"I'm a fish in an aquarium
Cut off from the outside world
The water's always lukewarm
And I observe

Hardly anyone takes notice of me
But I am, here
Quietly floating
My lips, moving
Just like yours

Always in motion
You, never seem to rest
Through my reflection
I watch you
Why do you keep me here, like this…"

Me'Shell Ndegeocello – "Aquarium"

"Come on Sweet Pea, it's okay. Come out from there…"

Yani stuck her head under Sydette's bed and saw her daughter curled up with her doll Miss Penny in the fetal position.

"It's just a bad man on tv it's not real," Yani said.

She reached her hands out for Sydette and the girl crawled from under the bed and sat on Yani's lap.

"Oh, I know that sound scared you. We'll watch something else."

Yani carried Sydette back into their living room and switched the channel to a cooking show. She wasn't expecting a violent news report to interrupt the comedy show they were watching. Her daughter eased back into her chest but Yani could feel her trembling. Touching Sydette's face, Yani kissed her daughter's forehead.

Two months and her daughter was still having night terrors and panic attacks because of Huntsman and their last night at the compound. Even Yani felt a little anxious when she walked around her apartment at night, afraid that someone would come to the door, break-in, and finish what they started on that night. Killmonger said he handled all those men. She wasn't so sure sometimes, especially knowing about Klaue's different minions from all over the world.

It had only gotten worse with Sweet Pea.

Loud sounds on tv or in real life brought either sudden tears or her baby running to hide. Sydette had finally stopped going to the front door and trying to find Killmonger. Yani no longer heard her baby girl asking, "We go find Baba now?"

Yani asked her mentor at the hospital for help finding a therapist that dealt with children and she was able to recommend a wonderful doctor for Sydette. The therapist was a friendly older white man with gentle milky blue eyes. Yani told the partial truth of what had happened to them. Sitting in the man's office while Sydette played with some dolls the therapist had in his space, she explained that they had been robbed while staying in a rental property with her boyfriend. She told him about the guns that were used on them, and she even explained how she and Sydette escaped on the beach. That was all she revealed. Afterward, she sat back and watched the man speak to her daughter just to get to know her. The therapist wrote a lot down, and when it was over, they set up appointments to have Sydette come in twice a week.

Once the therapist gained Sydette's trust after two visits, he had her use dolls to tell him what happened from her point of view. Sydette was so talkative and descriptive.

The man had Sydette coloring while she talked along with more doll play, and there were also sessions with Yani talking with her little girl to help develop coping skills when Sydette did run and hide.

Holding her child on her lap, Yani did what the therapist told her to do. She acted calm and regulated her own breathing so that Sydette copied her and brought down her anxiety. She acknowledged what Sydette was feeling and let her baby dictate how the conversation would go. It was hard though. Sydette tended to ask the same questions about the bad guys coming back. Yani often caught her acting out the attack with her own dolls, and it broke her heart. Bedwetting increased and going to bed at night was a difficult ritual and her daughter no longer wanted to sleep alone in her room. Yani allowed her to stay with her.

Sydette tended to self-soothe frequently with her thumb in her mouth, something she had never done before. She also dragged around a blanket that Killmonger bought for her and twisted her fingers frequently along the edges of the pink satin material whenever she saw something that reminded her of that night.

Sydette reached up and touched the curly lace front Yani wore. She was switching out three different wigs to cover up the scar on her head from the bullet that struck her. It hadn't healed all that well and the scar brought back bad memories.

"How are you feeling now Sweet Pea? Sad? Scared…?"

"Sad."

"Oh yeah? It's ok to feel sad."

"And scared."

"Mama is right here for you. You want to talk about it?"

She shook her head and pressed her face into Yani's chest.

They sat together until Sydette tugged on her pants.

"You need to change your pull-ups?"

"Yes."

Yani closed her eyes and tried not to cry. Sydette had been potty-trained, but now she was back to wearing pull-ups again because of so many accidents during the day.

"Come on."

Yani walked her to the bathroom and cleaned her up. After replacing the pull-ups she made sure to get them back on their evening routine. Making dinner together. Pork n' beans and hot dogs. Yani sliced up cooked wieners and let Sydette drop them into a pot of beans mixed with barbecue sauce and brown sugar. Keeping a daily routine helped Sydette a lot, but Yani was worried that Sydette would never get better.

Yani felt that her own therapy sessions were less important than getting her daughter back on track.

Plus….she had another concern that was twisting up her world.

And she needed to talk to Twyla about it and no one else.

###

Linda's eyes showed no glimmers of shock, surprise, or any concern at all.

Erik arrived in Sweden after a two-week trip of seeing relatives and solidifying his plans to take out Klaue en route to Wakanda. Linda picked him up at the airport and her enthusiasm at seeing him was the best Academy Award-winning performance he had ever experienced. He hugged her and allowed her to kiss his cheek, but then he went straight into work mode.

"How was your flight?" she asked.

They stood by the luggage carousel and waited for Erik's duffle bag and metal suitcase.

"Fine. How's Klaue?"

"Good. Calm actually, which is not normal for him. He seems pretty confident now that you have landed."

He grabbed his duffle as Linda picked up his suitcase. She ushered him to a cab outside and Erik watched her closely. Her eyes flicked over the attaché that Erik held in his hand.

"Things good with your family?" she asked.

"Cool breezy. I'm ready to get to work."

Her eyes were playful and Erik tried to keep his face neutral, but he felt himself grinding his teeth together.

The two-story hideout in Sweden was pretty swanky. Isolated and guarded by a new crew of security that Erik didn't know. Pure muscle men that Klaue planned on taking to Korea with them.

Erik handed over the attaché that Klaue needed, and he learned that Klaue was using it to essentially blackmail the C.I.A. into buying the vibranium from him. Linda acted nonchalant when she saw Klaue getting what she wanted in his hand.

Settling down into tracking the artifacts that would eventually arrive in London, Erik observed Linda's behavior with much more intensity. There might be a Plan B to her treachery. She stayed on several computers for twelve hours a day, and he never caught her sneaking off to try and contact anyone. The moment she saw Erik, she had to know her plans to rob Klaue had been foiled. Erik was alive and in her face. It didn't matter to him that she thought Yani and Sydette were accidental collateral damage. She would have to pay for what she had done.

Rising early one morning, Erik stepped out onto a patio and made a call to his Aunt Serah on his personal cell.

"JaJa."

Serah's voice sounded happy to hear from him.

"Can you face chat, or nah?"

"I am walking into my apartment now."

Erik switched to audio and video and adjusted the earbuds he wore.

"You look good," she said.

"Busy, but I'm maintaining."

"Bakari and Dante said they enjoyed seeing you."

"It was good to be home."

"How can I help you?"

He watched his Aunt take a seat in her kitchen.

"I need you to do something for me. And when I ask you to do this, don't ask why."

Her eyes took him in and she drew in a deep breath.

"What is it?"

"When the London exhibit hits, I don't want you to be there for the first week of the opening. Call in sick."

His face was serious and he waited for her to push back and be nosey as she was prone to be.

"A week?"

He nodded.

It had to be a week. It would take a few days before the arrival for Linda to get in with a job and start taking over surveillance. Erik had already shown their micro-crew the layout for the museum and also the main players. He couldn't leave his Aunt out of the staff photos he showed everyone, but he could keep her away from what they were planning to do.

"I have some vacation time stored up."

"I will let you know what week to leave," he said.

"JaJa—"

"Auntie…please…"

His eyes darted around to make sure he still had privacy.

"Fine. I will do it."

"Thank you. I have to go now. I'll chat with you soon."

She blew him a kiss and Erik went to find Linda.

He found her on her laptop posted up near Klaue in the dining room. She was creating a fake visa and London I.D. for herself.

Klaue sat staring at his own laptop while drinking his third cup of coffee.

"Ross is ready for the transaction," Klaue said.

"I found a plane to get us out. We can jump to Japan, and then Indonesia—"
"You take care of all of that with Limbano. I'm working on getting our money upfront before the trade-off. Any word on when the exhibit is happening? I really don't want this to drag out."

"A few months. Be patient."

Klaue smacked Erik's shoulder and sipped on his fresh brew.

"Pre-paid gigs now. Impressive," Erik said taking a seat next to Klaue. He poured himself coffee from the pot sitting on the dining table.

Linda looked at him and the curl of a smile on her lips made him want to punch her. He needed to find something to do or else he would reveal his hand.

"Going for a walk," Erik said.

He left the house and walked around the grounds. The air smelled clean and it helped him clear his head.

He was ready to move.

Being in Sweden gave him time to watch the news on the regular. King T'Chaka would be at the Vienna International Center to help bring about the ratification of the Sokovian accords. Erik hoped the man would return to Wakanda in time for him to stomp him out. He didn't want to challenge the throne while his Uncle was out of the country. He needed him and T'Challa there in person. It would look like a reckless power-grabbing coup d'etat if Erik ran through Wakanda while they were away. No…he needed to follow the letter of the law in his father's homeland. Reading his father's journals, he learned of N'Jobu considering making a play for the throne before he was murdered. It wasn't enough to be a rebel. True power was claiming the throne with a legitimate justice claim. He wanted to kill T'Chaka and T'Challa on their home turf in front of their people. Under their own laws. Their rules. There would be no questioning of his ascension to the throne with their blood on his hands.

Blood on his hands…

His thoughts turned to Yani and Sydette.

It still pained him to think of them. God knows he tried to put them far in the back of his mind as he could, but he couldn't stop the occasional random memories that came at him. A certain odor in the house would remind him of a meal he cooked for his girls. A song on the radio put him back into the kitchen of Klaue's house with Sydette holding onto his hands and dancing as Yani fussed at them for being in her way as she cooked. As hard as he tried to stay busy and mentally occupied, they would creep into his psyche. His trip back to the states helped a lot when he visited his family, but the moment he stepped on the plane to Sweden he fell into a funk. Seeing Linda only brought the island back into sharp relief.

Erik walked back into the house to find some good liquor. He needed to drown his thoughts.

Stay the course.

Focus.

###

Yani stirred in a handful of potatoes into the fish soup she made on Twyla's stove. The fragrant home-made broth she fixed made her own mouth water.

"Don't put no okra in it. I nuh want to feel that slime in my mouth," Twyla said.

"Too late," Yani called out.

"Argh!" Twyla groaned.

"I didn't put a lot in. Barely a handful."

Yani put the soup on simmer and washed her hands.

Sydette played with two new Barbie dolls her paternal grandmother bought for her on the floor. The tv was on a cartoon and Twyla sat on her couch flipping through a fashion magazine.

"You alright?" Twyla asked.

"Yeah."

"You look funny…"

Yani glanced down at Sydette.

"Can we talk in the kitchen?" Yani asked.

Twyla eyed her and then tossed her magazine on the couch. They left Sydette to her dolls.

Twyla lifted up the lid on the soup and took a big whiff.

"Smells like Auntie's."

"Be done soon…Twyla…?" Yani laced and unlaced her fingers together.

Her cousin sat in a chair next to her.

"Yeah?" Twyla said.

"I'm in trouble. I…I messed up…"

"What happen?"

"Don't be vex…"

Yani's hand instinctively went to her belly.

Twyla's head tilted to the side. Her eyes got big and then she sucked her teeth.

"I don't want to hear that…Yani…last time yuh ask mi not be vex…oh dammit cuz…yuh had Sydette…"

Yani's hand covered her eyes and she felt fat tears squeeze from her lids.

Twyla jumped up from her seat and stuck her head out of the kitchen doorway to check on Sydette. She turned back to Yani.

"All this stuff you two are dealing with, and now…yuh telling me you carrying that man's baby?"

Twyla sat back down on the chair and touched Yani's hand.

"I'm not trying to be mean…I'm just. Dammit. I was worried about this happening."

"I'm not keeping it."

Yani wiped her face.

"We said we wouldn't have no baby together. I'm not going to term. I made an appointment in the states. I need you to keep Sydette for me. I'm going to fly to Florida. There's a clinic in Miami that will help me deal with this. I just need you to keep quiet, and watch my Sweet Pea."

"You're going by yourself?"

"Yeah. I don't want anyone to know. Just you."

Twyla squeezed Yani's hand.

"I didn't mean to sound like a bitch about it."

Yani shrugged.

"How far along are you?"

"Two months."

Yani stood up and went to the stove.

She lifted the lid on the soup and stirred it, needing something to do. Needing to be away from Twyla's eyes.

They hadn't been careful.

Especially for the last month they were together. A part of her thought she wanted it to happen. As careful as she had been in the beginning with him, they had become careless in the end. Her rigid birth control taking had slipped and she had no one to blame but herself. She hadn't been taking her pills at the same regular times she always had. The early morning was her normal time, but sometimes she took them in the afternoon, or at night. They had set themselves up for failure. Especially when she allowed him to ejaculate inside of her so often. She had irregular cycles and thought this was another scare like last time. She ignored the first month thinking the stress from the attack was the cause.

She beat herself up. His last few words to her was to not let anything stop her from going to school. Now she was carrying his seed and breaking every promise she made to herself. Killmonger was just as responsible, but now he was out of her life.

"No one can know about this, Twyla."

"My mouth is shut. I'll keep Sydette for you."

Yani covered the soup again. She felt Twyla's arms go around her waist, her cheek pressed close to hers.

"I'll carry this weight with yuh cuz. Okay? No worries."

Yani's head dropped down. Twyla turned her around and Yani buried her face in her cousin's neck.

"I can't go backward," she whispered into her cousin's skin.

"When are you flying out?"

"Next week. Thursday through Sunday."

"You shouldn't go alone. I'll go with you. I'll call in sick to work—"

"I don't want—"

"Calm down…calm down. We'll get Monice to watch Sydette. We'll tell her we're going to visit Kendall. We can see him when we get there, then disappear. He'll be busy doing his club dates and no one will suspect anything if we actually don't see him. It's just a Miami girls trip. Dry your eyes."

Yani nodded.

She was happy that Twyla would come with her. She didn't want to go alone, but she wanted to stay discreet.

"Mama…"

Sydette stood in the doorway and Yani wiped her eyes. Painting a wide smile on her lips she grabbed bowls from the cupboard.

"Ready for some fish tea, love?"

Sydette nodded.

"It'll be okay," Twyla said.

Yani hoped so.

###

Erik's hands slid up her thighs.

They were browner from the sun and so warm to the touch that Erik found himself heavy sighing as he touched her.

The sun beat down on his back and he could feel the hot searing heat making his keloids tingle.

She tried to wiggle back from him and he dragged her legs back to him.

"Nah…get back here. I want you right now. Just like this."

He used his strength to lock her legs down, and when he sank down into her, her lusty shouts made him smile.

Sweat dripped down from his face and onto hers. He threw his head back and a hard exhale fell from his mouth.

"Fuck…baby…!"

Her eyes seemed to be pleading with him, like she was trying to convey something to him on a deeper level.

The muscles in his ass clenched tight and his voice cracked when she said his name in his ear.

"Erik…"

He bolted up from the bed.

"Shit," he gasped, his fingers clutching his sheets.

Glancing around the bed, Erik saw that he was alone in his room. He shut his eyes tight and caught the fading sensations of being with Yani once more. Falling back onto his back, he stared at the ceiling. The warm tingling sensation on his skin disarmed him. He actually felt her hands on him. He could smell her scent still. Lucid dreams had happened to him before, but this one was much too powerful. His hand drifted to his groin and the erection that greeted him there was slick with his semen. He gripped his dick and the throbbing in his hand surprised him and he found himself ejaculating while being awake.

"Ah, fuck…"

Fingers wet, skin drenched in sweat, Erik rolled his face into his pillow and fought the urge to reach out to her. Although his body was yearning for the sexual contact, Erik just wanted to lay up with her and hold her. He missed the weight of Sweet Pea on his chest and Yani snuggled against him.

Erik dragged himself off the bed to clean up the nocturnal emissions. Red eyes greeted him in the bathroom mirror. Had he been crying while dreaming? His heart thudded in his chest and he touched the left side to feel the sensation. His gut told him something was wrong.

He grabbed his laptop and sat back on the bed.

Using an old avatar, he tried to check her social media, but she had deleted everything. It was smart on her part. Kept her off the radar. Twyla's accounts were locked, and Kendall's had become strictly business. When he typed in her name only pictures of her from Kendall's or Chez's fans popped up and they were very few compared to when she had been active online.

His fingers itched to call Twyla, but he refrained.

It wasn't right to try and bounce in and out of her life. She had money. She had support. She would do what she had to do to take care of herself and Sydette.

He shut down his laptop and went outside to walk the grounds. One of Klaue's new security team eyed him hard when he stepped to the rear of the house. Erik waved him off and continued meandering under the moonlight. The acute sensations of feeling Yani's presence had finally faded.

But something tugged at his spirit.

Something felt amiss.

###

Yani sat wearing a paper medical gown in a room filled with five other women dressed the same.

They all sat in a silent queue that they probably never thought they would find themselves in.

Yani kept her head down and stared at her bare feet encased in sandals. A woman sitting adjacent from her stared at her head, and she regretted not wearing one of her wigs. She still felt very self-conscious about the scar. Only part of the hair grew back and the rest was small but vivid scar tissue. Shiny like one of Killmonger's keloids.

Her heart jumped when she thought of him. She worried the thin material of the medical gown with her fingers as her nerves ratcheted up. A thin Latino looking woman was called to follow a Doctor's assistant and Yani could feel the collective anxiety from all the other women and herself as they watched the woman go through a door that closed with a loud bang. She wished she could text Twyla just to have something to do to occupy her mind, but her cousin was posted up at the hotel they were staying at awaiting her call for when the procedure was done.

Procedure.

Yani closed her eyes.

When she first found out she was pregnant with Sydette she was so ready to go to a clinic and terminate. Fidgeting in her seat, she couldn't imagine doing that. But that was only because she had Sweet Pea now, knew her, loved her. It seemed like such an easy thing to do back then especially when she was so angry with Chez and how that pregnancy came to be.

This one was different. It was an accident. A loving accident.

Her tummy flip-flopped and she felt her leg shake a bit with nerves. Another woman was called to go away. Yani was next if they were going in order as they had been.

An older white woman with tight crows feet around her eyes opened the door soon enough and looked Yani in the eye. Yani stood up and tried to close the back of her gown that had begun to stick to her backside from nervous sweat.

She was taken into a sterile room and asked to lay back on a cool blue gynecology chair with a protective white hygienic cover. The assistant helped her place her legs in some stirrups and adjusted her backrest for comfort.

Yani felt her blood pressure rise up and her breathing grew erratic.

The assistant's voice was raspy as she spoke from a protective mask.

"Try to relax. I'm going to place Misoprostol against your cervix. It will soften it for us, and then in two hours the doctor will come in and we'll start. Okay?"

Yani nodded but when the woman touched her thigh to let her know she was about to proceed, Yani tensed up and her hands went to her stomach and covered it.

"Stop, please."

The assistant stared at Yani and pulled away from her.

"You need a moment?"

Yani nodded and felt the small prick of a tear in her eye. She covered her face with her right hand.

"I'll come back—"

"I'm nervous."

The assistant gave a small sigh and when she was about to say something more, a Black woman with a short gray 'fro walked in.

"She's nervous," the assistant said.

Yani watched the Black woman approach her side. The woman touched her arm and gave it a soft pat. Her hand was warm.

"It's alright," the woman said.

"I'm sorry—"

"No need for you to be sorry. This isn't easy for any woman. Even the ones who act like it's no big deal. I'm the doctor who will be working with you. How would you like for me to proceed?"

The doctor reached out for her hand, and Yani accepted the comfort.

Closing her eyes, she rested her head back and exhaled.

###

Twyla drove to the side of the non-descript building and Yani walked to their rental car. She climbed into the passenger seat and burst into tears.

"Oh…cuz…it's alright."

Twyla caressed her scalp and turned Yani's face toward her.
"I couldn't do it."

"What?"

Yani shook her head and covered her mouth.

"You didn't-?"

"No."

Twyla held Yani's hand.

"They are going to kill me back home."

"No. Disappointed…yes. But they will love this one like Sydette."

"Yuh disappointed with me?"

"I don't want to see you struggle again. You are supposed to be a doctor, Yani. It just gets harder with two babies."

"Yuh think I should abort this one?"

"I can't make that choice for you."

"They had my legs up and were prepping me and I just…I thought…this was an accident, but it didn't have to be a mistake. I know it don't make sense, and everyone will think I'm just a stupid woman who can't keep her legs shut. I want to be selfish for this child, for its father's sake. Killmonger…he's a good man. We all know he ah bad man when him with Klaue, he said it himself. Him clear on that. But I know he wants to be a good man. In his own way. I don't know where he is, but I want to have this good. This baby is good. Hear mi?"

"I hear you, Yani."

"I have enough money for now. It will just take me a little longer to finish school. But I won't have to struggle like before."

Yani wiped her eyes again.

"I want him to have something good in the world. I want to keep my baby."

Twyla stared out of the window.

"He was so loving to us, Twyla. I know you think I'm stupid for this—"

"I never said that. It's just hard having a child alone. It's why I never did it."

Yani snuck a glance at her cousin.

"You ever regret your decision with Devon?"

"No. The choice was easy for me. It turned out to be the best thing for me. I won't tell yuh what to do. This your decision."

Twyla regarded her face with concern.

"Once we leave here, there's no going back, Yani. I mean, you could make another appointment—"

"No. I've made up my mind. My parents are going to hate me, no matter what you say, but it's what I want to do."

"Crazy gyal. Lord ah mercy I can already hear Auntie sucking her teeth."

Yani smiled even as she felt new tears falling down her cheeks.

She was accustomed to working hard her entire life. She'd just have to be on the grind even harder for Sydette, school, and this little one.

"Can yuh come with me to tell Auntie? I want her to know before my parents. I have to get my house in order."

"Be ready for her to have a fit…although…"

"Although what?" Yani asked, hesitation in her voice.

"She really liked that big nigga."

Yani's lips trembled and Twyla squeezed her hand again.

"She really did," Yani agreed.

"I really liked him too. Lord, here we go again!"

Twyla started the car and Yani rested her head in her seat and closed her eyes.

###

Twyla stood in the kitchen doorway as Yani sat on a loveseat with Sydette seated next to her.

"Yuh understand what Mama is saying? You will be a big sister," Yani said.

"In there?" Sydette said pointing to Yani's belly.

"Yeah, the baby is in there. I'll get a big stomach like Sandrina."

"Can I talk to the baby?"

"Anytime you want."

Sydette leaned forward pressing her ear to Yani's stomach.

"You in there baby? Can yuh hear me?"

"You like being a big sister?"

Sydette nodded.

Yani's eyes swept over to her mother and her Aunt Leona. Her mother's face was tight, but she found strength in Leona's firm stance that Yani's mother not scold her or talk down to her. Leona herself was disappointed at first, but then she immediately steeled herself to support Yani when she told the rest of the family. Everyone knew who the daddy was, and they all knew the man was never coming back.

"The baby sleep in my room with me?"

"Yes, love. When it gets a little bigger."

"Will I have a brother or a sister?"

"We won't know until it gets here. What do you want me to have?"

"A brother."

Paula stood up and walked over to Yani, taking a seat next to Sydette.

"Your life is in your hands—"

"Mommy—"

"Let me finish. We didn't do right by you the first time…when you had Sydette—"

"Don't—"

"Listen. Your Daddy and me saw how hard you worked to raise your child on your own. I'm sorry we were so hard on you. We nuh treat yuh how we should have and we can't change that. But we can be better this time. I'm not ashamed of you, Yani. I know yuh think that. Yuh just make things tough on yourself and we don't want you to struggle like we did raising alla you girls. I'm sorry…"

"Mommy. Forget that—"

"Yes. Forget all of that past stuff and let's focus on getting this new pickney here healthy and in one piece," Leona said.

Sydette jumped down from the couch.

"Where yuh going, Sweet Pea? Yani asked.

"I have to use the bathroom."

Yani watched her daughter run to the bathroom on her own.

The evening was pleasant and her mother cooked dinner for all of them. Yani ate her fill of beef patties with fried rice and Sydette spent the night in their bed touching her stomach and talking to her sibling with soft whispers.

###

"JaJa."

"Auntie."

Erik could see on his cell that she was standing outside of the Museum of Great Britain.

"The exhibit arrives in July. The opening will be on 15th."

"Thank you Auntie."

"I put in my request for vacation time."

"Good."

Her sharp eyes took in his face.

"Whatever you are about to do…be safe."

"Always."

Erik hung up and turned his eyes back to the small touchpad he watched outside on the backyard patio.

King T'Chaka sat in the United Nations, his voice confident as he addressed the assembly. How fitting that he should speak of peace and harmony among countries when Erik was preparing to bring that work to his own country's doorstep.

How fitting indeed.