"Kelsey! Hey Kelsey, wake up!... Hey c'mon, you okay?"
Mmmm! "What?" she opens her eyes, looking out of the window. The car has now stopped and is parked. As she looks out of the window, she can see that it's raining. Then she smiles, leaning over the seat to check on Casey, he's in his travel seat, strapped in the front of the vehicle. He's awake and he beams a smile at her.
Checking the time on her watch, it's late morning and she yawns as they get out of the vehicle. The jet lag and tiredness filling her body. Alex carries the car seat and her suitcase for her, as she unlocks the door to her flat and let's them in.
Kelsey takes a deep breath, sniffing in the familiar scent of her favorite vanilla potpourri. She looks around. Nothing's moved from where she left it when she left a few weeks ago. It feels odd that even though it's been a while long it feels like she's only been gone days.
Alex places Casey's seat down on the floor, un-clipping the straps he lifts him out "Hey little guy" he smiles holding him tight against his chest.
Kelsey's in the kitchen and she runs her hand along the work surface, picking up the canisters on the side. She smiles, lifting the one filled with teabags "Do you want a cup of tea, Alex?"
"Um ... yeah sure"
She fills the kettle and switches it on. Letting out a long sigh, she relaxes. It feels nice, the still quiet, the peace and calm after the bustle of the plane and airport. Her head settles and the headache of tiredness begins to fade. She yawns.
"Hey Kelsey, I think he might need changing"
"Um ...yeah sure. I'll do it. Do you wanna finish the tea" She takes Casey from his arms and picking up the changing bag she heads to the smaller room, just off the side hallway.
As she opens the door she takes another deep breath and a big smile crosses over her face as she looks into the room. The grey and cream painted nursery that she made ready, prepared for her baby to arrive and now here she was with him in her arms and he's never been in there.
"This is your room Casey. Do you like it? " She smiles at him, rocking him in her arms. Her fingers fondle gently over the teddies on the mobile, stroking her hand along the side of the white painted crib. Grinning as she touches cream teddy printed bedding.
She remembers getting the crib ready, that was the morning she decided to get the flight to see Clay. She laughs shaking her head, not so much regretful but laughing at the madness that overtook her that day.
Placing her free hand on the nursing chair she gently rocks it as she looks at the small white table next to it. It contains a night light, baby care book and a small silver picture frame. She frowns picking it up looking at the picture, a photograph of her and Clay. It was one from her phone, the selfie they took, his arms wrapped around her, from the days before she found out she was pregnant.
It was this photo that morning, reminding her how much she missed him, that made her leave to go see him. She smiles stroking her finger over the glass. "I wonder what your daddy's doing right now." She sighs "I just hope he's safe" She takes a deep breath, tired hot tears well in the bottom of her eyes. "Right… let's get you cleaned up"
She lays him on the changing unit, it's the one thing she wishes they had at Clay's apartment "Maybe in the new place, hey?" she smiles as Casey smiles at her, stroking her finger against his cheek. His smile is so much like Clay's.
As she opens his diaper and changes him into a clean one he starts to cry again. She lifts him up, holding his warm naked flesh against her chest. "You hungry?" she cuddles him close, the tension and annoyance that she felt with him earlier, when she was stressed on the aircraft, is now all gone and she holds him tight.
Sitting herself in the rocking chair, she unbuttons her shirt and bra to feed him. This is one time she's grateful she doesn't have to prepare a bottle, too exhausted even to think about getting all that prepped. This is nice, relaxing in the quiet of the baby's room.
"Hey..." Alex stands the cup of tea on the table beside her. He can't help but watch her feeding the baby. He smiles. It makes her feel slightly awkward and uncomfortable and she pulls her shirt across covering herself as much as she can " Um.. I was thinking I'll go and get us something for lunch, some sandwiches or something ?"
"Yeah…yeah something to eat would be good. I was in the toilet when they brought the last meal around on the plane" she laughs to herself "Can't tell you how hard it is to change a baby in one of those small cubicles"
He smiles at her, still watching Casey feed. He swallows nervously, grinding his teeth together "I've missed you Kelsey"
She look up and smiles "I missed you too" she takes his hand in hers, stroking it gently "Thank you for coming to get me, even if I felt like some stupid damsel in distress standing there, crying. So pathetic really, especially when I'm now going to try and sell the story that I can be a Lieutenant on a Royal Navy warship right".
"Hey.. come on, be fair on yourself. It was a long flight, with a small baby and on your own. That's not easy. Anyway, you made the right decision, calling me to come get you. So, don't be so hard on yourself"
"You're right, I'm just tired" she smiles again letting go of him as she adjusts Casey to the other side.
"Look, I was thinking… your appointment, with your CO, why don't I watch Casey for you while you go, then you won't have to worry about childcare"
"You sure? I mean I have a medical at ten and then I'm going to see the CO at noon. I shouldn't be too long after that"
"Yeah I'm good. I've got the week off so I can be here"
"Okay thanks" Then she laughs out loud "He's smart you know, Captain Jones. He um.. he arranged the interview on-board the Charles, while she's docked". She laughs again "talk about tug at my emotions. I just can't imagine how it's going to feel, walking back on-board after all this time"
"You having doubts, I mean about going back"
Mmmm! "Yeah maybe, a few. I mean, why wouldn't I right? I have to leave my baby, my home, Clay and all because... because selfishly want to do a certain job"
"Yeah but it's not just a job though is it. It's a career and one you worked hard for. All those long nights revising about weapons guidance systems, codes and protocols to get your promotion. That's not an easy thing to do. And I mean, it's not exactly like you chose to get pregnant. So, to just give it all up. Kelsey, you have to give yourself a shot at this and anyway, I'm sure you can make it work. Clay will just have to pull his weight."
"Don't alright!" she snaps at his comment "Clay's doing his best. His jobs not easy Alex. It's not routine as much as ours. You know, he gets called away at a moment's notice, has to leave everything he knows and loves, to go put his life on the line. I can't ask him to give up it up. You said I worked hard for mine, well trust me, Clay's invested a hellva lot more in being a seal than I could ever commit"
"Yeah I get that, I do. I know those guys don't have it easy and that's coming from my position. And just because I don't like Clay, it doesn't mean I don't respect what he does"
She smiles, shaking her head at him.
"What?" he frowns
"You… being honest that you don't like Clay. But why?"
"I don't know. Oh, I know he's intelligent, I mean.. yeah, he's really smart and his languages well puts my four to shame. I can't knock that. But he's arrogant, and a smart ass. His age I suppose. But then… I'd guess he doesn't like me much either"
"Yeah" she smiles "you could be right but it's for um... pretty much the same reasons that you don't like him"
"You know one thing surprised me, that he let you bring Casey. After what he said about the lawyer I never thought he'd let him come to the UK. Did he not have a problem with it"?
"No .. no, I don't think so and anyway, there wasn't much choice. He got spun up the night before. It was a bit upheaval to ask Ash at such short notice and Ray and Naima are in the middle of moving to a new house so ... I figured it was easier if he came with me. You know…" she laughs "I had the romantic notion that he would just sleep the whole way on the plane and it would all be easy. Boy did he give me a wake up call to that idea!"
"Well… he looks peaceful enough now" he watches as the baby closes his eyes sucking contently at Kelsey breast. Alex strokes her cheek, "You look good. You look well" taking a deep breath he smiles "How about I go get this food then, I won't be long"
"Thanks, I'll feed him, put him down for a sleep, and then have a shower, you have your key right?"
"Yeah. I'll be back soon" he leaves. Wistfully looking back, watching her in the nursing chair he smiles and then he quietly closes the door.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
"Hey Goldilocks, so what's up with you? You been quiet"
"Nothing" Clay sits with his head leaned back against the side of the plane; he looks up at Sonny who's standing over him. "No really I'm fine"
"Yeah well you don't look fine" Sonny drops down wearily next to him " So, c'mon spill it. Wass eatin' ya and don't say nothin' again!"
"Noth… oh, I don't know Sonny" he sighs, his eyes open and he turns his head to face his team mate next to him "It's…it's Kelsey"
"Oh, here we go!" Sonny sighs loudly "How did I know you were gonna say that. So, what's she done now?"
"Nothing... not really. It's just I um... I had to let her take Casey with her, to the UK. When we got spun up. It just seemed the easiest thing to do at the time, rather than cause an argument but...well now I kinda regret it"
"Regret it, why?" Sonny frowns chewing on his toothpick, he takes a sip from the bottle of water in his hand his eyes staring hard at Clay "Hey wass goin on in that head of yours Clay?"
"I um… " he hesitates, guilty and awkward about the way he feels ".. I'm worried"
"Worried? Okay so what the hell does that mean? I mean, it doesn't really give me a lot to go on. Worried…worried something might happen to them or worried she'll miss her flight? What… what you worryin' about Clay?"
"I'm worried she won't come back. She's taken him and she won't come back" he puts his hand to his face, rubbing the tension in his eyes.
"Oh Clay, c'mon I thought we did this"
"Yeah… yeah I know but… "he bites his lip "what if she gets there and she likes it, likes being there"
"What you mean cos they all speak the same? She can get tea bags there.. they know the words to god save the queen .. what's she gonna like better, Clay. Hell she aint got you there."
"No!" Clay laughs "No, I mean what if it's easier, she has her flat. I mean I saw picture of it, she made a beautiful nursery room for Casey and she has all her things there, her friends, her work. Its familiar to her. You know she's found it difficult here"
"Yeah.. but that's just cos of the situation. Oh, c'mon Clay cut her some slack. Everything happened so quick. Hell, she gave birth to a baby in bathroom of the bar, I'm sure that wasn't in her plan when she got on that flight. Course she gonna be outta wack for a while. But hey the guys all like her, she likes the guys. She fits in with everyone. I mean, c'mon must be the first time you met a girl that happened, right?" Sonny smiles but he can still see the concerned apprehension "Clay she's gonna come back okay. Just trust her"
"Yeah…" he sighs taking a deep breath "..yeah. I'm sure you're right"
"But you don't believe it do ya, not really not bein' truthful. You still think she gonna cut ya loose"
"No…" he shakes his head No, I just .. look I'll just be glad to get this op over, get back and see her sittin there. Know what I mean?"
They both look up, Jason towers over them "Get jocked up. We got twenty minutes till go time" He frowns looking at the expression on Clay's face "You alright?"
"Yeah ...yeah I'm good!"
He sighs deeply, standing up he unpacks his kit from his bag. Jason and Sonny exchange glances Sonny raising his eyebrows into a frown, he's really concerned.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-
"Hi! I got some cheese and pickle rolls. I know they're your favourite and some crisps. I figured you might not have had any for a wh…ile" his words peter off and he doesn't finish his sentence. Smiling he can see Casey in his crib and Kelsey, head back, fast asleep in the rocking chair.
"Hey" he quietly whispers as he leans over and looks at Casey. Putting his finger to his hand, the little boy grabbing at it "Shh! Your mummy's sleeping" he smiles.
Then he turns watching her for a while and he sighs again. Then sliding his arm under her legs, his other around her back he gently lifts her from the seat. She blinks, dazed she opens her eyes "Alex?" she frowns slightly confused.
"Shhh! Just gonna lay you down, you can sleep better" He carries her through to the other bedroom, gently dropping her against the mattress and taking hold of the quilt he covers her over.
She turns on to her side and falls back into a deep sleep again. Alex smiles watching her for a few moments before he closes the bedroom. Placing the mugs into the sink, he then sits himself on the sofa, putting his feet up he switches on the TV. Leaning back into the cushion he relaxes and closes his own eyes
-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
Next day 15:10hrs
"Hi! Oh god I'm so sorry, I'm late. Everything went to shit, and I lost track of the time. I did send you a message did you get it?"
"Yeah. Everything's been fine, don't worry. He's been a little grisly, but he's good. I think he was missing you"
"Hey there Casey, Mummy's here now" She smiles taking him up into her arms "Thanks so much for this Alex. It was a great help"
"So, how'd it go?"
"Yeah .. " she lets out a long sigh "Yeah it's a lot to think about, for sure"
"But... you gonna do it?" he frowns he can see the look of anxiety on her face.
"Um… I'm gonna speak to Clay" she nods "See what he says but…but yes, I think so .. I mean I think I'm gonna give it a go."
"Okay.. so, what then? Because look a little apprehensive there"
"Oh …oh, I'm not sure, I mean how Clay's gonna take it. I kinda got the impression he let me come because he thought I might change my mind. Not wanna do it once I saw what it was going to involve. But…. oh my god" she smiles "being back on that bridge, the smell of the ship and the banter with the crew. I didn't realise how much I missed it, until today. Alex, is it so wrong that I wanna go back? Am I making the wrong choice here" she sighs as she looks him in the eyes.
"Only you know if you want to do it. But for what it's worth, in my opinion, no…no it's not wrong. But its you and Clay who have to make that decision not me. I mean, if things had worked out how I wanted, with you here with me…" he brushes the stray strands of hair from her shoulder "…then would I be encouraging you to go for it" he smiles nodding "Yeah… yeah I would for sure. Kelsey, I think you need it. You certainly need more than sitting in some one bedroom, crummy flat in Virginia Beach."
"Alex…" she frowns slightly annoyed by his comments " we're sorting the apartment, we're getting a new place, two beds and a box room" she smiles "So that's not going to an issue"
"You still gonna be sitting at home all day" he laughs "No matter what the apartment. Oh, c'mon Kelsey, don't kid yourself. That won't be enough for you."
"Maybe it would. I mean I have Casey ..I have Clay. I can find things to do"
"Right okay ... well that's good then. So, don't go back. I mean who wants to be a communications officer on a six-billion-pound warship away" he shrugs laughing sarcastically "Where would be the excitement in that?"
"Alex, stop it!"
"But, that's the reality right?" He smiles "Just stop with the guilt trip and be honest with yourself, about what you really want. Look from what I can see, Clay's honest about what he wants, right? He wants you, and Casey, but he also wants to be a seal. He wants to be with Bravo, and he doesn't want to compromise on it"
"Alex that's not fair. Clay's job it... its different"
"Look, if Clay can do what he wants then why can't you? Sure, I'm not saying it's going to be easy and you may have to sacrifice some things, most of it being your relationship because you know the navy only takes on hundred percent. But what I'm saying is don't sacrifice your dreams. Give it a go, if you don't try you won't know"
"I suppose" she frowns "I don't know. I don't know what to do"
"Well I know what I want. But… you won't like it" he leans in close.
"What ? Alex what are you talking about?"
"Come back! Be here, go back to work. But be with me" he strokes her cheek "I won't ask you to compromise on any of it" He leans in and then placing his lips against hers he kisses her.
"Alex!... Stop!" She forces him back "Stop it right now!" She slaps his hand away from her "That's not gonna happen, alright. Look, I appreciate what you did. Coming to get us from the airport, looking after Casey but... if you think this is leading to the bedroom, then you're very , very wrong. I'm with Clay now and he loves me and I... I love him. You need to respect that. I can't do this with you, and it needs to stop" She takes a deep breath staring at him "Alex… find someone of your own. Forget about me and just move on, please"
"But that's just it, I can't ... I can't move on. You're all I want. I know that now. I ... I let you go a that's my own stupidity. I should have damn well told you how I felt" Arrrggh! "Kelsey please think about what you're doing, is that really the life you want, with him?"
"Yes! Yes it is .." She can feel a lump building in her throat, tears welling in her eyes as stares watching him, his eyes pleading with her "Look Alex, if you can't just be my friend and stay my friend, then .. then I can't see you anymore."
He walks away, pacing around the room. Rubbing his hand against his head "Okay..okay I understand" taking a moment he takes a deep breath "I don't want you not to be my friend and if that's the only way to have you in my life then… then I'll take it. I can't lose you out of my life completely, but… you ll have to accept I have feelings for you, and the minute he walks away from you or he fucks up then.. then I'll be here".
"He's not going to fuck up Alex " She laughs "But… well I can live with that" she puts her hand to his face and kisses his cheek "I do care for you, so much. Always know that"
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
3 days later
"Kelsey! …Kelsey! … Hey .." Clay calls out loudly from the doorway of the apartment, he can't get his key in the lock fast enough "Kelsey!"
He rushes around the apartment and then finding no one there he stands in the quiet looking around. Oh Shit! He swallows anxiously, checking his cell phone. Again he hits call and again it goes straight to voice mail.
" Hey this is Kelsey please leave a message. I'll get back to you"
"Kelsey, please pickup. Call me. Please! I'm back. I just wanna know where you are?" Shit! … oh god .. shit!
His heart is beating so hard in his chest, thudding against his rib cage. He suddenly finds himself sweating, a blind panic consumes him. He spins around on his heels, looking at the empty apartment. He feels frantic, his normal calm in a stressful situation has gone out of the window and he paces back and forward.
He makes another call. "Sonny.." he takes a deep breath feeling like he's choking "Sonny it's me .. Oh god Sonny.. "
"Hey, hey Clay slow down. What's going on buddy?"
"Where are you?"
"Um…" Sonny frowns awkwardly, looking around his surroundings "You know, is this kind of a trick question .. I'm um… I'm in the bar. You know if you gonna tell me you got a problem with that, how early it is, then … then can change my answer. Seriously Clay, what's wrong? You okay there? I thought you'd be … we'll um… you know .. engaged in other PT type activities by now" he laughs but he can hear his joke fall flat.
"Sonny… Sonny, she's ...she's not here! Kelsey...Kelsey's not here, at the apartment. I just got here and her and Casey, they're not here! Sonny what am I gonna do?"
"Woah! Whoa… now just calm down there buddy. One step at a time "Sonny straightens his hat, sitting himself upright on the stool, he rubs his hand over his face. Necking the shot of tequila back before he answers, he can feel a nervous apprehension fill the fibers of his body "Now, first.. have you called her?"
"Yeah.. yeah of course I've called her. About twenty times. She's not answering .." Oh god! "She's not coming back is she? She should have been back over a day ago." He continues pacing, occasionally stopping to sit on the couch. Pheww! He takes a deep breath "Oh my god Sonny, how could I be so stupid. I let her take him and now I've lost my son, haven't I?"
"Hey... woah there! Now just calm down Clay. What the hell makes you think that? There's gotta be some explanation." Sonny picks his keys up from the bar and heads to the door he can feel his own chest tighten, a sick feeling as his stomach churns. Whilst he's trying to keep Clay calm, he feels less calm in himself "Look Clay just stay there buddy. I'm gonna come right over. Just don't do anything stupid. I'm on my way right now!"
