Not beta'd this time because the world suddenly exploded and both of my beta's are not having the greatest of times. Might be updated later with minor edits if any of us have the mental strength for it.
I hope y'all are staying safe.
The walls of Seireitei loomed over his head as he approached, but Kaito barely spared them a glace. The threat the formerly impenetrable wall represented was… less now, giant holes punched through it and the rot exposed for all who cared to see. Aizen had outed himself in front of all the loyal Captains and now… now Kaito only had to wait for his chance to end it all.
Kaito paused to adjust his grip on Takara, pulling the sleeping Shinigami a few inches higher into a more comfortable position. Takara's head was resting on Kaito's shoulder, his breath warm against Kaito's neck and his weight grounding against the nebulous future. He felt settled for the first time in days and he wanted to cling to that feeling for as long as possible.
(Seireitei was not as comfortable as home — would never be as comfortable as home — but he finally felt like he could breathe again.)
(All thanks to Takara and his decision to leave Seireitei for the day.)
Even the small shunpo hop up and over the rubble of the gate didn't make Takara stir, and the trust that implied made Kaito almost breathless. Takara barely knew him and yet he felt safe enough to sleep so deeply…
Kaito paused halfway down the pile and gave himself a mental shake; he didn't know what sort of reception to expect, so he needed to stop woolgathering and focus. He couldn't prepare if he didn't know what to prepare for, after all.
(Maybe he'd have to face everyone, have to somehow handle their anger or worry or… or whatever it was that proved they cared too much.)
(Or maybe there would be no one around and he'd be left alone…)
(He didn't know which he'd prefer.)
He bit his lip and scanned the small plaza in front of the gate, but found only Kurosaki waiting for him. The teen was leaning against the wall next to the shattered gate, clearly waiting for him but not… emotional at all. Just waiting, calm and expectant, and quick to flash his version of a smile at Kaito as he hopped off the rubble.
"Welcome back," Kurosaki said as if Kaito hadn't fled, as if he'd just stepped outside for a walk through Karakura instead of going off alone in Soul Society.
"Er… thanks," Kaito mumbled, reaching out with his senses to search out the other teens. Now that he was reminded of the way the teens had been hovering since they'd entered Soul Society, it seemed… odd that they'd leave everything to Kurosaki alone.
(Ishida had stayed at his bedside while he recovered…)
(Why go to that extreme but not this one?)
(It… didn't make sense…)
"Feel any better?" Kurosaki asked as he pushed away from the wall and wandered closer.
Kaito blinked, drawn from his tangled thought by the question, and eyed Kurosaki as he approached, looking for any hint of anything beyond the calm demeanor and casual words. It was disorienting to be met so nonchalantly, like he hadn't been thoughtless, like he didn't need to be better—
(*I'd never be angry at you for doing what you needed to feel better, especially since you harmed no one while doing it,*) Ichigo said firmly, presence confident and just as at ease as his past self.
"I… do, yes," Kaito murmured at last as Kurosaki drew to a halt a few paces away. Worry gnawed at his mind but it wasn't the same all-encompassing fear that had driven him for weeks. He could finally see the end in sight.
(The next move was his and his alone.)
Escaping Seireitei for the day had given him the space to breathe and reassess, which had helped more than Takara would ever know.
Still… he hoped he hadn't disappointed Kurosaki…
(If only he weren't so attached…!)
Kurosaki gave him a once over, though Kaito had no idea what he was searching for. He didn't linger long enough on Kaito's bare feet or plain kimono or mussed hair, so it couldn't be any of that. Whatever it was, he seemed to find it without much difficulty, because his expression lightened and he gave Kaito a sharp nod. "Good."
"Good…?" Kaito echoed faintly.
"I'm glad you feel better. I'm glad he helped you out." Kurosaki shrugged and stepped closer, nudging Kaito with his shoulder. "Need any help getting him back where he needs to be?"
Kaito let Kurosaki nudge him away from the gate as he racked his mind for where he needed to take Takara. "Er… well… he's Eighth Division…?"
"Close enough. Let's see if someone there knows something."
Startled at the implicit offer to go with him, Kaito swallowed and looked away. "Y-yeah. Sure," he mumbled in response, hitching Takara higher and striding out of the little plaza. He hoped he remembered the way to the Eighth's barracks, but he could always go over the rooftops if he needed to.
(Or he could just… follow the beacon of Kyoraku's power.)
(Oh that was not the first Captain he wanted to interact with…)
Kurosaki matched his pace, content to walk in silence as they navigated through the maze of streets.
"Are… are Ishida-san and Hanataro-san angry?" Kaito asked quietly, uncertain if he wanted to know the answer but still needing to ask.
"Nah, they understand. Hanataro was worried because you left your zanpakutou behind, and Ishida's a bit grumbly that you left without saying anything, but they're not mad." Kurosaki knocked their shoulders together and gave Kaito a reassuring look. "We took turns waiting at the gate in case you needed us and to welcome you back if you didn't."
"You didn't need to," Kaito said, swallowing back the strange lump in his throat and focusing on the mostly-empty streets around them. Kyoraku's reiatsu signature was to his left, so maybe a few more streets down and he could turn towards it.
"We wanted to."
Kaito shot Kurosaki a sidelong look for that answer but didn't press further. There was a familiar, stubborn edge to Kurosaki's expression that told Kaito he'd not get any other answer out of the teen.
(*Because there is no other answer,*) Ichigo said with confidence. (*Trust me on that.*)
(*I suppose… but I'm still not sure I understand,*) Kaito replied as he turned a corner and finally spotted the Eighth's barracks. And the people waiting at the gates as well. (*Oh no…*)
(*Too late to go over the walls. We're right out in the open and they're both looking right at us.*)
Kaito grimaced and tried not to hunch in on himself as they approached the gates. Kyoraku was slouched against one pillar, sakkat tipped up and expression a touch startled as he took in the three of them.
Next to Kyoraku was his lieutenant, the woman giving him such an exasperated look that Kaito was surprised Kyoraku wasn't cringing from the force of it. "Kyoraku-taicho, please, there are things you need to be doing—"
"Maa, paperwork will wait, Nanao-chan! Wouldn't you rather I be polite to our new guests?" Kyoraku flashed her a grin and straightened up as Kaito and Kurosaki approached. "Kurosaki-kun, Kaito-kun, what brings you to my doorstep this fine evening?"
Kaito mentally tugged Ichigo and Zangetsu closer to the front, trying to lean on Ichigo's confidence and Zangetsu's calm in order to deal with the unexpected meeting. "He fell asleep while we were walking back," Kaito explained, raising his shoulder slightly to draw attention to Takara's sleeping form draped across his back. "So… I know he's Eighth Division but… well…"
"Not much else?" Nanao finished for him with a touch of amusement. She stepped away from Kyoraku and gestured for Kaito to follow her into the division. "Come in then, we'll sort this out together."
"Ah, thank you." Kaito hastened his steps in order to draw even with her and to pass Kyoraku as quickly as possible. He watched the Captain out of the corner of his eye as he passed him, just in case the man decided to do… something.
(Like reach for him? Approach him?)
(Now he was just being unjustly paranoid but…)
(Kyoraku was dangerous.)
"I was planning on finding a seated officer to ask," Kaito admitted once they were midway across the courtyard and Kyoraku was well behind them. "You could just… point me in the direction of one if you're busy trying to get your Captain to do something."
Nanao shook her head and climbed the couple steps up onto the veranda, sliding open a door that led into an office. "That's all I've been doing today and it's gone about as well as you just saw," she said with an exhausted sigh and a pointed look at a desk strewn with papers as she strode into the room. "At least this is a problem I can solve."
A small laugh slipped free before he could swallow it back, but Nanao didn't seem annoyed; in fact, she didn't even look up from the box of papers she was digging in. "Is he really that bad?" Kaito asked, curiosity picking at his mind. It seemed odd to him to think of someone as powerful and well-respected as Kyoraku being… lazy.
"Worse," she told him dryly, closing one box and moving onto the next. "If he's not drinking in here then he's napping on the roof, and if he's not doing either he's probably drinking or napping somewhere else." She rifled through the papers a bit longer before pausing and pulling one up a bit further. "Suzuki Takara?"
"That's him," Kaito said with a nod, turning her words over in his mind. That description — drinking here or napping on the roof, or doing the same somewhere else — niggled at him. It sounded familiar in a bad way, like something he'd read and ignored because it didn't entire fit him but…
(Drinking or napping…)
(Depression…?)
He gave himself a mental shake and asked, "Should you really be telling me that about your Captain?"
Nanao hummed and tucked the paper back in its box, then closed the lid and stacked everything back up the way she'd found it. "He told me about the offer to train you," she said as she stood up and dusted off her hands. She turned to face him, expression serious and just a touch exasperated, and said, "If you take him up on it, you'll see it eventually."
Kaito stepped aside to let her pass, then fell into step alongside her and followed her outside. "Is this… are you…" he fumbled for the words to politely ask if she was trying to tell him to not accept the offer. Nothing felt right though, no matter how many variants he tried in his head.
(He really didn't want to offend her but he probably already had and what if that affected Takara—)
"When he has something he's interested in, he usually has no problem doing it," Nanao continued, giving him an understanding look. "With recent events being what they are however, I… can't actually promise anything from him."
"He's… truly interested in training me?"
"He is," Nanao agreed with a nod, leading him across the courtyard and deeper into the compound. She smiled faintly at the disbelieving look he shot her and said, "Offering training is different from being required to train someone. Kyoraku-taicho made this decision himself."
Kaito mulled that over as they walked; he could see her point but the idea that Kyoraku wanted to teach him was… strange. The man didn't know him at all, knew only that he carried two blades, and somehow… that was enough to make him interested?
He barely acknowledged the low-level Shinigami they passed, too deep in his thoughts to register anything more than the strange lack of animosity. One or two gave him annoyed looks, but the majority just… stepped out of Nanao's path, bowed in acknowledgment, and then went on their way without more than a curious glance or two in his direction.
(Did Nanao's presence legitimize his own?)
(After the looks he'd gained earlier it seemed… strange.)
"I believe you could learn much from Kyoraku-taicho," Nanao said as she stepped up onto the veranda that encircled the barracks building and headed towards a door. She slid it open and started down the hallway, not even glancing at the rooms they moved past. "But if the thought makes you uncomfortable, he won't be offended if you tell him no."
Kaito frowned at her words; with how insistent both Captains had been about training him, the idea that they would just accept him saying no had never occurred to him. He'd thought it would be like Ichigo and Kenpachi all over again, with him needing to actively avoid them if he decided he wanted nothing to do with them.
Nanao seemed to think otherwise.
(*Well, Ukitake doesn't seem to like causing distress, and Kyoraku never struck me as the sort to expend effort where it wasn't wanted,*) Ichigo said with a thoughtful hum. (*They're not like Kenpachi at all.*)
He hummed softly and gave that one to Ichigo; neither Captain had struck him as particularly impatient or fixated the way Kenpachi could be. It stood to reason that they'd respond more reasonably to being told 'no' as well.
(At the very least, they were old enough that waiting him out was probably a valid strategy for them.)
"I don't know either of them beyond Father's warnings," Kaito admitted to Nanao as they turned another corner and she headed towards a door. "I met them during the invasion, but…"
"They can be intimidating when they're focused, can't they," they said with a commiserating look. "Sometimes Kyoraku-taicho still catches me off guard and I've known him for decades."
Nanao's admission startled him. He'd never thought that someone of Nanao's rank could be intimidated by her Captain; Ukitake's two almost-Lieutenants had certainly seemed unbothered by him, though they had cleared out fairly quickly when he'd indicated they should…
(Huh… maybe they weren't as disrespectful as he'd thought…?)
She slid open the door and stepped into the room with a gesture for Kaito to follow. "This is where his squad sleeps."
Kaito took in the long room as Nanao paced down the row of bunk-beds, examining every spot she passed. "I didn't think Seireitei used bunk-beds. That's… pretty modern, isn't it?"
"Squads and individuals visit the living world every day," Nanao told him, gentle amusement coloring her tone. "We lose the use of the room except for sleeping, but we free up more space than we lose by doing this. Officers have a more traditional space given to them, but unranked Shinigami who either don't have enough money or don't want to get an apartment sleep in dorms like these."
"Huh…" Kaito shifted his grip on Takara and gave the room a closer look. Every bed had two dressers by it, one on either side, and bits and pieces of daily life were scattered all over the room. Some dressers had little knickknacks on top of them, others had folded clothes or hairbrushes or papers, and it all contributed to the room looking lived in instead of the sort of spartan military dorm that he'd half-imagined.
"Here, this is his bed." Nanao stopped by one of the beds closer to the end of the room and tapped a small plaque on the post. "Can you lift him up or do you need help?"
Kaito strode over to her and frowned at the bed, judging the height and how much Takara weighed. "A bit of help, I think. At least to get him off my back," he admitted after some thought.
Nanao nodded and reached out with gentle hands to pull Takara's arms from around Kaito's neck and lift him away. She took a half-step back, waiting as Kaito tugged the blankets down, and then the two of them lifted the still-sleeping Shinigami up and into his bed.
Takara stirred as Kaito tugged of his waraji. "Kaito-san…?"
"Go back to sleep," Kaito murmured while pulling the blanket up and over Takara. "You used a lot of energy today. A good night's sleep and plenty of food in the morning and you'll feel more like yourself."
"'Kay," Takara mumbled as he rolled onto his side, wrapping the blankets around himself as he did. "Thanks, Kaito-san…"
Nanao arched an eyebrow at him as they stepped back and left the room, a silent question that Kaito had no idea how to answer.
"We played shunpo tag for a couple of hours," he settled on as they walked back through the barracks. "He wanted to get better at using it."
"Thank you for taking the time to assist him," she said with a small bow. "You did not have to—"
"I wanted to."
"That only makes it more important that we thank you."
Kaito scoffed and looked away, stalking down the steps and retracing their path back to the courtyard. He hadn't helped Takara for thanks or recognition or anything like that; he'd helped him because Takara had stood up to him, terrified but unwilling to back down, and then because Takara had been kind despite all the rumors painting him as dangerous.
(He'd helped him because the idea of Takara dying left his mouth dry and hands trembling.)
(He refused to let that happen!)
(He refused, he refused, he refused…!)
Nanao remained silent the rest of the way back to the gate, giving him time to settle back into his skin before he had to see Kyoraku again. He hated the fact that Shinigami could leave him so unbalanced time and time again, but every time he thought he understood them he was proven wrong.
(He needed to stop clinging to assumptions.)
(But their policies left no room for his existence in the world…)
(How could the individuals be so helpful and the institution be so harmful…?)
Kaito grimaced at the thought, shoving aside the swell of sad-stubborn-angry that rose from his spirits. There was nothing he could do to change Seireitei as a whole, that wasn't something he was capable of.
Individuals, though…
(But that was more Kurosaki's style than his.)
(He… didn't know how he could influence those in power when he couldn't even stand to be in their presence.)
He took a breath and slowed his steps as he crossed the main courtyard, giving himself time to take in Kyoraku and Kurosaki. They were talking about something, hands gesturing to emphasize their words and their bodies relaxed. Kurosaki even looked a bit amused by something Kyoraku was saying, head tilted just so and gaze attentive.
Kaito's approach pulled Kurosaki's attention away from Kyoraku though, and he turned towards Kaito without a second thought and asked, "Get him situated?"
"Thanks to her help, yes," Kaito answered with a small nod towards Nanao.
"Good." Kurosaki gave a sharp nod to Kyoraku then moved to stand at Kaito's side. "The Fourth gave us rooms to sleep in, so that's where everyone is right now if you want to come eat dinner with us."
"I'd have thought you'd already eaten," Kaito said with a faint frown, stepping towards the gate when Kurosaki nudged him along. He paused as he reached the threshold though, meeting Kyoraku's calm gaze and considering his options.
Ichigo was right; knowing that he could learn much from Kyoraku wasn't very useful when he didn't even know if he could stay in the man's presence. Being told he could say 'no' wasn't helpful when he didn't even know if he could trust him.
They'd only interacted in situations where he was already on edge and seconds away from another panic attack, which meant he had no idea how he actually felt about the man.
"Maa, something on my face, Kaito-kun?" Kyoraku asked with a small smile, tipping his sakkat further back as he did.
Kaito debated his options for a moment longer, then raised his chin and asked, "Will you spar with me tomorrow?"
Kyoraku blinked, surprise flickering across his expression before it smoothed out into another smile. "I could make time," he agreed easily. "When and where would you like to meet?"
He frowned and looked away, uncertain on how to answer. He'd barely planned out the question itself, much less where or when.
"We could meet around lunchtime at the Ugendo, where Ukitake-taicho lives," Kyoraku suggested before the silence could turn awkward. "He's on strict orders to rest for a few days, but I know he was interested in talking with you more."
"That… sounds fine." He assumed the Ugendo was where he'd slept the first night, since Ukitake had found him there. Which… meant that they would be isolated and Kaito would be alone. Alone with two Captains and no one else—
"Feel free to bring others with you," Kyoraku added before Kaito's thoughts could spiral further. His gaze drifted to Kurosaki then back to Kaito, a small smile on his face as if he was about to impart some great secret to the two of them. "Ukitake-taicho gets restless when he's been ordered to take it easy. Someone else around would help distract him from that, you know?"
Kaito frowned at the suggestion and debated calling Kyoraku on how obvious he was being, then discarded the idea with a mental shrug. The idea that he could sway Kyoraku on something so trivial was laughable. "I'll consider it," he settled on, turning to walk away from Kyoraku as he did.
(He doubted he'd ask anyone, but the option to do so was… relieving.)
Kurosaki made a disgruntled noise and hurried to catch up, keeping pace with Kaito until they had turned several corners and left the Eighth far behind them. "You know, any of us would be willing to go with you."
"I don't need to be babysat," Kaito grumbled, waving a hand as if to brush Kurosaki's unnecessary concern aside. "I'll be fine."
"Uh-huh," Kurosaki said, tone dry and expression bland. "Just remember that none of us have anything we need to do, so we're available if you want company."
He gave Kurosaki an exasperated look then turned away with a shake of his head, focusing on navigating back to the Fourth. Which he… didn't know the way to. And given how twisty the streets could be…
Rooftops it was.
Kaito leapt onto a nearby roof and turned to take the area in, ignoring the ripple of amusement in Kurosaki's reiatsu as he followed him up to the rooftops. He had a general idea of the direction he needed to go in, but, given how large Seireitei was, a 'general idea' wasn't very useful.
He reached out with his senses. Oriented on Unohana's steady strength. Set off across the rooftops.
(Hopefully she was at the Fourth and not somewhere else…)
(That would be… awkward.)
"How did your bankai training go?" Kaito asked after they'd crossed several streets, in no particular hurry to reach the Fourth despite being hungry. No matter what Kurosaki said, he doubted the others were as accepting as he'd been told.
(When had he become so attached…?)
"You could have warned me," Kurosaki grumbled, his scowl slipping into something closer to a pout. "'Listen to your sword' and 'it's all about communication' aren't really clues."
Kaito laughed, almost giddy with relief at the confirmation, and spun to grin at Kurosaki. "They're the only clues that matter. Everyone's challenge is different, and anyway you're only the third person ever to use that shortcut to gain bankai." Kaito spread his arms and grinned wider at the exasperated look that earned him. "You made it and that's good enough, right?"
"Yeah." Kurosaki's hand rose briefly towards his sword-hilt, then dropped back to his side. "You… back in the Shiba household, you talked about jinzen and how we need to remain on good terms with our blades. I think… will you teach me?"
"Of course I will," Kaito murmured, taken aback by the question and the way it made something in him squirm. He'd thought… he'd thought that Kurosaki would ask anyone but him, if he asked at all. That Kurosaki had asked him…
"Kaito-san?"
He shook his head and ran a hand through his hair, flashing Kurosaki another grin. "Nothing, nothing. I'm glad you asked someone, though. Our method of gaining bankai is like putting the cart before the horse. Shinigami need to establish a solid bond with their zanpakutou before they claim their bankai, and we've done it all backwards. So it's really important that we don't neglect that bond, because bankai alone is strong but… being in sync with our partners only makes us stronger."
Kurosaki mulled that over as they moved, one hand rising to brush against his chest.
(*I wonder if Shiro's mask manifested for him,*) Ichigo said, slipping close enough to front to eye Kurosaki as he repeated the gesture. (*He didn't have as many difficult combats as I did, but still…*)
Kaito paused on the next roof and scanned the area, pleased by how few signatures he could sense nearby. If he was going to ask Kurosaki about any unusual experiences, he didn't want anyone overhearing their conversation.
Kurosaki was halfway to the next roof before he realized that Kaito was no longer in front of him, and spun back around with a confused frown. "Why'd you stop?"
"Kurosaki-san, did something happen to bother you?" he asked as he mimed the hand-to-chest gesture that Kurosaki had been making. "You only began to do that after I mentioned spending time with our spirits."
Kurosaki's lips thinned and he looked away, reluctance in every line of his body.
Concerned by what he was seeing, Kaito immediately stepped closer, one hand half-rising towards Kurosaki before he hesitated and forced it back down; if Kurosaki didn't want to talk, he had no right to force him to talk. As much as he wanted to keep Kurosaki from repeating Ichigo's mistakes, he couldn't do anything without trust.
"Kurosaki-san…?" Kaito prompted, hoping to get a reaction from the other.
"I… don't know what's going on," Kurosaki grumbled, still not meeting Kaito's eyes as he reached into his uniform and pulled out a distinctive Hollow mask. "This showed up during my fight with Renji, and during my fight with Byakuya, something tried to take control…"
Kaito considered the red-striped mask, struggling to find the words Kurosaki needed to hear. Without revealing that he was more of a hybrid than he'd so far admitted to, would Kurosaki even believe what he said?
(Did he even want to reveal the extent of his differences to Kurosaki?)
"I guess you wouldn't know—"
Kaito caught Kurosaki's wrist before the ten could tuck the mask away, then squared his shoulders and looked up to meet Kurosaki's puzzled gaze. "I know very well what it is and why you have it," he said with as much strength and confidence as he could muster, despite the way his stomach churned. "It's a Hollow mask and an integral part of who you are."
"An integral part…?" Kurosaki frowned at the mask, thumb rubbing across the smooth surface. "Because I didn't figure out how to find my Shinigami powers fast enough?"
"Maybe." Kaito shrugged and let go of Kurosaki's wrist, stepping away to put a more comfortable distance between them. "I can't say when or how you acquired your Hollow because I don't know, but they're part of you now." He took a deep breath and looked away, rubbing at his left arm as he debated his next words. "Hollows that are part of us… they aren't like the ones you've fought around Karakura. They're… they're a reflection of us, not just some… some mindless beast to seal away and forget about. They deserve just as much respect and attention as your zanpakutou spirit does."
(*I am his zanpakutou spirit,*) Shiro muttered as he slunk closer and leaned into Kaito's presence for comfort, both of them ignoring the awkward, uneasy sadness that rose from Ichigo and Zangetsu in turn.
(*He doesn't know that yet and there's no way I should know it either,*) Kaito said gently, even as Kurosaki's attention turned sharp-thoughtful-interested. He wished he could set Kurosaki straight but… why would he have reason to know that Shiro was his real zanpakutou?
(*Nah, I understand,*) Shiro said with a sigh, wrapping himself more firmly around Kaito's mental presence. (*Don't beat yerself up 'bout it. S'fine.*)
(*It's really not,*) Kaito shot back, right hand tightening on his arm.
(If he hadn't had Shiro with him, if he hadn't trusted the other as much as he did, if they hadn't learned to work together so well…)
(Would any of them still be alive?)
"You have one too," Kurosaki announced in surprised. "That's… your eyes—"
"I'm a hybrid, yes," Kaito interrupted before Kurosaki could trip over his words any more. He narrowed his eyes and gave Kurosaki a warning glower as he said, "Don't go spreading that around. Being what I am is even more dangerous that being Urahara's son, especially to father."
Kurosaki frowned, concern coloring his reiatsu. "What's so bad about being a hybrid? You seem fine and I don't feel any different than usual—"
"Shinigami are about purity," Kaito said with a scoff, tucking his hands away in the sleeves of his kimono and turning away to give himself a bit more space. "Hollows are monsters. Quincy are even worse. Mixing those with Shinigami heritage is unheard of and generally considered impossible without some sort of external influence. Father was framed for the forced Hollowfication of several other Shinigami. If the Shinigami find out that I'm all of them—"
He cut himself off with a silent curse and squeezed his eyes shut, pressing into Shiro's mental presence for comfort. Several Captains knew he had a Hollow and had so far done nothing. Would the discovery of his Quincy heritage tip them over? Was he living on borrowed time?
(Would they go after his father for 'experimenting' on him?)
(No… no, they'd pardoned his father last time, they'd do it again this time.)
(…wouldn't they…?)
"That's bullshit," Kurosaki growled, stalking up to Kaito's side and knocking their shoulders together. "I won't let them do anything to you or your father."
(Wouldn't let them do anything…?)
(Wouldn't let…?)
(black-sky-bright-moon-choking-power-helpless-helpless-helpless!)
"Just listen to yourself!" Kaito snarled as Shiro jarred him free of the memories. He shoved Kurosaki away with one trembling hand and leapt back, almost stumbling over the edge of the building when he misjudged the distance. "You won't let them do anything to us? You? You just learned bankai! You haven't even spoken with your zanpakutou in a peaceful setting, much less learned the name of your other spirit, and you think you can actually stand against anyone who'd have a chance against Father and I?"
Kurosaki's scowl shaded towards a familiar, mulish expression and Kaito swallowed against the fury and terror that tried to claw its way up his throat. He refused to let Kurosaki stand between him and danger anymore. He refused!
(Never again.)
(If Kurosaki died again…!)
(No!)
"We don't need your protection," Kaito hissed, nails digging deep-deep-deepinto his palms, tiny sparks of pain grounding him against the too much battering at his mind. "We don't need you throwing your life away for us! Focus on yourself for once and stop being a self-sacrificing asshole!"
Kurosaki's eyes widened and he took a tiny step back, hands flexing uselessly at his side. "That's not… I didn't mean it like that…"
Inside, Ichigo flinched at his words and Shiro dragged him closer, pulled him in until there was no space between them, offering what comfort he could.
(It… helped.)
(It helped so much but he still… he still needed to leave because what if Kurosaki said something else, what if Kurosaki tipped him over and he attacked this reflection of his best friend?)
(What if he caused his friend's death this time…?)
(*I'll stop ya,*) Shiro murmured, mental grip like steel bands holding him down, holding him together. (*I'm here t'protect ya, even if it's from yerself.*)
Kaito squeezed his eyes shut and dragged a deep breath in. Held it. Breathed out. Repeated until the trembling subsided and he could think past the terror-fury-pain to find words that weren't more furious rebuke for actions that this Kurosaki Ichigo was not yet guilty of. "We're done here. Come find me later when you want to start learning jinzen and we'll talk again."
"W-wait, Kaito!" Kurosaki's arm rose as if to grab Kaito's shoulder before he aborted the motion and gestured instead towards where they'd been traveling. "What about dinner? You said you wanted to eat—"
"I'll find something to eat on my own," he answered dismissively as he turned away. "I don't feel like company anymore."
Kurosaki's reiatsu rippled with disquiet but Kaito didn't give him a chance to talk him down. He was in no fit state to deal with the others, not with memories of his Ichigo's death suddenly so close.
Best if he just… gave them all some space.
They weren't at fault for his problems and he needed to remember that. Needed to remember that they didn't deserve his anger-fury-terror being directed at them.
(They were innocent.)
(It wasn't their fault.)
He needed… he needed somewhere safe. Somewhere quiet…
Kaito honed in on Hanataro's reiatsu and fled.
