thought until last night.

- The weather outside was dismal, cold and windy with heavy rain. They'd just finished playing a board game. Chase was going to work on his homework while Will cleaned up the dinner dishes.

"I'll wash if you dry," Alicia offered, moving next to him in front of the sink."

"Leesh, it's fine. There are only a few pans to wash. I'll throw the rest in the dishwasher. Sit down and rest for a few minutes."

Doing her best to not let his last comment bother her, she reached for the sponge next to the faucet. "Will, rest is all I do during the day. Washing a few pans isn't going to drain all my energy." It came out a bit more harsh than she intended. She turned the water on and began filling the sink.

"That's not what I meant," he said, slightly frustrated. "I just don't want you to feel like you have to clean up here." Things had been a bit tense all night. He knew full well there had been several times in the previous days when she'd said she was fine, but truly hadn't been. The occasional blank look in her eyes, and unresponsiveness in the middle of a conversation. Winces of pain she tried to mask by turning away from him. Brushing off his attempts at any sort of conversation about how she was really doing. Just a few minutes before, near the end of their game, hadn't been any different. He noticed the tight grip she had on the arm of the chair as her free hand rolled the game dice.

What could he couldn't figure out was why she felt the need to try and hide it from him? Why, ever since she'd come to Portland, she'd put on the all too familiar Alicia armor trying to get everyone to believe she was okay. He was beginning to question her true interest in their relationship.

"I know. I'm sorry. Let's do it together, okay?" she said, apologetically.

She pulled up her sleeves revealing the still dark bruising around her wrists. She didn't notice his brief stare at the scars. She'd kept her wrists hidden beneath the sleeves of her sweaters every time he'd seen her in the past week. He thought the wounds would be more faded by now.

"Do your wrists still hurt?"

She glanced at him as she plunged her hands into the soapy water. "No. But I'm beginning to wonder if the scaring will be permanent."

A few minutes later, as she scrubbed the last pan, a loud clash of thunder sounded, and the lights flickered on and off. Startled by the loud noise, she flinched, looking into the murky water sloshing around in the sink. A flash of memory hitting her so hard she felt like she couldn't breathe.

When the thunder struck, she jolted next to him turning as stiff as a board. He watched as the blood drained from her face. Out of instinct he grasped onto her for support in case her knees gave out. As soon as he touched her, she inhaled turning away from him bringing her arms up across her chest as if to protect herself. He let go.

"Leesh," he said gently.

"Wow, Dad, did you hear that?" Chase bounded down the stairs.

Will turned to him. "Yeah, I did. Pretty crazy huh? Did you get all your homework finished?"

"Almost. I only have a few math problems to do, but I need my calculator." He went into the den and returned a few moments later with the needed device in hand.

Will smiled. "Okay, go finish up."

Chase went back up the stairs. Will, focused on Alicia again. "Hey, you okay?" He moved in front of her. Her back was against the counter. Her hands gripped the edges.

"Yeah," she managed a little smile. "The thunder just startled me."

He moved closer. "You sure, because it looked like more than that?"

She let go of the counter placing her hands on his arms. "Yes, I'm sure."

Her tone sounded truthful, but her eyes said the exact opposite. He looked down taking a few steps back from her.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

He sighed. "I don't think you're being honest with me. I don't feel like you trust me, and I don't understand why? I'm doing everything I can to make you believe I'm committed to us, and to make you feel safe, but you keep shutting me out."

Surprised at the comment, and feeling slightly agitated, she folded her arms across her chest. "I'm not shutting you out."

"Then tell me how you're really feeling. What was that a minute ago? It wasn't that you were just startled by the thunder," he said, with irritation.

She briefly looked away towards the windows. "You're right it wasn't, but I don't want to talk about it."

"This is exactly what I mean. I ask how you're doing, and you don't tell me the truth."

Her gaze met his again. Her hazel eyes gone dark. "I'm not trying to keep you in the dark. I still don't know how to process…what happened to me and it's effects on my mind. As for not trusting you…trust is a difficult thing for me Will. I want to trust you. I want to feel safe with you, and I do to some extent. But with my past, my father walking out on us, Peter cheating on me. Combine that with our past, the way you handled things when Cary and I left the firm. A month later when you discussed private, intimate, conversations between us, in open court. To top it all of you made me believe you were dead." She shook her head. "So, you can see how I may not be able to fully trust you yet." She glanced towards the stairs in hopes that Chase hadn't overheard any of this.

Will's initial instinct was to rebut everything she'd said. It wasn't fair to use their past against him. But then he realized she was right. At least on some points. The truth was he didn't fully trust her either, partially due to their past. A few moments later he spoke up again. "You were right to not trust the man I was back then. But I've changed. I'm not that person anymore. We aren't the same people we were ten years ago. You have to be able to see that by now. I'm here. I'm going to be here for you no matter what. I can understand it's going to take more time for you, for us, to fully trust each other again. I'm just asking that you not shut me out and push me away. I want to know what you're feeling. What your thinking. All of it. Not just what you think I want to hear."

Her gaze was fixed on his dark chocolate eyes. "Okay, I believe you." She honestly did. "And I'll try to do better in being more open with you. But Will, that doesn't mean that I'm suddenly going to be an open book. Like I said before, I'm still trying to process everything. I can't always explain what's going on when something like a few minutes ago happens because I haven't been able to explain i to myself yet. Can you try to understand that for now?"

"Yes, but this isn't just about what happened a few minutes ago. Maybe it's not fair, but I still worry you're going to leave. That you aren't really going to choose me. That's one of the trust issues I hold from our past. You always walked away when things got rough."

He was right, and she knew it. Whether she was consciously doing it or not she realized she had been distancing herself from him in the past few days. She'd gone into survival mode, running from everything. The harsh reality of her abduction. The still very real possible dangers due to his witness protection situation. Their always complicated relationship. It was all too overwhelming. It was easier to ignore then having to talk about it.

They were interrupted by Chase bounding down the stairs again. "I'm done. Can I play video games for a while before bed?" he asked, opening the refrigerator to pull out a soda.

"Yes. But put that back. You already had one at dinner," Will responded.

"But Dad, it's not baseball season. It's not going to affect my performance on the field right now. What if I only drink half the can?" he pleaded.

Alicia had to stifle a laugh at the exchange wondering how much negotiating would go on between the two.

"Half," Will agreed, giving in much sooner than she expected.

"Get a glass to put it in and drink it down here."

Chase turned and sighed as he reached for an upper cabinet. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. No food upstairs."

The two adults both chuckled as Will turned back to Alicia.

"I should probably get going, I'm getting tired, and I have an appointment in the morning." She hoped Will would understand. He knew she had her first meeting with the therapist in the morning. She turned making her way back around the bar and headed for the coat closet.

She knew they needed to talk some more, but she really was starting to get tired, and her body was beginning to ache. If the past few days were any indication it wouldn't be long until her whole body hurt. With Chase so near this wasn't the time to get into a heavy discussion.

Will followed her. "Alicia, we need to talk." He felt like she was running away again. Avoiding an actual discussion.

She turned towards him, glancing past his shoulder to where Chase stood in the kitchen, ear buds in, clearly not interested in what they were doing. She sighed inwardly with relief. "I know. But I don't think this is the time to have a lengthy discussion." She hoped he'd get it as she glanced with raised brow in Chase's direction.

She could see in his eyes he understood, but he didn't seem any less frustrated. She grabbed his arm and pulled him down the hall, near the front door, so they'd be out of ear shot.

"Will, I'm not going anywhere either. I want this. I want us. Things are just…so complicated right now." She squeezed his arm. "You're right. I've likely shut you out more than I realize. I've probably done it to everyone." She briefly looked at the hard wood floor at her feet gathering her thoughts. "I'm sorry. I really am. You want me to be more open? Okay. We'll start now." She brushed her now sweaty palms on her pants. "I'll tell you what happened a few minutes ago. But I don't want to discuss it tonight. I don't want you to try and analyze it or fix it. I just need you to listen."

"Okay," he agreed. It was something at least.

"I told you a little bit about the first day on the boat. About how I kept trying to argue with them, refuse any food or drink they offered me, and how at one point they realized I was giving some thought to jumping off the boat and trying to swim to shore."

He nodded remembering having this conversation in the hospital. "That's when they decided to tie you up and rape you the first time." The thought sickened and infuriated him.

"Yes, but what I didn't tell you was that after they raped me, in an effort to further convince me they were in charge, they dragged me back up on deck. There was a storm. The waters were rough. The thunder and lightening seemed to be right on us. My hands were tied and already hurt. I was drenched in seconds. The men were drunk. Jeremy grabbed me from behind and pushed me to the railing and bent me over it." She looked away wrapping her arms across her chest and took in a deep breath.

The anger and frustration that had been set in her features during their conversation changed to a look of fear. It sent shivers down his spine.

"I thought he was going to throw me overboard," she said, with much more quietly, almost in defeat. "I'd been scared up until then but had held onto a sliver of hope that I'd get out of the situation somehow. But when I was that close to death," she whispered, shaking her head. "I've never been so terrified."

He reached his hands out grasping onto her to pull her closer to him. She didn't resist.

"He held me there for what seemed liked hours, but what was really only a few minutes, telling me I belonged to them now. That I'd do what they wanted or the next time he would throw me overboard." Her hand was trembling. She grasped onto his shirt to stop the shaking. "When the thunder crashed tonight, I was looking at the dirty, soapy water, the scars visible on my wrists, and the memory hit me so hard for a few seconds I felt like I was back there. I don't know how to process things like that yet."

He pulled her closer pressing his forehead to hers. "Leesh, I'm sorry."

She looked up into his eyes. "I know," she breathed, quietly.

"Thank you for telling me."

Chase had gone back upstairs. It was a quiet, intimate moment. He wished she'd stay there with him. He wished she was living there with him so they could talk further, and so he could hold her in his arms all night long, forever, if that would make things better for her.

His hands moved slightly and she inhaled as if in pain. "Your ribs are bothering you?"

"Yes, and I'm not feeling very well. I should go."

He nodded and helped her put on her coat. "Are you sure you'll be okay? I could come with you. Make sure you get back all right."

She nodded. "I'll be fine. Thanks to my trusty secret service detail," she said, sarcastically, rolling her eyes. "I don't have to do anything but sit in the car on the way home." She leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek.

"I know we need to talk some more. I just…can't tonight."

He nodded. "I know. We'll figure it out."

She turned to leave grabbing onto the doorknob, and then paused. "Will," she stared at the solid wood door in front of her.

"Yeah," he gently touched her shoulder. "I'll walk you out," he reassured her.

"Okay, but that's not…" her voice was shaky. "You really want to know how I feel?"

"Always," he said, next to her ear.

"I'm scared. I'm scared all the time. I don't feel safe anywhere anymore. I'm sure that will change at some point, but that's how I feel right now." She turned the knob opening the door. The rain was still coming down hard.

He gently grasped her arm as she went to go outside. "Leesh, why don't you stay here, or at leas let me drive you home. The secret service can follow."

She shook her head. "No, just walk me out, okay?"

He pulled on a jacket and wrapped his arm across her back as they headed out into the rain together. -

She sighed heavily at the memory beneath the warm blankets. She really needed to get up or she'd be late for her appointment. There was a quiet knock on the door. Thinking it was Allison bringing Alex to see her she sat up and cleared her throat preparing for her grandson.

"Come in," she called.

When the door opened revealing Will holding a bouquet of flowers, she was shocked. "Will?" she said, with confusion.

He moved into the room closing the door behind him. "I'm sorry to just show up like this, but I wanted to get here before you left." He moved to the bed and sat on the edge next to her. He held out the small bouquet of deep red carnations and white lilies wrapped in cellophane for her to take.

"Thank you," she said, taking the flowers from him. "Shouldn't you be at work?"

"Yes, but I know you're nervous about today, and after last night…I wanted to come see you. Let you know I'll be thinking about you today."

"I appreciate that, but you really didn't have to make the trip."

He reached for her hand squeezing it. "Yeah, Alicia, I did. I may not be able to make you feel safe right now, but I want to make sure you know you're not alone. You don't have to do this by yourself."

She nodded glancing down at the flowers. The simple gesture helped bring her a tiny bit of comfort and reassurance.

"You feeling okay? I thought you'd be up by now." He truly was surprised when he walked into the room and found her still in bed.

She shifted to a better sitting position trying to decide how to answer him. If she lied, he'd see right through it. She looked back into his eyes. "I'm struggling, Will. It's been incredibly difficult to pull myself out of bed this week. And my body aches for no apparent reason. Especially in the morning."

"You're depressed. It makes sense, Leesh."

"Yes, and I'm grieving, I hate this. Until last weekend I was angry. At least with the anger I still felt like fighting. But now…" she looked away, feeling ashamed. "It's a struggle to do anything. I know the therapy will help. I just feel like I've taken a thousand steps backwards from where I was after therapy eight years ago. I don't know if I can do this again."

He ran his hand soothingly up and down her arm. "I wish I could tell you it won't be that bad. That it will be easy, but I'd be lying. I will tell you this. The fact that you've acknowledged there's a problem and that you're willing to say it out loud says a lot." He leaned in pressing his forehead to hers. "You know what," he said, softly.

"What?"

"It may be cliché to say, but I know you can do this. And Leesh…It's going to be okay. Everything will work out. I promise."

"You really think so?"

He smiled. "Yes, I really do," he said with assuring confidence.

"I feel so ridiculous. Like I should be able to control this. I should be able to get out of bed before ten every morning."

He smiled and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "It's not ridiculous. I'll have to tell you about my bout with depression after I went into WITSEC. You'll think this is mild behavior in comparison."

She breathed a sigh of relief. At least he knew the true state of things now. It was relief to not feel like she had to be strong all the time around him. "I'd like to hear all about it, but I really probably should get up."

"Have dinner with me tonight," he said. "Chase has plans. He'll be out late. I'll cook, and we can talk some more. Really talk. We can't fix everything in one night, but we also can't keep doing what we've been doing. And we need to start making a plan."

She reached her hand to cover his. "A plan?" she questioned, with raised brow and a tiny smile. She'd been waiting fourteen years for his plan.

"Yes," he chuckled. "You asked for one a long time ago. It's time to make one that lasts longer than a month."

"Okay," she agreed. "But do you think we could go out to eat? I love your cooking, but I think it would be good for me to get out and do something. Even if the thought exhausts me."

"I'll make a reservation," he said.

"Nothing fancy," she responded, sternly.

He chuckled as he stood and straightened his suit coat. Then he reached out his hand for her take to help her out of bed. "Nothing fancy, I promise. It's just a good idea to have a reservation on a Friday night."

"Okay." She took his hand and slowly stood up.

"You'll call me later, after your appointment?"

"Yes. And thank you again for the flowers."

"Thank you for being open with me. It means a lot Leesh." He wanted to kiss her soft lips. It had been a week since they'd shared an intimate kiss at his house the night she'd met Chase. That was another thing that had changed after that night, and something they needed to discuss. She'd been fine kissing his cheek and allowing him to do the same. But she hadn't attempted to initiate anything more, which he was fine with. He was letting her lead the way when it came to these things because he didn't want to push her or do something she might be uncomfortable with, but he still needed some guidance.

"You're welcome." She moved to the door opening it. "I'll walk you down. I want to see Alex before I get ready."

He took her hand and followed her out of the room.