AN: Hey peeps. It's 3 A.M. I can't sleep, I can't breathe, I have a fever and my throat is on fire. And I took a shower at 2:30 because, why not? And while I was in the shower I got an idea to post a chapter because I legit can't do anything else. So please enjoy!
Breakfast the next morning was awkward to say the least. Ben had taken a seat at the very edge of the table as far away from the others as he could. He stared at the indents in the wood of the table figuring that a knife had possibly made them.
Rey glanced over her friends who were all chatting happily to themselves. Rey caught Finn's eye, subtly nodding at Ben. Finn's eyebrows knitted together. He glanced at Ben who hadn't said a word all morning and who was picking at the sliced pear on his plate without really eating it.
He shook his head and Rey's eyes narrowed as she nodded to him again. He mouthed what he hoped was a loud no, making her nose scrunch up. A sharp pain entered his shin and he gasped, grabbing his leg under the table and making the others look in his direction.
She had kicked him! He wanted to fight back, but the intensity in her eyes was enough to jump that railspeeder.
"We'll, someone looks all healed up this morning," he commented. Rey's face sank as she lowered her head into her hands. "What?"
"You healed him?" Poe asked, offended far more than Rey had ever heard him be. She was waiting for the gnash of teeth, but it didn't come how she was expecting it to. "I'm over here with a blaster wound to the gut that almost killed me-"
"It didn't almost kill you," Finn grumbled allowing the worried looks across the girls' faces to settle.
"-and he gets healed up?"
"You didn't ask to be healed," Rey shot back, looking up at Poe and his mock expression. She smiled.
"I have to ask?"
"Would you like me to heal you?"
"Not now!" he answered.
Ben watched the lighthearted banter between them curiously. He had messed with Hux and Wayzac, but it was never a happy back and forth. It was sharp teeth and forked tongues, bitter and harsh. Something to blow off the stress and steam they were all feeling under Snoke. Some of the things that he had said brought a light dusting to his cheeks at how awful they were.
Laughter brought him from his thoughts and he couldn't help but feel odd at the small moment of brightness in what was so dark a time. There was still a war going on and it cut so deeply into him, but to them they were able to put the impending doom aside and let this moment just be this moment.
"Hey Ben," Finn called. Ben's hand jumped up to catch the item that Finn threw to him. His eyes looked over the smooth metal cylinder of his lightsaber in surprise. He was certain he had dropped it and it was again lost to him. He looked up not missing the unsure looks from the two normally giggly girls and the weary gaze from the pilot. "A Jedi needs their lightsaber, right?"
"Jedi?" he asked aloud, his words echoing in his head. He wasn't a Jedi. He had never been a Jedi and he had never been a Sith. He wasn't sure if he had really been anything other than a disappointment.
"Grabbed it for you before we left that weird room," Finn explained. "What were you fighting anyway? Poe and I didn't see anything."
"You said there wasn't a monster," Connix scolded, hitting Poe's arm, making him spill his drink over him. He coughed, wiping water from his chin.
"There wasn't," he answered.
"But you were hitting him dead on with the blaster," Rey muttered, looking over him incredulously.
"He was swinging at something above him so I took the shot. When the bolt disappeared, I figured I hit something. What about voodoo man over there." He tossed his thumb towards Finn who gave an offended look. "How did he use his magic on it if he couldn't see it?"
"It was the force, not magic," Finn argued back, shooting Poe a dark look. "And Rey was facing something specific. That's how I found it."
"Why could you see it?" Rose questioned as she munched on her last slice of pear.
Rey looked over at Ben who must have had the same idea as her. "The dyad," they said together, making the other four stop and look at the two of them.
"The bond must have let you see..." Ben said, his voice strong at first before the gaze of the others made him taper off. He lowered his eyes back to his plate. "Thank you for getting this for me." His voice was a whisper as he lowered his saber to the small amount of seat beside him.
"What are we doing now?" Rose asked, moving the conversation in a direction that it needed to, but that none of them truly wanted to deal with.
"You and Kaydel are going to stay with the rest of the Resistance on Naboo," Poe instructed causing both of the girls to immediately start to argue. "The queen has been quite generous. And it's safe there."
"We are not-"
"I have spoken."
Both girls immediately fell silent and returned to their plates and Rey looked confused at how final Poe's tone sounded in pulling rank.
"What about Ben?" Rose grumbled, arms folded over her chest. "What are we going to do with him?"
"We?" Rey asked with a cold chip in her voice.
"I'm right here," Ben threw out, forgetting that he wasn't invisible anymore and couldn't just say what he wanted whenever he felt like it. "Stop talking around me." His eyes widened as reality set in and he risked a glance up to see surprised eyes on him from his outburst. "Sorry," he offered with a wince.
Rey's hand slid over his and gave it a comforting squeeze. It was like she was saying he had a right to speak and be spoken to, not spoken about. He could state his opinion, he could say what was on his mind, he had a voice and didn't have to hide it. For once in his life he would be listened to.
"What do you want to do Ben?" Rey prompted kindly.
He looked around at all of the waiting faces and did his best to find his voice. "We're going to go back to Naboo and I will take whatever punishment they see fit."
Rey's eyes widened and she looked over his face with fear in her eyes. Ben could see the conflict in them and knew she wanted him to do anything but give himself up. She didn't want to lose him so quickly. She had just gotten him back. And he couldn't say he didn't feel the same. But this was something he had to do. It was important.
It was... The right thing. He was finally doing the right thing.
"Why Naboo?" Finn inquired. "What's so special about there?"
"My mother was in good standing with the queen. Maybe they-"
"Will take it easy on you?" Poe cut in, causing Ben to shrink slightly. Was it wrong of him to want the possibility of a good standing when he went into this mess? "They're not going to be the ones deciding your fate."
"I know that," Ben replied with a nod. "But it's my best place to start."
"Then we will leave in the morning," Poe decided, standing from his seat and picking up his plate to clear it. "It seems that everyone still needs some time to settle themselves from the last few days."
With that he tossed his plate on a small counter with a loud clunk and quickly left the hut. Ben gave a curious look, but Rey just rolled her eyes and shook her head. Ben didn't need to bother with Poe and his small fits of anger. Poe was a good man, but sometimes he was a hot head.
Ben looked over his shoulder at the door that was left open to see Poe pacing with his hands tangled in his curls. Had he said something wrong? It wasn't the first time and it definitely wouldn't be the last.
Ben gave Rey's hand a squeeze and got from his seat, leaving his lightsaber behind. He figured it was better to leave all weapons out of a civil conversation. Rey watched him leave and close the door behind him.
The scent of rain was strong as it threatened to pour from the dark brooding clouds and the wind blew wildly, whistling through all of the rock formations around them.
Poe was muttering to himself and stopped at the sight of Ben's approaching form, his hands dropping back to his side. He really wasn't in the mood for this right now. He had already spent a good few years under General Organa and he didn't want to spend a single moment under her son.
"What do you want?" Poe asked, his voice darker than he meant it. Or maybe he did mean it. He wasn't sure anymore.
"I wanted to apologize if I upset you," Ben answered, not meeting Poe's gaze. Poe searched the man's face for anything that told him Ben was lying, but his face was emotionless. "I'm still trying to get my footing."
"If you just stay out of my way then we won't have any problems." Poe turned to leave, but stopped as Ben continued.
"Were you close with my mother?"
"What?" Poe demanded, spinning back around with hands clenched into fists.
Ben jumped back at the sudden advance and Poe straightened up a bit, eyeing Ben carefully. Where was that fire he knew so well? Where was the strong, defiant, ruthless person that Poe recognized him as? Where was the man who had stopped a blaster bolt with ease and mocked him silently from under his mask?
Was it all an act or was Ben Solo really this different from his other persona?
"I just wanted to know if she was ok. At the end," Ben replied in a stronger voice, but it was still passive.
"She was just as strong at the end as she was in the beginning." Ben nodded and it only fueled Poe up more. "Look, I'm not here to discuss-"
"I'm going to make it up to you," Ben interrupted, catching Poe off guard. "I know you blame me for everything that has happened and it's rightly deserved. I just want to make it right."
"Excuse me if I don't just grovel at the ground you walk on just like everybody else, but I am certain you understand why." Ben nodded and it only infuriated Poe even further though he wasn't sure why. Maybe from the ease of everything. The way Rey trusted him so simply and completely. And Poe could trust Rey, but he was in no way ready to trust Kylo or Ben or whatever Knight of Ren this sad excuse for a man claimed to be. "And I don't know what you're trying to accomplish with your innocent act and your trying to be noble like Leia and Han were, but let's get one thing straight. You will never measure up to your parents."
The words bit into Ben sharply, making his lungs collapse and his heart falter. His jaw hitched and he met Poe's upset gaze with his own.
Poe could see it now. There was that fire, that fight. There was that feared and hated man that had made the galaxy fall to its knees at his feet. But the words he spoke weren't spitting fire or dark in any way. They were determined and challenging.
"You just watch me."
"It will be easier when you make your own," Ben explained to Finn who had been struggling to follow the basic steps that would help him fight with a lightsaber. "There's a connection you'll have with the kyber crystal. It's difficult to explain," he added at Finn's confused look. "Back to position one."
Finn glanced down at his feet, a beam of yellow light narrowly missing Ben's face as Finn stumbled.
"Balance is your issue. You rely too heavily on your feet," Ben instructed, gently pushing Finn's hand away so the humming of the beam wasn't in Ben's ear. "Balance is in the hips. Your hips are your center of gravity. The lower the center of gravity, the harder you are to move."
Finn sighed and lowered the saber, turning it off and allowing the light to retract. "I'm not understanding."
"Let me demonstrate," Ben offered taking a few steps back. "Push me." Finn's face twisted into something that said he was uncomfortable with anything that might hurt or upset Ben. Ben inhaled deeply, pushing aside his annoyance. He was still such an outsider. He knew none of them really trusted him, save for Rey, and he knew why. He understood completely, but he just wished it would go away. He didn't want to be looked at like a mobster any more. "I'm not going to hurt you. Push me."
Finn stalled for a moment before shoving at Ben's shoulders and knocking him back and to the ground. Ben winced as he landed roughly, but he quickly rose back to his feet and dusted himself off.
"Good." Ben repositioned himself now, stance widened and knees bent. "Do it again."
Finn didn't hesitate this time. He gave his everything in this shove, causing Ben to slide across the grass, but he stayed standing.
Finn backed up with what looked like understanding in his eyes and nodded. "Position one?"
"Position one."
Finn got back into the form that Ben had shown him, feet now rooted to the ground.
"You're a good fighter Finn," Ben said as he walked around the ex-stormtrooper. "When we met on Starkiller Base, you were able to fight me wonderfully. We just need to finesse it. Get your balance and the basics."
There was a crack of thunder across the sky that made the air around them shake. Ben looked over the darkness of the sky before sighing.
"We'll continue this later. We shouldn't be out in this storm."
"I'll go give this back to Rey," Finn said, waving the hilt of the weapon in the air before heading back towards one of the huts. He turned back at a thought. "Ben?" Ben's attention left the sky and focused on Finn. "Don't mind Poe. He's just going through a rough patch."
"Right," Ben said, unconvinced. At another loud rumble of thunder and flash of lightning, the two turned back the way they were going, Ben finding cover in the Falcon right as the clouds opened up and rain came pouring down in thick blankets.
"Ben!" a voice carried through the rain and Ben turned back to find Rey running towards him, hand hovering over her hair to keep her dry. Granted, it did nothing to help and her hair and clothes were soaked the instant she had stepped outside.
What are you doing?" Ben asked with a laugh as she ran up the metal ramp, shaking water from her hair.
"Why didn't you come back to the-"
"I figured I'd give Poe the time to cool off," Ben lied. Partly lied. It wasn't only that. Ben just didn't think he could take an awkwardly quiet rainy afternoon with people who didn't like him or a very chatty rainy afternoon where no one spoke to him and they still didn't like him.
Rey nodded in total acceptance, glancing out at the storm with a deep breath that made her shoulders rise and fall animatedly. Without another word, she sat on the edge of the dock, her feet swinging over the edge.
Ben's gaze wandered over Rey with interest. She was always so at one with nature, always stopping to take in the view or watch a small animal. She had spent every moment she could out on the beach in Naboo just staring at the waves for hours. Ben wasn't sure if it was because she had grown up on a desert planet or if she just liked nature.
She looked up at him with shining eyes and there didn't need to be anything said for him to know what she wanted from him. He stepped over to her and sat down beside her, letting her lean into him and their fingers tangle together.
"Let's run away together," she whispered, her heart beating painfully in her chest as she voiced what she had been thinking since this morning. She clutched tightly at his hand as he pulled back in surprise. "Please."
"You know better than anyone that we can't," was his answer. Rey didn't look up at him. She couldn't. She couldn't bear to see the disappointment that would be waiting in those dark eyes for her if she did. "We can't just drop everything."
"Why not?" Rey mumbled, closing her eyes and listening to his breathing. "We could see the galaxy and you don't have to face this."
"Rey-"
"Please!" she begged, her voice cracking. She still couldn't look at him, didn't dare to meet his gaze. "I'm not risking losing you again." Her eyes widened as the same words that Ben had spoken from the night before were once again out in the open.
What was she supposed to make of this? What was Ben going to take from those few fragile words that trembled and tumbled from her lips? His arms wrapped around her, holding her tightly to him despite how wet her hair made his shirt. She felt tears brim her eyes as he placed a lingering kiss to her temple. Did he understand? Did he see what she did? That they had been alone for far too long and they deserved to never feel that way again? And this was just going to leave them alone again. If he left...
"Rey," he whispered in her ear, holding her close. "I'm finally doing the right thing for once in my life. Please let me do this." She rested her cheek against his, her arms circling around his. "I am terrified, but we both know that this is right."
"I know," she muttered, heart breaking.
"We can run away after. We figure this out and I pay the debt I need to and as soon as my debt is paid, we will run away. Explore the deepest edges of the universe."
"Even if we're old?"
Ben snickered into her hair at how innocent the question was and she blushed. "Even if we're 12,983." There was a moment of silence and she could feel his hold on her only tighten more. "Will you please let me be the good man I was meant to be?"
She swallowed at a lump in her throat with a small nod.
