Warning: This story contains a theme of attempted suicide. If this could be triggering or upsetting for you, even if you aren't sure, please don't read this.


Her hand hovered nervously at the frame of the door. It was the dead of night and the waves gently rocked the ship under CJ's feet as she stood outside her brother's room. She would find it peaceful if it weren't for the thoughts in her mind.

She swallowed nervously as she stared at the cracked door, through it she could see Harry in his bed sound asleep. In her mind she debated whether she should wake him up or if this time she could handle it on her own. Her weight shifted between her feet while her brain tried to decide if she would turn around.

With a deep intake of breath, she musters up her courage and knocks.


Harry was disturbed out of sleep by a soft wrapping sound. His initial thought of something falling from his desk was halted when he sees his sister standing nervously in his doorway.

"What's wrong?" he knows to ask immediately. His voice gravely from sleep.

"I-I had another nightmare" CJ's small voice only just reaches his ears over the sound of the waves.

Harry sighs as he pushes himself up in bed. "Dad again?"

CJ nods and her lip starts to quiver.

"Come 'ere" Harry nods his head gesturing for her to come to him.

Immediately she detaches herself from the doorway and rushes over to Harry, coming to sit in front of him on the bed. After tucking her legs up onto the mattress, she feels Harry's arms wrap around her. At his touch her breath shudders as she begins to shake with emotion. Behind her eyes burn with the desire to cry and she tries to resist - this is the Isle and there is no place for it. But she fails as a tear rolls down her cheek and onto Harry's shoulder.

Initially she can't speak, not being able to form words while her lungs heave for breath. But eventually she gains enough control to choke a few out, "I killed mum."

At her words Harry straightens up, pulling her closer to him. "You didn't" was all he could bring himself to say. He was tired of all the lies his father feed her about the death of their mother, he didn't want to entertain them if he could help it.

"How do you not hate me?" CJ sobs, her mind telling her that she doesn't want to hear his answer.

"I can't hate you" Harry grips her tighter, more for his comfort than her own.

"But you knew her, and I killed her" CJ buries her head further into his chest in shame.

CJ feels Harry sigh deeply against her. "You're right, I did know her" Harry acknowledges. "And I also know that she knew the risk of having children here."

CJ sniffs, seeming to be calming down at Harry's words.

"It's no one's fault and you know that" Harry says before he looks down to plant a kiss on her head.

"Dad doesn't" she mumbles.

"He does" Harry grits his teeth at the thought. "He just needs someone to blame, and I'm sorry that that person is you. You know that I would change that if I could."

Harry's words hang in the air as he holds her for a while in the silence. There was something special about the moment – one shared with affection that they couldn't show in the daylight. The Isle didn't allow for comfort to be shown between anyone, even family – even when someone really needed it.

"I hate living here" CJ whispers, not caring whether Harry hears it or not.

"That, I believe, is the point" Harry says in the lightest tone he can muster. But there isn't much happiness to find in the situation.

"No one asks to be alive" CJ sobs again. "We're just expected to take it and deal with it."

Harry says nothing. He can't because those thoughts are also his own.

"Why did we have to be born here? Why not be born to people that actually care for us?"

Part of Harry hates himself for saying this, but he knew it needed to be said, "if mum where alive she would."

"Would she?" CJ asks, a mix of hope and longing in her small voice.

Harry nods, and he smiles slightly as he thinks of the life that could have been theirs.

"Do you think she hates me?" CJ wonders.

"No" Harry shakes his head. He doesn't think he's ever been so confident of an answer in his life.

"I wish she was here."

"She is" Harry looks down at his sister, who pulls away to look up at him. "Down by the cove with the caves where we sent her off. Where you stand on the face of the rocks and look out to the water." He smiles picturing the bluest water in all of the Isle, the secluded landscape where there are no makeshift shacks or shipwrecks in sight – if you had a good enough imagination, you might just think you were somewhere else. "Her spirit is there."

"When I die, I wanna go there too" CJ's words slur as tiredness overtakes her, emotion having taken its toll.

Sensing his sister was about to nod off, Harry lies back down gesturing for CJ to do the same. As she settles down instead of turning away from him, she faces towards him and curls herself up into his chest. Finally relaxing as he pulls the blankets over them both and places his arm over her shoulders.


Harry was glad for the distraction of stacking trays and dishes in the Chip Shop, it helped take his mind off the events of that morning. Means to say, when Captain Hook found out that his youngest daughter had spent the night in her brother's room for the sake of a nightmare, he was none to pleased. Weakness of such would not be tolerated within his family.

For minutes on end Harry and Harriet were forced to listen to their father yell abuse at CJ, trading solemn looks with each other from across the kitchen, knowing that they could do nothing until it stopped. They averted their eyes unable to look at their sister as she cowered, backed up against a wall tears threatening to spill down her face, while their father's hateful words shook the ship. At last when it finally ceased, CJ disappeared out the door without a word.

Her older siblings had made to follow her but their father held them back, lecturing them that providing comfort was also something not to be tolerated. By the time it was over and they had gone to find her, she was long gone.


Placing down yet another tray, Harry hears a gasp of commotion as the saloon doors burst open. Purely out of habit, he looks up to see Gil standing breathlessly in front the doors still swinging. It takes no genius to know that something is terribly wrong. Gil's chest heaves for breath and he shakes with adrenaline, his eyes frantically searching for someone.

"Harry!" he yells when he spots him.

Confused Harry places the trays down on a table as he walks toward him. At the same moment Uma comes out of the kitchen, drying her hands with a tea towel, eyeing the situation carefully.

"It's CJ! Harriet's not far behind" he explains panting as he closes the gap between him and Harry. He had seen Harriet in the street and run ahead, knowing that he'd be faster.

At Gil's words the picture of the situation crashed into Harry so fast that he felt like he'd physically been hit. Without a word or a second's delay he was running out the door with Gil and Uma following behind.


They almost collided with Harriet on the wharf just coming up to the door of the shop. She was breathless with tears running down her face. Unable to form any words to explain, she hands Harry the note she'd been holding in her hand.

It was doubtful that Harry even read the note. Having a note was pretty self-explanatory, and there was no time – if they even had any left. His face was pale and he visibly shook as he held it. Uma was about to put a hand on his arm just to let him know she was there, but he suddenly sparked into action.

"The cove" was all he said in a voice so fragile that it couldn't possibly belong to him. Remembering back to the night before when CJ had told him where she wanted to go when she died.

Within an instant of his words registering, it was like they were never there on the wharf, having speed off to the cove.


Without consulting they all spread out when they reached the sandy shore. Harry's boots pounded into the sand and up rocks as he climbed them, searching for any sign of his sister. Below him Uma searched around the caves made by fallen rocks. Behind them Harriet ran across the beach looking out into the water.

At the sound of Gil's shout, Harry skidded down the rocks and ran over to the sound of his voice. After weaving his way through path of fallen boulders and splashing through a stream, Harry saw him up ahead, standing before a flat face of rocks. Further along he could make out the silhouette of his younger sister standing at the edge of the rock face, spray from the waves faintly splashing up around her.

He didn't slow his pace as he ran to her, placing his hands on Gil's shoulders to keep him out of the way as he sprinted past. Behind them the rest of the group closed in as Harry reached CJ just as she jumped.


The waves below were so beautiful as she looked down upon them. Foam made swirling patterns in white, hypnotising her to fall into them.

Wind blew around her whipping her hair into her face where it stuck to her drying tears. It encompassed her to a feeling where she felt safe as it wrapped around her like an embrace. Gently it pushed her closer to the edge, leading her steps along. It would guide her down to the water waiting for her.

It wouldn't matter what would happen now, she would be safe and away in another world far from this own. Closing her eyes, she took her last breath as prepared for the wind to ascend her. She could feel it surging behind her and she felt peace that her time was up.

As one of her feet lifted from the rock, allowing her to begin her fall, she felt a different embrace latch onto her.


As soon as Harry's arms closed around her, he pulled her away from the edge. Holding on to her he knew he could only walk so far before his legs gave out, so he sunk down to the rock pulling CJ onto his crossed legs.

"Don't do this – don't do this to me" he begs her as tears fall freely from his eyes. He buries his face in her hair as Harriet reaches them, skidding down to the ground beside them.

"I can't do this anymore" CJ voice is monotonous and clear as she speaks above the wind, like she's lost all emotion.

From where Uma stands next to Gil, she can't make out Harriet's words but she can tell her tone is gentle. It's like time is frozen as she stands there, watching on helplessly. She feels like she should go over to them but she can't will herself to move.

"We should leave them be" Gil's voice breaks her out of her thoughts.

Uma looks up at him, lost on what to do. But the look in his eyes convinces her that this is a family matter. She draws in a breath, looking back at the group of siblings on the rocks before she hesitantly lets Gil take her hand and pull her away.


It was early in the Chip Shop as Uma swept the floors before the patrons came in. Her only focus was not stepping in the dust pile at her feet until the sound swinging doors caught her attention.

Looking up towards the sound she expects to see the first of the customers filing in but is surprised when she sees Harry instead. It's obvious that he hasn't slept, having grey lines under his eyes that no amount of charcoal can hide.

"How is she?" Uma asks as she leans the broom against a table and opens her arms out for him to walk into.

"She's asleep and Harriet's with her. But I have no idea" he tells her as he walks into her arms, his voice sounding strained. He doesn't move his arms to return her embrace, like he can't summon up the effort to lift them.

Though Uma doesn't mind – moments like this were special because they so rarely got to share them. She only pulls him closer so she can lean her head onto his chest, more for her own comfort than his. The day before was the only time she'd seen Harry cry, and she never wanted to again. To see someone so strong break was scary for her, because if they were broken what would that mean for her?

"Go be with her" Uma instructs as she pulls away.

Harry remains still and looks hesitant to leave.

"She needs you right now" Uma tells him in the gentlest Captain's voice she has.

She never thought it would bring her peace to see her first mate leave her and watch the doors swing shut behind him. But that day, it did.