A/N: I wish I had more time in the day to write! Even with the self-isolation/social distancing thing, my days never seem to have enough time for 'me' time. One of these days, my oldest will be back in daycare, and I can put the youngest down for a few minutes to write.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter series (movies or books), WB Studios or any of its characters.
The boys opted out of a study session to catch a little sleep before the Full Moon. Remus more than most, but they appreciated the baked goods I brought them. The girls had set up our room for the sleepover and I joined them with a tin of sweets and cookies from the Kitchens.
"So, I guess I should start at the beginning. My beginning at Ilvermony," I started the I had practiced the story in my head while I baked, making sure I had answers to every possible question they might ask. I would be relaying the same story to the boys tomorrow when I tutored Peter, so it had to be exactly the same.
"McGonagall isn't my aunt," I started with, "Because I'm really Muggleborn."
"My Mom was English, Dad was French. I grew up in Paris for the first three years of my life, before they immigrated to America. They were shocked when I got my letter, to say the least. But it gave an answer to all the times I performed accidental magic that couldn't be explained."
"My best friends didn't really like me at first, being a know-it-all," I teased myself with a small smile, "But they saved me from a mountain troll in First Year, Hallowe'en night. A teacher that was in league with blood purists let it in, hoping it would take out the half-bloods and muggle-borns, who wouldn't know better how to protect themselves. Kind of stupid because of how stupid trolls are. Not exactly trainable."
"Second Year, I was petrified for the last few months. A creature was on the loose that targeted Muggleborn students, again."
"Third Year, we helped free a hippogriff that was marked for death because the school governor's son was attacked when he foolishly approached it. Fourth Year, a really dangerous tournament was held and like an idiot, my friend was picked. He shouldn't have even been entered, but someone had rigged it to spit out his name. During the Tournament, a boy died and the blood purists started coming out of the shadows; much like they have here."
"Fifth Year, the school didn't feel safe. We had a DADA teacher that taught us nothing about how to defend ourselves, who thought theory could prepare us for our OWL's and for the outside world. She was a vile woman, trying to get our Headmaster ousted at every turn. We formed an illegal dueling club, just so we could learn something."
"Sixth Year was probably the worst. We were all paranoid, knowing how bad it was getting outside the borders of the school, and over here. We lost a teacher, and it wasn't safe to go back. The night I lost my parents…"
"I thought sending them away with no memory of me, would be easier," I felt my lips tremble as I thought of my Mum and Dad, how they had no idea they even had a daughter before I was pulled through time and space.
Victory stands on the back of sacrifice, I thought miserably to myself.
"We went on the run, my friends and I. Knowing that they would be looking for us on the way to school, we chose not to go. We didn't see our families for months. They were found," I took a deep breath, "And they made us watch as they murdered them."
"Afterwards… they started torturing me because I was the Muggleborn of our trio," I took my wand and muttered the counter-spell, pulling my sleep shirt off so I was only in my tank top and pants. I lifted my tank top slightly to show where the scars started on my ribs.
"They used a cursed blade to carve into my arm. They used Dark magic that caused the burns. I had to re-learn how to breathe through the pain, as pain potions and essence of dittany didn't heal anything."
"And if that wasn't enough, I was nearly driven into insanity by the Cruciatus curse. It plays with your mind, and I was almost begging for death. If I have a particular worry or anxiety, it triggers the nightmares. The Dreamless Sleep potion is supposed to allow me to rest. It's not a deep sleep, not enough to feel rested, but enough to let me function."
"How did you get out?" Alice asked softly after a moment, as I paused to take a breath.
I smiled through my tears, "A brave little house elf. My friend had freed him in our Second Year, from the school governor's family. Hard to explain how, but he came to our rescue. He gave his life to save us."
"So, you are a year older than us?" Alice asked after a quiet moment, and I nodded, "Yes. I'm 19."
"McGonagall took you in?" Mary asked, and I answered, "Originally it was to be Dumbledore, but they felt it would bring unwanted attention. Especially these days. Professor McGonagall has been very kind to me, and she really feels like family; like my Mum."
"That's sweet," Dorcas smiled, grabbing a cookie.
"And the boys, do they know?" Marlene asked, and I shrugged, "They know some. Not all. I'm telling them tomorrow. I actually have something for you all."
"Gifts?" Marlene teased as I dug around my bag a little.
"No, well sort of. I did the same for our friends when we formed that illegal dueling club. It's so we could communicate inconspicuously," I explained, handing them the Galleons from my purse, placing them gently in each of their palms.
"When you point your wand at it, you simply think of the message you want us all to see," I explained, holding my own Galleon and wand in hand, "For example."
The girls gasped seeing my short message, Thank you for listening. –HR
"That is absolutely smashing! You mastered the Protean charm in Fifth Year?" Dorcas smiled, as the girls all started swapping messages.
"Yes. As a Muggleborn, I wanted to absorb everything I could. You all had a glimpse of magic for your formative years, but I had very little time to catch up."
"Catch up? You mean get leaps and bounds ahead," Lily smiled, "You said it yourself you were caught up until Christmas as far as assignments."
"I don't like leaving the big ones until the last minute. This way, I can enjoy my time before the holidays."
"But where did you go last night?" Alice asked, "Lily said the boys looked for you, but you seemed to have vanished."
"I went to see Dumbledore. He's been helping me cope, a form of therapy through using a pensive," I lied easily, "He's been a great comfort to me actually. He reminds me of the teacher I lost back in my Sixth Year."
"That's nice of him," Lily nodded, "He is very grandfatherly, isn't he?"
"Yes," I laughed, "But in a good way. He doesn't prattle on about the glory days and 'When I was your age, we had to hike ten miles to school, both ways, in the snow. And we were grateful!'"
They girls giggled over my joke, and I felt lighter than I had in months. Telling Lily on my birthday was wonderful for the sake of my psyche, but being honest about half my story to the girls I was sharing a dorm with? I felt like I was able to breathe a little, knowing if I slipped up that they could possibly cover for me.
As we all went to bed that night, I lay awake, waiting for a howl or some sign that the boys were alright, and that I hadn't just killed Remus; or made him worse. I doubted myself, which wasn't new to me, but it caused me unrest in Remus' regard. This potion meant I'd gained the favor and trust of the men I'd come to save, ensuring Remus would be more open in the future if something needed to be revealed. Gaining their trust completely relied on this potion working.
Swinging my legs over the side of my bed as I sighed, I looked up to see Lily still awake.
"Can't sleep either?" She whispered, face half-buried into her pillow.
"I don't think I will, not until I know he's okay," I breathed, feeling my eyes well up.
She smiled softly, "Let's go down and study by the fire. Take our minds off of it."
I nodded, softly grabbing my book bag as Lily put on her dressing gown. I grabbed my own, putting my feet into my slippers before we crept out the door together.
I cracked open the window in the common room, listening into the wind for any howls. I wished my ears were better, because all I heard was the whistling wind and the crackling of the fire.
"Have you ever cast a Patronus?" Lily asked quietly. I looked up and nodded, "Quite a few times."
"What kind of animal is it?" She asked, curiously.
"It was an otter," I started and she frowned in confusion, "Was?"
"When you fall in love, experience trauma or bereavement, it can change. I had a friend whose Jack Rabbit turned into a wolf, because she fell in love. Mine changed because of what I went through."
"What is it now? If you don't mind me asking," She added, and I chuckled, "I don't mind. It's a lioness. It scared me when I cast it, cause it just kept growing."
She giggled, "Could you teach me?"
"Absolutely. Here," I gestured for her to get up.
"So the words; Expecto Patronum. You have to mean them. Wand movement is just a circle, tightening as you go around," I explained, showing her. She practiced a few times before I smiled, and spoke up, "And now the most important and difficult part."
"I want you to think about the happiest memory you have. Your happiest memory powers the spell," I spoke softly.
"What's yours? Unless that's too personal," She spoke gently.
"No, not too personal. It was our Fifth Year. My friend had just come back from finishing up our dueling club meeting. A girl he had liked, stayed behind and they kissed under some mistletoe. She had been crying during it, mainly because she had been dating the boy that had died the previous year. Our friend didn't quite understand how she could be crying. In short, I told him that he had the emotional range of a teaspoon, and we had the best laugh we'd had in years," I chuckled, tears collecting in my eyes. She smiled, "You loved them."
"I did. They were my brothers, my best friends. I continue on for them, for their memories," I nodded, wiping my eyes gently, before straightening up and casting my Patronus.
"Hush, sweet," I whispered to it as it came to completion. It bit back the roar it would have let out; instinctively knowing I didn't want to wake the students.
"Go to the boys," I asked it, "Remain unseen. And only come back if they are in trouble."
It rubbed up against me, before bounding through the stone.
"You can direct it like that?" Lily asked, astounded as I turned back to her, "Command it to go somewhere else?"
"You can use them to send messages. I'd like you to be able to, in case you were ever in need of help. Now, your single greatest memory," I breathed, watching her close her eyes, "Picture it in your mind's eye. Remember the overwhelming happiness you felt at that moment."
"Expecto Patronum!"
A wisp of blue began to float out from her wand, before she pulled back, sagging.
"That felt draining," She commented, puffing a little, "It felt like… I hit a wall or something."
"Don't worry, it can take time. If I could ask…"
"It's the moment I got my Hogwarts letter. Severus always went on about how I would go here, but actually getting it, felt like a confirmation that I was special."
"I don't think it is enough. I tried that my first time, using my letter from Ilvermony," I felt my tongue almost slip and say Hogwarts, "But I was told it has to be pure happiness. Try picturing something you want in life, more than anything."
"Okay," she sighed, closing her eyes.
As she cast it a second time, it was brighter, more pronounced against the backdrop of the Common Room. But it still faded, with her arm going a little limp.
"How about that time?" I asked.
"To become a Healer," She panted lightly.
"Not enough. Try closing your eyes. I'm going to help you picture something," I urged her. She did as I asked, as I began, "You are in a little cottage. It's a quiet night, and the baby in your arms is almost asleep. He smiles gently in his sleep, while your husband watches in the doorway. It's peaceful and beautiful. Your heart is full."
As I stopped speaking, she firmly cast, "Expecto Patronum!"
The wisp of blue from her wand returned, collecting in a large ball before it clearly became a doe. Harry did get most of his raw talent from his mother, except in potions. That was definitely James he got it from, who didn't inherit his own father's gift for potions. James was passing by the skin of his teeth.
"Lily," I smiled, "You did it!"
She breathed a small laugh, watching the doe walk around the Common Room, "That's amazing."
"Something I learned about the Patronus charm is that the memory can be an imagined one. My friend used to picture him and his parents just talking, though they died when he was a baby. He then produced his father's Patronus to hold off hundred's of Dementor's to save us," I remembered fondly.
"What year was that? Your time on the run?"
"third Year," I answered instinctively, watching Lily's eyes widen.
"In your Third Year he mastered a charm that most full-fledged wizard's cant?" She questioned in disbelief.
"Beleive me, H-" I stopped to bite my tongue and reword my thought, "He had such raw power that it made up for his downfalls. Wasn't particularly gifted at potions like his Mum or Grandfather, but what he lacked in finesse and tact, he made up for with his power. All his spells packed a punch, whether he intended them to or not."
As it disappeared, she turned to hug me tightly. I wasn't expecting it but caught her as she whispered, "Thank you."
"Anytime," I promised, "Once you have a good grasp on it, you'll be able to send it with messages. Not everyone can cast a Patronus properly, and very few of them can cast a corporeal form. You are very powerful to be able to do that."
"Where did you come up with that visual, for my happy thought?" Lily asked suddenly, eyebrows slanting inward in confusion.
"I see you as a Mom one day," I shrugged, "It just seemed like a beautiful thought."
She smiled, "It was a beautiful thought. One I will carry with me, always."
"I'm glad. It's a beautiful future to believe in," I smiled, wondering for a selfish moment if I would get a similar one.
"Now, about that thing at breakfast. You mentioned the potion ingredients were expensive. How are you paying for them?" She asked.
"I just came across an ingredient I can sell for a lot of money. It's not something I want falling into bad hands, but it's rare enough that it will fetch a pretty penny," I shrugged, trying to sidestep her question.
"Can I ask how you got it? You've got me intrigued."
"Nothing illegal," I chuckled, "But I can say this; the beast it came from was well and truly dead, so it was just fate to come across it."
Lily and I went back to our work, eventually cuddling up on the couch and exchanging stories from our childhood. It amazed me at how much I could still learn about Harry's Mum; like how her sister and she used to be so close, or that she detested Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans but loved Peppermint Toads. She spoke of her childhood with such fondness, and sadness when she and her sister grew apart. It wasn't hard to tell that Lily missed her sister, even if she hated Lily's magic. Lily dozed off at one point, leaning against my arm.
I gazed into the fire, feeling my eyelids drooping against my will.
I felt a gentle hand caress my cheek, rousing me from my lucid dream.
"Kitten," A soft voice whispered.
"No, sleep," I grumbled, burrowing deeper into the couch.
"Mia," The voice spoke again, a little louder.
"Whazzit?" Lily's voice reached my ears as the weight against my shoulder disappeared.
"Come on Lily, upstairs to bed with you," Another voice that sounded like James cooed.
"Mia, you should go to bed," The voice spoke again as I opened my eyes slightly.
"Sirius?" I whispered, seeing him smiling softly at me, "How… How was it?"
"The easiest night he has ever had," He smiled widely, before kissing my cheek and whispering, "Thank you doesn't seem to cut it. How about a monument to the sky declaring how brilliant you are?"
I flushed as I woke up further, "Really?"
"As serious as my name," He joked, before looking back at our books in the Common Room, "Did you stay up for us?"
"I was worried," I admitted, feeling my eyes gathering a few tears, "I knew the potion would work, but I was still worried. Lily thought we could keep each other company in our worry."
"Hey, it's alright Kitten. We are all unharmed. Moony is in the Hospital Wing right now resting, more peaceful than I've seen him in years. Madam Pomfrey was surprised as us to find no new wounds. Moony slept while we all stood guard in The Shack."
"He slept?" I asked softly, "That's wonderful!"
"You know what's even more wonderful?" He smiled softly, "You."
"I'm hardly wonderful," I blushed.
"You are selfless. You give everything of yourself for people you barely know. Where did you come from?" He asked, studying my soul through my eyes.
"Boston," I deadpanned, making a large smile break out on his lips.
"Alright," He chuckled, "I'll concede for now. You need to sleep, Kitten. Peter is with Moony tonight and I need my beauty sleep. This level of dashing does not just happen."
"He's really okay?" I asked, my eyes filling up again, my mind still not grasping that I could have pulled off the impossible. To change time as I have...
"Yes," He nodded and I buried my face in my hands to muffle my sobs.
Part of my plan had worked. Not just to gain their trust, but also give Remus a chance at a normal life. If I had it my way, he would never be a slave to the wolf again.
Sirius pulled my hands away, lifting my chin and smiling, "Don't cry, Kitten. He was so thankful, I'm sure he is going to crush you in a hug tomorrow at lunch."
"I'll brace myself then. Sirius, will you help me with the transformation of my animagus?" I asked, "I've finished the month with the leaf, and the potion is brewed and stored. I'm just waiting for the next electrical storm now. I want to be ready for next month."
"Next month?" He asked, confused.
"I want to be out there, with you guys," I smiled.
His whole face dropped, concern etched in every corner, "I don't think that's-"
"Don't you dare say it isn't safe for me," I interrupted him with a strong tone, and a raised brow, "I've faced a werewolf several times in my life, so I know the risks."
"Hermione, just think about this. It's a big thing to become an Animagus. Remus only accepts us there because his wolf senses that we are friends, because we've known him so long," He tried to reason with me.
"Shouldn't Remus be the one to tell me no then?" I questioned.
"I'm just saying that you need to really think this through. What if you are a predator, like Remus, and he senses you as a threat?"
"Then we deal with that. I'm not saying it won't be dangerous, but if he's taking the Wolfsbane, he keeps his mind, right? Then it stands to reason that he won't attack my animagus because he'll know it's me. Predator or not."
"Possibly," He sighed.
"What?" I asked, sensing there was something he was holding back.
"I just want to keep you safe! Your infuriatingly noble, do you know that? You help James with wooing Lily, you're tutoring Peter because you see him falling behind… You gave Remus a new lease on life by brewing a potion to suppress his wolf urges… And now you want to help during his Wolf time by becoming an illegal Animagus," He shook his head, "Where did you come from, Angel?"
"No, I didn't fall from heaven," I cheeked at the obvious use of a pick-up line, "I'm the farthest thing from an angel. So don't think your pick up lines will work on me, Black. I'm just… I'm just me. I take care of my friends. At any cost."
He was quiet for a moment, before he picked up my hand, pressing a gentle kiss to my knuckles and whispering, "Thank you, Hermione, for being you."
I felt my cheeks flush as he pulled back, the dying fire dancing in his eyes.
His eyes dropped to my lips for a fraction of a second, but he swallowed and gave a small smile as he said, "You should sleep now. It's going to be a rough morning tomorrow if you don't."
I nodded, turning to clean up my books. Sirius chuckled, helping me gather my things before he tugged my book bag onto his shoulder.
"I'm going to need that, so why don't you just hand it over."
"I'm trying to be chivalrous Kitten; just let me," He teased, walking me back to the stairs. We were silent as we climbed, and at the landing, he slung my bag back onto my shoulder, gently moving my hair behind my ear. I felt a shiver travel down my spine at the gesture, blood rushing to my cheeks at the warmth his touch created in me.
"Goodnight Kitten," He smirked.
"Goodnight Sirius," I whispered, willing my cheeks to cool down.
I turned to climb up the stairs to my dorm, sneaking in, and seeing Lily was still awake slightly, staring at the ceiling.
"Did James tell you? He's okay," I whispered. She nodded, whispering distractedly, "He did."
"So why do you look like you're worried?"
She sighed softly, "I guess I've been fighting myself. I didn't know what they did, how they helped Remus every month."
"It's quite selfless of them," I smiled, slipping under my covers, "But why are you 'fighting yourself'?"
"I guess I got used to seeing him as an immature bully, I didn't see how wonderful he was past all of that."
"Do you know who James reminds me of, in relation to you?" I turned to smile at her.
"Who?"
"Mr. Darcy," I chuckled softly, "A pompous arse at the beginning, insulting to your friend, and then he spends the next few years trying to show you how much he loves you while defending and protecting his friend."
She scoffed, before looking contemplative, and exclaiming softly, "Oh my god, I guess I have been an Elizabeth."
"And there, you see it," I smiled, settling back against my pillow. She bit her lip, "Have I been unfair to him?"
"If it means anything, he's still crazy about you. But he thought you didn't want him, so he started backing off."
"No, that's not it… I just… He tries too hard."
"So, if I told him to start trying to woo you, would you be open to that? I don't want him to get hurt," I said honestly, "Even if, from what Remus has told me, that boy could ask you to marry him ten times a day, get turned down and would still try again the next day with the same tenacity."
"He is persistent," She sighed, fiddling with a lock of hair, chewing on her lip slightly.
"Lil, the Quaffle is in your hands," I spoke gently, "You just need to figure out if you want to stop playing or move towards the Keeper."
She snorted lightly, and I did as well at the tension being broken with my awful Quidditch analogy. I blame Ron and Harry. How I miss those Quidditch obsessed boys, I thought fondly, reaching up to rub at the ache in my chest.
"I don't know," She sighed in a whisper.
"Well, it's something only you can decide. Sleep on it."
